Hi

[Shakers]

Hello everyone,

I am a thirty something year old blokey who I'm afraid just hasn't been able to shake his fear of driving off for 16 years. For the last month I have been regularly driving to work (and sometimes home again) and on some short journeys around the local town, but more than often feel very anxious before each outing. I have tried hypnosis, cognitive books, CDs and all sorts. I must admit things have improved dramatically as it wasn't tooooo long ago when I wouldn't even drive down the road, so I guess my question will be answered by this thought. Nevertheless, it is frustrating; feeling anxious even though a journey has now been done a number of times. I know I can drive, and I have no real doubts about my ability to control the car. I just think it's other traffic that frightens me. I am continuing with my exercises etc., but would very much like to know if this fear will eventually pass.

Anyone else out there feel that they 'should' be free of the fear, but just can't shake off the very recognised irrational anxiety???

All the best to everyone

Shakers

Shakes

[~S~]

Hi Shakers

Welcome to the site, there is some fab info on here,

I also get anxiety when I have to leave the house, so i know exactly what you mean. I hate that feeling of dread even when you know you will be fine, I had it this morning as I was going to work and I have done the journey so many times without anything drastic happening, but I still worried and I dont know/ understand why! I am fine now I am here though, its just the getting out the house that worries me!

I used to be really bad back in the summer, I could hardly face going out the door to go anywhere even local - it was a big struggle, but as I have started facing the fear rather than hiding away from it it seems to have got much easier (although there are still some bad days - like today).

Have you spoken to your doctor? I am seeing a counsellor and she is great, she really understands and sets me challenges each time I see her.

The chat room is great if you want to chat to other people who feel the same. Everyone is really supportive and friendly. There are usually people in there afer 8:30ish.

Take care, hope to chat soon

~sarah~ xxx

[seh1980]

hi Shakers,

I didn't drive for 2 years due to anxiety and panic attacks and I started again about 6 months ago. I am still pretty scared of the motorway but do manage it every once in a while. All you can do is practice and the anxiety will soon start to go away.

Sarah :D

[Shakers]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your message, and hope your day is getting better and better!? I'm fine too when I get here, or anywhere really, but it's the driving there that does my head in. Like you, I have good and bad days. Really though, if I compare my feelings when driving now to those of even two months ago (even less perhaps) they are fantastic days! The fact that I can drive through rush hour traffic on a busy dual carriageway and through a busy town is HUGE!!! Trouble is, it's all very well knowing you can do it, I just wish I could tell the anxiety to naff off!! All in good time, perhaps!?

Did try the doc, but she immediately opted for pills. I don't think pills will really help here as it's a very specific phobia. Will keep driving though, and hopefully the fear will start to disappear. Like you said, facing the fear, even though it is frightening, seems to be the most effective treatment.

Best of luck to you and I hope those challenges soon become fun as well as effective...

All the best

Shakers

Shakes

[Shakers]

Thanks for that Sarah,

I figured the best way to fight the fear was practice, but it's great to hear that it won't be for nothing.

Good luck with the motorway - I'm not even close to that yet but will hopefully let you know when I do manage it.

Good luck and best wishes

Shakers

Shakes

[~S~]

Hi Shakers,

It took me three visits to the doctors before she finally refered me to the counsellor, the first option was pills, but I was scared about getting addicted to them and the side effects so i never started taking them.

So I just kept trying really hard to face the stuff that makes me scared slowly and it seems to be working so far..

You sound like you have come a long way in 2 months which is great news, well done!

I used to be scared of rush hour traffic too but I am not so bad with it now, I find it helps if I have my music on load so I have something to distract me too. [8D] Havn't faced a motorway for a while as I try to avoid these as much as possible. (avoidance is bad ... I know....)

You sound really positive which is great, I think a positive attitude helps a lot!

~Sarah~ x

[JPF]

Hi Shakers

Welcome aboard - I'm a 33 yeard old blokey who's quite new to this anxiety/panic lark too! :D Like you I hate driving, it terrfies the life out of me - particularly when it's in a place I'm not familiar with...

You'll find a lot of people here who understand, sympathise and suffer with very similar feelings/experiences to your own.. There's so much support and information here it's amazing.. the good news is the fear will almost certainly pass with time, the bad news is you've got to wait a bit and put the time/effort into making yourself get well. There's no magic bullet for it but it does fade away over time and respond very well to treatment and positive thinking.

You have a good attitude and that will also help you immensely.. :)

Good luck & good health and keep talking to us!

All the best

J

[FAN]

hi welcome to the site im sure you will find it helpful

fan x

[Shakers]

You are all right about the need to face the fear, and there being no magic bullet! I believed in that one for too long, hoping it would come along. Still, this last month or so has helped alot, and your comments are all greatly appreciated.

It also seems that everyone is really encouraging each other here which is great, especially as we all seem to be suffering from fear for one reason or another.

Thanks again and good luck to everyone!

Shakes

[Meg]

Shakers,

You say you don't know why you're afraid of the driving .. do you remember when and how this started and then escalated ?

The other thing you might like to do is to sit and write it all down. For your eyes only, write/ scribble all about your experiences and feelings about driving these last years. It might just become apparant then. Your mind has something its storing up and referring to and if you can figure it out it will help .
Ask it questions, ponder / think/ visualize different scenarios that you might come across and see how you react to each one , which are ok and which make you squirm.

Oh, it's ok to get emotional when you do this too...



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Karen]

Hi Shakers

Welcome to the site. You'll find some good help and support here.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[davidr]

Just wanted to say hello to you and let you know I have had wonderful support in just a couple of days from this site. I am so glad I found it. I am sure you will find equal encouragement and good advice. The best thing is to realise there is a problem and that we are not alone. Mine is a health based fear so although different on the surface we are still both facing something most people take for granted. I am not yet at the stage where I believe it is anxiety but at least I am entertaining the possibility and like you facing up to doing something positive to improve our lives. Good luck in your search for a happy and positive outcome.

[clickaway]

Hi Shakers,

Glad you have found us!

I think fear of driving is very common. Could be related to being away from your safety zone, or an experience you once had out in the car, but this thing is so strange!

Its tough facing the fear, and I'm having difficulty with that, but there's so much encouragement around here, I think I'll get there too.

Take Care,



Ray

[nomorepanic]

Hi Shakers

Welcome aboard - I am just catching up on posts but wanted to welcome you.

Nicola

[nomorepanic]

Shakes

I too have issues with driving - you may come across some of my posts or read My Story on the website (www.nomorepanic.co.uk/mystory.htm).

I keep practicing but I have specific issues with traffic jams and no hard shoulders. I also don't particularly like bridges and tunnels but I am working on those.

Perhaps we can swap notes lol!

Nicola

[Juneie]

Im new here too, just wanted to say I relate to the driving thing. For me though, I think its more being away from my safety zone than an actual fear of driving. I drive to work everyday with no problems, yet to drive 2 mins futher to the supermarket fills me with dread. I know practice is the answer, but trying to force yourself to do it is another thing altogether. I spend long periods of time alone and this makes the anxiety about going out worse...cant change that though.

[Meg]

June -

Not sure whether you are relating 'can't change that' to spending long time alone or to 'makes the anxiety about going out worse but I would challenge either of those -both are possible if you want to enough.





Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Shakers]

I agree with Meg there. Whenever I've said 'can't do that' to myself (other than for physical or financial reasons), I've re-evaluated the comment and it's always been easy to turn it into 'it will be hard to do that', and even sometimes 'actually, I'm not even that interested in doing that!'. This last statement can be dangerous though as it could be a defensive move by your mind in order to avoid unpleasant situations.

Thanks again for all your comments. In answer to an earlier question from you Meg, I am currently studying a self-aid book that includes (amongst many exercises) an exercise based upon writing down script based on 'peril predictions'. You begin with something you are afraid of (in my case, driving the car) and you write a scenario (let's say, "I'm driving down the dual carriageway and I can't get into the right lane as there's too much traffic.") Then you write about why that would be so bad. When you answer this, you write about why THAT would make you feel bad and so on. Using this method I have uncovered some fears that I perhaps would not have thought so apparent. Bringing these fears to light allowed my 'Rational me' to evaluate just how dangerous they really are - quite often; not very! This is one of the reasons, I think, that I've been able to drive as I have for the past month or so.

I can therefore honestly say that writing down your 'train of thought', however ridiculous sounding, has proven extremely useful! In fact, the more ridiculous the better, as fear (or my own fear at least) is quite often TOTALLY irrational. Many of us know this. Isn't it strange how we can see the reality for others, but not for ourselves!?

Shakes

[Juneie]

Hi, I think perhaps my origional post was lacking in proper explanation. The comment at the end of my mail 'cant change that' was referring to spending long periods of time alone. I work in a school which means long holidays. During these holidays and at weekends I am alone, not because I want to be, but because I have no friends, no partner or anyone else that wants to spend time with me. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia, not impossible to live with, as I have done so for nearly 20yrs. But very hard to get out, not impossible though. At times my anxiety and panic are less and during some of these periods, I have made a serious effort to get out. I have been unable to travel far from home, so mostly my trips out are to the local pub, where I have sat for hours not talking to anyone, or perhaps just the odd word or two to the barmaid or another patron in passing. Sometimes ive gone to the local swimming pool and again, although you share passing comments, no real strong realtionships/friendships are formed this way. My Dr once told me that for most of us, we make our long standing friendships when we are in our early to late 20's, when we are meeting perhaps people when out with our partners, or make friends through our children. When you are a 43yr old single woman, who is scared to go outside somedays, the choices are somewhat limited. For me, and its a personal thing, being alone for long periods of time feeds my anxiety, which leads to the panic attacks which in turn makes the agoraphobia worse. I have every faith that despite feeling isolated and alone that things can only get better. I wake up feeling positive every day and continue to fight my fears and phobias, including being absolutely scared to death of travelling outside what I perceive as my safety zone.

Sorry to go on...just thought i needed to clarify things.

June

[Shakers]

Whoa, I blummin well hope your doctor's not right!!! From the sounds of THAT comment 'life ends at 30!' Most of the friends I made in my twenties are scattered around the globe, and whilst we keep in touch (say, once in every 6 months) I often don't know when (or often even if) I will see them again. Most of the friends I have now, that I actually see regularly, have been met through work, and even some of them are starting to drift away (hmmmmn..., no, silly thought..!)

Having said that, I can only agree full-heartedly that meeting people (who become 'life-long' friends) is harder now than it was, and yes, I think it has alot to do with social circles.

From the sounds of it, and yes I have only a very vague idea of your situation, but perhaps one or more of these 'passing comments' will lead to a bigger conversation eventually, and then...(?)

I really hope it works out for you though...

Shakes

[nomorepanic]

June

Hiya and welcome.

I don't have many "good" friends - only one who I was at school with. Most of my other 'friends' are from work or people I meet around the town I live in. I too go swimming and I have made some good people there who I could call sort of friends.

I also class a lot of people on this forum as good mates too. I have come to know some of them very well and over the years you build friendships with people that you sometimes never even meet.

I used to have a safety zone of my house and then work and then back home. I too found it hard to go further afield but I realised that I had to do something or my life would never go anywhere. It is hard but in time it gets easier and then you can venture even further afield.

Hope we can be of some help to you too June.

Nicola