Swanee
16-11-22, 11:23
Hi everyone,
I'm a very long term health anxiety sufferer, so I already understand a lot about the many anxiety symptoms and their adrenaline fuelled causes. I've had counselling, I've read the wonderful books by Dr Claire Weeks (hugely helpful) and yet I still find myself in a state of anxiety and unable to reassure myself that it's just the same old, same old happening again.
I have chronic sinusitis, which has been pretty bad recently. Okay, so that always makes me feel like my head and face are filled with cotton wool, I feel light headed and a bit spaced out. I recognise these feelings and they're unpleasant, but I'm also wondering if I actually have a cold as well, because I'm feeling a bit achey, nauseous and lethargic.
Having said that, I'm often achey - and along with that, I have begun experiencing intermittent spells of pins and needles in my hands. I'm coming up for 64, so probably not unusual for someone of my age.
I find myself wondering if I have fibromyalgia - although there's no treatment for that anyway.
I'm currently on Thyroxine for an under active thyroid, Escitalopram for anxiety, Bendroflumethiazide and Amlodopine for high BP and Mebeverine for IBS. All long standing prescriptions.
I've experienced many anxiety symptoms over the years, and once I accept that they are caused by anxiety I can usually calm them down or eradicate them altogether, but so often a new one pops up in its place which takes over. I like my anxiety to a goblin which sits on my left shoulder. Every time I'm feeling anxious and I'm trying to reason with myself, he whispers "but what if..." in my ear, and next thing I'm googling - which naturally comes up with a diagnosis of the very thing I'm so afraid of having. Yes, I know I shouldn't Google, but that goblin shouts louder than my own voice of reasoning.
However - this is where I'm at right now.
To put you in the picture, my husband (75) had emergency surgery for bowel cancer in June this year, following a misdiagnosis of piles and IBS in February. Our surgery are still operating on telephone consultations, which can take weeks to get in the first place, with face to face appointments only if considered necessary by the GP. Long story short, my husband had been experiencing a change in bowel habits since the previous October, didn't mention it until last February when he had bleeding, phoned the surgery, spoke to a receptionist, a GP phoned back a few hours later, arranged a face to face appointment four days later, examined but didn't touch him, diagnosed piles, gave him ointment. My husband mentioned griping tummy pains, GP told him to arrange a blood test to check for gluten intolerance (negative) and no mention was made of further investigations, despite the change in bowel habits.
June 19th my husband was in terrible pain, stomach distended, couldn't pass wind or stool, phoned surgery, same GP rang a few hours later, told him to book blood test (earlier appointment - 5 days later) and collect a poo test from the surgery, despite my husband being unable to pass anything, not even wind.
Following morning, my husband was in an even worse condition, so I rang the surgery and handed him the phone, insisting that he asked to speak to a different GP. An hour later another doctor rang, called him in immediately, diagnosed a bowel obstruction and admitted him to hospital.
Hospital did scans, found a tumour and a complete blockage which was on the point of rupturing the bowel, carried out emergency surgery resulting in a stoma and four rounds of chemotherapy (finished three weeks ago). The surgery removed all the tumour, one lymph node out of 30 was found to have traces of cancer, hence the chemo, but thankfully my husband's prognosis is good
Colonoscopy this weekend - usually done prior to surgery to remove any polyps, but post-op due to emergency situation.
I coped amazingly well during all this. Our three sons and daughters in law were all amazed at how strong I was throughout. To be honest, so was I.
Now, however... my anxiety about myself has erupted like Vesuvius. I feel like I have just crumbled. Damn that goblin.
I'm a very long term health anxiety sufferer, so I already understand a lot about the many anxiety symptoms and their adrenaline fuelled causes. I've had counselling, I've read the wonderful books by Dr Claire Weeks (hugely helpful) and yet I still find myself in a state of anxiety and unable to reassure myself that it's just the same old, same old happening again.
I have chronic sinusitis, which has been pretty bad recently. Okay, so that always makes me feel like my head and face are filled with cotton wool, I feel light headed and a bit spaced out. I recognise these feelings and they're unpleasant, but I'm also wondering if I actually have a cold as well, because I'm feeling a bit achey, nauseous and lethargic.
Having said that, I'm often achey - and along with that, I have begun experiencing intermittent spells of pins and needles in my hands. I'm coming up for 64, so probably not unusual for someone of my age.
I find myself wondering if I have fibromyalgia - although there's no treatment for that anyway.
I'm currently on Thyroxine for an under active thyroid, Escitalopram for anxiety, Bendroflumethiazide and Amlodopine for high BP and Mebeverine for IBS. All long standing prescriptions.
I've experienced many anxiety symptoms over the years, and once I accept that they are caused by anxiety I can usually calm them down or eradicate them altogether, but so often a new one pops up in its place which takes over. I like my anxiety to a goblin which sits on my left shoulder. Every time I'm feeling anxious and I'm trying to reason with myself, he whispers "but what if..." in my ear, and next thing I'm googling - which naturally comes up with a diagnosis of the very thing I'm so afraid of having. Yes, I know I shouldn't Google, but that goblin shouts louder than my own voice of reasoning.
However - this is where I'm at right now.
To put you in the picture, my husband (75) had emergency surgery for bowel cancer in June this year, following a misdiagnosis of piles and IBS in February. Our surgery are still operating on telephone consultations, which can take weeks to get in the first place, with face to face appointments only if considered necessary by the GP. Long story short, my husband had been experiencing a change in bowel habits since the previous October, didn't mention it until last February when he had bleeding, phoned the surgery, spoke to a receptionist, a GP phoned back a few hours later, arranged a face to face appointment four days later, examined but didn't touch him, diagnosed piles, gave him ointment. My husband mentioned griping tummy pains, GP told him to arrange a blood test to check for gluten intolerance (negative) and no mention was made of further investigations, despite the change in bowel habits.
June 19th my husband was in terrible pain, stomach distended, couldn't pass wind or stool, phoned surgery, same GP rang a few hours later, told him to book blood test (earlier appointment - 5 days later) and collect a poo test from the surgery, despite my husband being unable to pass anything, not even wind.
Following morning, my husband was in an even worse condition, so I rang the surgery and handed him the phone, insisting that he asked to speak to a different GP. An hour later another doctor rang, called him in immediately, diagnosed a bowel obstruction and admitted him to hospital.
Hospital did scans, found a tumour and a complete blockage which was on the point of rupturing the bowel, carried out emergency surgery resulting in a stoma and four rounds of chemotherapy (finished three weeks ago). The surgery removed all the tumour, one lymph node out of 30 was found to have traces of cancer, hence the chemo, but thankfully my husband's prognosis is good
Colonoscopy this weekend - usually done prior to surgery to remove any polyps, but post-op due to emergency situation.
I coped amazingly well during all this. Our three sons and daughters in law were all amazed at how strong I was throughout. To be honest, so was I.
Now, however... my anxiety about myself has erupted like Vesuvius. I feel like I have just crumbled. Damn that goblin.