I am anx all the time just now, it is wearing me out

[happyone]

I hate weekends, it is when I start thinking all my wacky stuff. I went to bed anx last night, I woke this morning anx. I just hate it. My daughter has just asked for a friend over to play but I can't stand the idea of it as it means I can't slob around in my pj's so I have said 'no' which is so rotten.

I started off well thinking 'I am going to beat this' and suggested going for a country walk, which we did and it was lovely. We all fell in the mud and had a good laugh and all was nice. Now that I am back in the house, I got back into pj's and I feel so anx and desperate for bedtime. It doesn't help that my daughter asked me 'why do you always go to bed early?'

I am thinking all the silly things that I have done like the disappearing and stuff and I 'want' to do them again.......... yet I don't really so I have an internal battle going on in my head (which the sensible side is winning) Don't ask me why I do stuff like this. I really don't know.

I am so anx as I can't see my way to bedtime feeling like I do. the thought of having to get through another day is just mammoth.

I take all the drugs I am prescribed even though I hate them and it just doesn't seem to get better, yet I get told by shrink that I am 'impatient' what is wrong with wanting to stop feeling like this and be a normal mum and let her daughter have friends round to play?

I realise I have been having a few spitting out the dummy moments recently but I am in despair of this BP ever stabilising. To top it all I have a tic that is probably caused by my drugs.

I really don't see an end to this.

Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

Well I can well remember that feeling of can't wait until bedtime (I still like bedtime as it goes actually) when I very first started with anxiety, as it was the one time of the day that all the kids were asleep and the pressures of the day could be put to one side - so it's totally understandable that you want to go to bed early.

I think perhaps it does have to be a patience thing, we like Claire Weekes always says don't think about it as being patient, think about it in as 'letting time pass'.

I had a bit of a tic goin on last week, one on my lip and one on my eye - if my body could dance half so well as my face I'd be winning 'Stictly Dancing' mate.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[happyone]

I had a bit of a tic goin on last week, one on my lip and one on my eye - if my body could dance half so well as my face I'd be winning 'Stictly Dancing' mate.
LOL hun! Mine's is on my eye too.
I brightened up a bit and daughter has her friend coming round in a little bit for an hour.
Happyone
xx

[clickaway]

I feel whacked all the time too - yet I don't do very much! I just wake up like it, but can often shrug it off by going out which I think is a form of escape.

Unlike others, I hate going to bed and that has always been the case with me - before anxiety too. I don't feel I can go to bed til 2 or 3 and then its not easy always to get off. But lately I have found then when I do drop off, I'm asleep for hours! One day last week, I couldn't sleep until 6am but awoke at 1.40pm! :ohmy: I have now been setting the alarm for 10, but this morning I woke up for about 5 mins and went off again!

I can accept we have to be patient and we will succeed. I don't have all those uncomfortable pains anymore so that is a step forward and a worry out of the way.

Take Care
:flowers:

[Quirky]

Hi Happyone :hugs:

Sorry you are feeling so anx mate :hugs: It will pass though. Is there anything in particular you are worrying about right now that may be triggering it?

I'm glad you had a lovely walk though. Also well done for managing to have your daughters friend round, I know how hard that is for you - you probably feel better for doing it though eh as that way at least you don't feel bad for saying no. Not that you should but I know you and I know you would :hugs:

Just a thought but do you think being in pj's helps - I say that as I often slob about in my dressing gown half the day lately, especially if I feel really ill - yet when I force myself to get dressed I feel mentally a bit better somehow. It's like if I am in my dressing gown I am mentally in sick mode sometimes - if that makes any sense :wacko: Then again I know lots of people just like to wear pj's to relax in so maybe that is why you do.

I so understand your inpatience with the bp :hugs: It will stabalise but I understand how you feel. I always want to feel better now too and it's hard to accept things take alot of time sometimes, especially when you feel bad. It comes down to patience and acceptance doesn't it - not easy at all though. I want to feel better right now too and lead a normal life but have to try and accept I can't or probably never will so I do understand. There is nothing wrong with wanting it though but I guess it just puts more pressure on us to feel normal again rather than accept what is right now.

Do also remember that you can probably also feel anx and it is not always due to your bp though - well I assume you can or is it always related?

Anyway make sure the sensible side of you keeps winning the internal battle mate, you will feel better again, you will :hugs: Are you seeing shrink this coming week? You have not been on the mood stabiliser that long yet, I'm sure they must take a while to work, most drugs take many weeks sometimes don't they?

I hope you have a good sleep and tomorrow is better, thinking of you :flowers:

Lisa x

PS I had a tic on my eye yesterday too, keep twitching alot and I never get them, must have looked like I was winking at everyone! lol.

[shoegal]

Hi,

I also have a twitch in my left eye. I always get it when I am stressed and then it goes away again. When I'm reading, it bugs me so much that I kind of rest my finger over it so I can't feel it, lol! What must I look like, eh?!!

Love and hugs from shoegal xxx

[Quirky]

Can you imagine if we ever all got together, would look well funny us all twitching away at each other lol. OK my bad humour got the better of me again - sorry :blush: I should not make light of things that distress us all should I :shades: I just had this vision of us all sat like we were constantly winking at each other though! :huh:

Lisa x

[Coni]

Hi Happyone, hope your feeling a bit better now. I dread weekends too as that seems to be danger time for me as far as anxiety goes and my mind just runs away with itself.

I think you did well going out for a walk, as distracting yourself helps. Though sometimes I felt almost 'paralysed' by all my thoughts and found it really difficult to actually 'do' anything....even if I did something with the kids I felt like I was only partly there....does that make sense?

I agree with Lisa on the getting dressed thing too....i feel better if I force myself to have a shower and get dressed, though at the end of the day i like nothing better than to get back into my jammies.

Anyway hope you have a better day today.

luv Coni XX

[pips]

Hi Happyone,

Hope you are feeling Brighter anxiety can be so exhausting hey hun.

Take Care and sending http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r114/tcbm7/img/hugs/02.gifto you.

Love Pip's X X

[happyone]

Thanks folks,

Lisa:hugs: I think my anx is seperate sometimes from the BP and sometimes part of it. It is the feeling of dread that goes with depression and anx. This time I think it is part of it as I feel my mood dipping again. I am trying to get through this without phoning shrink or doing anything stupid which is honestly really hard but I need to get away from my negative self harming behaviours or I really am going to be sectioned. I find the constant mood changes exhausting too. You are right that I shouldn't really lounge around in my pj's but hey, at least yesterday I managed to wash. I haven't showered today, it just seemed too much like hard work. I did have a quick splash of soap and water.
I did have a smile at your vision of us all sitting winking at each other tho!:winks:
Thanks Coni, Shoegal and pips.:hugs:
Coni, it makes perfect sense when you say you were only 'partly' there. I often feel like that. Like I am there in body only. I am trying so hard to force myself to do things, partly because being in the house makes it worse. I just want to cry all the time when I am in the house. It is so exhausting though going to Tesco when you know you look a real state but can't be bothered to do anything about it. Later I am going to the pet shop to buy fresh filters for the fish, but although my little un will love it, it brings me no feeling of joy whatsoever, just dread. Which in turn of course, makes me feel bad.:weep:
Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

Just a thought but do you think being in pj's helps - I say that as I often slob about in my dressing gown half the day lately, especially if I feel really ill - yet when I force myself to get dressed I feel mentally a bit better somehow. It's like if I am in my dressing gown I am mentally in sick mode sometimes - if that makes any sense :wacko: Then again I know lots of people just like to wear pj's to relax in so maybe that is why you do.

You know it's funny I couldn't agree more with this - it's exactly my experience too, isn't it strange how what you wear can affect you like that!

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Jimbo]

Hun, :hugs: I only just saw this post.

I'm exactly the same. In fact I am sat in my pj's right now. So I guess I'm probably worse than you, sometimes I don't get up all day.:blush:

Strange how there is a similar theme running in my thread right now, I think we both are very similar. I guess we are both impatient.

I wish I could think of some inspirational solution to all this right now, but I can't so I'll just offer a hug instead.

:bighug1:

Jim :hugs:

[happyone]

Thanks,
I suppose I am fortunate in as much as I 'have' to get up for the girls and get dressed. I got washed yesterday, but lazed in PJ's, today I didn't even shower.:blush: I agree that what you wear affects how you feel, unfortunately all my clothes are getting too small for me just now so I am rather limited. I agree that it is not good mentally to slouch in PJ's all day or miss out on showers.
Tonight when little un is in bed, I am going to have a lazy bath, get out my clothes for tomorrow and try try try to be a bit more presentable for the playground.

I am impatient Jim, but I just want to feel good. It is ok to not feel in the depths of despair and I suppose I could be seen as being on the way back up as it is now just a lower level depression ie not suicidal or self harming. I put a post on the bi polar forum I use and the answer I got was that I should be feeling better than I am. I am happy to not be in the depths of despair but I want a bit more. But being rapid cycling, I am actually better than I was earlier in the day. Same yesterday.

I am trying which is why I made the appt with the mental health resource. I recognise it will take more than drugs to get me out of this. I have made plans for all week to keep me busy but tomorrow I have a panto with my little uns nursery. My idea of hell! I have to socialise with parents I don't know and I never seem to 'fit' anywhere and don't know how to. My little un will give me a hard time as she will want to sit beside one of her china's and I will be terrified to suggest to the parent that we sit together to allow the liitle uns to. A parent that I don't even WANT to sit beside.:lac: I realise I have to push myself in these situations but I find it so very very difficult.

We are in similar places Jim. That has happened to us before. That is maybe why I can really feel what you are going through just now as I am in such a similar place myself. I know the sort of advice you would give me and it is applicable for me to give to you too. :hugs:

Happyone
xxx

[Quirky]

I hope the panto goes well tomorrow :hugs: That would be my idea of hell too - but in my case I would be worrying about catching colds and other germs from the kids! :blush:

I meant to say before about the shrink - you say you are trying to get through this without calling shrink, but do remember that is what they are there for, so if you feel you need to or your thoughts get bad again then please do call for some extra help. There is nothing wrong with this, you do not have to battle on alone :hugs:

Well done for making plans for the week, you are doing well and doing lots to help yourself which is good :hugs:

Night mate,

Lisa x

[Quirky]

Hope your day is going ok :flowers:

Lisa x

[Jimbo]

Hey hun, :hugs:

You're quiet today. How's you?

Jim:hugs:

[Quirky]

Happy has posted today Jim - she started a new post under success stories.

Lisa x