Rhys1879SAFC
04-04-23, 17:33
So I’d been making so much progress over the last few weeks and genuinely thought I may be finally working my way through this.
Unfortunately it only seems to take one thought to send me into a tailspin.
This is going to sound ridiculous but this time my mind has decided to convince me that I’m some sort of paedophile… despite there being absolutely no evidence for this whatsoever.
The source of my anguish is a memory from when I was 15, I did some work experience at a local school. There was a little girl there and I remember thinking something along the lines of “aww she’s a pretty little thing” or “she’s a little cutie” or something.
Never mind the fact I spent my last two years at school pining over my childhood sweetheart. Or that I spent my late teens and early twenties in nightclubs trying my luck with various women. Never mind the fact I’m attracted to my mrs. Never mind the fact that when I’m driving down the road and see an attractive lady I do a double take.
No despite all that my mind is now telling me I’m a dirty paedophile. It’s got so bad that whenever I see a news story on child abuse I panic. I’ve got a one year old daughter who I now refuse to bath or change her nappy.
Rationally I know I’m being absolutely ridiculous. I’ve interacted with hundreds of kids over the years without any problem. I’ve bathed my daughter and changed her nappy hundreds of times over the last year without any problem…
I’m so sick of my brain. It’s like it wants me to spend the rest of my days freaking out over irrational thoughts.
Unfortunately it only seems to take one thought to send me into a tailspin.
This is going to sound ridiculous but this time my mind has decided to convince me that I’m some sort of paedophile… despite there being absolutely no evidence for this whatsoever.
The source of my anguish is a memory from when I was 15, I did some work experience at a local school. There was a little girl there and I remember thinking something along the lines of “aww she’s a pretty little thing” or “she’s a little cutie” or something.
Never mind the fact I spent my last two years at school pining over my childhood sweetheart. Or that I spent my late teens and early twenties in nightclubs trying my luck with various women. Never mind the fact I’m attracted to my mrs. Never mind the fact that when I’m driving down the road and see an attractive lady I do a double take.
No despite all that my mind is now telling me I’m a dirty paedophile. It’s got so bad that whenever I see a news story on child abuse I panic. I’ve got a one year old daughter who I now refuse to bath or change her nappy.
Rationally I know I’m being absolutely ridiculous. I’ve interacted with hundreds of kids over the years without any problem. I’ve bathed my daughter and changed her nappy hundreds of times over the last year without any problem…
I’m so sick of my brain. It’s like it wants me to spend the rest of my days freaking out over irrational thoughts.