Wedding abroad- i can’t go

[busterrufus]

I have had anxiety, often very severe and for long periods of time, for many, many years now. About 18 months ago we ( me, my husband and grown up daughter) were invited to a wedding abroad. We accepted the invitation and I have been trying really hard to be well enough to go. It’s in a couple of months.
For the past year I have suffered stress from my dad’s illness and death last Sept. For months I have had daily headaches and the return of other horrible symptoms, nausea and panic attacks etc. I feel unable to go to the wedding and absolutely hate myself for it. I feel guilty about it as my husband and daughter are looking forward to it. I fear thatI feel I will be very unwell /die if I attempt to go.
I have not been able to plan for it or buy clothes, I am totally unprepared.
I am pretty sure if I didn’t have all the physical symptoms I would have been able to go. It’s like I’ve been putting off thinking about it but the fear and anticipatory anxiety is unbearable.
I am distraught that I will ruin things for my husband and daughter, but I am sure they won’t go without me, The nearer it gets, the more panic stricken I feel.
I don’t know if anyone can understand this, I’m just so sad about it all I am crying every day, but trying to cover it up. I’ve stopped going out. How can I get on a plane and go to a foreign country. I have morbid thoughts about it, like dying on the way in front of everyone. Don’t know what to do. Sorry for long post.

[peg54321]

Going overseas is a huge undertaking, even in the best health and state of mind. I understand your position entirely. It must be awful to have the burden of feeling you are letting people down - but I understand you just can't feel you can do it. I hope your family can come to a position of understanding.

[busterrufus]

Peg, thank you for your response. I am relieved that someone understands my situation.
Best wishes, Ruth

[.Poppy.]

That is hard, especially if it is a long way to travel. I would completely understand if you decided it wasn't something you could do, but could you talk to your husband and daughter and see if they would be willing to go without you? I'm sure they wouldn't want to leave you behind, especially when you are struggling, but if they were able to go it might make you feel less burdensome (not that you are a burden at all, but I've been there so I know how we tell ourselves we are).

I hope you are able to work something out.

[busterrufus]

Thanks Poppy. At the moment I keep changing my mind. Thinking I may be able to do it, then panicking at the thought.
Love your John Denver quote, it’s one of my favourite songs and I think the lyrics may be relevant for many of us.
Best wishes, Ruth

[.Poppy.]

Thanks! I love John Denver. His music just feels like home to me.

Good luck at whatever you decide. You may find that with the proper safeguards in place that you can do it! We're resilient creatures, and for those of us with a long history of anxiety I think that's especially true. I recently got back from a trip and I had panic attacks leading up to it as well. There were of course bumps along the way, but overall it went a lot more smoothly than I anticipated it would.