Certain it's a brain tumor

[TheArcher90]

So I've experienced DPDR with intrusive thoughts for the past month, very scary and all consuming. The thoughts will make.me worry I'll forget my son or that I don't love him, forgt who I am, who I'm with even though I don't or haven't. It's the fear of the fear. Some days they are on my mind all day and I can't concentrate well. I also keep testing that I remember doing something.

I've also experienced memory things
* forgot I'd ordered shopping for a millisecond
* making breakfast forgot I'd poured water in coffee
* didn't remember plugging straightners in
*scariest one for me is missing sugar out my own coffee two days on trot now. I think its because I'm putting two different coffees in so my brain may think I've put it in already?

I'm convinced this is a temporal lobe tumor. I had an eye test last month.

[nomorepanic]

It doesn't sound anything like a brain tumor to me.

It sounds like anxiety.

[TheArcher90]

Thank you for your reply, I've tried to be more logical today and understand I've been under a lot of stress due to anxiety increase so my brain is probably tired.

I feel however I am reminding myself to remember rather than natural. Making hot drinks today I've said to myself not to forget the sugar.

Also, I was about to take dinner in without a fork today, looked down and noticed. Yesterday we had nugs and chips so didn't use on for that as was a picky dinner for 2 people.

[Fishmanpa]

Are you still 'certain'?

FMP

[TheArcher90]

A little bit yes

I am an awkward flirt and have been trying to insinuate sexual conversations last few days with my partner (newish relationship). I was like oh I'll miss your peen and then today was like oh I only want to come yours for shxg (sort of just want physical affection) and now I feel these are personality changes aka another tumor symptom.

[TheArcher90]

Today I ordered a BLT and instinctively asked for it warmed up because the shop sold sandwiches that you warm up, I think I mixed up having a chicken BLT in a restaurant where its toasted.

Earlier I was thinking negative and Alexa when I said Alega.

My Alexa notifications was set for quarter to when I'm sure I said quarter past.

I've been having several panic attacks a day lately and so sure something is wrong with me.

[nomorepanic]

Why not treat the anxiety and then see how things go.

[TheArcher90]

Thank you.

I've been able to apply more logic today. Had a good talking to by family and friends and despite that, I've still felt jumpy at two things today.

I went to spell 'Hadn't' with an ent and
I think I briefly forgot what button to press on a games console, I remembered I do things on autopilot. However, this has caused me to worry about forgetting to use a phone or my work computer.

[TheArcher90]

On holiday at the moment and went to collect some things from my friends car. We have just arrived and I had paracetamol in my hand. I must've gone back to my bedroom to put them on the shelf and I briefly remember but also don't. I am so jumpy lately at everything, any time I remotely get a normal brain fart my mind screams alzhimers or brain tumor.

[alpacagirl]

Honestly I do so many stupid things when I'm anxious and even simple things like making porridge take extra mental effort. I jumble my words, try to put the wrong lids on jars, forgetful ( sometimes I'll be driving somewhere and I'll have a brainfreeze and wonder where I'm going for a few seconds). etc etc. It's just because our anxious brains are tired and focusing on anxious thoughts and sensations rather than the outside world. I get derealisation and it makes me feel so fuzzy/spacey in the head it's no wonder I can't think straight. From what I've read it's actually protective mechanism of the brain.

[TheArcher90]

Half asleep sleep talking? So I'm away at the moment, the floors have under heating and I woke up really hot last few nights. I have also been full of cold but felt better yesterday.

I woke up very warm, whole body and was definitely half asleep. I touched under my pillow and it was very hot so I said out loud to my friend 'do the beds warm themselves up' like under heating too. I then was falling back to sleep and then realised what I'd said and felt like a dope like what on earth was that? Am I losing the plot.

[TheArcher90]

Could anybody relate to the above post?

[katniss]

Honestly, as a fellow health anxiety sufferer myself I know how much we can convince ourselves that we are truly sick. You’re not sick and nor do you have a tumor.

Also, if you spoke while being conscious of it while asleep and remembered it when you woke up you’re fine! It’s not a seizure or anything.

There was a time where I had similar symptoms to you - ordered milk on the shopping app when I already had it at home twice, forgot to purchase eggs when it was the sole reason I went to the store, mispronounced stuff, misread stuff, had dejavu. It’s crazy how our minds can do this to us, but they can!

[TheArcher90]

Thank you Katniss. It's so weird how natural brain farts are and how jumpy those of us with Health Anxiety react. Today, I was out in a busy museum with my son and a man made eye contact walking past. I meant to say 'Come on' to my child but I ended up saying 'Hello' because the man was looking at me.

My little boy however asked if I remembered him falling over in a place on the street and I couldn't place that memory.

[TheArcher90]

Good morning, I haven't had HA so intense for a long time. I've had better days since last posted above but this morning I could not, and still could not remember if I went for a pee. I was doing several things at once, making child's breakfast, sorting their clothes for school, feeding cat. It feels menial thing I understand but my latest worry is memory. Then I had a brain fart and thought car was driving wrong side of road and it wasn't.

[ErinKC]

My memory becomes horrendous when my anxiety is high. That is all you’re experiencing. Once you get past the anxiety you will feel more normal. It’s an awful feeling, but anxiety makes us so distracted from everything else around us!

[TheArcher90]

Does anyone have any advice for when you're feeling better but the anxiety still pops up? This week for example, I've told a few friends I'm in a much better place so annoyingly the memory symptoms are trying to pop back.

Do you remember this? What time of day is it? You went round the shop quite quickly, what if you were dissociating? When did you give your child that milkshake, see you forgot something! I told you!

I know full well that memory loss wouldn't just go for a few weeks then come back.

I'm doing my best to ignore and let these intrusive thoughts do their thing but the anxiety still sits in my stomach.

[TheArcher90]

Well it started this week because for a brief second I didn't know what day it was and another time someone said their age and I mentally replied 'me too' but I'm a year older than they were.

[TheArcher90]

These are all common occurrences I know everyone has and I know any other time I wouldn't give a damn. Nobody tracks their every move. Nobody is like well at 10.03am this morning I went to thr bathroom but via the hall and then I made a coffee but went into the living room first.

[TheArcher90]

Hope everyone had a nice weekend

Seeking a reply if anyone can relate?

So, in memory concerns again. I found a book I ordered recently, I'd ordered back in December. I'd never read it at all, and found it was shoved on a book shelf and had fallen down the back. I feel frightened that I don't remember ordering it back then.

[BlueIris]

It was half a year ago, of course you forgot when you couldn't see it.

[TheArcher90]

Thank you BlueIris, at the time I ordered it the 2nd time, I was in a very highly anxious state. I think I remember feeling it was familiar but didn't even register I'd bought it before.

Also, I had bought a jumpsuit recently thinking I'd given it away to charity and wanted it again. Turned out it was in one of many clothes piles. This one I KNEW I'd had before but was sure I'd sold/gave away.

Would neither of the examples concern you?

[BlueIris]

Not in the least, no. I'm a slob and I lose and find stuff all the time.

I get mildly concerned if I find something I ordered and forgot about for a few weeks, but that's only me worrying about my spending habits.

[Sparkling_Fairy]

Lapses in memory are truly not a sign of a brain tumour, or I would have had one for at least 10 years. When my anxiety is high (or when I think it isn't high, but it's still always there) I can't organize my brain. It's really just thinking about too many things and being overwhelmed.
Happened to me just today. I went upstairs to grab my laptop for work. In the process, I went into my bedroom to open the window and 10 minutes later I was looking around downstairs for my laptop. I knew I had gone upstairs and gotten it. Turns out in the 10 seconds it took me to go open my window, I forgot and went straight back downstairs.
The amount of times I walk into the kitchen and forget why I'm there!
I've called my Alexa: Alexis, Alexy, or stared at it for 5 seconds trying to remember what to call it.
I recently moved house and was so sure I threw out a backpack when I brought a bunch of stuff to the recycling park. But I was worried I left something important in it. I ended up finding it hidden under a bunch of boxes in my storage room, absolutely certain I had thrown it out.
This is just every day stuff for me. It's an overwhelmed mind. It can't focus on one thought.

[TheArcher90]

Sparkling Fairy, thank you. I've linked mine to my cycle I think, and I'm suspecting ADHD for a year, definitely PMDD. usually the week leading to my period I'm more scatty than others. There are times I literally brush off or laugh at things I do but when I let anxiety take lead I panic more. The laptop thing definitely sounds like something I do. I asked my colleagues to send me a desk today on the booking system but I'd already booked one last week.

I've woken up from a nap abruptly and called Alexa 'Sarah' I don't know anyone called Sarah!

[Sparkling_Fairy]

Yeah my therapist things I might have ADD as well.
I also can’t help but laugh often.
I sometimes go brush my teeth, and realize half way through it that I already brushed them 🤷*♀️

[TheArcher90]

I had been having a great few weeks since current spiral but noticing thay brings it back again.

I've been making myself memory check. Do I remember walking to school this morning? Did I take stairs or lift?

For a mini second I thought son was in lounge because the music of his show was left on from this morning and a mini second earlier I was like oh yes Thursday is tomorrow isn't it, like the week has gone quickly.

I'm also noticing I'm having head zaps/brain flips and worrying if I'm having a stroke or a seizure.

Sorry for rambles, its nice to have a place to get this all out.

[TheArcher90]

I have tried to see where to delete my post so I could make one whole one rather than post sporadically and hope it'd read better.

So, my HA concern at the moment is brain tumor notably focusing around memory loss. I have enjoyed having chats with you in this thread and nice to know I'm not alone. I know the likelihood this is just anxiety is fairly obvious but the anxiety monster/OCD/Intrusive thinking has been checking my memory for my whole day routine. If I smell an incense and for a small second forgot I'd lit one that's it, proof I'm going insane.

Plus at the moment the last week I've had head zaps again, the type where you brain feels like it's shaking. Happens at night often but now in the day time, I think its linked to neck tension and sinus/ears but again, this is me thinking what if they are seizures and another sign of a tumor.

I feel silly writing this especially as I'd gotten a hold of things and I'm back giving the anxiety monster the spotlight it wants.

[TheArcher90]

Been doing better and ignoring the thoughts but just let myself give unto 'did you go down the stairs or lift earlier' and I can't remember. I can remember rest of the day and most time I use stairs if on my own but I honestly can't remember which I used! Was only an hour and half ago!

[daisynukes]

Everything you've described so far that you can't remember doing has been a routine thing you do so often that your brain basically autopilots it.

I can think of 10 different "things" I've done today that I do every day, which I'd struggle to remember even happened, let alone remember in any detail.

For instance, I drank half a can of pepsi at lunch that I got out the fridge after leaving it there last night. I would _not_ remember this having happened if I didn't still have the can on my desk, because it's meaningless junk information that my brain doesn't care about. Misnaming things/ forgetting words happens to people all the time. My own mother calls me by the dog's name sometimes, and she doesn't have a brain tumor.

Brain tumors don't present like this. I've known 2 people who have had them, and their presented with audio/ visual hallucinations for one person, and a full on seizure on the floor for the other. Maybe discuss with your GP if you think you are presenting symptoms of ADD.

[TheArcher90]

Thank you for your reply, I think its evident to me that my OCD had been back for a while and that's why I'm memory checking. Any slight memory lapse I'm feeling panicked.