Crippling fear

[bingjam]

Hi, it's been a really long time since i have had to come onto this site, to help me. But at the minute I am really struggling.
I used to suffer terriblely with health anxiety but I managed to sort of heal myself from this.
My mum passed 4 years ago, and my dad passed on December 9th 2022. I. Only 32 and feel like this is youngish to have lost both parents, i loom around me ans there is no one My age who have lost both parents, I think there is one who have lost 1 parent.
But on the other hand I am lucky that I still have both my nana and Grandad alive, where as most people I know do not have either.

The thing that I'm struggling with at the minute is I have a crippling fear of death... a crippling fear of being old because death would be closer, I saw an old lady in the store earlier and a wave of panic went over me of the thought of being an old lady....

It's keeping me awake the fear of being dead. I know this is because of my anxiety and its come on due to me grieving, but watching my mum die, then racing to the hospital and missing my father's death by minutes and seeing him after he passed has brought the fear of death back, and it's mainly because this is not something I can escape, it's not something anyone can escape because death comes for all of us and ultimately this blooming terrifies me.. and I don't want to keep getting older and older every year and still worry about this and it get stronger and stronger.

I feel fine when I am at work but when I finish work and come home I can't go into an empty house because I have a weird scared feeling (yes I really am 32 not 5) I have to wait to go home until I have collected my children from school, then feel a little safer once my husband and his also home from work.

I really need this fear to go, there is nothing I can do about not dying because we all have to don't we.

Will this fear ultimately go once I've processed my greif and my anxiety gets better?

[ankietyjoe]

Will this fear ultimately go once I've processed my greif and my anxiety gets better?

Yes, I think it will. Or at least it will get a lot easier.

Grief is one of the most stressful emotions to deal with, and it can have some pretty negative effects on your mental health, but usually only in the short term.

I think the key really is to focus on the here and now. As you have pointed out, we are all mortal, and we all have to learn to accept that at some point. But fearing death is a natural part of life I think.

It might not be a bad idea to look ino some grief counselling, even if it's something like a Facebook group to start with. I bet what you're experiencing will be a common theme.

[serith]

Give yourself time. You're only a month out from losing a parent, there's no need to wonder about whether how you're feeling is normal or not. You're going through something overwhelming. Nothing about your body or your feelings or your life is normal right now. Just breathe, try to think as little as possible, focus on what's in front of you, and getting through each day. Practice mindful breathing, focusing on each breath and what you can sense with your 5 senses.

I suspect that your anxiety will drastically improve with time-- but it could take a while. It takes however long it takes. Don't push it away, don't judge it, just let it wash over you and sit with it and let it be. The more you sit with it and let it be, the more you will thoroughly process it, and ultimately feel better.

I also think this experience will be with you forever. You'll never totally forget these feelings or what it has been like to lose both parents. You're having a drastic encounter with death right now, and the more you process these feelings deeply, the more you can transform your anxiety into deep serenity about death that most people don't come into until a very old age. But it won't happen quickly!!