Cutecat25
22-01-23, 09:17
I have suffered with anxiety since I was around 8 or 9 years old. I have had periods where it has gotten worse or a little better, but it never completely goes away.
This last year has been absolute hell.
I got pregnant, had severe anxiety, had an early miscarriage, and the following month got pregnant again.
I tried to find the courage to face it. I sought therapy, spoke to my gp, various hotlines etc, but couldn't get my anxiety to a manageable level to continue the pregnancy. This led to a termination which I have deeply regretted everyday since.
Since the termination my anxiety, particularly my health anxiety has been out of control. I have suffered with months of derealisation, i'm constantly finding lumps and bumps and other symptoms that have me running to the doctor every week, and I live with this constant burning nervous energy which I cannot get rid of no matter what I do.
I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to get better so I can fufill my dream of having a child. Everything I do is for the sake of my future child.
I am seeing a perinatal psychiatrist who has been absolutely amazing, she has been doing talk therapy with me, helping me to put into place plans for my future pregnancy and has also put me on lexapro. I have been
on the lexapro for around 3 weeks now (2 weeks of the therapuetic dose) and notice no difference whatsoever. Infact my anxiety seems worse and i'm feeling extremely hopeless and defeated.
I really am trying. I am walking everyday, eating a lot better, seeing the psychiatrist, taking medication and trying my best to redirect my anxiety to something productive, such as reading, music, deep breathing etc. I do all this not for myself, but for my future child, and for my boyfriend who has been my absolute rock and doesn't deserve to have to see me constantly breaking down.
I just feel like a hopeless case. For once in my life I just want to feel at peace. Not be worrying about cancer 24/7, feeling this constant dread, breaking my boyfriends heart day after day because I can't go even a few hrs without looking for lumps or googling symptoms.
All I want is to be happy, healthy and have a child of my own. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so worried that no one will ever be able to help me and this will be my life.
This last year has been absolute hell.
I got pregnant, had severe anxiety, had an early miscarriage, and the following month got pregnant again.
I tried to find the courage to face it. I sought therapy, spoke to my gp, various hotlines etc, but couldn't get my anxiety to a manageable level to continue the pregnancy. This led to a termination which I have deeply regretted everyday since.
Since the termination my anxiety, particularly my health anxiety has been out of control. I have suffered with months of derealisation, i'm constantly finding lumps and bumps and other symptoms that have me running to the doctor every week, and I live with this constant burning nervous energy which I cannot get rid of no matter what I do.
I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to get better so I can fufill my dream of having a child. Everything I do is for the sake of my future child.
I am seeing a perinatal psychiatrist who has been absolutely amazing, she has been doing talk therapy with me, helping me to put into place plans for my future pregnancy and has also put me on lexapro. I have been
on the lexapro for around 3 weeks now (2 weeks of the therapuetic dose) and notice no difference whatsoever. Infact my anxiety seems worse and i'm feeling extremely hopeless and defeated.
I really am trying. I am walking everyday, eating a lot better, seeing the psychiatrist, taking medication and trying my best to redirect my anxiety to something productive, such as reading, music, deep breathing etc. I do all this not for myself, but for my future child, and for my boyfriend who has been my absolute rock and doesn't deserve to have to see me constantly breaking down.
I just feel like a hopeless case. For once in my life I just want to feel at peace. Not be worrying about cancer 24/7, feeling this constant dread, breaking my boyfriends heart day after day because I can't go even a few hrs without looking for lumps or googling symptoms.
All I want is to be happy, healthy and have a child of my own. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so worried that no one will ever be able to help me and this will be my life.