I need a slap

[Nohelp]

Hi all
as title says I need a slap ! As I’m truly sick of the way my brain works ( or doesn’t)

I had some issues with rectal bleeding starting last year most likely caused by a week of constipation after surgery for an unrelated issue . Gp diagnosed piles , did the cream it got better. But oh no couldn’t just leave it could I ?
I’ve wasted months gazing at my poo to see if there’s any blood which if constipated or straining there sometimes is . Cue the health anxiety. Then I’ve got the runs ( anxiety) etc .

back to gp who’s not worried ( I should say I’m 56 female ) but I don’t as cos my age and dr Google ( I KNOW ) but I do FIT test yay it’s negative so I’m relieved for a while but yes saw bit of blood again ( prob as diet not great by now as dread pooping; having palpitations on the loo in case something awful comes out of me )

So backing to stressing and go see a different gp - she refers me on 2 week wait - I have colonoscopy about 9 weeks ago EVERYTHING NORMAL. No nothing. ( note no mention of piles ) Stopped looking down toilet for weeks.

Been bunged up had to strain had a look yes small bit bloody mucus on poo . Been worrying all day that colonoscopy missed something!! Hence title of thread .

I’ve been and got anusol stuff . Can piles be not visible on colonoscopy? ? Help!

Starting therapy for ha hopefully next week. Thanks for reading!!

[Mocadona]

I hear you! Sometimes a slap is exactly what I need when I find myself going back to the same fears.

You just have to allow yourself to accept the logical explanation. Your anxiety is trying to force you to question it but you have absolutely no need to, particularly 9 weeks after a clean colonoscopy. It starts with stopping the checking and googling, this is just feeding the dragon.

[Nohelp]

Thanks for replying! I was doing so well. I KNOW all the logical stuff but I can’t quite BELIEVE it . Cos ocd doubts ��
But I’m onto myself…..

[Mocadona]

Yeah it really isn't as simple as it sounds, but changing the behaviours (checking, googling, reassurance seeking) will go a long way to helping with the rest.

Therapy is a great step, it really helped me but ultimately the only real person that can do this is yourself, short of bringing someone with you every time you go to the toilet to wrestle you away from the bowl before you check!! It can be hard work but is much better than the alternative...