View Full Version : constantly scared of death
welshman88
20-03-23, 17:44
Hi since new years I have been having panic attacks and feeling very fearful most days that one day I will die and be gone.
I have had several people say it's GAD but I'm not sure, I feel paralyzed by this fear and can't move past it. It effects my mood, my concentration and my sleep. I used to have periods of anxiety and depression but nothing like this. my doctor has put me of fluoxetine I feel it has helped but it's at a point which it's helped as much as it can
A bit of background, I have lost 4 members of my extended family in the last 12 months. All passed from Ill health e.g cancer and sepsis. My mother reassures me buy reminding me they were all heavy smokers or people who didn't take care of themselves. The only problem is i don't take care of myself which Im trying to change, diet and exercise.
It doesn't help that I seem to jump at takeaways and junk food when I'm in low mood.
I feel because I'm alone alot and in my own head that I start questioning things like being brought up in a Christian family believing in the afterlife. I believe I've done this because I'm a very logical person I have to be for my job, and I started to question afterlife and how it can exist with all we know about ourselves eg evolution and what we know about our universe.
Sorry about the rant, I just need to get some things off my chest. If anyone has any ideas or advice on how I can get past my fear or help with my current situation.
Acceptance is key. Tough, I know, but death is inevitable. Allow yourself to experience the thoughts, then gently nudge yourself to get on with what you were doing before.
Every living thing on the planet will die, and you're no exception, so work on acceptance of what is the natural circle, the circle of life... (Bit of Elton John for ya)
my doctor has put me of fluoxetine I feel it has helped but it's at a point which it's helped as much as it can
That's because meds only work on the symptoms, not the thoughts which create them. You need to learn how to challenge these thoughts, and for that you need therapy.
A bit of background, I have lost 4 members of my extended family in the last 12 months. All passed from Ill health e.g cancer and sepsis.
This is why you're struggling. (There's always a trigger)
My mother reassures me buy reminding me they were all heavy smokers or people who didn't take care of themselves. The only problem is i don't take care of myself which Im trying to change, diet and exercise.
You can turn this situation around by making some changes to your lifestyle. Hard to do at first, but the improvements in your fitness and MH wellbeing will give you the motivation to keep going..
I feel because I'm alone alot and in my own head that I start questioning things like being brought up in a Christian family believing in the afterlife. I believe I've done this because I'm a very logical person I have to be for my job, and I started to question afterlife and how it can exist with all we know about ourselves eg evolution and what we know about our universe.
I'm not religious, but I do believe in the afterlife. I've come to my conclusions based on decades of personal experiences and in-depth research of both sides of the debate. We're energy (as everything is energy) and if you know your science you'll understand the first law of thermodynamics where energy cannot be destroyed, it can only change form.
I believe that our consciousness (what makes us, us) is separate to our brains and we continue to exist as us, but minus the confines of the human body. However, it's also logical to think that our energy goes into the sea, the stars, or into the earth when we die, in which case, there's no such thing as 'annihilation'. Either way, our energy exists in some form. The members of your family who died in the last year, their energy is still here. And their perception of death will differ to yours. When you can handle it, maybe look at the NDE where people have died (clinically) and have come back (resuscitation) to give accounts of really pleasant things going on, so much so that they were gutted to have to get back into their broken bodies... Imagine having such a great time of death that when you get the chance to come back, the first thing you think is, 'Shit, I'm back'. Trick of the brain or a trip to the beyond? Who cares! The important thing is that these experiences remove the fear of death - not only for the experiencer, but the potential is also there for those reading their stories...
My point here is that reading about NDE's won't necessarily change your mind on the afterlife, but it might help you to understand that death can be a pleasant experience, and who better to hear this from than those who have actually died (for a bit)? :shrug:
If anyone has any ideas or advice on how I can get past my fear or help with my current situation.
Regardless of how fear manifests, it needs to be faced in order to see the situation for what it is. Unchallenged, our irrational thoughts create the prime conditions for developing anxiety disorders such as health anxiety. Someone dies and we're suddenly afraid that we're going to go the same way, and soon. We mistake fight or flight symptoms (normal symptoms) for something sinister. We Google and scare ourselves some more. We don't look at the bigger picture; we see only what scares us. We start checking ourselves and become acutely aware of every heartbeat, every imperfection, every ache and pain, and it's down the rabbit hole we go...
Medication can help so far as to lessen the anxiety symptoms, so that we're more able to engage with therapy, but it's the therapy that matters most if you want to effectively control (or totally rid yourself) of health anxiety. Some people (like me) are prone to irrational thoughts, so effective control is the best I can do, and it's worked very well for the last 6 years. (I've had numerous health issues to cope with, but I've not gone back down that hole).
But there's also a 'golden buzzer', if you like, and that's acceptance. (Accept life, death - and all the shite in-between)
Accept that you're a mortal being and that death is a necessary part of life and the planet's survival.
Understand that you beat some truly miraculous odds to be here, so you owe it to yourself to make the most of your time..
Make improvements where they can be made and learn to accept the rest with the understanding that you can't control everything. However, you do get to choose your response..
Death is inevitable from the moment we're conceived. It's given, a cert - the only guarantee there is in life. I was scared of death once, but now I see D as the friend who will release me from all this earthly crap when my time comes. There may be some pain on the way out, but there was some pain on the way in. :shrug: (Also, we have the good drugs now) :emot-drunk:
After this, I will cease to exist in my present form (albeit the knackered form it is now) and I will find out if I was right or wrong about the afterlife.. (And if I'm right, there will be one or two people I will be paying a visit to so I can mess with their electrics ha ha)..
Apologies for the long and rambling post, people have been known to nod off half-way through my epics...:blush:
Beautifully put, Nora.
Personally, I'm not convinced of an afterlife, but I love the idea of becoming a diffuse part of the universe again. I find it very comforting to think of myself as a tiny part of something so huge and endless.
Beautifully put, Nora.
Personally, I'm not convinced of an afterlife, but I love the idea of becoming a diffuse part of the universe again. I find it very comforting to think of myself as a tiny part of something so huge and endless.
The way I see it, it's a win-win situation, Blue. If I die and go to be with my mum and dad again, great! If my energy ends up with the stars, or in the oceans I've loved all my life, that'll do me just fine too. I've made my peace with death; it's life that I'm working on now.:yesyes:
Additional thought...
I could see my mum and dad even if the after life doesn't exist. Deathbed visions are a thing, and they are well documented. To see my parents again before my energy is scattered around the universe would be good too...
I opened a thread 'why do we fear death?'
If I knew how to do a link, I'd put it here, lol.
It's a very deep and interesting topic and resonates with so many people.
O think it's good to get it out in the open rather than let it manifest in the mind.
I believe in afterlife too. In what form, I'm not sure.
And I'm presuming we wouldn't be aware of our former life. :shrug:
And I'm presuming we wouldn't be aware of our former life. :shrug:
What do you mean, Carn?
welshman88
21-03-23, 19:09
Hi carnation, just read the whole thread and so many interesting posts and lovely poetry. I think it's helped in maybe pushing me to seek therapy/ counciling to face my fears and improve my life.
Thank you
At least you got a thank you, Carn...
I got nowt for my two hour response....:roflmao:
welshman88
22-03-23, 17:51
At least you got a thank you, Carn...
I got nowt for my two hour response....:roflmao:
Thanks for your response. It has helped just to talk about it.
Nora, I'll try to explain.
If you came back as another human being, would be aware of our former life / lives?
Some people seek out, is it called regression? Sorry I'm not too sure what it is called.
And what about spirit form?
I'm fascinated by all of this.
Also nora, I often get no response to answering a post, I thought it was just me :wacko:
I'm pleased that thread helped you welshman88 :yesyes:
Thanks for your response. It has helped just to talk about it.
You're welcome, and I'm glad the thread has helped you. :yesyes:
Nora, I'll try to explain.
If you came back as another human being, would be aware of our former life / lives?
I thought you might be talking about reincarnation, but I wasn't sure.. (See what I did there?) :yesyes:
I struggle to get my head around reincarnation to be honest, but from what I've read some people are aware of 'past lives', especially under hypnosis. (It's children's reincarnation stories that interest me the most...)
Some people seek out, is it called regression? Sorry I'm not too sure what it is called.
I find it hard enough to exist in this life. I don't think my brain can cope with the knowledge that I may have been my dad's wife.....:WTF:....in a past life, or I was burnt at the stake or some such shizzle ha ha.. (Though I probably was, and that might explain why I've never been one for bonfires..) :ohmy:
And what about spirit form?
My experience (not that I expect to be believed) is that I've seen a little girl who had been dead for over a decade when I saw her at the bottom of our stairs, not that I was aware of the poor soul's history at the time. This might sound scary, but it really wasn't. I just thought there was a strange kid in our house (other than me ha ha) - that is until I realised that I couldn't see anything from her waist down, and even then, I was curious, rather than scared...
The most profound experience I had was with my deceased paternal Grandma. I didn't see her as I saw the little girl, but as far as I'm concerned my grandmother was in that room. The energy was unmistakably her, and the scent that filled the room was a perfume that I only associated with her. Most important of all, she brought with her a love so intense (and free of negativity) that the words don't exist which could do any kind of justice to the experience. For many years, I said I'd never experienced anything like it, but last year I think I had some kind of OBE experience with my deceased mum in dream-state, and that sense of love was there again. And yes, I know I sound nuts... (Usually, my 'mother' dreams are anxiety ones, and, no, I wasn't on my meds ha ha).
But many people do see their deceased loved ones..
How can this be when their bodies are ashes, or they're buried six feet under?
Simple answer; I don't know.
One thing I've thought about is that the reason I saw that little girl is because she may not have understood she was dead?
I have wondered why my paternal grandmother didn't appear to me in 'person', but I'm thinking that I am a grandmother too, so I can understand why she might not have wanted to put the shits up me at 3am. (I think I may have had a cardiac arrest had I have opened a peeper to see my dead Gran staring at me....) :ohmy:
This is the thing about spirit communication; it doesn't have to be a full body apparition. It can be a a scent, a touch, or a voice..
I think my mother communicated with my youngest about a year after she died. My son was two when she died, and she was the only person who ever called him, 'Sweet Pea'. She'd see him and say, 'Hello Sweet Pea!'. Anyway, about a year later, he was in the bath and I left him (for a matter of seconds) while I got a towel from the landing cupboard. Immediately as I left the room, I heard my son clearly say, 'Hello sweet pea!'. He matched my mother's tone perfectly. My son's autistic, and at the time his echolalia was very strong. (Had to be v v careful with swears). My son not seen my mother for a year, and his autism means that he forgets those who are not currently active in his life. We'd never heard him say this at any other time. To me, he was simply repeating what my mother was saying it to him..
What a really sweet way to check in on your grandson, eh? No full-body apparition needed; just an 'Hello sweet pea!'. (Good on ya, Ma!) :yesyes:
My son has no recollection of this, but I've never forgotten it. He doesn't remember my mother at all, but I do occasionally talk about her and I tell him that he meant a lot to her, and one day she found a way to say hello to him...
You know something? The deceased don't scare me at all.. It's funny really, but I've only ever felt alone in the company of the living; the deceased have never given me such problems - not even the little girl who must have been very confused as to why strange people were living in her house..:weep:
Also nora, I often get no response to answering a post, I thought it was just me :wacko:
I don't mind my smaller responses not being acknowledged, but I do get touchy when I've spent hours on a response to help somebody and I get the big IG...:ohmy:
I thought you might be talking about reincarnation, but I wasn't sure.. (See what I did there?
Lol nora :D
Thanks for your post nora.
My o/h had regression but I'm not sure I believe it personally.
I've never seen anyone that's passed over but I have had certain experiences.
A voice, a smell, a feeling. Dreams.
Like the heading of this thread, I am scared of death and knowing more about the afterlife and the beyond can bring a bit of peace to the subject.
Although some things are meant to remain a mystery for a reason.
It is a subject that crops up quite regularly and its good to talk about it in my opinion.
Thanks again nora for taking the time to tell us of your experiences which I find very interesting. x
My o/h had regression but I'm not sure I believe it personally.
I've never seen anyone that's passed over but I have had certain experiences.
A voice, a smell, a feeling. Dreams.
I'd love to hear about them, Carn. (You could message me if you don't want to put them on here?)
Like the heading of this thread, I am scared of death and knowing more about the afterlife and the beyond can bring a bit of peace to the subject.
It does.
There's a really great podcast on the afterlife called White Shores. It's Theresa Cheung- a very nice lady who has helped me with my dreams via email. Theresa is very approachable (unlike some) and she's had some great guests on - one being Gordon Smith. He's really lovely to listen to and he has a lot of interesting things to say re death and the afterlife..
Although some things are meant to remain a mystery for a reason.
Absolutely.
It is a subject that crops up quite regularly and its good to talk about it in my opinion.
If I was to go today, I'm not scared. I've accepted my mortality, and I have good reason to believe that I am a spiritual being having a human experience - as we all are. (I just have to try and get my head around living as an ageing autistic human now) :scared15:
Thanks again nora for taking the time to tell us of your experiences which I find very interesting. x
Thanks Carn, that means a lot. X
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