Deluded
26-11-07, 10:08
I got no clue where to start:
I guess i'll make it short:
I was smoking heavily weed at age 16, then out of nowhere my dad dies, I break down, and just kept on smoking, then 2-3months later I'm hit with insane Depersonalization Derealization Mental OCD(PureO) and Panic disorder.
I had 20 panic attacks a day for 4months straight, didn't leave the couch for anything but bathroom and food.
Dropped out of school, quit my job and just tried to hold on and hope i wasn't gonna go insane.
Panic attacks made me so dissociated I didnt even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, I got no emotions, but the worst off all is the derealization and pure o about "do other people exist?" "is this all a dream"? these 2 thoughts has been on my mind 24/7 for 2 years now, n I got no clue.
I want to beat someone just to see that they exist and beat me back.
I feel like a egomeganomaliac from this obsessing and fear.
Ive lost complete contact with reality.
Tried several meds(none work, all made me worse, now im just on diazepam to make me able to sleep at night), tried therapy(3 different, alternative treatments, everything from bullshit accupuncture, homeopathy(a lot of wasted money right there) no help, cause they got no chance to understand wtf im going through).
Lost all my friends, I got no life and got 2 options, keep on 24/7 torture or end it with a quick overdose...
What do I do?
I feel so alone, if youve not gone through this u cannot even begin to comphrend the feeling Im going through, but if uve seen Vanilla Sky, I fear life is like that... everyone is false and im all alone...
So, did panic make me psychotic or is there hope?
Ive done EVERYTHING so wtf is left for me to do?
I got no emotions, nto even panic anymore from DP, I dont feel my face, I dont feel my body, I can stab myself(already did twice) and not feel anything, can shower in icecold water and not feel it.
The world seems flat, carttooonish false
I guess i'll make it short:
I was smoking heavily weed at age 16, then out of nowhere my dad dies, I break down, and just kept on smoking, then 2-3months later I'm hit with insane Depersonalization Derealization Mental OCD(PureO) and Panic disorder.
I had 20 panic attacks a day for 4months straight, didn't leave the couch for anything but bathroom and food.
Dropped out of school, quit my job and just tried to hold on and hope i wasn't gonna go insane.
Panic attacks made me so dissociated I didnt even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, I got no emotions, but the worst off all is the derealization and pure o about "do other people exist?" "is this all a dream"? these 2 thoughts has been on my mind 24/7 for 2 years now, n I got no clue.
I want to beat someone just to see that they exist and beat me back.
I feel like a egomeganomaliac from this obsessing and fear.
Ive lost complete contact with reality.
Tried several meds(none work, all made me worse, now im just on diazepam to make me able to sleep at night), tried therapy(3 different, alternative treatments, everything from bullshit accupuncture, homeopathy(a lot of wasted money right there) no help, cause they got no chance to understand wtf im going through).
Lost all my friends, I got no life and got 2 options, keep on 24/7 torture or end it with a quick overdose...
What do I do?
I feel so alone, if youve not gone through this u cannot even begin to comphrend the feeling Im going through, but if uve seen Vanilla Sky, I fear life is like that... everyone is false and im all alone...
So, did panic make me psychotic or is there hope?
Ive done EVERYTHING so wtf is left for me to do?
I got no emotions, nto even panic anymore from DP, I dont feel my face, I dont feel my body, I can stab myself(already did twice) and not feel anything, can shower in icecold water and not feel it.
The world seems flat, carttooonish false