Neighbour Anxiety

[worriedmuch]

Hi

I've been getting increasingly frustrated by the noise from my neighbours (semi detached house). I never used to care but now it's all I can focus on - there's always some DIY noise going on after work and into the evening, and the weekends. If not DIY the it's them shouting back and forth or cackling with whoever they've got round.

The noise has started to affect my anxiety. As soon as I hear it I feel like it sets me in a mood.

I'm the least argumentative person and hate confrontation but I had enough tonight and knocked to see how long it would be going on for. I'm not loud and I don't swear, but the neighbours reaction really got to me.

As soon as she opened the door she was defensive. I really don't do confrontation and get tongue tied but the conversation went like this;

N: What?

Me: How long is this diy going to be going on for?

N: It's only just started.

Me; It's been going on all week and weekend.

N: And? When do you want me to do?

Me: It's every evening

N: Its not even that wall (dividing wall)

Me: You're not very considerate

N: Work needs doing. I like a 'nice' house

Me: You're not very considerate neighbours

N: Oh, I think we are

Me: You're just selfish

N: Yeah, yeah go back to your house

I literally went back and sobbed. She was so dismissive and almost laughing at me. I never used to be bothered by the noise but there's some banging or drilling every week. The husband can't go without it. The worst thing is I remember them calling around when I was a kid because my dad knocked a single nail in, that was coming up from the floorboard. They're the kind of neighbours who do what they want but if anyone else did they'd complain.

I know people need to do diy but there can't be a nail in that house they've not knocked. I was in an emotional mood anyway which prompted me to confront them (pms), but I can't get over the response.

I thought she'd at least apologise and just say it will only be a couple of days etc. The attitude just killed me and I can't stop crying and I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't afford to move out either - I work full time but it's not enough and I'm worried I'd have the same problem. In the UK all the houses are so tightly packed.

Sorry for long rant, but could really use some advice. I feel so embarrassed and now I'm worried they'll be even louder or mock me. She came to my door a few minutes later and asked if my mum was in (I'm 28 btw) and then said the weekend noise was the other side of them. (It's not, it sounds like its the adjoining wall). I just said she clearly didn't care anyway and shut the door but my anxiety is through the room. Pms is making it worse 😫

[Lencoboy]

Hi

I've been getting increasingly frustrated by the noise from my neighbours (semi detached house). I never used to care but now it's all I can focus on - there's always some DIY noise going on after work and into the evening, and the weekends. If not DIY the it's them shouting back and forth or cackling with whoever they've got round.

The noise has started to affect my anxiety. As soon as I hear it I feel like it sets me in a mood.

I'm the least argumentative person and hate confrontation but I had enough tonight and knocked to see how long it would be going on for. I'm not loud and I don't swear, but the neighbours reaction really got to me.

As soon as she opened the door she was defensive. I really don't do confrontation and get tongue tied but the conversation went like this;

N: What?

Me: How long is this diy going to be going on for?

N: It's only just started.

Me; It's been going on all week and weekend.

N: And? When do you want me to do?

Me: It's every evening

N: Its not even that wall (dividing wall)

Me: You're not very considerate

N: Work needs doing. I like a 'nice' house

Me: You're not very considerate neighbours

N: Oh, I think we are

Me: You're just selfish

N: Yeah, yeah go back to your house

I literally went back and sobbed. She was so dismissive and almost laughing at me. I never used to be bothered by the noise but there's some banging or drilling every week. The husband can't go without it. The worst thing is I remember them calling around when I was a kid because my dad knocked a single nail in, that was coming up from the floorboard. They're the kind of neighbours who do what they want but if anyone else did they'd complain.

I know people need to do diy but there can't be a nail in that house they've not knocked. I was in an emotional mood anyway which prompted me to confront them (pms), but I can't get over the response.

I thought she'd at least apologise and just say it will only be a couple of days etc. The attitude just killed me and I can't stop crying and I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't afford to move out either - I work full time but it's not enough and I'm worried I'd have the same problem. In the UK all the houses are so tightly packed.

Sorry for long rant, but could really use some advice. I feel so embarrassed and now I'm worried they'll be even louder or mock me. She came to my door a few minutes later and asked if my mum was in (I'm 28 btw) and then said the weekend noise was the other side of them. (It's not, it sounds like its the adjoining wall). I just said she clearly didn't care anyway and shut the door but my anxiety is through the room. Pms is making it worse 

I can totally relate to your concerns because I'm feeling the same right now about unnecessary noises of all kinds (not from neighbours ATM though).

BIB 1 & 2; I've been really bothered more recently in particular by people driving loud souped-up cars like lunatics and/or blasting out their car stereos with the windows wide open which in the past (especially pre-pandemic) usually just used to go over my head. Over recent months it has really started to wind me up, especially as my day centre is in close proximity to a one-way system which seems to be a hotspot for such drivers, especially those who seem to enjoy using it as a race track at the same time!
Another likewise issue for me is those who feel compelled to unnecessarily bellow out every word while having conversations. Gents toilets, especially in pubs and clubs are particularly notorious environments for such phenomena. Plus certain individuals on their phones pretty much anywhere who just can't keep their voices down.

BIB 3; I'm the same but I often imagine others who might be far less sane than myself lobbing bricks or stones at those blasted cars (which I never have any intention whatsoever of doing myself).

BIB 4; Hypocrisy/double standards and the 'blame' culture in general have always been among my biggest bugbears.

BIB 5; I'm not necessarily convinced this particular housing design issue is unique to the UK. Surely other countries have their respective housing design flaws too, but we just don't usually tend to hear about them. 'Grass is always greener', and all that.

My dad often says I should be more tolerant and give people a bit more slack in the current climate where many are under pressure and stress. Perhaps just once or twice within reason, but where does it end if such people just expect to be pandered to constantly in the name of pressures/stresses. I make it clear that I'm not trivialising genuine cases of present-day pressures/stresses per se, but there will always be those attention-seekers who revel in 'victim-playing' no matter what, even if they're not actually severely pressured/stressed.

[worriedmuch]

I can totally relate to your concerns because I'm feeling the same right now about unnecessary noises of all kinds (not from neighbours ATM though).

BIB 1 & 2; I've been really bothered more recently in particular by people driving loud souped-up cars like lunatics and/or blasting out their car stereos with the windows wide open which in the past (especially pre-pandemic) usually just used to go over my head. Over recent months it has really started to wind me up, especially as my day centre is in close proximity to a one-way system which seems to be a hotspot for such drivers, especially those who seem to enjoy using it as a race track at the same time!
Another likewise issue for me is those who feel compelled to unnecessarily bellow out every word while having conversations. Gents toilets, especially in pubs and clubs are particularly notorious environments for such phenomena. Plus certain individuals on their phones pretty much anywhere who just can't keep their voices down.

BIB 3; I'm the same but I often imagine others who might be far less sane than myself lobbing bricks or stones at those blasted cars (which I never have any intention whatsoever of doing myself).

BIB 4; Hypocrisy/double standards and the 'blame' culture in general have always been among my biggest bugbears.

BIB 5; I'm not necessarily convinced this particular housing design issue is unique to the UK. Surely other countries have their respective housing design flaws too, but we just don't usually tend to hear about them. 'Grass is always greener', and all that.

My dad often says I should be more tolerant and give people a bit more slack in the current climate where many are under pressure and stress. Perhaps just once or twice within reason, but where does it end if such people just expect to be pandered to constantly in the name of pressures/stresses. I make it clear that I'm not trivialising genuine cases of present-day pressures/stresses per se, but there will always be those attention-seekers who revel in 'victim-playing' no matter what, even if they're not actually severely pressured/stressed.

Thanks for replying, I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's just that everything is annoying me more and more. I feel like I'm crying everyday and I never used to bevlike this.

The neighbours attitude offended me the most. If she'd just said 'oh, I know it's a bit loud but we're finishing this week' or something it would have probably placated me.

Now my mind is going into overdrive imagining horrible things they could do or act now. I just feel totally defeated. It's probably not just the UK, but I feel like no one here cares about anyone but themselves anymore. I'd be mortified to make as much noise as regularly as they do.

[Lencoboy]

Thanks for replying, I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's just that everything is annoying me more and more. I feel like I'm crying everyday and I never used to bevlike this.

The neighbours attitude offended me the most. If she'd just said 'oh, I know it's a bit loud but we're finishing this week' or something it would have probably placated me.

Now my mind is going into overdrive imagining horrible things they could do or act now. I just feel totally defeated. It's probably not just the UK, but I feel like no one here cares about anyone but themselves anymore. I'd be mortified to make as much noise as regularly as they do.

It's actually been like this for quite a while now, though it does seem that over recent years in particular far too many people have been using excuses like 'We're all under more pressure and stress now than ever before', 'There's far more important things to be concerned about', etc.

In fact, my dad repeated those two above statements when I told him a few weeks back that I had witnessed a young mother light up a cigarette in the car with her children present in the back on a supermarket car park before driving off, which has been illegal in this country since 2015. I know I'm going off in a tangent a little here but it does seem that we're living in a bit of a 'walk on by' society at times where people are seemingly more blase about others breaking certain laws and rules.

[worriedmuch]

It's actually been like this for quite a while now, though it does seem that over recent years in particular far too many people have been using excuses like 'We're all under more pressure and stress now than ever before', 'There's far more important things to be concerned about', etc.

In fact, my dad repeated those two above statements when I told him a few weeks back that I had witnessed a young mother light up a cigarette in the car with her children present in the back on a supermarket car park before driving off, which has been illegal in this country since 2015. I know I'm going off in a tangent a little here but it does seem that we're living in a bit of a 'walk on by' society at times where people are seemingly more blase about others breaking certain laws and rules.

You're totally right. I think it's just wearing me down. I try and not inconvenience anyone but no one else seems to care.

The neighbour came round to complain to my mum about my 'attitude' and how she was 'shocked' by it. I'm not loud and I never swear, at worst I was a bit blunt maybe but I struggle with confrontation.

I'm going to try and pretend they don't exist.

[Lencoboy]

You're totally right. I think it's just wearing me down. I try and not inconvenience anyone but no one else seems to care.

The neighbour came round to complain to my mum about my 'attitude' and how she was 'shocked' by it. I'm not loud and I never swear, at worst I was a bit blunt maybe but I struggle with confrontation.

I'm going to try and pretend they don't exist.

Sadly it's probably the only thing you can really do, as quite a few people believe that they're untouchable.

Always have done, and probably always will do.

[BlueIris]

Okay, got a different perspective here, and I hope it won't cause offence. I've touched base with a few other people on this, and apparently my take isn't weird.

This is all part of living next door to somebody, and never in a hundred years would I dream of asking my neighbours about their DIY. Party noise? Maybe, although it only really gets on my nerves if I have work the next day.

If they're working on their house, though? Yeah, asking them to keep the noise down feels rude, unless it's actually through the night. It's all part of living in close proximity, and we all have to rub along together. Sometimes, that means being the bigger person and tolerating annoyance.

Can you turn the TV up, put headphones in, or just work on your anxiety so it doesn't bother you so much?

[Scass]

I’m with Blue here. It’s ok for people to do DIY and have friends round. It might be annoying but it’s not anti-social.
It’s a really good suggestion that you wear noise cancelling headphones, or put some music on or the tv.
You tried and it didn’t work, you don’t have to love it, but you have to live with it and try and find a way to do that.
Is there anything else bothering you lately?
How did your Mum react to the neighbour?

My neighbour is learning to play the Cello. At least an hour 3 times a week, and finally after about 4 months she’s progressed past the first 5 notes of the song and is starting to play a tune. I tend to turn up the tv, or just let it become background noise.

[Lencoboy]

I’m with Blue here. It’s ok for people to do DIY and have friends round. It might be annoying but it’s not anti-social.
It’s a really good suggestion that you wear noise cancelling headphones, or put some music on or the tv.
You tried and it didn’t work, you don’t have to love it, but you have to live with it and try and find a way to do that.
Is there anything else bothering you lately?
How did your Mum react to the neighbour?

My neighbour is learning to play the Cello. At least an hour 3 times a week, and finally after about 4 months she’s progressed past the first 5 notes of the song and is starting to play a tune. I tend to turn up the tv, or just let it become background noise.

Absolutely, as long as it's at appropriate times and not constantly 24/7.

For example, one of our former neighbours across the road from us who moved away about 5 years ago had this mains-powered lawnmower that emitted an extremely excruciating high-pitched whining noise for donkeys years right up until they left that I really hated the sound of, but whenever they got it out to cut their front lawn I just used to go into my room, shut the door and windows and put my headphones on to escape from the horrible din and never even considered having a pop at them over it on the basis that lawns need to be cut, provided it's at appropriate times, plus the din only lasted for an absolute maximum of about 15-20 minutes per mowing session.

Also, at least they kept their gardens nice which more than made up for my discomfort of hearing their horrible sounding lawnmower, and the neighbours who replaced them luckily have a lawnmower of a completely different brand, type and model whose sound is far more tolerable for me, plus they still believe in keeping their gardens nice just like their predecessors.