Lost my girl tonight :(

[.Poppy.]

Hope no one else is currently online and that you are all enjoying your holidays.

My parents and I went to my aunt’s for Christmas lunch. We got back this evening and set to do chores, let the dogs out, and while I was inside feeding two of the dogs something attacked and killed my Sophie. She would have turned 13 this month. She was the best pup, one who could do anything and loved everyone and who went on many adventures. She was my boy Chisum’s best and only friend.

I feel like I should have known this would happen. I had a nervous feeling, I put Chisum up in my room while we were away because he can resource guard sometimes and I was so afraid they’d get into a scuffle and she’d be hurt. It didn’t matter. My mom took Chisum out while I fed the other dogs, I should have done it. I may have been able to get eyes on her. I just made it out in time to hear a wailing and then it was too late. My mom blames herself.

I just feel empty. I swear she was meant to live well into her teens and she didn’t get that chance. We were supposed to go back to the mountains this summer, we were going to prance around town. I almost feel in denial, I have no idea what to do.

[BlueIris]

Oh, Poppy, I'm so sorry! Sending love and sympathy.

[Catkins]

Oh no Poppy! I feel so awful for you, much love and hugs.

[pulisa]

I'm so very sorry, Poppy..You must feel completely devastated. You mustn't look back and blame yourself for a situation which was completely beyond your control. No one could have anticipated what happened to Sophie.

It must all seem so unreal. I hope you are getting some comfort and support from your parents at this horrible time xx

[Carnation]

Oh no poppy, I'm so sorry to hear this. :hugs:
I wish I could find the words to comfort you and I realise the pain and sadness you must be feeling.
We can all say maybe I should have done this and that, but please don't think that way. It was totally unexpected.
You were so caring and responsible. You are going to need time to heal from this and I'm glad you are not alone at the moment. xx

[Scass]

I’m so sorry Poppy, what a horrible shock. Sending you lots of love x

[Lolalee1]

So sorry Poppy:flowers:

5694

[Fishmanpa]

So sorry to hear this Poppy :( Sending healing and positive thoughts...

FMP

[.Poppy.]

Thank you all. My mom is beside herself, blaming herself. I woke up several times last night in desperation to do something to get her back, and still have moments where it doesn’t feel possible. My parents have lived here for over 40 years and have never lost a dog this way. And it just happened so fast, no idea how. She was the best dog. We’re all going to be lost without her. And I just feel so on edge now. I feel like Chisum’s long off leash walks are a thing of the past for a long while, which hurts too because both of us found solace in those. They’d be empty without her anyway.

My minds all jumbled, hard to make a thought stick. I feel like sleeping right through today.

[Darksky]

So very sorry to read this Poppy.

When I lost Sam I slept a lot. Take as much time and rest as you need. :hugs:

[fishman65]

Bless you Poppy that's awful news. I'm so sorry, losing a loved pet is one of the worst things that can happen. Thinking of you xx :hugs:

[NoraB]

Very sorry to hear this, Poppy.

[Carnation]

Thinking of you poppy :hugs:

[.Poppy.]

Thank you all. We buried her on Monday, the ground was pretty frozen but the man who usually delivers hay to my parents was able to dig a hole. It's near a tree so we talked about buying some solar lights and stringing them on the tree.

I'm still struggling with it, to be honest. I've lost pets before but in nearly all cases they've been much older, slowing down, or sick. The suddenness of it all is what has been hard I think - she was there greeting me when I arrived home and less than five minutes later she was just gone. And not knowing for sure what happened. This was always my safe space and I feel a bit betrayed. I'm sure what happened was an animal was coming down and looking for some cat food and she probably was up there doing the same but I do have to keep telling myself that to not feel a bit paranoid. I've played how it could have happened a bunch in my mind but obviously that's not helpful and I'll never really know - she didn't have any obvious external injuries. And even if it's not helpful I keep wondering "what if I'd just taken Chisum out" or "what if I'd just gone out earlier and left my parents to feed the other dogs".

I still haven't told my best friend; she'll be devastated. I fear she'll try to call me after I tell her the news and I'm just not up to talking.

Poor Chisum lost his only friend and he doesn't get along with other dogs, so he'll probably never have another dog friend again. I know he can sense we are all upset, but I wonder too if he's missing her and doesn't understand where she's gone.

I also am going through the motions of "last time I did X, she was still here" and thinking of all the things we were going to do that we can't. Vacation this summer, charity dog walks, chasing the waterbugs around the stream, hiking with my nephew. There will just never be another Sophie.

Anyway, that's my pity party, thank you all for thinking of me. :hugs:

[Carnation]

Oh poppy :hugs: you need time to process but not too many 'Ifs'. I think the string lights are a lovely idea. And by a tree that will be there always. We are here if you need to talk. It's early days and still so fresh in your mind. One-step at a time. x

[.Poppy.]

Thanks, Carnation. I did manage to tell my friend and she was very supportive. I am still struggling with a major anxiety spike though. I am working on setting up a plan to visit my friend but it’s about a 10 hour drive and suddenly I’m panicking about that and what if something bad happens, what if I get sick? What if there is a car accident? I’ve never had driving anxiety before but it’s like all the things I felt safe about before feel so unsafe now and that’s a major struggle that I’ve had for awhile now that is just ramping up more. I have another therapy appointment next week so will see what they say.

My mom told me last night that she was so proud of me and that I was so strong; she as giving me all kinds of compliments saying that I was smart and capable and stuff like that and it was hard not to just laugh, I certainly don’t feel like any of those things.

[Carnation]

You are smart and capable poppy. I can see that in your posting. I can understand a 10 hour drive may be causing you pre anxiety. You don't have to go so soon. Maybe see what your therapist says or see how you feel nearer the time. Try not to refer to safe and unsafe situations, that won't help. And remember it's still early days. x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Poppy, I'm so sorry to hear this. You've had all that worry over Chisum and now this comes out of nowhere.

If you could you would have done everything possible to stop it. We all know this. So whilst it's only natural you need to remember you could never know and it's just one of those tragedies in life than can happen to any of us. To protect ourselves from such events would mean we wouldn't live and she had all those wonderful years with you all where she knew what it felt like to be loved. She knew that and loved you back.

You will think about her a lot and see her out of the corner of your eyes where you would expect her to normally be. This will heal in time and whilst there will still be sadness you will find memories of fondness come to take over.

:hugs::flowers:

[ckelley116]

Oh Poppy, I’m so sorry! I was so wrapped up in my own pet fears I completely missed this. Hoping you can find some peace in your memories of Sophie 💗

[.Poppy.]

Thanks, ckelley. It's been hard but we are pushing through.

I hope you were able to get good news for your kitty.