Worst relapse

[busterrufus]

I’ve not posted here for a long time. I’m pretty desperate at the moment.
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for over 12 yrs. I’ve had several relapses but never one as bad as this. I’ve been doing quite well for a few years but last march my husband became Ill and went on the waiting list for an op. My fathers health began to decline in June and my brother and I did most of the caring for him until he passed away in September. Obviously these situations brought a great deal of worry, grief and stress with them. My husband had his op 6 weeks ago and is doing well. I expected to feel relief and a positive feeling of being able to move on with life.In contrast my anxiety symptoms flared up a month ago and are severe, as bad as ever. Anxiety attacks nearly every day which Include feelings of terror, palpitations, vomiting , tight muscles , dizzness, breathlessness, shaking, etc. leave me afraid, and the feeling of anxiety is constant. I feel like I just can’t bear it. Saw a dr a few days ago who increased my dose of antidepressant and put me back on omezaprazole. I’m trying to get out and about for a walk every day, doing breathing exercises and relaxation every day. Nothing is having the slightest positive effect yet. I feel as though I’m in a deep pit that I can’t get out of. I know the past year was very stressful, but I can’t understand why I’m in this relapse when things should have been getting a bit better, not worse. I’m 68 now and really feel as I will not get over this relapse. Constant morbid thoughts. Has anyone else got worse, when the situation should be getting better?
Thank you so much for reading, I would appreciate advice.

[Catkins]

Give yourself time, you've had an awful lot to deal with and there is no quick fix. Whenever I have a blip I go back to basics, do as much grounding work as I can, guided meditation, yoga and I talk to people (especially on here).

I know what you mean about feeling worse when things are getting better, I have a tendency to put everything/everyone else first, get through what I need to and then when things calm down a bit then that's when I feel it, it's like I've stretched myself too thin looking after others and then when everything is sorted my body/brain goes 'what about me' and does everything it can to get my attention. I often feel like, following times of high stress my body forgets how to relax.

Also bare in mind you've just had an increase in your antidepressants and that can increase your feelings of anxiety initially. With the morbid thoughts - they're just thoughts, they're not real.

Hang on in there, you will get through this. Keep doing grounding and relaxation, do things that you enjoy, even though at the moment you might not enjoy them quite as much. Maybe see if you can get referred for some counselling?

[busterrufus]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply Catkins.
I have applied to the HA for counselling and am awaiting their reply.
I am finding it extremely difficult to get out and do the things I like at the moment . I should be meeting my family for a meal out tomorrow but not at all sure I can go . I’m worried about fainting or worse. I will try.
Do you ever find that you have some different symptoms when you have a relapse?. Mine have included neck tightness and chronic severe headaches which are really worrying me. Dr didn’t really give me any advice about that except the usual painkiller stuff.
Thanks again,
Ruth

[Catkins]

It sounds like tension to be honest. When I'm going through a bad patch I get terrible neck pain/headaches. As I said before it's like my body forgets how to relax, self massage helps, but I also went for massages that concentrated on my neck/back. I still go once a month - it's part of my self care routine.

[busterrufus]

I have been trying to get to see a massage therapist for over a month, but I am frightened of having an anxiety attack and/or vomiting while I am there.
Thanks for the advice though, I will book a session as soon as I feel able to go. Hope it is soon.
Don’t think I will be going for the meal today, physical symptoms are so bad.

[Carnation]

I highly recommend massage therapy and the people that do this are the calmest and caring people ever!

[busterrufus]

Thanks Catkins and Carnation. I will make enquiries tomorrow about seeing a massage therapist.