Totally and completely spiraling with my HA

[lobbie]

Been very stressed for various reasons these last 4-5 months. It started off as worrying because I had some fatigue after recovering from what I assume was covid. I started googling for hours every day and at the same time had a stressful time at work + other health related worries.

It didn't take long until "strange symtoms" started popping up. Sometimes after dinner I started to get fast pulse that would stick around for an hour or two. Then somedays I would suddenly get heat rushes that made me feel insanely hot and start sweating... I managed to brush most things off and go on with my life until I got a panic attack a few weeks ago and went to the ER (where they of course didn't find anything wrong). Ever since then my life have been miserable and there haven't been a day when I felt fine.

My symtoms seem to vary every day and they come and go throughout the day. Sometimes I feel hot and feverish, sometimes I feel cold and shivering, sometimes I have derealization or feel like I'm in a dream, sometimes I feel dizzy or like I'm gonna faint, sometimes I feel nauseous, sometimes I have head pressure, sometimes I find it difficult to think or talk etc etc. It almost never happens that I just feel ok. It's almost always something going on and it's stressing me out so much. Every day I'm afraid something is seriously wrong with me but exactly what it is varies depending on my worst symtom at that particular time. It really could be anything; MS, ALS, brain tumor, cancer, HIV, lupus, diabetes... Honestly I probably worried about every more "serious" disease that I know of at this point.

I don't eat much because of nausea and general lack of appetite + my fear of anaphylaxis (that I also got after a panic attack after dinner) and my belly is not doing very good. I've started to burp a lot every day especially after eating and getting some acid reflux too that I haven't had before.

I went to the doctor at the beginning of July but that was when I was still just worried about my fatigue. They did some basic bloodwork and neurological tests which all went fine, so they told me to come back at the end of August if things didn't improve. The reason I can't go back there sooner is because over summer barely anything is open here unless it's an emergency. I can't even get an appointment with a psychologist until the end of the month.

Of course I'm planning to go back but the funny thing is that my "post covid fatigue" is the least of my worries right now. I still do have it when I walk and move around a lot but if I don't move that much I don't feel it. Right now my worries is just everything else and I honestly don't even know what symtoms to tell the doctor about. I can't exactly go there and say "please just test me for everything!". I've been thinking a bit about starting to take some anti-anxiety medication but then I also of course have a phobia of medication. I don't even take painkillers anymore because I'm scared of side effects or that I suddenly developed some allergy.

I work from home and live alone. It's really not ideal with HA as there's not much to do at work right now so my mind just jumps around to thoughts about what could be wrong with me and the particular symtom I feel at that specific moment. I'm worried that it's getting out of hand so that I soon won't be able to function at all (like not being able to work and just want to lie in bed all day).

Honestly I'm not sure why I'm writing this but I just feel so hopeless at the moment. Did anyone else experience anxiety symtoms every day that just seem to change from one thing to the other constantly? Any tips för how to make it better? I know you should try to just "accept" all the different sensations but it's so difficult when they are so strong.
Basically I just feel like I'm in "survival mode" right now waiting until I can visit the doctor or psychiatrist.

[BrokenGirl]

I really feel for you because I've been in bad HA spirals myself over the years. I'm currently trying not to let myself fall into one but struggling with it.

All of the symptoms you describe above could very possibly be 2 things - anxiety and covid.
I had covid in March this year and I haven't been the same since. The fatigue is awful. I barely do anything anymore because I haven't the energy for it. I can't get out of bed in the mornings I'm so tired. I also have brain fog, serious concentration issues, anxiety (much worse since covid), derealization, stomach/bowel issues and other things too. And these are all symptoms that anxiety makes so much worse.

Do keep your doctors appointment for the end of this month. I'd suggest that anything at all that worries you between now and then to write it down and take it with you to the doctor.
Working from home and living alone probably isn't helping you right now. I find I can get lost in my own head and thoughts if I have too much time to myself.
Do you do anything to distract yourself? Reading, watching tv, any hobby? And what about exercise? Even if you could try to get out for a small walk most days, it can make a difference.

Hang in there. It sounds like you're in a HA spiral, which is a horrible place to be. Take it one day at a time until you get to see the doctor. And I would also talk to the doctor about some sort of counselling / therapy to help you with all these negative thoughts.

I hope you start to feel better soon

[Swanee]

I'm willing to bet that a lot of us on here can totally identify with what you're experiencing right now. I'm 64 - a long term health anxiety sufferer, and can identify with everything you have described at some point in my life - several times over - during the past umpteen years. What I can say is that I'll also be willing to bet that you don't have anything worrying wrong with you - none of the major conditions or illnesses you listed, but that all your symptoms are caused by anxiety. Sometimes anxiety can be like a chameleon, changing appearance from day to day or even hour by hour. Mentally exhausted health anxiety sufferers are an easy target for the anxiety goblin, who will do his damnedest to convince you that you have what you fear the most. I would also advise you to make an appointment with your GP - NOT because I think you have anything physical going on that you need to worry about, but because you need to tell him/her that you are experiencing symptoms which are typical of an anxiety disorder. Definitely write them down - keep a daily diary, noting how you feel. Find abbreviations if it's easier - I used to write comments like"ok" "ok-" "ok+" "anxious" "v anxious" etc. - these could change from one part of the day to the next, so I made a note of the time too. I showed these to my GP to give him an indication of how I was being affected, but it was also helpful for me to write them down on paper. It was quite cathartic. I felt like I'd faced the unpleasant feelings head on, called them out. It was very helpful on my road to recovery. I am still on that road - I'm never far away from it. Right now I'm going through a pretty bad phase, feeling ultra anxious and experiencing lots of familiar but very unpleasant and frightening feelings. However I know that they are caused by anxiety, and I'm being bluffed by them, so I'm practicing my techniques to come through it. Breathe in slowly through your nose, thinking "breathe in calm"...hold it for three...then breathe out slowly through your mouth thinking "breathe out stress". Whatever horrible feelings overcome you, practice this breathing technique to calm you down, and if any unpleasant symptoms come - let them! Don't try to stop them, just accept them, recognise that they are only adrenaline from your heightened state of anxiety and that no matter how horrible they are, they won't do you any harm. Let them flow through you. ACCEPT the nausea, churning stomach, light headedness, lump in the throat, weak jelly legs, pounding heart, missing beats, clammy palms, cold sweats, lead stomach, ringing in the ears, blurred vision, metallic taste, pins and needles, feelings of unreality.... whatever you feel, it's only adrenaline! Don't add more adrenaline by thinking "what if..." - because that's letting your imagination tell you that it must be a heart attack or something sinister or deadly, which only adds second fear and more adrenaline, leading to stronger symptoms. You're okay. You'll be okay. Read some of the information on this wonderful group under the 'symptoms' section, and also download the health anxiety modules which are free, and excellent! You're going through a difficult patch right now, but you're not alone, you're in the big club with the rest of us. We're always here for you. You're going to get through this, I promise. Big hugs. Xx