Can you ever get better?

[Vix223]

I have suffered with anxiety most of my life. Looking back I suffered mildly as a child bug quite significantly in my teens. In my 20s I was fairly ok, then I had children in my 30s and it just started spiralling,

I worry (in waves) obsessively about all sorts of events. All of which I catastrophise, then think I shouldnÂ’t have had children. I was totally irresponsible bringing them into this world and I canÂ’t protect them from anything. I just panic and my thoughts run wild.

I have tried CBT but it doesnÂ’t really help. I can do some parts but others are just difficult. The thoughts are more powerful than me.

I struggle finding joy in life. I feel guilty for everything I do. Polluting the planet, being on social media, buying anything, throwing things away. My garden, the car I drive. My hobbies. I wonder if things would be better no longer here, though I want to live.

I eat a healthy diet, I exercise. IÂ’m outside a lot. I work full time in a good job. I have a supportive family.

What is wrong and why canÂ’t I get better? Ive started taking sertraline again. I canÂ’t physically talk about it as IÂ’ll just cry and it sounds so stupid my worries. The one time I tried in front of a therapist i could see she was deeply concerned at how hysterical I was about it all and spoke about me being bi-polar (which I do not believe, yes possible GAD, panic maybe OCD?! but not no polar thereÂ’s no highs and lows I was having a panic attack).

I understand anxiety is part of life but I canÂ’t have conversations with anyone about anything futuristic without dwelling on it and becoming panicked.

Is this life? Is this it. Or is there a chance if getting better and if so what would you recommend?

[BlueIris]

I don't think you can ever be cured, but I believe you can recover and maintain that recovery. Like you, I've suffered since I was small; unlike you, these days I have it mostly under control, although I'm trying to navigate a speedbump right now.

* What's wrong? - You're ill, the disease is anxiety.
* Is this life? - Not necessarily, depends if you're prepared to put the work in.
* Is there a chance of getting better? - Absolutely, so long as you're ready to stop thinking of yourself as a victim.
* What would you recommend?

Okay, this one's the longer one. First, find a therapist you click with. It doesn't matter if you cry in front of them, my last therapist once talked me down from a panic attack where I couldn't sit down for half an hour. This is their job; diagnosing you isn't, not really.

Next, accept that this is a disease but be glad it's one you can recover from yourself. Do the CBT work, and sincerely - if it's too much, look at increasing your AD dosage. This can put a fire blanket over the worst of the terror and help you focus on healing yourself. The thoughts are just fleeting electrical impulses, and they're only more powerful than you because you're giving that power. Accept the thoughts and the feelings, sit with the discomfort and let them pass by. I actually read a really brilliant analogy yesterday Think of yourself as a pond and your feelings as the fish. Try to be the pond, not the fish.

Yes, you can do it. No, it's not easy. Yes, we've got your back here.

[Vix223]

Thank you. I don’t even know where to look for a therapist. How do you find one? NHS?

[BlueIris]

NHS is good, but if you have the funds I'd recommend looking at the BACP website - the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. They're the regulatory body, and they have a list of registered therapists. I'm fairly sure a lot of them would charge on a sliding scale, too.