GAD, Health Anxiety and the fight back

[Dax]

Hi all

I've had HA to some degree or other since 2003. Pre-pandemic I had good years and bad years...2018 saw me at the Docs once a fortnight with different symptoms, in 2019 I pulled my socks up and only went once to the Docs. During the pandemic I didn't go at all, but had Prostate symptoms which I got checked out when Delta had been replaced by the generally safer Omicron...all was OK with the prostate after all.

This leads me to now...I had palps in November and, if I'm honest, I believe they were/are down to struggling to adjust to normal life out there after 2.5 years...the control I had in my own home during the pandemic kept me safe, now that life is (ironically) safer, and now I'm out there, I believe I'm struggling with no longer having the control. I have been sedentary for nearly 3 years, now full of anxiety, and with fewer resources (no job, no friends as such) than I used to have.

I want to fight the anxiety, the adrenaline, the cortisol, the lethargy, the ruminating. Whenever I try to fight it (which I do every day) I either feel it isn't achieving anything as I don't feel the 'reward' for my efforts, or it can make me feel worse...tiredness, nausea, etc. I go in shops now, dont wear masks unless in a medical setting, go to cafes and I don't seem to be feeling the relaxation and joy that I felt pre-pandemic (even then with my H.A!)

Has anyone, who has fought back AND succeeded either totally, or at least for a few months, any advice on how to 'go through the wall' as it were? How do you push through it all when rewards don't come immediately and you actually feel worse?

Any help/tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[ServerError]

How do words like "fight" and "go through the wall" make you feel? They make me feel tired. If I picture myself in a fight with anxiety and as if I've got to push through a wall, that just sounds exhausting to me. I'm not saying you should give up, but I prefer an attitude of acceptance towards all feelings, emotions and experiences. If a thought comes up that I don't like, I won't wrestle with it to try and make it go away. I'll just observe it and let it sit there until it leaves of its own accord, usually because my mind moves on in the end. If I get palpitations, which I still do from time to time, I just let them be and carry on with what I'm doing. They burn themselves out eventually. I guess you could say that I chose to let anxiety be there as and when it was there and just carried on with what I was doing anyway. It sounds tricky because the urge is to want to get rid of the unpleasantness as quickly as possible, but gradually coming to accept how you feel in any given moment helps to take the sting out of it over the long term.

Like all people, I still experience feelings of anxiety at times, but I no longer suffer the way I once did. I've made a strong recovery, but I would never frame what I did in terms of a fight. I don't think I could fight anxiety - I'd just feel worse.

[Dax]

Thanks so much for such a full reply. You are absolutely right in what you say. My problem is that I am generally a 'glass is half empty' guy and always have been. My added problem is that some of the fight (or let's say 'navigating') with anxiety is doing things...doing things that make me feel tired or nauseous etc...those things would make a lot of folk back off from that activity, have a sit down, go to bed, etc. So let's say I go on the treadmill on a morning and that afternoon I feel quite whacked and that in turn may make me feel nauseous, or maybe I've felt a little shaky...how does a person accept that? surely, there's a tendency to refrain from that activity, or even other activities? I know that that created a cycle of inactivity and the emotions that come with that...but it's that letting go, pushing through, embracing that I struggle with. I'm really pleased you've done so well...thats such a success story!

[ServerError]

The "glass half empty" thing - you can change that. You might need to work with a therapist to really get to grips with it, but a lot of the reason you might have a "glass half empty" attitude is because you tell yourself that's what you are. We all kind of become what we tell ourselves we are. But there's no reason why you should just accept that way of thinking. That can be changed. I know because I've done it.

As for the activities you do, well, the thing is, using a treadmill is a good thing. It's good for the body and can be good for the mind. The point is, don't try and outrun the anxiety. Use the treadmill because you know it's good for you and you enjoy it, and leave it at that. Maybe go a bit easier if you don't want to make yourself feel nauseous. There's no reason to push yourself to the point of nausea. Overall though, anxiety is never a reason to refrain from anything. It just makes you feel as if you should. Don't get me wrong, if you're in the grip of a severe mental health episode, you might need to refrain from things that cause added stress, but anxious thoughts are not necessarily truth and you don't need to refrain from something you enjoy because of something your mind is doing.

[Dax]

The "glass half empty" thing - you can change that. You might need to work with a therapist to really get to grips with it, but a lot of the reason you might have a "glass half empty" attitude is because you tell yourself that's what you are. We all kind of become what we tell ourselves we are. But there's no reason why you should just accept that way of thinking. That can be changed. I know because I've done it.

As for the activities you do, well, the thing is, using a treadmill is a good thing. It's good for the body and can be good for the mind. The point is, don't try and outrun the anxiety. Use the treadmill because you know it's good for you and you enjoy it, and leave it at that. Maybe go a bit easier if you don't want to make yourself feel nauseous. There's no reason to push yourself to the point of nausea. Overall though, anxiety is never a reason to refrain from anything. It just makes you feel as if you should. Don't get me wrong, if you're in the grip of a severe mental health episode, you might need to refrain from things that cause added stress, but anxious thoughts are not necessarily truth and you don't need to refrain from something you enjoy because of something your mind is doing. Thanks again for your help. I self referred to a therapist back in November (still waiting for an appointment) so I am really looking forward to starting that work. The only issue I will have with it is that therapists don't have much knowledge of biology, so 1) it's tricky to know of they are right to counsel rather than for the GP to run the 100th test...and 2) they simply don't understand how the body works (in the detail that my 'logic' seems to yearn for. Nonetheless, after checking with the GP about my current issues and no alarm bells ringing, I am actually really keen to get started on that work.
It's weird, but the only time I seem to be able to throw myself into something to divert me from ruminating, is when I am sort of forced to do something...that's not always the case, but it can prove useful. For instance, I had a wedding to shoot back in 2018...obviously something I knew I couldn't get out of...I felt really rough in the lead up to it...didn't want to go, but did...then after the wedding, I felt great...I realised I had done it all without focusing on any part of my body to see if anything was wrong. However, another time, I had a shoot that I voluntarily went to...no responsibilities, no expectations...and that worked the same. The snag is, I wish I could do that now...but it's almost like the anxiety can see my next plan and stops me before I get started. I hope that makes some sort of sense. I mention it because, I have gone to these events that I had to, or felt I must go to, and not suffered anything but for a bit of fatigue at the end of the day. It seems though that there aren't really the opportunities just at the moment (mainly the cold weather) and I still feel a but stuck. Again...I am looking forward to seeing my therapist who I hope will give me homework to do...and then I have to do it! 🤣

[ankietyjoe]

I think server error is quite correct in his assesment of your language 'fight'.

It might sound fairly irrelevant, but the language you use to yourself to describe what you're feeling is actually pretty crucial.

If anybody was isolated and sedentary for 3 years, they'd feel f'ing horrendous, anxiety or not. The anxious brain takes those feelings and sensations and turns them into something more though.

In terms of activities, that simply takes time. I would caution against going down the action/reward mentality too. What you do today might not see a pay off for months yet, but I think you're doing the right thing.

When you do the 'normal' things, it's a good idea to keep the mantra in your head 'this is normal, this is what I want to do, anxiety is just a sensation' etc etc. You're trying to re-program your entire nervous system, and that will take a long time. In some respects you just have to have faith that the process will work.

Don't forget nutrition and exercise though. These two things go hand in hand in creating an environment where normal functioning can occur. Try and remember that isolation (no contact with people, no exercise) is used as the ultimate punishment in the prison environment, so if you do it volontarily for months on end, there will be consequence. Walking outside as much as possible is more than enough to tick the exercise box.

It's also worth noting that health anxiety in particular is a behavioral problem first and foremost. The anxiety that goes along with it is almost always as a result of poor choices, or poor thought decisions. You treat the behaviour aspect of it, not the anxiety.

[Dax]

I think server error is quite correct in his assesment of your language 'fight'.

It might sound fairly irrelevant, but the language you use to yourself to describe what you're feeling is actually pretty crucial.

If anybody was isolated and sedentary for 3 years, they'd feel f'ing horrendous, anxiety or not. The anxious brain takes those feelings and sensations and turns them into something more though.

In terms of activities, that simply takes time. I would caution against going down the action/reward mentality too. What you do today might not see a pay off for months yet, but I think you're doing the right thing.

When you do the 'normal' things, it's a good idea to keep the mantra in your head 'this is normal, this is what I want to do, anxiety is just a sensation' etc etc. You're trying to re-program your entire nervous system, and that will take a long time. In some respects you just have to have faith that the process will work.

Don't forget nutrition and exercise though. These two things go hand in hand in creating an environment where normal functioning can occur. Try and remember that isolation (no contact with people, no exercise) is used as the ultimate punishment in the prison environment, so if you do it volontarily for months on end, there will be consequence. Walking outside as much as possible is more than enough to tick the exercise box.

It's also worth noting that health anxiety in particular is a behavioral problem first and foremost. The anxiety that goes along with it is almost always as a result of poor choices, or poor thought decisions. You treat the behaviour aspect of it, not the anxiety.
Thank you for all that you have said. It does ALL make sense.

I know thw pandemic has taken its toll on me...I had HA before it, so you can imagine what it did to me during it...that said, it was a case of not being out there amongst people and now, even with the threat all but gone, adjusting seems so difficult. I know that so many people have been affected in this way...the return to normality isn't instantaneous and I know I need to work at it all.

I have been to the walk-in centre 4 times in recent months and have been on the waiting list for an NHS self referral to therapy...sadly, that is taking an inordinate amount of time to come through, so yesterday I decided to book some sessions with am online therapist who has been through HA and come out the other end...that starts next Thursday.

The low energy level is something that I really want to get on top of...with energy I can do all the things I need to do to get back on track.

Thanks for your help!

[ankietyjoe]

The low energy level is something that I really want to get on top of...with energy I can do all the things I need to do to get back on track.



Be aware of this type of thinking -

'If X happens I'll be able to do Y'

You can do Y anyway, you'll just feel a bit rough, which is what you're trying to avoid. It's accepting that you won't feel 100% all the time AND you can keep doing the things you want to do which is where recovery really takes place. Don't focus on the HA side of this, HA is behavioral.

If you wait until you feel 100% before you start tackling life, another decade will pass. Tackling life WITH symptoms is why you'll recover.

[ServerError]

Be aware of this type of thinking -

'If X happens I'll be able to do Y'

You can do Y anyway, you'll just feel a bit rough, which is what you're trying to avoid. It's accepting that you won't feel 100% all the time AND you can keep doing the things you want to do which is where recovery really takes place. Don't focus on the HA side of this, HA is behavioral.

If you wait until you feel 100% before you start tackling life, another decade will pass. Tackling life WITH symptoms is why you'll recover.

Absolutely. This is really important, and when you realise this - when you really realise and understand it - it's one of the most powerful tools for recovery from anxiety.

[pulisa]

How do words like "fight" and "go through the wall" make you feel? They make me feel tired. If I picture myself in a fight with anxiety and as if I've got to push through a wall, that just sounds exhausting to me. I'm not saying you should give up, but I prefer an attitude of acceptance towards all feelings, emotions and experiences. If a thought comes up that I don't like, I won't wrestle with it to try and make it go away. I'll just observe it and let it sit there until it leaves of its own accord, usually because my mind moves on in the end. If I get palpitations, which I still do from time to time, I just let them be and carry on with what I'm doing. They burn themselves out eventually. I guess you could say that I chose to let anxiety be there as and when it was there and just carried on with what I was doing anyway. It sounds tricky because the urge is to want to get rid of the unpleasantness as quickly as possible, but gradually coming to accept how you feel in any given moment helps to take the sting out of it over the long term.

Like all people, I still experience feelings of anxiety at times, but I no longer suffer the way I once did. I've made a strong recovery, but I would never frame what I did in terms of a fight. I don't think I could fight anxiety - I'd just feel worse.

I completely agree. Why add more adrenaline into the mix?