Mental breakdown over obsession with dying suddenly

[Ronan23]

Before you continue reading: trigger alert. I think I am on the verge of a breakdown after discovering about idiopathic ventricular fibrillation. This is a type of heart arrhythmia that occurs for no reason and causes sudden cardiac death.

With other forms of arrythmia there is an identifiable cause and you can rule out many possibilities with an EKG test ( of which I've had several). But this less understood arrythmia doesn't reveal any structural or rhythm disorders of the heart that would cause the issue.


One of the worst manifestations of my health anxiety is that I will find out about an ailment and extensively research every scientific paper I can find about it. Having read about this particular form of sudden death I have scared myself badly. The prevalence appears to be something around 25-30 cases per 100,000 population which seems like a grave risk to my survival.

I can't sleep because I'm scared of dying and missing out on my child's life. I can't enjoy the present moment because the prospect of imminent sudden death occupies my every waking moment.

Ultimately I think this obsession stems from an existential dilemma...a refusal to accept the fact I have no real control over the process of life. The fact that I could die any second from a sudden arrythmia without explanation is tempting me to take matters into my own hands...at least then I'll stop suffering this mental torment.



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[Lolalee1]

None of us can control the process of life.
Why read about this! Have you had a diagnosis? are you seeking help for your anxiety.

[ankietyjoe]

Your'e being ridiculous. Stop creating your own problems by researching things you don't have, and ACTUALLY be there for your child.

Pull yourself together.

If you research these things, the anxiety is on you. Stop doing it. Find a way.

All of us 'might' die, but right now that's not the case, so enjoy your life.

[Elise]

Phrases like 'pull yourself together' and 'you're being ridiculous' aren't always that helpful on an anxiety forum... just my opinion

Ronan you know you've had anxiety for 15 years, it says so in your signature, I think a good next step would be to discuss your anxiety with your GP, you have no evidence that you have this heart problem, and you wouldn't have even heard of it if you hadn't googled. The last part of your post is very worrying that you are contemplating with your suicidal thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this but I have been there, as I said the first step is telling your GP about your anxiety (that was my first step) - I actually wrote a list down of everything I was worrying about and she was immediately helpful, I'm sure your GP would be too.
and stop googling! distract yourself!!

[Lencoboy]

Phrases like 'pull yourself together' and 'you're being ridiculous' aren't always that helpful on an anxiety forum... just my opinion

Ronan you know you've had anxiety for 15 years, it says so in your signature, I think a good next step would be to discuss your anxiety with your GP, you have no evidence that you have this heart problem, and you wouldn't have even heard of it if you hadn't googled. The last part of your post is very worrying that you are contemplating with your suicidal thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this but I have been there, as I said the first step is telling your GP about your anxiety (that was my first step) - I actually wrote a list down of everything I was worrying about and she was immediately helpful, I'm sure your GP would be too.
and stop googling! distract yourself!!

I agree with you Elise, they're unduly harsh and dismissive statements. I do at times feel that many of us anxiety sufferers are treated as nothing but a hindrance to society, even now in 2023!

[Elise]

Hear hear Lenco :)
I try to keep a balance between feeding the dragon/handholding and tough love. I think too far either way hinders us HA sufferers in our recovery, I understand people may think differently to me, just speaking from personal experience.

[ankietyjoe]

Phrases like 'pull yourself together' and 'you're being ridiculous' aren't always that helpful on an anxiety forum... just my opinion




And sometimes, when it's completely self inflicted and in danger of being passed on to a child, it's 100% necessary.

In my opinion.

It's something I wish I was told 5 years before I figured it out for myself, after I had my 4 year old hooked up to an ECG because I decided their heart rate was higher than it should be. The Doctor in the hospital was very clear about how I needed to not put my child through that again, and I appreciated how direct she was.

Health anxiety is self inflicted, and does 'need to be got over'.

[Elise]

I think when suicidal thoughts are noted at the end of the post, it changes things a bit, it’s not as simple as ‘pull yourself together’ it may have helped you but if I was told that when I tried to commit, it definitely would have done more damage

[ServerError]

My attitude towards things that can cause sudden death is generally "ehh, so be it". I think it's a preferable way to go than the long drawn-out way (from my own perspective). Of course, I don't have children or anyone who relies on me, so maybe my attitude would change in that situation. At the risk of sounding cliché, all you can do is try to tackle the impact your fear is having on your life - and I suspect you know what I mean by that.

[Ronan23]

Thanks for your replies so far. Sadly I don't think health anxiety to the extreme that I have it is something that my GP is equipped to deal with. Mental health issues here in Ireland are treated at GP services with SSRI handouts and nothing else of note (these are medications that I can easily convince myself not to take because of their smorgasbord of nasty side effects). I don't know if any therapeutic approach is suitable either; I've been through CBT and ACT without any success. I could go down the route of benzodiazepines because they do generally quell my ruminative thoughts, but that's a road towards addiction. I'm just not seeing any good solutions...I've been this way since I was maybe 14 years old and I'm now 32...that's a lot of suffering.

[Elise]

I’ve had different bouts of CBT, some helped some not so much. It all depends on 1. Your approach to it and 2 finding a therapist that’s right for you. Maybe it’s time to look into other types of therapies… don’t forget there’s a lot out there!

[Mocadona]

Hi Ronan, I can relate a lot to what you've written there. I definitely struggle with not having control and the fact that I could be hit with what I fear most at any moment and there isn't anything I can do. I think most of us here have at one stage or another struggled with the excessive research too, you can see it in the language that we use, throwing medical terms that most people have never heard of around like confetti! Funnily enough even though my fear is ALS which isn't a sudden death - I feared what you do in terms of suddenly finding out that I had developed a symptom which would lead to a terminal illness, so I constantly checked myself to make sure I didn't have one - but one time I got a slight pain in my chest which I thought "oh this could be a heart attack" and then "maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing because then this worry would be all over" so it's interesting to see how our fears are different but also the same.

My GP is actually very good and recommended a couple of things to try before medication - which I haven't had to go on yet and I am improving. But I think your own mindset is the most crucial thing, we are all guilty of thinking our own situation is uniquely hopeless, it's part of being in that desperate hole. You have to try and accept that you can change this.