Friendships and anxiety

[Munki]

At 47, I've reached that time when I feel that I need to find a new tribe.

I've always had good friends and I still do, but, as it goes, we only tend to meet for daytime coffees and the odd special occasion nowadays.

I've always had major issues surrounding friendships and therapy has kind of taught me that they stem back to being the 'extra' friend to a toxic duo. I never felt like I fit in at school, and always had a kind of lonely feel. It's stayed with me, despite having wonderful friends at sixth form and drama school.

Bank holidays this month are HARD! I see friends all going out an getting drunk and thats the problem, my hubby and I aren't into that anymore (we are hard party people back in the day and now like the cleaner life!) We do lovely stuff with the dogs an often go away in our camper van, by no means are we unpopular.

So why can't I shake that eternal feeling of being the only kid not invited to the party? I don't even want to go to the party! I just feel constantly lonely.

Nothing to do with friends, perhaps...

[peg54321]

I basically don't have any friends that I keep up with regularly. I gave up on the idea of wanting to have special regular friends as I tried my entire life to develop these types of close friendships and they never manifested. So, I gave up trying and now I feel better. I consider "knowing some acquaintances" instead. This FOMO thing you have (fear of missing out) is something you might want to reflect on. There's really nothing you're missing out on as you know.... drunk friends really aren't your friends.. and maybe that's why you aren't being invited anymore... drunks don't really like being reminded they have drinking problems by sober people - and that's possibly why you aren't invited because you no longer fit in.

[Munki]

Thanks for the reply, Peg!

I can really relate to this. On the plus side, I seem to attract people very easily as I have a strong energy. On the downside, it's very draining and people want a lot from me.

It isn't that I've stopped being invited. My friends don't really go out much these days. It's just that when they do, it's always drink related. I have no issue with people drinking, it just gets very boring doing the same thing I've been doing for many years!

[Kate21]

I totally get you with the cleaner lifestyle, I am in the same boat having stopped drinking 3 years ago after being a party girl for years. Luckily my partner doesn't drink either. It is quite eye opening isn't it how much social situations revolve around alcohol and can be quite frustrating when you don't want to drink and just being around drunk people is no fun anymore!
Your outdoors lifestyle will hopefully introduce you to some more clean living people that you can have something in common with. Can you join a walking group or something? A group can be daunting at first but there are new friends out there to meet. I joined a gardening volunteer group last summer and met some nice people through it.

[Munki]

Good on you, Kate! I haven't stopped drinking per se, but I literally have the odd beer here and there, mainly when we're off in the camper van :)

I might look at a walking group. Not something I've really thought about. Thank you :)