Anxiety & grieving

[Velma66]

Hi there, think I should have put this on the GAD board but can't work out how to do it.
I have terrible anxiety at the moment. My Mum passed away in November. I kept going, as you do, to sort out all the stuff but the last few weeks I've had panic attacks & just feel awful all the time. I miss her so much :( I have a wonderful husband & brother who have been so supportive. I just can't get this anxiety under control. I don't know what to do. Is this normal? When will it go away? I get myself up, showered & dressed every day, try to keep busy & meditate but I'm exhausted. I can't rest properly cos my head won't shut up. Any advice please? I feel so alone in this

[nomorepanic]

I have moved it for you.

[Velma66]

Thank you so much

[Catkins]

So sorry for your loss.

I went through similar a couple of years ago, my mum died, then two weeks later my stepgran died. I was so busy supporting my stepdad for the first few months I didn't grieve myself, then my husband became ill and I just couldn't cope anymore.

It takes time, keep doing what you're doing, maybe speak to your GP, consider counselling (Cruse might be able to offer something). Things will improve.

[Velma66]

Thank you for your reply. I'm going to see the gp this morning to ask for help so fingers crossed. It's helps to know others have been through this too ❤

[pulisa]

I'm so sorry for your huge loss, Velma...Losing your mum is just devastating and the grief will come out no matter how much you try to keep going. Would you consider Cruse/bereavement counselling? Your GP will probably suggest this. I'm not sure that there's any "standard" advice re anxiety and bereavement other than to accept how you feel and to allow the feelings to come out? Talk about your mum to your family, don't bottle everything up. I had to when my parents died but it took its toll on me mentally and still does.

I'm sure others on here will tell you of their experiences too..You are certainly not alone in how you are feeling. Good luck for today:hugs:

[busterrufus]

So sorry for your loss Velma.
My Dad passed away in Sept. My brother and I dealt with all the arrangements and are still sorting some things out. About 6 wks ago I started relapsing with anxiety. The anxiety each day now is terrible, just as you say. I am telling you this just to let you know that it can’t be that unusual. With me I think I have a history of dealing with stress, then reacting to it weeks or months later. Although I’m not in much of a position to offer much advice as I am struggling myself, I can agree that some bereavement counselling could help. I wish I had tried it months ago, but at the time I thought I could cope.
I wish you the very best Velma,
Ruth

[pulisa]

You can still try bereavement counselling, Ruth? There's no time constraint and there are no "rules" as to how you should feel. Pre existing conditions can strike much harder and that's hardly surprising. It's never "too late" to ask for help.

[fishman65]

How did you get on with the GP Velma? I too am very sorry for your loss :hugs: Bereavement is about as bad as it gets in terms of impact on those left behind. I lost my Mum back in 1998, a brother in 1999.

All we can do is take it a day at a time. Be kind to yourself and know its ok 'not to be ok'. A cliche I know but true nonetheless.

:hugs: for you too Ruth, and anyone else suffering loss who is reading this thread.

[Velma66]

Thank you all for your replies & kind words. The GP has increased my dosage of anti depressants & gave me some diazepam for the short term. I have to trust that this will help me cope & be patient. I have been in touch with a volunteer at Cruse & may go down this path at some stage.
I'm so sorry for all your losses too & Ruth I'm sorry to hear you're struggling too. It does help to know we are not alone & we must be kind to ourselves whilst we go through this horrible time. Sending you all much love ❤

[Whizz]

My dad passed away recently and I was kept occupied by all the stuff that has to be done. It's only now that it's winding down that I start to feel sadness at how quick he was taken.

I think grief can be slightly different for those that had sudden deaths (my dad had sepsis) and so it can actually be more like a PTSD. I think depending on how you lose someone will determine the type of support needed. I absolutely think talking is the best form of help, make sure you're not trying to be "strong" in a way that you don't let yourself have a good cry. That's a must!

Some people find writing letters to their loved one helps, maybe a sit and talk by her resting place may help?

I'm going to try the Cruise councillors soon, but if you're mum had sepsis, the UK Sepsis Trust have free bereavement support groups done via Zoom and/or you can chat to a sepsis nurse, they have been just brilliant and the support is almost instant.

Feel free to message if you wish.