Mole Biopsy. Struggling

[daisynukes]

Hey all. A few months back I noticed an inflamed mole on my torso, I'm used to dealing with mole based HA so did my usual "find an old photo, see that it's been there forever and hasn't changed" coping mechanism. Unfortunately it hadn't been there forever, and had in fact appeared only 3 years ago. In that time it seems to have grown from 1mmx1mm or so to about 4x1mm. Went to a private derm, he said it didn't look suspicious though was a bit inflamed and to keep an eye on it and come back in 2 months to compare dermatoscope photos.

Today was my follow up after 2 months. I was feeling super blase and even a little silly bothering spending the money on going as to my naked eye it looked the same. Still a little inflamed but no changes.

So doc examines it against the dermatoscope photo on file. He goes back and forth 3-4 times before telling me it actually has changed very subtly in one area under the scope and thus wants to biopsy it. Still doesn't think it looks like anything really concerning. Biopsy is in 2 weeks, results another few after that.

I'm honestly teetering on the edge of a anxiety spiral. As the mole is still small my rational brain is hoping that even if it is cancerous it hasn't really grown or spread much. On the other hand, this animal part of me is clawing at my insides demanding that it really is better if I sit here paralysed with fear for the next month, because at least then if it's something bad it won't be a surprise, that I won't feel _worse_ and that it's better to sit here in despair because at least that's a consistent emotional state. Climbing out of the pit and falling back in it is worse than just being in the pit all the time, y'know?

I'd go to the docs for assistance with the anxiety, but things are so terrible near me in terms of even getting a GP appointment that this strategy also feels hopeless. It's why I went private for the mole in the first place. Just venting I guess, if anyone is in the same place waiting for results, happy to do joint hand holding.

[BlueIris]

Is there any chance you could get a phone appointment with your GP? Last time my anxiety went nova over a health issue I managed to get my usual AD prescription increased.

Hope all goes well, take heart in the fact the dermatologist isn't worried.

Here to chat any time you need me, I'm no stranger to melanoma fears and have had a BCC cut out of my face.

[daisynukes]

Thanks for responding 🙂 All my GP surgery does is the horrendous "ring at 8am and join the queue of 100 other people trying to get an appointment" bullshit. Tried 3 days in a row to get an appointment for the mole and got nowhere. Last time I actually got a phone appointment there to discuss an debilitating sleep issue I was having the doctor did not want to know, eventually said he'd refer me for a sleep study and then just didn't do it.

I've not been to the docs about my anxiety for almost 20 years and have never been prescribed anything so am not sure if they'd even do that over the phone, or if taking meds for it is what I really want to do? I was given something for depression to help me through a bad relationship a few years back and it made me feel really awful. Do you mind sharing what you take and how it helps/ feels?

I was feeling so positive before my appointment this weekend and I feel like I've been punted to the bottom of a very dark hole again.

[BlueIris]

I take citalopram and have done for several years. It doesn’t remove the anxiety, it just takes the edge off enough to let me use all the coping strategies that therapy recommends.

[daisynukes]

Wanted to drop an update if anyone is ever worried about the same thing and comes across this thread. Mole was benign, a compound nevus.

As it appeared when I was an adult, was irregular in appearences, was constantly inflamed and was changing both to my naked eye and also under a dermatoscope, just goes to show that these things can tick all the panic boxes and still be benign!

[BlueIris]

So good to know, thanks for the update!