LuSmith
20-02-23, 20:27
I hope it's okay to come along and post here. I noticed others doing so occasionally, and I felt like maybe others have been in a similar situation so might be able to give some advice?
I'll admit I'm kind of not the best when it comes to things like being independent and self care etc, especially considering I have severe anxiety issues, as well as physical health issues with ulcerative colitis and bladder issues, among other things. Unfortunately around mid-November (I posted on here once regarding this), my mother (75 years old) had an accident in Australia a week and a half after being there (while on holiday visiting my brother). She had had a fall literally the week before flying out too, but that one didn't have any serious outcomes other than a bloody/swollen nose and a bruised hand. So the fall in Australia was obviously VERY concerning, but luckily she had the best help out there, the healthcare was incredible and her health insurance covered it all fortunately (though she still is waiting for a payback from that lol).
The result of her fall this time was a broken hip and a broken wrist. She had surgery within 48 hours and was looked after well to the point they got her on her feet soon after to work on her getting her strength back. She stayed in a rehab clinic facility after she'd managed to get back on her feet a little and then after a few weeks moved to my brothers place to stay out the rest of the time recovering enough to get a flight back.
I kept in touch with her as much as possible, she had physio exercises going on but eventually they cleared her enough to come back to the UK. My brother came back with her just to be around for a week for her settling back home but I also had to visit for a short time just to help out a little bit while she couldn't use her right hand much. My brother then left to go traveling and see some friends and went back home to Australia etc after a few weeks.
Now my issue is I'm struggling a little due to the fact she lives in a third floor apartment without a lift (stairs only) and although she's mobile enough atm and slowly manages to get up and down I'm also constantly fearing anything bad happening in future. She was designated a short term social care(?) worker who visited just to clean a little bit and then take out the rubbish bins, but other than that she didn't get much help. I live quite some distance from my mum so it's difficult to just "pop by" and I can't always stay there due to my health issues so it's a bit of a struggle. She also doesn't have a spare room so I'm always stuck on the sofa lol. I've also been battling ongoing infections and flare-ups that have caused me problems enough I've not been able to go back there for a few weeks but I plan to try next week, as long as nothing comes up.
However, the social care worker stopped visiting as you only get three weeks free help. The doctor wouldn't see her until the 1st Feb despite being in the UK three weeks already because there were no appointments and then promptly said she couldn't really be referred for physio as there weren't any physiotherapists. She wasn't referred on for any further help regarding her injuries and she still isn't FULLY back to normal, she has a bit of pain in her wrist and she's not as fully mobile as she used to be entirely. Though it's somewhat to do with her confidence, she was also told she may have osteoporosis and has to go for a bone scan. Sadly this isn't until mid-March but also is a bit of a distance away. She's having a check-up x-ray finally at the end of March to make sure things are healing but it's been a bit of a process sorting these things.
Now I don't really know what to do regarding extra help (cleaning, shopping, getting certain things done - if there's anything free available..), nor do I know what to do when it comes to helping to get her out of there and into somewhere else that's not a third floor flat. She is happy to rent a retirement apartment if she can afford to, but she owns the home she's in (shared ownership) so it's also a case of selling it I guess on top of everything, plus a lot of the retirement villages we've looked up online have been suuuuuper expensive. There's also so many options (retirement home, carehome (not ideal), homes with extra care (the ones with on-call help I think?), independent living etc.. I don't even know where to start or who to ask that could give advice with these things tbh.
Personally I'm also quite anxious about what happens if this happens again and I find myself worrying constantly on the daily about when she goes out or if she has to do anything. It's not good for me mentally I realize but I don't know how to relax about things since I'm at least three hours away by train and she lives alone. With the state of things in the NHS too and how badly my health has been troubling me, I'm a bit of a mess.
Just felt like maybe getting it out into the void would help a little haha. I just hope that with the progress she's made so far things continue to improve. If she does have osteoporosis and that is the cause for the odd occasion she's had the falls, I hope there's something that will help too.
I wish I was more independent and self sufficient about things and knew the right things to do in certain situations, as well as capable of looking after myself and others, but this whole ordeal also made me realize how much I struggle with life skills and just being an adult and it's definitely made me feel like there's something more than just GAD going on, but I don't even know where to start to get into that haha.
Anyway, if you read this, then thank you haha, I just felt like maybe there's an off-chance there might be someone who has had a similar experience and might be able to offer any of their own insight into what I may be missing in terms of help for her. :unsure:
I'll admit I'm kind of not the best when it comes to things like being independent and self care etc, especially considering I have severe anxiety issues, as well as physical health issues with ulcerative colitis and bladder issues, among other things. Unfortunately around mid-November (I posted on here once regarding this), my mother (75 years old) had an accident in Australia a week and a half after being there (while on holiday visiting my brother). She had had a fall literally the week before flying out too, but that one didn't have any serious outcomes other than a bloody/swollen nose and a bruised hand. So the fall in Australia was obviously VERY concerning, but luckily she had the best help out there, the healthcare was incredible and her health insurance covered it all fortunately (though she still is waiting for a payback from that lol).
The result of her fall this time was a broken hip and a broken wrist. She had surgery within 48 hours and was looked after well to the point they got her on her feet soon after to work on her getting her strength back. She stayed in a rehab clinic facility after she'd managed to get back on her feet a little and then after a few weeks moved to my brothers place to stay out the rest of the time recovering enough to get a flight back.
I kept in touch with her as much as possible, she had physio exercises going on but eventually they cleared her enough to come back to the UK. My brother came back with her just to be around for a week for her settling back home but I also had to visit for a short time just to help out a little bit while she couldn't use her right hand much. My brother then left to go traveling and see some friends and went back home to Australia etc after a few weeks.
Now my issue is I'm struggling a little due to the fact she lives in a third floor apartment without a lift (stairs only) and although she's mobile enough atm and slowly manages to get up and down I'm also constantly fearing anything bad happening in future. She was designated a short term social care(?) worker who visited just to clean a little bit and then take out the rubbish bins, but other than that she didn't get much help. I live quite some distance from my mum so it's difficult to just "pop by" and I can't always stay there due to my health issues so it's a bit of a struggle. She also doesn't have a spare room so I'm always stuck on the sofa lol. I've also been battling ongoing infections and flare-ups that have caused me problems enough I've not been able to go back there for a few weeks but I plan to try next week, as long as nothing comes up.
However, the social care worker stopped visiting as you only get three weeks free help. The doctor wouldn't see her until the 1st Feb despite being in the UK three weeks already because there were no appointments and then promptly said she couldn't really be referred for physio as there weren't any physiotherapists. She wasn't referred on for any further help regarding her injuries and she still isn't FULLY back to normal, she has a bit of pain in her wrist and she's not as fully mobile as she used to be entirely. Though it's somewhat to do with her confidence, she was also told she may have osteoporosis and has to go for a bone scan. Sadly this isn't until mid-March but also is a bit of a distance away. She's having a check-up x-ray finally at the end of March to make sure things are healing but it's been a bit of a process sorting these things.
Now I don't really know what to do regarding extra help (cleaning, shopping, getting certain things done - if there's anything free available..), nor do I know what to do when it comes to helping to get her out of there and into somewhere else that's not a third floor flat. She is happy to rent a retirement apartment if she can afford to, but she owns the home she's in (shared ownership) so it's also a case of selling it I guess on top of everything, plus a lot of the retirement villages we've looked up online have been suuuuuper expensive. There's also so many options (retirement home, carehome (not ideal), homes with extra care (the ones with on-call help I think?), independent living etc.. I don't even know where to start or who to ask that could give advice with these things tbh.
Personally I'm also quite anxious about what happens if this happens again and I find myself worrying constantly on the daily about when she goes out or if she has to do anything. It's not good for me mentally I realize but I don't know how to relax about things since I'm at least three hours away by train and she lives alone. With the state of things in the NHS too and how badly my health has been troubling me, I'm a bit of a mess.
Just felt like maybe getting it out into the void would help a little haha. I just hope that with the progress she's made so far things continue to improve. If she does have osteoporosis and that is the cause for the odd occasion she's had the falls, I hope there's something that will help too.
I wish I was more independent and self sufficient about things and knew the right things to do in certain situations, as well as capable of looking after myself and others, but this whole ordeal also made me realize how much I struggle with life skills and just being an adult and it's definitely made me feel like there's something more than just GAD going on, but I don't even know where to start to get into that haha.
Anyway, if you read this, then thank you haha, I just felt like maybe there's an off-chance there might be someone who has had a similar experience and might be able to offer any of their own insight into what I may be missing in terms of help for her. :unsure: