MissConstrued
28-11-07, 14:26
Hello,
What a wondeful site and how glad I am to have found it. After another horrible day at work of self-doubt, loathing and incredible embarrassment about what I may or may not have said, I came home (again) in tears to my husband having re-started smoking, wanting as usual to give up my job because then it would all be better.
I gave up smoking as a result of seeing a hypnotherapist for the last time these feelings got too much for me. I did give up the evil weed but the horrible insecure, self-conciousness returned and the feelings have been getting worse and worse over the weeks. Every work day I am waking up at 4:30 am and not getting back to sleep. When I do wake up again at 7:00 I roll over and over with the dread of going to work. Then when I get to work I keep my head down all the way to my desk, in the hope of getting to my desk without making eye contact with anyone I work with. If there is a queue at the drinks machine I just do without. I try to time drink breaks and loo breaks for 'quiet times' to minimise the amount of people I have to speak to or bump into so that I don't have to see them laughing at me.
At the moment we are in the process of buying a house with me as the chief breadwinner. I really want the house but am terrified that I will lose my job as a result of saying odd and inappropriate things to people. My boss knows how I feel having explained to him parts of this before but when he tries to re-assure me I just assume that he is lying. Likewise I think everyone is talking about me, having pre-judged me and I hate holding conversations but the thought of talking to more than one person at a time terrifies me. I have no conversation myself as outside of walking my dogs I don't do anything - I am even paranoid that other people walking their dogs talk about me too :(
I am really pleased that I'm not alone, although I feel so much sympathy and empathy for you to be isuffering these feelings too. Hopefully with the network here and a positive outlook we can pull through this. I really want to be my old 'don't care' self again that would be fantastic.
Anyway, having got completely and utterly blotto'd last night and thinking this has got to stop or, well don't know or what, I found this site. What a lot of useful information. I have already downloaded Paul Mckennas trance mp3 and spent half an hour in solitude listening to it. I'm popping out later to get some lavender and vervitude and am even considering yoga.
So, anyway hello everyone. Lets all learn to believe -that it doesn't really matter does it.
What a wondeful site and how glad I am to have found it. After another horrible day at work of self-doubt, loathing and incredible embarrassment about what I may or may not have said, I came home (again) in tears to my husband having re-started smoking, wanting as usual to give up my job because then it would all be better.
I gave up smoking as a result of seeing a hypnotherapist for the last time these feelings got too much for me. I did give up the evil weed but the horrible insecure, self-conciousness returned and the feelings have been getting worse and worse over the weeks. Every work day I am waking up at 4:30 am and not getting back to sleep. When I do wake up again at 7:00 I roll over and over with the dread of going to work. Then when I get to work I keep my head down all the way to my desk, in the hope of getting to my desk without making eye contact with anyone I work with. If there is a queue at the drinks machine I just do without. I try to time drink breaks and loo breaks for 'quiet times' to minimise the amount of people I have to speak to or bump into so that I don't have to see them laughing at me.
At the moment we are in the process of buying a house with me as the chief breadwinner. I really want the house but am terrified that I will lose my job as a result of saying odd and inappropriate things to people. My boss knows how I feel having explained to him parts of this before but when he tries to re-assure me I just assume that he is lying. Likewise I think everyone is talking about me, having pre-judged me and I hate holding conversations but the thought of talking to more than one person at a time terrifies me. I have no conversation myself as outside of walking my dogs I don't do anything - I am even paranoid that other people walking their dogs talk about me too :(
I am really pleased that I'm not alone, although I feel so much sympathy and empathy for you to be isuffering these feelings too. Hopefully with the network here and a positive outlook we can pull through this. I really want to be my old 'don't care' self again that would be fantastic.
Anyway, having got completely and utterly blotto'd last night and thinking this has got to stop or, well don't know or what, I found this site. What a lot of useful information. I have already downloaded Paul Mckennas trance mp3 and spent half an hour in solitude listening to it. I'm popping out later to get some lavender and vervitude and am even considering yoga.
So, anyway hello everyone. Lets all learn to believe -that it doesn't really matter does it.