bingjam
06-01-23, 15:51
Hi, it's been a really long time since i have had to come onto this site, to help me. But at the minute I am really struggling.
I used to suffer terriblely with health anxiety but I managed to sort of heal myself from this.
My mum passed 4 years ago, and my dad passed on December 9th 2022. I. Only 32 and feel like this is youngish to have lost both parents, i loom around me ans there is no one My age who have lost both parents, I think there is one who have lost 1 parent.
But on the other hand I am lucky that I still have both my nana and Grandad alive, where as most people I know do not have either.
The thing that I'm struggling with at the minute is I have a crippling fear of death... a crippling fear of being old because death would be closer, I saw an old lady in the store earlier and a wave of panic went over me of the thought of being an old lady....
It's keeping me awake the fear of being dead. I know this is because of my anxiety and its come on due to me grieving, but watching my mum die, then racing to the hospital and missing my father's death by minutes and seeing him after he passed has brought the fear of death back, and it's mainly because this is not something I can escape, it's not something anyone can escape because death comes for all of us and ultimately this blooming terrifies me.. and I don't want to keep getting older and older every year and still worry about this and it get stronger and stronger.
I feel fine when I am at work but when I finish work and come home I can't go into an empty house because I have a weird scared feeling (yes I really am 32 not 5) I have to wait to go home until I have collected my children from school, then feel a little safer once my husband and his also home from work.
I really need this fear to go, there is nothing I can do about not dying because we all have to don't we.
Will this fear ultimately go once I've processed my greif and my anxiety gets better?
I used to suffer terriblely with health anxiety but I managed to sort of heal myself from this.
My mum passed 4 years ago, and my dad passed on December 9th 2022. I. Only 32 and feel like this is youngish to have lost both parents, i loom around me ans there is no one My age who have lost both parents, I think there is one who have lost 1 parent.
But on the other hand I am lucky that I still have both my nana and Grandad alive, where as most people I know do not have either.
The thing that I'm struggling with at the minute is I have a crippling fear of death... a crippling fear of being old because death would be closer, I saw an old lady in the store earlier and a wave of panic went over me of the thought of being an old lady....
It's keeping me awake the fear of being dead. I know this is because of my anxiety and its come on due to me grieving, but watching my mum die, then racing to the hospital and missing my father's death by minutes and seeing him after he passed has brought the fear of death back, and it's mainly because this is not something I can escape, it's not something anyone can escape because death comes for all of us and ultimately this blooming terrifies me.. and I don't want to keep getting older and older every year and still worry about this and it get stronger and stronger.
I feel fine when I am at work but when I finish work and come home I can't go into an empty house because I have a weird scared feeling (yes I really am 32 not 5) I have to wait to go home until I have collected my children from school, then feel a little safer once my husband and his also home from work.
I really need this fear to go, there is nothing I can do about not dying because we all have to don't we.
Will this fear ultimately go once I've processed my greif and my anxiety gets better?