View Full Version : Severe health anxiety - desperate for help or friends
Hi all, so I'm totally new to the site and I'm here out of desperation with an ultimate goal to getting better and then to hopefully support others. At this point I'm a million miles away.
I've been a worrier and suffered with different forms of anxiety since around 12 years old. Unbelievably but my wife is probably the only person who knows what I go through. I can relate to almost everyone's traits on here, I've done hours of checking myself, googling, feeling dreadful for weeks on end. Not wanting to do social things, looking for relief and reassurance. Work is now massively impacted also
My most recent meltdown is around bowel cancer, about 3 months ago I saw a spec of blood on TP and since then it's consumed me. I'm waiting for CBT to start and I've contacted the gp to see if I can have any other counselling or if meds are appropriate and to relay how this episode kicked off. I don't have a regular gp so that side of support is not great, it's someone different each time.
What I think I lack is others to talk to, bounce off or make friends who understand what it's like for me as I feel my wife is at her wits end 😂. I'm not looking for people to reassure me, more to help me with ideas to get rid of the most dibilitating thing ever. I feel at the lowest I've ever been at the moment and trying everything to move forward.
I've worried about almost every disease that's been in my life or I've heard of and I've lost count now. If anyone wants to connect or can offer any advise at all I would appreciate it so much.
Hoping there's some good people out there!
Thanks all
Hi Krpuk, sorry to hear you're going through this, it's can be really all consuming as you know. Fair play to you for recognising what it is and for taking the huge step to not ask for reassurance. I'm like a broken record on here about it, but as you know it's not going to help you long term so recognising that is massive.
CBT can help, as can counselling and your GP will be able to make a decision on medication. Everyone is different but I think a lot of the thought patterns us HA sufferers have are very similar, and there is proof here that it can be tamed so don't lose faith. It's hard work and you'll have ups and downs, but you seem to be determined to get there and are taking all the right steps. Is there anything specific you want to talk about? Feel free to send me a PM at any time. I'm not 100% there yet by any stretch but have made huge strides in the last few months through counselling and CBT.
Hi Krpuk, sorry to hear you're going through this, it's can be really all consuming as you know. Fair play to you for recognising what it is and for taking the huge step to not ask for reassurance. I'm like a broken record on here about it, but as you know it's not going to help you long term so recognising that is massive.
CBT can help, as can counselling and your GP will be able to make a decision on medication. Everyone is different but I think a lot of the thought patterns us HA sufferers have are very similar, and there is proof here that it can be tamed so don't lose faith. It's hard work and you'll have ups and downs, but you seem to be determined to get there and are taking all the right steps. Is there anything specific you want to talk about? Feel free to send me a PM at any time. I'm not 100% there yet by any stretch but have made huge strides in the last few months through counselling and CBT.
Thanks mocadona for the reply and the kind words. My goal is to be better and I thought that coming online to the forum looking for like minded people who want to journey together towards a better us was a more sensible approach than just simply writing about every meltdown and asking to be told everything will be ok. Randomly I'm quite good at being logical with other people's problems but my own I'm shocking at.. Literally yin and yang!
I've spoken to my gp today, been offered some meds on a low dosage along with counselling and I have CBT lined up in the background. When I did CBT before it was stopped after 4 sessions because I wasn't having a HA attack at the time which I thought was not really helpful. Hoping for a better outcome this time and I know I need to commit to it 100%
I'm hoping others can share examples of small wins theyve come across themselves whilst in there own journey. I genuinely feel better when I talk to people about it but not from a reassurance perspective, just knowing I'm not the only one feeling like a crazy person!
I actually think ( I've done this and recognised it now) searching the symptoms forum is as damaging for me as google as it just ends up leading to reading tons of stuff that can load my mind up with further doubt.. Definitely avoiding that.
Out of interest do any members know of any talking groups that happen or video meetings etc for people like us?
I do agree with you, I completely understand people looking for reassurance - and to be honest sometimes when you are so deep in an obsession it is the only way out - but it would be nice to have some discussion around the actual anxiety as well. You are fully correct of course about the the symptpms forum, it is the same for me so I don't really go there that often, that's a win I suppose - and I haven't been on any ALS forums or anything in a very long time which is something I used to for a lot at the start of that particular scare. I think it's recognising your triggers and then working out strategies to avoid them. Reassurance seeking is the biggest and most difficult one of these. We always seem to think that googling will lead to some gotcha moment where we discover we can't possibly have a particular illness, but it never does, we selectively interpret information and run with what we "want" to see.
One thing I realised was that the constant battle with my anxiety was exhausting, I think you have to develop some kind of acceptance that it's part of you and that helped me a bit. At the start the CBT stuff for me seemed like it just wasn't working, I was just too obsessed - I would challenge a thought and then try to let it pass, but it was literally happening several times a minute. I thought it would never get better, so it is hard work, and as you've already realised it's important to keep going with it even if you feel OK. Best of luck with it, you really do seem in a good frame of mind for this to be successful.
ETA: Oh and you definitely shouldn't feel like the only crazy person - you could fill a book with some of the absolutely bonkers ways I've talked myself into a disease. Not to mention the checking, convinced I had weakness because I can't do stuff I could never do like a one armed press up, trying to lift things (up to and including children) with one finger:roflmao:, just to be 100%.
Yes completely agree, we as humans have a natural urge to want to know answers as quick as possible. My frame of mind at the moment is I'm exhausted worrying, it's taken me to a version of myself I don't recognise at all and I cannot let it continue. Something I've found myself thinking recently is HA is starting to get to the point whereby you might as well be on deaths door 😂 because normal life doesn't exist in the midst of a HA meltdown.
In my circumstances I want to be told I'm fine but will run a country mile to be told to have tests to rule things out because I believe I'm not strong enough to wait for an answer. The time that passes in between I imaging the most doomed outcomes 24/7
So all this leads me to I'm going to kick this out one way or another, with full expectation of lots of setbacks and failures but I will get there. What you've said about acceptance is correct, there's no ridding of it, it's part of us, it's about keeping it locked up and not allowing it to wreck havoc. In a way the symptoms forum is a way of googling without googling.. ( someone's done it for you) I'm not critical of others at all because I've done it 1000s of times but it's never made me feel better, there's always the next page or example that disapproves your good reassurance theory. Back in the 80s and before the Internet I guarantee that HA was not as prevelant as it is today.
I totally agree. It's given us access to information that we don't have the knowledge, training and detachment to evaluate properly.
I had to pull myself out of the Google hole earlier this week, and luckily I've managed to stay out. It's tough, though, and the shame of some of the checks I've done nearly destroys me.
Having a good GP on your side can really help. I have a massive medical phobia and was so relieved when I found one who accepted that I knew about my HA and believed me when I said I only wanted tests if she believed they were absolutely necessary.
Google in my case is as close to an addiction as I think I will know. As we all know, in the midst of a severe HA episode the temptation, desperation is completely. Overwhelming and it's just screaming out at me to have a read, then read on and on until I'm really annoyed that it's not helped and just loaded my mind up with more info, more abscure symptoms to add to my knowledge bank to panic about.
It's 100% certain a contributing factor that my HA has got worse over the years simply as a result of easily accessible info.. Ie mobile phones.
Re the gp I completely agree, I think a great gp onside is invaluable. I don't have that as I've got a first come first served set up where I am so it's difficult.
I definitely think talking about how we feel about HA and how we all try to tackle it as opposed to just the latest episode and it's symptoms and reassurance is a better way forward for in my opinion.
Hi Krpuk,
I can relate to how you feel. My poor husband and some friends also have to put up with my constant anxiety. I really couple health anxiety with OCD. I can say that I have been convinced I have had dozens of life threatening diseases and none of them have come true. However now that I am older I know the possibility increases for them to be real. My brother also has OCD, he has other obsessions. We just call them "another one" We will call each other up and say, "I'm having another one". And each time we will be convinced that this time, it's the real deal. And funnily enough when this one passes another will pop up. What has helped me most is recognizing the patterns. It takes away the fear a bit. In fact I come on here and when I am really losing it I find someone who is complaining about a particular problem and I look at their history. More times than not, they have a pattern as well and I can see that they have also complained about several other diseases they were convinced they had. I relax a little because so far in my life none of these worries have actually come true. So my point being is recognize that this is a pattern in your life. It may feel all encompassing and crippling in the moment but if you give it a little space you will see that you are doing what you are accustomed to. Now, I still suffer so I don't have an answer to breaking the pattern permanently but just seeing this particular thing has helped a little.
Hi cusper, thanks for your message.. Its absolutely correct what your saying about patterns. I know I have these but I don't often see it in time before I'm deep into distress. Usually it will be something someone says in general that makes me think, am advert on TV or something that's happened to someone I know or just a random symptom. I seem to have no filter to start with and just catapult to the worst outcome instantly.
My other massive struggle is actually seeing a gp, I cannot stand the idea of them saying they will run tests or investigate. Even though I know full well it's normal to do that, it's there Jobs, I just cannot handle the unknown of tests and the waiting, panicking etc I'm not sure if others have this but my mind runs through the dreadful scenarios and almost plays out stories to me of having the dreadful disease. All in all its extremely hard, knowing there's others like me helps in at least I know I'm not the only one... All of our traits are identical it's so surreal reading others posts.
Yes! So what my brother says is that what we have is really from primitive instincts of fight or flight and we would have been the people to see danger before the others and warn the tribe. haha but now we live in a different time and probably haven't adjusted well to the modern world. Not to mention everywhere all over news media... there will be headlines like "Symptoms you should never Ignore" ... this sort of media is pure poison to people like us because we are always on alert for this type of thing. I can really relate to what you said about worst case scenario. I do the same. This is why I come to this forum. I come here to see who else is complaining about what I am complaining about. Only I don't always read what they write, I go straight to their history. But usually when I am doing this I am in the throws of a full blown panic attack. I also come here when I am well to help others through their anxiety especially those who have nobody write back to them. I understand completely about the avoiding going for tests at the doctors because the waiting is just so painful. I even have a rule for these things as well. If I have an ongoing symptom that is distressing I have to wait at least 6 weeks to go to the doctor. If it is still there I go. I just had a colonoscopy due to a family history and I was full of pure angst a week before it happened. Everyone kept telling me it is nothing but I did not want to be told I have a life threatening situation. I was terrified. I almost walked out of the waiting room because I couldn't take the fear that was going on inside of me. But it was too late, I did it. They told me I was fine but I knew that because of my family history I had no choice but to do it. Health anxiety is just awful and I wish it on no one. I am so thankful that you wrote in. It helped me last night when I woke up in a panic. I am gaining a bit of acceptance that this is me. My mother, unfortunately trained us since she also is a hypochondriac. But all of the information, such as my mom, my patterns, me... helps me to calm down and realize I am going through "another one" and not THE ONE. It doesn't aways work... clearly. But I think acceptance also helps. Also, a word about googling... Someone once told me that googling is likened to a choose your own adventure novel which will always lead you to the big C or something equally terminal. I never ever google any more. I come here and look for other's patterns. Then I go on youtube and find something that will comfort me. I typically wake up in a panic every night at 3am with a cortisol spike... but I am learning to deal with it and it goes down fairly quickly... I used to be much worse. oh, and another thing that helps is watching podcasts about people who have had NDE's (Near death Experiences) On youtube if you watch JeffMara Podcast. I find that very comforting. These people all tell you that dying is nothing to be afraid of. haha but still.. It hasn't cured me but it really helps.
Thanks cusper, I'll take a look at those podcasts. I've managed to stay off Google for 3 days now, I think I've burned it out in regards to my latest issue so I guess proof will be to not use it on any future ones ( hopefully their aren't any but I doubt that)
I've found the last 2 days really hard and I'm waking up each morning in distress. I don't know if the meds I've started are contributing to that as I've only had 3 days worth but I'm so desperate I'll try anything. It's comforting to read yours and others responses. I just wish I could handle a symptom or change logically Like other people can. It's interesting you mention your mother, I think exactly the same thing. My mother definitely allayed her health fears and anxiety on to me and I definitely recall general anxiety at a young age along with worrying about my parents and losing them. This haunted me from about 4 or 5 years old. Sadly it's taken me many years to come to terms with needing to address it. I've often thought living like this can't be far off as traumatic as actually being ill 😂
Your completely right about the media, all takes is an advert on TV or a half heard comment and that festers in my mind for a later date I'm certain. At the moment I cannot see a way out as I'm stuck at rock bottom, but I'm praying as days go on, the medication will help a bit and starting counselling will improve things.
Hi Krpuk. May I chip in? I am brand new here. I suppose I ought to post an intro somewhere first but I am not in the mood. Maybe later. So firstly I want to thank you as I started looking at this site about a week ago and, although I have found the articles on HA extremely helpful, these HA forum threads seemed to be full of people stressing about their symptoms. That isn't a criticism - my heart goes out to them and I could easily be sitting here doing the same, but like you, I want to get rid of this wretched condition and fretting about my current health panic isn't going to help - not in the long term anyway. But I can so relate to everything that has been discussed on this thread and I wanted to thank you for starting it.
I have a tendency to be wordy and I could say so much about HA but I don't want to be boring, so just a few things for now. I am 68 years old and have had HA for around 30 years. It waxes and wanes - part of the problem because for long periods I feel fine and then I just want to steer clear of everything to do with the topic as it makes me feel stupid. I realise that this attitude isn't the best for dealing with it. Being old has disadvantages in that if I do go to the Dr they invariably refer me for tests - I am at a 'high risk age' for nearly everything now (so it seems!). This freaks me out, so I avoid the Dr and then stress that I am not getting help for something serious! But the advantage of being older is that I do know myself reasonably well and can trace the causes of my HA (won't go into that now). I also know that my anxiety is usually worse in the morning so if I can stick it out until lunch time I'll usually (not always) feel a bit better.
I try not to Google my symptoms and am sometimes successful but this time I have failed dismally. So I must pick myself up and try again. When the urge to Google becomes overwhelming I try to limit myself to the NHS website as it is rather more factual and less panic invoking than many others. But it can still spook me sometimes.
I see that there are usually around 400-odd people reading the HA forums at any one time, so we are far from alone.
I must learn to use Youtube with caution - being careful what I search for. Last night I put in my symptom and anxiety, hoping to get talked down by a nice psychologist and instead got a young woman telling me that my symptoms could be even more serious than my HA nightmares were telling me. Thanks!
I read Michael Evan's book (How to beat HA) a couple of years ago? Nothing by way of advice that you won't find on these threads but nicely put together in one place. It started me on my journey to recovery, although I still have such a long way to go. I have set myself the 'Walk 1000 miles in a year' challenge to try to help me healthwise and, as you so wisely observed, getting out in the fresh air seems to sometimes help. I also subscribe to Anxiety UK which does a lot of helpful stuff like relaxation sessions. But do I use them?? Despite paying £40 for the privilege of belonging I can't pluck up the courage to join in - daft or what?
Anyway - that's my roundabout way of saying 'Hi, I am on the same journey'. Let's stick it out; I believe that we can get there.
Hi topsy83, thank you for joining the thread and it's nice to virtually meet you. I, like you can trace my HA back over 30 years and like you, I've had it wax and wain over the years. This inevitably leads me to forget all about it when an episode finishes, but then I end up not actually dealing with the inital cause and then the next issue arises and I'm back to square one.
What I'm hoping to address through therapy is what's my true triggers and is it something deep rooted or trauma I'm not aware consciously of.
There's definitely something in being occupied and busy, fresh air etc I find does help but it's hard to get out the house when your feeling dreadful. I'm currently day 5 on my meds now which have made me feel rubbish for the last few days but the list of side effects doesn't surprise me. I've been told to stick it out which I'm doing but it's really upset my stomach, wiped out my appetite so I'm trying to power through as all these things are connected through anxiety also.
I think talking or writing also helps when we are able to focus on the solutions to HA as opposed to looking for reassurance. I've had a look at emdr today and spoken with a local therapist to see if that can help me in anyway, not sure if any others have experience of this?
There's definitely lots of like minded folks on here and I think we can support each other outside of medical reassurance and more positive messaging, mindset and working towards our ultimate goal of not allowing HA to ruin our lives
Hi Krpuk, how are you today? It would be useful to find out what your triggers are. I have never really thought about this before, but I can see the value. The only thing I am aware of with me is salience. When I start thinking about a symptom and think 'could this be X?', it then seems as if everyone is talking about X. So without me mentioning my fears, a neighbour may tell me about a cousin with it, then I might overhear someone on the bus talking about it, then it'll be mentioned on the radio and I'll notice a women's magazine in a stand with 'how I nearly died of X' screaming from the front page. So it suddenly seems as if everyone has X, and I freak out. What is really happening of course is that I have just starting noticing mentions of X because I am worrying about it - they have always been there.
You are right about meds affecting the stomach, and also anxiety does the same. I had several bouts of oesophagitis last year (diagnosed by endoscopy) after a prolonged period of anxiety about various things. I joined a facebook forum for people with similar gut issues and found that the majority also had anxiety. So not only do we worry about our health but that worrying can make us ill. In fact, as you may know, the brain/ gut relationship is becoming well documented. There is also some interesting (and seemingly sound) research out there about the gut microbiome; how eating and drinking things that support your microbiome, like live yogurt and Kefir can not only help the gut but also anxiety. My stomach can't currently cope with some of the suggestions, like kombucha, but I do like kefir, live yogurt and manuka honey and have some each day. It's no magic bullet; both my gut issues and my anxiety are still there but I would tentatively say that it's helped a bit; both are less severe.
Onwards and upwards eh? I do hope that your med side-effects settle soon.
Hi topsy8383, I hope you're doing well.. thanks for asking, today I woke up feeling sick and stomach gurgling like mad... I was prewarned by the gp and a little research on the side effects of citalopram and I've got a lot of the side effects going on. Thing is its making want to stay in as I feel rough but I know fresh air is vital. I've had diagnosed IBS since being a teenager so I already have anxiety around that and it doesn't take much to upset my stomach so going out is a worry as I don't want to be caught short 😂
Most of the info I've read on citalopram seems to say it can be a rough 2 to 4 weeks but the benefits after are worth the struggle, I'm really hopeful that's the case.
Re the triggers, I definitely get affected by subliminal messages, ie an advert, story I hear etc etc. It sort of roots in my mind, I don't really think about it then all of a sudden perhaps days later I then attribute a symptom and recall my miserable memory. Then comes the full blown meltdown along with me imagining the worst case scenarios constantly and it's downhill from there on. However on a positive note I ahve managed to get some work done today which I haven't felt like doing for over a week... That's never happened to me before. I think in years gone by when I've struggled I've worked in an office and have not been left to my own devices, this has kept me busier and occupied, today's world I work from home 99% and have to much opportunity to stew on things. Have you tried any meds, counselling or CBT? I'd be interested in hearing yours or anyone's views and also if anyone has had emdr?
Hi Krpuk. I am so sorry that the meds are making you feel rough. But you are wise to persevere. I can sympathise about the ibs thing. Anxiety plays havoc with my guts and if I ever get a scare my first reaction is a dash to the loo. Well done for managing some work - that's a win! I have heard of emdr and know roughly what it is but have never tried it. If you do manage to get it, do let us know how it goes. I have had two bouts of counselling; one years ago that didn't help much - it was pretty psychoanalytic, which doesn't suit me I think. Also I really hadn't worked out what was going on with me at that time, I didn't even really recognise the dreadful feeling as anxiety. Then a couple of years ago I had another bout which was much more helpful except that, like you, by the time we'd got it set up I was feeling better. But we did explore why I get like this, some emergency coping strategies for panic attacks and touched on CBT and how it works; which is the route I'll go down if I feel the need.
I have finally succumbed and contacted my GP about the current issue (it's a slightly dodgy looking and new mole by the way). I wasn't managing to keep off Google completely, although I have managed to keep myself sane enough to avoid a meltdown and to persuade myself that it might not be serious. Also, the nhs advice is to get such things checked. As I mentioned before, I can err on the side of avoiding the GP when I should go as well. I was constantly - several times an hour - checking it though, another of my HA behaviours that I need to work on.
I have never had serious medication for anxiety although I have amitriptyline to help me sleep for when I have insomnia from the anxiety. The rationale is that tiredness then makes me worse and it's to break the vicious circle. Don't use it much but it's reassuring to have it. I am also on propanolol, a very low dose which I can increase a bit on bad days. It helps control the palpitations, another feature when I panic.
Not sure whether I have failed or won by contacting the Dr (I have done an online contact form thing). But my task now I think is to a) stop checking the mole and b) stop myself going down the 'what if..' route whilst I wait for an appointment.
Hi topsy83,
I can completely understand the checking especially moles ect. It's so hard for people like us because the normal person can simply put it to the back of their minds and do the watchful waiting scenario over a number of weeks. However as we know those weeks become internal torture for us. I dream of the day I am able to notice something and say, I'll keep an eye on it but carry on living normally in the meantine... Whether that's ever going to be achieved though is another matter all together.
I've got CBT starting next week so I'm hopeful that helps, I'm certainly going to give it my best. If that fails then I'll potentially look at private counselling with emdr if appropriate. I just can't go on like this anymore. I'm even worried about holidays months in advance thinking I don't want to go being miserable....
I'm only 8 days in on my meds which is a low start dose but all research says at least 2 to 4 weeks to notice any benefits.. Even this is difficult waiting because I'm waking early and being hit with anxiety the second I wake up... I'm Finding mornings are worse at the moment for me once I'm up I'm a little bit better.
My support for you would be to say definitely try to not check as much as you can, your mind will make you think it's something it isn't or that it looks different. The what if route is something that drives me mad also... I guess we should simply be saying... There's no question to answer here!
I know CBT covers catastrophizing which is what we are doing here so this will be an area I'm eager to learn more about.
alpacagirl
08-05-23, 08:43
Oh yes, I'm the same about Near Death Experience info. I've listened to a couple of audiobooks our library had this year. "The Afterlife Frequency" and "After". I found them so interesting and reassuring that no matter what happens it's ok. It's definitely helped with my health anxiety fears.
Sorry that was meant to be a reply to Cuspers comment. I'm new to figuring this out :blush:
alpacagirl
08-05-23, 09:00
Hi Krpuk, I've had health anxiety since I was a teenager ( I'm 50 this year and still alive haha). It definitely comes in waves but yes I always seem to be on the "lookout" when everything has been running too smoothly for a while. Crazy. I'm getting better about not freaking out and usually set a time limit and if it's still there in x amount of days weeks ( depending on the issue) then I'll go and see my GP. I'm one of those people who doesn't like going to the GP unless I reallllly have to because it often makes me more anxious having tests etc..So it has to be something that's persistent or getting worse etc for me to go and see her. I'm lucky I found a really nice GP who understands me. She has a little bit of health anxiety herself so she "gets" it. She says a lot of people with medical background are prone to it ( I'm a veterinarian) because you have all this disease knowledge stored away in your brain even without google. I've been seeing her for a couple of years now. I told her to only send me for tests if she thinks it's necessary ( not just to reassure me) and she's been great with that. I also have my " just because I think it, doesn't make it true" mantra that I tell myself when I start to jump to worst case scenarios and then try to distract myself with something that occupies my mind fully. A good novel or I like to learn languages on DuoLingo etc.. I meditate every day with the Insight Timer app ( I like a lot of the affirmation type meditations to put some positive words into my head). All those little things add up and help. I guess it's a matter of finding what works best for you. All the best :)
Hi alpacagirl, thank you for the message. It's crazy how many similar traits we all seem to have. The "things have been good so it's time to go wrong" definitely happens to me. I'll just have a moment where my mind decides to remind me of that and then wham a few days later something pops along.
I'm due to start CBT tomorrow so I'm hopeful that will help. Thanks for the app recommendation, I've never tried meditation so I'm more than willing to give that a good go.
I know I need to work on watchful waiting with symptoms going forward. It's not that I go running to a gp straight away, I avoid at all costs but it's more of the meltdown I have after one initial symptom and jumping the gun. I need to try and let things settle or burn out and not rely on a gp visit to be the only thing that can set me free from a current issue.
Fingers crossed CBT and some deternation will help to get there
How are you feeling today?
Hi blueiris, Im cautiously feeling a little better. I feel like the side effects from the meds are slowly subsiding. Starting to get something like my normal appetite back which helps.
I managed two full days out over the weekend which every morning I wanted to cancel but found once I was out I had a great day. It's just so difficult breaking the worry barrier and actually getting out the house.
I know I'm still miles away from where I can be, but there's only one way to improve and it's small steps. I've had urges to Google the last few days but managed to stay away. I find the mornings seem to be the worst from waking for a few hours in but trying to get motivated work wise.
CBT tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that.
Sounds as though you're exactly where you need to be, which is brilliant.
Best of luck with the CBT, hopefully it helps you. It is funny to read a lot of these posts - I think back to the first post I made here some months ago and the similarities to what a lot of others say are amazing. I had a couple of good nights sleep for the first time in a long time and it really helped. Tiredness is definitely a trigger for me but with 2 young ones it's hard to keep on top of it. Similar to you I'm often anxious leading up to an event but once I go I have a great time, you just need time to rewire your brain and get back to looking forward to things again.
Not googling is a huge achievement so you should be very happy about that. It shows you're determined to get it right this time so keep it up!
I'm really really determined, also trying to implement people's suggestions when I have a setback.
Actually had one today (setback) and wrote down logical cause and effect, then kept going back to reread my own statement each time I started panicking.
I won't say it stopped me worrying but it certainly limited how bad I felt. I know it's a long road ahead and I will have further blips and HA meltdowns but I'm really encouraged by others successes and I honestly believe we can all beat this with support and determination.
I like you have a couple of young ones and I need to do it for them as much as for me
So much useful stuff on this thread - realising that my odd reactions to things are pretty normal for people with HA. Doesn't make them good of course but stops me beating myself up so much. I am sure that I go through phases of vulnerability to anxiety - not sure what exactly sets it off, but I have been there recently. So everything that happens seems like 'another thing' to get anxious about. Hoping to break the cycle with a two week holiday from Monday although at the moment getting ready for it is 'another thing'. Also my hairdresser says I have Alopecia and that it's probably caused by my anxiety (thanks!!), although she was actually nice about it as she gets anxiety too. So started to worry about that then remembered a friend who had Alopecia (and much worse than mine) who used to say "I have an income and a pulse, and those are the main things". Something for me to hang on to! I, too, have both!
Anyone know about links between vitamin deficiencies and anxiety? I am still on gastritis meds and I know that they can affect vitamin absorption. It might help explain the anxiety flare up (and possibly the alopecia too). Think I'll take a good multivitamin for a while, it can't do much harm and could help.
Krpuk, how are you getting one? You've probably only had one bout of CBT so far, but does it give you some hope? Are the side-effect of the meds continuing to abate?
Hi Topsy83,
I hope you have a fantastic 2 weeks holiday!!
Yes I've had one CBT session so far, seemed good but really we just covered fact finding about me so plenty of work going forward I think. The meds side effects have settled off now which is a massive relief. Starting to get my appetite back which can only help.
Everything is connected, start off with a massive HA spiral, that makes you feel physically and mentally terrible. Then you lose your appetite, you then feel weaker and have a lack of natural vitamins etc.
So really your body is in shutdown mode then. With the meds that affected my appetite even more so now it's coming back I'm hopeful again.
I honestly think if we can get our bodies fuelled up properly by just eating normally again, that gives us energy to get out the house and back to our normal routines, which then in turn brings our mental state back to something we can cope with so we are able to focus on recovery. (All my opinion BTW 😂)
The small moments I have now where I feel normal for an hour or forget my worries, gives me the goal to aim for. It doesn't last long but it happens so I know that there is a way back.
One question I've got is do people think if we try too hard to recover, ie read books listen to podcasts etc in all spare moments, is that detrimental in anyway because we are putting our minds back on to the "topic" again to much?
Hi literally could’ve written your post I’m seeing the gp this morning and very likely she is going to request more tests which is the right thing to do but I cannot bear the thought of waiting for these tests and the subsequent results i know I will be in this spiral until I get the right outcome which as I’m getting older might not happen I don’t know how people carry on living like this it’s relentless will there ever come s time where you think ah sod it what will be will be for me I don’t think so I hope you find peace
Hi smogie, it's crazy how we are all so similar in our traits yet we likely will never meet one another. I suppose it gives me reassurance that I'm not the only one!
I dream of being able to go down the route of just thinking.. Oh well, let's just live life and crack on, if something happens I'll deal with it.
I'm actively jealous of normal people going about there business as i just cannot do that at present.
I think the most frustrating thing for me is that my Brain likes to distort logic and fact. I'll often try my best to confirm that I should not be worrying but the what ifs just come back relentlessly. Really annoying.
Gps and tests bring out the same problems for me, always reading into things and I end up scrutinising them even though I know 99% they just follow a process.
Me too I feel so jealous of other people just getting on with their lives in a normal way I don’t want to navigate the globe just live a life that doesn’t involve this constant spiral of worry and anxiety and without the constant overthinking that leaves me exhausted it’s like fighting a fire eating dragon every single day! I know that sounds really dramatic but that’s how it feels
100% agree, I'm finding I climb up a mountain of progress really slowly, get a bit better each day then a little voice in my head says... Its about time you worried again and it inevitably sends me crashing back down to start once again 😂 bonkers really.
Rather than be 100% negative I'd say my meds ( 3 weeks in) have stopped the crash being so hard and my CBT 2 sessions, have given me focus to go forward. My ultimate dream though is to become rational rather than dramatic, terrified and irrational. Still determined to get there.
I do like remind myself that sometimes my mind and my thoughts are absolutely bonkers to the normal sane person.. It at least makes me laugh at myself for a minute or 2 😂😂
Hi Krpuk
sorry to hear about your debilitating health worries. As humans we are breaking down so to speak as we age and some people notice this process or are aware of the process more than others i think. Part of getting older is become more susceptible to infections and aging issues. How I deal with this is by acknowledging this process happens to everyone - and that I try and keep as healthy as I can with Vit D and other things to bolster the immune system .
Oh I can definitely relate to the jealousy of other healthy people! I remember reading somewhere before about HA that it is an extremely common reaction - it was actually listed as a symptom of HA! Which leads me on to another point. We often have a hard time convincing ourselves that our issues are "just" anxiety, but when you read the symptoms and thought processes of anxiety (just like people have been in this thread) they literally, for me at least, matched up perfectly - but I was still going hmmm... I don't know. Whereas if it's some terminal illness I can convince myself I have it off the back of some vague symptom like fatigue or an upset stomach. Worth thinking about in terms of the hoops we jump through to keep the dragon fed!
For me I know my mind loves saying to me over and over again... What if?!! What if your wrong this time? What if its is something? What if, what if.... Drives me mad.
I know also that if I've seen something I perceived to be a symptom of some deadly disease my mind also confuses the image after a while with stuff I've seen online or photos and then convinces me I saw something probably totally different to start with. It's litterally like being possessed. But like you said mocadonna, we under no circumstances can accept it's HA.
I guess one day for us all it won't be but as my wife tries to tell me, most things are obvious and searching testing and screening ourselves is not the right thing to do because 99.9% we have nothing to look for because it's not what we think.. Its HA
This to me has to be because of how we are now conditioned as humans with the media and messaging of, catch things early, silent killer, increased cases in younger ages, news articles about tragic younger people catching disease.
I might suggest moving to a desert island with no Internet or TV 😂
Hi, and Good Morning,
I'm very new to this site, and looked up HA, as I need to start somewhere, my aim was to write a post, but when I read yours is was like someone had written this for me, what you have wrtitten is almost word for word what I am going through, mine started at a similar age 14, and I've worried alomost on and off for the last 30 years, but nothing to this level, it is now all consuming where I feel I cannot move foward , like you the only person who really knows what I am going through is my wife and GP, although I'm sure others can see it in my face and the way I am behaving, finding it hard to enjoy the things I did from, fear of HA , I started CBT but it was onine and I found the pace slow so have not continued I would like go to a group CBT as I feel it would have more benefits. as you mention about your job mine is now at the stage where I am doing the bare minuimim, I'm grateful that I have an understanding boss and I have been there along time, but you know it cannot continute forever, I have seen the GP and he has offered Anti Depressants which I do not really want to take, believe it or not it makes me more anxious (if possible) the thought of taking them.
I know you posted this a good few mnonths ago, but I was keen to see how you were getting on and if you found something that worked for you?
it would be great to hear from you.
Best Wishes
Lee
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