View Full Version : I can’t cope with health anxiety anymore
It’s all becoming unbearable again. I’m convincing myself daily that me, my husband and my girls have cancer if anything is slightly wrong. My sister in law came round yesterday and was discussing her friend who had breast cancer and is awaiting to hear if it’s come back and if it has she’s been told it will be terminal. I knew that it would turn my attention to my boobs and it has (I know how selfish that sounds). I thought I had dimpling but on closer inspection I’m sure it’s a vein.
I’ve been trying so hard to sort the anxiety. I’m booked in with my local wellbeing service to see if they can offer counselling again (this would be the third time for health anxiety). I’m listening to a health anxiety audiobook and did a health anxiety workshop on Monday but nothing is helping. I also started back on sertraline a couple of weeks ago.
I just want these dark thoughts to stop telling me we have cancer and we’re going to die. Why can’t I just have a fear of snakes or dogs. At least then I can avoid the fear. How can I avoid my own body and other peoples health issues that make me think the worst.
Melie, you have a health anxiety disorder, specifically focusing on a fear of cancer. This is an extremely common condition, and I know from personal experience how debilitating it can be.
I've been where you are, so I can empathise. I still have setbacks, and am just coming through another one.
I have given my health anxiety a name - goblin. He perches on my left shoulder and whispers worrying thoughts, trying to convince me that whatever it is that I am anxious about is something sinister or life threatening. I have learned many techniques over the past years which have helped me to cope with anxious episodes, but they don't always work. However, please be reassured that just because you have dark thoughts, it doesn't mean they will come true or anything bad will happen. It is just a fear, it won't hurt you or your loved ones. They're okay. It's okay. You're okay. You're going to be okay. Big hugs. Xxx
Thank you Swanee, I just wish I could believe that the thoughts aren’t real. I had a better day yesterday even though my boobs were hurting (particularly the one that I thought had dimpling). Today it was still hurting and also around my armpit and top of my chest so I sprayed some deep heat on. That was a few hours ago and not long ago my nipple started itching. I had a look and around the areole was red and I’ve got a slight rash where I sprayed. Logically I’m trying to tell myself that it’s the deep heat but I’m putting everything together and worrying it’s bc. I was also rubbing the area that’s got a rash to try and see if it’s muscular so I don’t know whether that has something to do with it. I’m just scared out of my brain. I’ve not had anything eat all day and can’t stomach food. I had a moment of happiness yesterday and feeling like everything is going to be okay and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like that again.
Is there any medication that a doctor can give me to stop these thoughts? I’m on sertraline but only taking one every other day as scared of the side effects. When I last had a breakdown I begged for something stronger to stop me from thinking but the doctor said I wouldn’t be able to do anything as it would just knock me out.
It will definitely be the Deep Heat which has caused the redness and irritation,. It won't have done you any lasting harm, but it's a very powerful solution and can easily irritate skin, especially in sensitive areas. I went through a long phase where my boobs were extremely sore, tender, lumpy, itchy and even felt wet around the nipple area. I used to constantly check, prod and feel them for changes, including the armpit area. I made them even more tender, which made me ultra aware of every sensation, no matter how slight or pronounced. I was constantly going to my GP surgery, and went round every doctor in our practice for a second, third, fourth and fifth opinion! Eventually my doctor said he was going to refer me for a mammogram. This immediately sent me into panic mode, but he said he had absolutely no concerns that my symptoms were caused by anything other than hormones, and the only reason he was referring me was because of my chronic anxiety. He said I wouldn't believe that nothing was wrong unless I had conclusive evidence. So I went for my mammogram, and was called back for a more detailed exam - which sent me into a panic attack - but the consultant was so kind. He called me into his office straight after my second mammogram and told me there was absolutely nothing to worry about. He showed me my mammogram images, and pointed out where there were normal areas of thickening tissue, glands and ducts which changed all the time in response to fluctuating hormones. He reassured me that pain, tenderness and itching was very common in normal healthy breasts. I'm now 64 and I, like all my friends of a similar age, have regular mammograms as part of the NHS screening programme. Most of these friends also experienced similar symptoms to mine when we were younger - including in our 50's.
My advice to you would depend on your age - if you are still ovulating, check just after your period, when your boobs have finished their monthly cycle. That's when breast tissue is less lumpy and tender. If you are past that stage, choose a time in the month to check on your boobs, and don't be tempted to feel them until the following month. Make a note in your diary of how they feel, and if there are any changes from month to month. Normal changes can appear and disappear from one month to the next, so keeping a note of them can be very reassuring and will give you a realistic idea of how your own personal breast tissue feels and what is normal for you. Fixating on an area of your body can and does make it feel much more sensitive than it actually feels, because all your attention diverts to that area. Try it with another part of your body that you're not worried about, and see what I mean. I'm not under playing how awful it makes you feel when you have a chronic and severe health anxiety - I know only too well how horrendous it is - but from someone who has been where you are now, I am sending you the biggest hug, reassurance and support. Here for you. Xxx
Thank you for taking the time to reply again and the hug, it actually made me cry (in a nice way). I’m 42 and I’ve read that peri menopause can cause breast discomfort amongst a lot of other symptoms so I’m going to have a great time panicking over all of those! I was close to breaking point earlier and was ready to ring the doctors and plead for an appointment, then I had the Samaritans number to ring because my thoughts were taking over that I was dying but I just sat through the anxiety and waited for it to pass. I’m just hoping I’ll turn a corner soon.
Bless you sweetheart, you're right in the target range for a few years of menopause related symptoms, including those you are experiencing right now.
Honestly, it's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling - and it's your changing hormones which are responsible, not an illness or disease.
Your hormones are also responsible for the increase in your anxiety levels, and this causes a seesaw of physical and emotional upset which can be very unsettling, worrying and difficult to cope with. Things will get better, I promise. I may be ahead of you on the journey, but we're walking the same path. Despite a few bumps and turns along the road, have faith that you'll navigate your way safely through them. What you're experiencing is normal. Just as our bodies changing before puberty is normal, so perimenopause and menopause also bring natural changes. You're not dying, sweetheart - you're changing into a more mature version of yourself, and once your hormones settle down you will feel physically and mentally stronger, healthier and calmer. Try not to obsess over your symptoms as being something wrong with you - instead try to familiarise yourself with the list of normal, natural changes women can expect to experience at this time of their lives, accept them with the knowledge that they will pass, and be reassured that it's all going to be okay. You're going to be okay.
I've copied a link to a helpful website which I hope will make you feel less anxious.
More big hugs coming your way. Xxx
https://www.mymenopausecentre.com/symptoms/breast-tenderness/#:~:text=Breast%20pains%20are%20a%20common,stabbin g%2C%20sharp%20or%20throbbing%20pain.
Melie, how are you doing now?? I can relate to everything you’re saying. My HA is once again though the roof. I’m trying to implement the things that have worked before - but I’m having a hard time as well. I went to my naturopath and she me on vitamins and drinking water agin, I’m seeing a new therapist next week and trying to get myself moving again.
Swanee - your responses are so helpful. I’ve been dealing with one sided non-cyclical breast pain for around 3 months. I’m 49. BC has been the biggest trigger for my anxiety throughout my 40s. My GP and Naturopath don’t think it’s anything to worry about and there are no lumps they can feel. I’m due for my annual mammogram in November so need to wait until then. I’m having a very hard time concentrating and focussing on anything else. When the pain disappears I feel ok but as soon as it returns, the anxiety comes right back.
It’s just awful :(
It is awful, I know. I can completely empathise. It's not only almost impossible to rationalise when you're gripped by severe anxiety, it's also mentally exhausting. Our determination NOT to focus on our anxiety becomes all encompassing, actually resulting in us focusing MORE on our anxiety! It's a catch 22 situation. Everything you describe I have experienced. I have been incredibly anxious, and actually worried myself to the point of breaking down in tears in public because I was so convinced I had cancer. I just couldn't accept that it could be anything normal, harmless or benign because all the self check guidance suggests that any changes could be something sinister. I'm at the age where I have been having regular routine mammograms for some years now. It's very reassuring to know that you are in the system for normal check ups, and therefore I don't focus on my boobs nowadays, but of course being a health anxiety sufferer there are always new anxieties popping up! There's nothing you have described that sounds concerning to me, and you can rest assured that your GP and Naturopath would be sending you off for urgent screening if they had any doubts about it being anything to worry about. Big hugs sweetheart. You're okay. Xxx
Melie, how are you doing now?? I can relate to everything you’re saying. My HA is once again though the roof. I’m trying to implement the things that have worked before - but I’m having a hard time as well. I went to my naturopath and she me on vitamins and drinking water agin, I’m seeing a new therapist next week and trying to get myself moving again.
Swanee - your responses are so helpful. I’ve been dealing with one sided non-cyclical breast pain for around 3 months. I’m 49. BC has been the biggest trigger for my anxiety throughout my 40s. My GP and Naturopath don’t think it’s anything to worry about and there are no lumps they can feel. I’m due for my annual mammogram in November so need to wait until then. I’m having a very hard time concentrating and focussing on anything else. When the pain disappears I feel ok but as soon as it returns, the anxiety comes right back.
It’s just awful :(
Hi, so sorry you’re going through this too. It’s positive that your GP isn’t concerned with the pain and from what I’ve heard it’s so common particularly in your 40’s. I know how hard it is to stay rational though when it’s your own body.
Things are still really difficult and I keep going from one cancer to another and sometimes multiple ones at the same time. The worst worries are the ones about my children. I was on the phone to 111 (our non urgent helpline) the other night as I was convinced my eldest had leukaemia. Luckily there’s such a backlog that I’d calmed down a bit by the time they phoned back the following morning. It’s just relentless and exhausting and I honestly don’t know how much longer I can deal with this torture. I’m just hoping the third round of counselling will help but there’s such a long waiting list I don’t know when that will be.
Thank you so much for your response. It’s such a weird and random pain. It appears for a few days and then disappears and then come back again. I keep trying to reassure myself and then fall down that trap of rumination and what ifs…..! It’s the one sidedness that makes me worried - it also started at a time where I was very stressed & anxious so I don’t know if that’s a coincidence or not.
I’ve been getting regular mammograms since I was 45 and yet every year there’s always something that happens that sets off my health anxiety. It feels like this will always be my trigger.
Im finally going to see a new therapist next week - after a year of not having one - so hoping this will help as well.
Again thank you so much for your response!!! ai really appreciate it!
Completely understand. I let my husband do the kids dr appts as it makes me too anxious. He’s the opposite of me so I just let him handle it and then call me to give me the update! My son was getting really bad headaches last month and of course I imagines the worst and it was nothing to worry about in the end.
Being a mom really put my anxiety into high gear because it’s not only you to worry about anymore
Sending hugs your way and here if you want to chat!
sunflower lady
29-08-23, 10:55
How are you today? I hope you're feeling a bit better. I'm 56 and went through menopause about 2 years ago.
I awake every morning with health anxiety , both for myself and my family. I think about it every waking hour unfortunately.
At present I have pelvic pain which is scary.
Does the counselling help you? I'm on a waiting list for help.
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