View Full Version : Current Situation - Rock Bottom
LittleLionMan
13-09-23, 12:11
Hi all,
I just wanted to reach out and summarise where I am to see if anyone can offer any light that might make me feeling a little less hopeless.
As you will have seen from my previous thread, I’ve had a really anxious time lately, starting with me being fixated on everyone going away on trips, and me being left on my own for days at a time, which happened nearly every week or every other week for a few months.
Since then, my anxiety levels have become out of control, I’ve spiralled. I’m anxious 24/7, and where before my anxiety was GAD with very rare panic attacks, I’m now having them every day, even lying in my own bed. I’ve become scared to do anything, haven’t showered in a week, and can’t really do anything. It just never eases. I’m forcing enough food down me to keep me going but it’s not enough.
I have a referral to a psychiatrist from the GP and am trying to find a private one to look at meds, as the NHS have been less than useless.
I’ve basically become frozen to do anything that might actually help me. Does anyone have any advice on steps I can take to get myself out of it?
Okay, I know you won't want to hear this, but...
Get up. Have a shower. Being clean when you're mentally ill is really hard but it does make you feel better, and I say that as somebody who struggles to shower.
Put clothes on, comfy ones. New ones are the best because they just feel different, but anything clean and non-restrictive.
Go out into the garden and focus on the grass, the birds, anything you can see or hear.
Engaging your senses will help you ignore the screaming in your brain.
LittleLionMan
13-09-23, 13:45
Hi mate.
Yeah, the shower is something I find really uncomfortable for some reason. I can’t wait to get back out of it, and then almost feel woozy afterwards which leads to anxiety. I will try and add it back in to my night time routine though.
I’ve been trying to walk outside when I go for my cigarettes, but it doesn’t seem to help.
I also need a haircut and a shave, I look like a yeti, as both have been months.
Next steps: try a cooler shower? I find hot water makes me feel weirder than lukewarm.
Going outside might not help but it'll absolutely stop things getting worse and your world narrowing any further than it already has.
Have a shave now, then find a hairdresser who'll come and visit. Try changing your style, even; seeing somebody different when you look in the mirror can be a real boost.
LittleLionMan
13-09-23, 14:29
That’s a good idea, maybe it’s the increase in heat that is making me woozy - will try tonight.
Yeah, I’ve got to keep doing as much as I can haven’t I. I haven’t been able to have my haircut by anyone else for years, so will do it f when I can.
What are you eating? Have you tried any of the calorie rich meal supplements….Complan and the like. Mixed with whole milk 250ml can give you 400 calories. My mother has it. I’m trying to think of that other drink? Huell? Or something like that.
If drinking is easier, make yourself easy to swallow food. Soups (Cream of) yoghurts, eggs etc. The more calories you get in you the better you will feel. Then as you feel better you can progress to a greater variety of food.
But BI is spot on. If you look rough…( sorry not meaning to be rude) you will feel rough. Get a lukewarm shower, have a shave, wash your hair. Doesn’t matter if it needs a cut. Long hair is ok. Change your bedding. Get some clean fleecy pjs on and look after yourself. Your body is trying to get back to the status quo, however hard it seems to believe that…so help it along. Don’t punish your body for your anxiety. Sit outside, it’s nice today. The robins are singing.
Have you been given any time scale as to getting professional help?
LittleLionMan
13-09-23, 15:51
I’ve found some wholegrain breakfast bars that I seem to be able to eat ok, and they are 195 calories each, so them an I normally try and get a small evening meal down me. It’s not so much the eating, it’s the fear of eating making me anxious… I’m basically scared everything is going to make me panic, so I’m stuck doing nothing, which is obviously creating it’s own panic.
No offence taken, I look rough. Unwashed, unshaven, and at a dangerously low weight isn’t pretty.
If I try and work, it’s like my mind can’t handle it and overwhelms me, which is frustrating.
I have a private psychologist who isn’t proving much use to be honest, but the main message is that I need to get my attention off myself and my anxiety, which makes perfect sense, but it’s impossible when my mind isn’t capable of anything else, and if I sit quietly I panic over frankly nothing. I’m trying all sorts of things like crosswords, going through the horse racing cards, watching tv, anything in the hope to just give my mind a break, but nothing helps. The NHS have given me a referral to a private psychiatrist, but I just need to find the right one.
Can you ask for some anti-anxiety meds from GP for the time between your referral and seeing a psychiatrist?
LittleLionMan
13-09-23, 17:38
I’m terrified of taking medications because of past experiences, so the big thing with the psychiatrist will be to discuss all my concerns with him and put my mind at ease so that hopefully I can bring myself to take them.
I haven’t taken so much as a paracetamol in over 10 years.
LittleLionMan
14-09-23, 08:23
I had a cooler shower last night, and although I was already really anxious, I didn’t get woozy feeling - good tip from Blue there.
I got slightly calmer when I was in bed, which I normally do, but I never feel like I’ve slept and was having a panic attack within 10 minutes of waking up which is still coming in waves now, and this tends to be me for the day now - this is the cycle I need to try and break.
You're clearly used to what they feel like now; maybe try powering through and having some breakfast and a quick smoke?
LittleLionMan
14-09-23, 09:04
I’ve just been for a smoke outside, and tried to stretch out a bit, but I’m trying to work now and just can’t stop panicking. It’s crazy.
Break your tasks down into small parts and complete one part at a time.
LittleLionMan
14-09-23, 09:26
It’s not about the tasks, I would feel the same if I was just watching tele. It’s just what happens now, and I don’t know why. I don’t even know what I’m panicking about 24/7.
This is the issue. It’s so frustrating and scary,
Right. But if you're feeling like crap, you might as well feel like crap and get stuff done, right?
LittleLionMan
14-09-23, 09:34
Yeah, definitely, I’m trying to gently work.
If I could get comfortable working again, then it would be a huge step. It’s the thing I’m best at (usually), and the thing I’m most confident with.
LittleLionMan
14-09-23, 15:40
Your body is trying to get back to the status quo, however hard it seems to believe that
What do you mean by this?
Surely it’s the body that’s panicking every time I eat, etc.
LittleLionMan
16-09-23, 16:00
There has been no let up in this whatsoever.
I’m in a real mess, and just don’t get it.
My head is just a swamp, it’s completely overwhelmed and incapable of doing anything other than cause me problems. I’m so done.
There has been no let up in this whatsoever.
I’m in a real mess, and just don’t get it.
My head is just a swamp, it’s completely overwhelmed and incapable of doing anything other than cause me problems. I’m so done.
Hi Phil.
Sorry you’re really struggling.
I think it’s time to at least try medication again. It doesn’t sound like you’ve got much to lose.
Or try a good quality, high strength cbd oil. Some swear by it.
I don’t know you or your situation but going by how much you use forums to soothe yourself, I think you probably need to find friends and family, loved ones to help you get this from them as well. This might take a while but it worth putting the effort in. In my experience to best way to calm the nervous system is authentic connections with others.
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 10:06
Hi, I have an appointment booked with a psychiatrist to try and look at medications.
My family are less than useless, they just blame me, lose their temper and just don’t understand anxiety, they just think I’m being silly. It’s really difficult. I really do need to bring other people into my life, but I’m in too bad of a way to do that at the minute.
It’s the relentlessness of it all. I wake up every day in a mental swamp until it inevitably turns into panic attacks, and then just have to try my hardest to make it through to the end of the day. I don’t understand the mechanisms that can maintain anxiety 24/7.
I feel like I can’t get my mind off myself, constantly evaluating, trying to solve my issues, and figuring it all out. My mind is also too tired to do anything meaningful to distract in between the panic attacks, like I can’t focus on anything else anyway, and when I try and force myself to, the anxiety just shouts louder. I just feel so trapped, I feel like I’m going insane.
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 11:45
That’s probably the best I’ve managed to articulate how I’m feeling actually, so if anyone has any advice, it would be very much appreciated.
I really do think you need to discuss meds with someone. You can’t feel worse than this. The thing is your anxiety is so high that anything the doctors say to you isn’t going to go in anyway. You need to be bought down in order for the talking stuff to go in.
When is your appointment?
Are simple tasks possible? Like a jigsaw? I find they concentrate the mind without too much effort. Also, although it sounds daft. I have some crayons and adult colouring books. Really effortless and it’s relaxing. Any games you may want to download? Just simple stuff…no sudoku. Just matching stuff or town building. Anything’s worth a try, it really is.
Your family don’t understand and they are probably scared for you. You’re not going insane, it’s just extreme anxiety.
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 13:19
It’s on the 25th.
I have a few things that I’m still managing to do. I go through the horse racing cards each day, I do crosswords and things on my iPad or put some trash tele on in the background, and simple things like I role my cigarettes. If there’s a really simple job at work I try and do it, but that’s about it, all from my bed. I get up every hour or so to go downstairs and have a cigarette, sometimes taking my iPad with me to keep whatever distraction I’ve got going on, but that’s about all I can manage. At night me and my girlfriend put the same tv show on and text about it, and I lay on an acupressure mat to try and unwind for sleep. I keep trying to up the activity levels, because the more I can get my attention on other things the better really. I’m just hoping my head settles down at some point, it just won’t.
Why do you keep going back to bed? Once you start that, your safe place becomes smaller and smaller…ie your room.
Would the sofa be better. Just to get out of your room. I know it’s a safe place but when you flip the reality..isn’t it more of a prison?
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 15:27
When the triggers for this downfall were happening, my family were being vile to me about it, and I just retreated. Then I stayed out of the way because I don’t like my niece and nephew seeing me like this. I spent days playing PlayStation non stop because I couldn’t handle it, to a point where my hands had blisters from the controller and even looking away from the screen made me panic, and now I can’t get back out properly again. I can’t sit down when I go downstairs because I can’t settle as I’m too anxious. When I’m doing anything like showering or eating in a different room I just panic.
This is a big part of the problem.
The whole situation has completely overwhelmed my system, so I’m trying to find a balance now between allowing myself to rest, and trying to step forward.
Yes I can see you’ve retreated into your room so much it has become your only safe place. But it you’re panicking in your room, what’s the difference in panicking downstairs? Could you not wait till everyone’s out and just sit downstairs with your iPad or something.
Woukd you panic at your girlfriends if you stayed there for a while?
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 16:58
It’s just become the ‘safe place’ hasn’t it.
Getting out of here as much as possible is my main goal though, along with eating.
I’m agoraphobic as it is, so I wouldn’t be able to go to hers, but if I ever recover from this spell, them moving things forward with her and getting away from my family is the ultimate goal. She’s honestly incredible.
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 18:28
This message has been deleted by Fishmanpa.
Reason: I don’t have anxiety, but enjoy going on anxiety forums to belittle people and tell them all how easy it is.
This message has been deleted by Fishmanpa.
Reason: I don’t have anxiety, but enjoy going on anxiety forums to belittle people and tell them all how easy it is.
Look tbf I don’t like it when the guy comments on my posts myself but he probably has a point we just can’t see it because of our anxiety.
LittleLionMan
17-09-23, 18:36
I didn’t even get chance to read this reply, but I can guess the content. He seems to think it’s easy, and doesn’t get what the anxiety battle entails. He seems like a really nice guy, and I’m sure he’s well intentioned, but his attitude with me is just patronising and he seems to enjoy mocking my struggles. I’m not in the mood for that nonsense at the minute.
This message has been deleted by Fishmanpa.
Reason: I don’t have anxiety, but enjoy going on anxiety forums to belittle people and tell them all how easy it is.
Let's see..... 1st heart attack due to a blockage in the 'widow maker'. Triple bypass. Veins taken from my leg and put into my chest. Heart surgeon pointing to the sky when asked how I survived. 2nd heart attack and triple stents. Then immediately after, diagnosed with Stage IVa H&N cancer. Lingual and palatine tonsils removed along with 23 additional nodes taken from my neck. 6 weeks of radiation and chemo. 50% chance of survival and reoccurrence. Depression and physical side effects to this day. A daughter that suffers with extreme depression and anxiety and has attempted suicide. So yeah, I don't know about handling mental challenges :lac:
Top that off with living paycheck to paycheck, bankruptcy, living off Raman and 'you guess what's in it' frankfurters and battling back from being nearly homeless to where I'm at now. I surely don't know what it's like to struggle and worry. There's a big difference between ridiculing someone and pointing out reality. There's also a big difference between those that fight back and those that sit back and bitch about life challenges on an internet forum.
Thank you for affirming the point I made in your other thread. I truly and sincerely hope you find a way to enjoy your life.
FMP
LittleLionMan
18-09-23, 08:26
I know you’ve had plenty of real life troubles, and like I had said before, I applaud you for how you’ve come through them.
Your replies to me, however, aren’t helpful, they are just intended to ridicule me, and normally when I’m at my lowest. I do fight back, with everything I’ve got, but at the moment it isn’t proving enough, and I’m losing the battle, badly, which is why I just don’t need any more mocking or belittling.
That's your perception and mindset and it's skewed at best. The point I'm making that you can't see is that reassurance seeking isn't helpful and hasn't helped you in the least. Even this thread, which is just a continuation of your other thread, is just more of the same. One need only read a page or so of the other thread to see the pattern. And now, being that the participation on the forum is down to a handful of members, that little bit of reassurance you are getting will soon dry up as well. As was said on another thread by a long time member, the people who are trying to help are getting burned out and have their own issues to deal with. It truly comes down to you.
Anyway :shrug:
FMP
LittleLionMan
18-09-23, 12:50
I absolutely get that. I really do. It’s also me desperately trying figure a way out of this which is actually the problem, I think.
The reason I’m being so needy is because I feel like I’m in a race against the clock now. As much as I’m trying to force food down me, I can’t eat enough food to gain weight, but I’ve already lost 3 stone and am just skin and bone now, so I can’t afford to lose any more (which I am doing). I’m a big 6’ tall bloke and am down to 9 stone 13lbs.
I’ve also never been lower mood wise, and am struggling to find the strength to keep doing this day after day. In my head, one of these things is going to kill me unless I turn this around quickly, so I’m panicking about it all.
You’re right that in an ideal world, I would just shrug my shoulders, lighten up, get some food down me, stop mentioning it, and all this would just slowly blow over, but it isn’t as simple as that. I have my hour a week with my psychologist, then apart from that, it’s just me, left wrestling with myself in my own (evil) head.
I get exactly what you are saying, I really do, but it’s not as easy as you seem to think it is when you are anxious all day every day, and have to fight to do anything that I think might help me.
I know you don’t think so, but I do try mate, ridiculously hard, harder than you will ever know or appreciate. I wouldn’t still be alive if I didn’t.
* I know you will see that as just more moaning, but I was just explaining why I am being so needy, and am feeling so lost at the moment.
I've had a thought PHR, I get the impression that money isn't an issue for you (I don't know if I'm right in that assumption) but have you considered paying to go into a private facility as an inpatient? NHS mental health wards can be tough, but a private one might be quite different? They could support you find a medication that is right for you, provide therapy and get you to a place where you could be on an even keel and start living a more satisfying life. I'm not saying you need to be 'put away' but I know when I was at my worst if I'd had the money I would have tried anything and even considered going into a private clinic.
As it was, I didn't have the money to do a lot of things but I did pay for private counselling (and still do), I did the NHS CBT that was offered, I took the pills that were suggested (paroxetine, promethazine and propanolol), I forced myself to get showered and dressed by a certain time in the morning, I did the guided meditation, I took up yoga, I set myself small tasks to do throughout the day. The hardest thing is trying not to think your way out of it, for me it was more doing the combination of things rather than just thinking - my brain was my worst enemy at that point.
FMP can be quite blunt at times and in all honesty at one point he basically told me to get my head out of my arse, but I did need to hear it. This site is incredibly supportive and I've found it invaluable, but you really need to put in the work at getting well and staying well yourself.
I don't know if any of what I've said is useful, I hope it is, there's no quick fix, but little steps each day,
LittleLionMan
18-09-23, 21:16
I have looked before, but I’m agoraphobic, I don’t even know how an inpatient treatment would work really. The Priory is 40 miles away from me. I’m going to spend some time tomorrow trying to find the right help for myself.
‘The hardest thing is trying not to think your way out of it’ - this is my biggest issue, by far!
Haha, I’m fine with blunt, blunt I can handle.
No, it’s helpful, I’ve just got to come up with a bit of a plan, somehow.
LittleLionMan
18-09-23, 22:01
I like the idea of creating a list of tasks for the day, I’m going to start with the basics and try and grow it a bit. See if I can.
LittleLionMan
26-09-23, 15:20
Quick question, anyone know why my anxiety would get even worse after I’ve eaten?
I’m forcing plenty of food down me now, and I’m not scared of eating for any reason that I’m aware of, but my anxiety always goes through the roof 20 minutes to half an hour after I’ve eaten and stays like it for ages?
Blood sugar spike, happens to me sometimes.
LittleLionMan
26-09-23, 15:27
Reckon that’s enough?
It’s really bloody annoying.
I get the same especially after eating carbs or sugar. So I try to stick to high protein foods.
LittleLionMan
26-09-23, 15:31
Yeah, it’s doesn’t seem to matter what it is I eat, I just crash afterwards. It’s really getting in the way of me trying to bounce back.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 08:40
I’m so frustrated. I’m trying so hard, and I’m just getting worse. It’s heartbreaking.
My head is frazzled, I just can’t think.
You won't want to hear this, but...
Start eating sensibly, have a shower, go for a walk and then start in on some basic tasks.
Rushed off my feet today, but will drop you a line later.
I’m so frustrated. I’m trying so hard, and I’m just getting worse. It’s heartbreaking.
My head is frazzled, I just can’t think.
I think maybe you are approaching things wrong instead of thinking like “I must eat, I need to eat more, I must get better” trying just thinking of it like “ok it’s breakfast time, people eat now so I’m going to have some toast” and don’t put the pressure of anxiety on it.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 09:03
You won't want to hear this, but...
Start eating sensibly, have a shower, go for a walk and then start in on some basic tasks.
Rushed off my feet today, but will drop you a line later.
Thanks mate.
Could do with a bit of rational at the minute.
I’ve been eating more, working the best I can, going to bed at 10:30 religiously, showering again, making an effort with everything, and it’s just backfiring.
Speak later.
Remember, it took you a long time to get into this position, so it's going to take a long time to get yourself back out.
Baby steps.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 09:22
Remember, it took you a long time to get into this position, so it's going to take a long time to get yourself back out.
Baby steps.
Yeah, I think that’s the key.
Sustained effort, time and patience.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 19:28
Bloody done with this, it just doesn’t make sense.
Bloody done with this, it just doesn’t make sense.
What’s going on?
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 19:58
Just fed up of anxiety and panic when I dont even know what I’m panicking about. It’s nonsense.
Have you spoken to someone about meds yet? You were hoping they could try and convince you to take them?
Are you just diagnosed with anxiety then? It sounds like you also might have panic disorder.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 20:07
No, I haven’t heard back yet.
I have GAD, it’s just all too much at the minute so the panic is coming up.
I know you’re scared to take them and I can’t really say much because I’m refusing too and I have booked a doctors appointment Tuesday to talk through my worries in hopes she can convince me some how to take them.
However I feel like they would really help you. Just a low does of antidepressants and you said your fear was from previous events were they gave you something that had you “off your head” well a small dose of antidepressants isn’t going to do that. Think of it this way you could be feeling a lot better in as little as 3 weeks and looking back thinking why didn’t you start sooner.
Again yes I should take my own advice and this is a bit hypocritical but it’s just stuff people have said to me to try convince me.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 20:29
Yeah, hopefully. That’s why I’m making a psychiatrist appointment to be fair.
It’s just tolerating it in the meantime.
I’ve been sort of breath and coughing trying to catch my breath for 2 1/2 hours now, it’s ridiculous.
You need to do some grounding techniques I know you said you find it hard to do stuff like that when anxious but there are a few that my therapist suggested that are really simple and she basically said you need to “shock your system” there is splashing your face with cold water, running on the spot, two quick breaths in a one out, making a cup of tea with your non dominate hand. Just try and see if you can break out of the loop and get your breathing back to normal.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 20:43
I think the last few months have just worn me down physically and mentally, and I’m just not sure I can come back from this now. It’s too much to keep tolerating, and everything I try and do to help myself backfires. It’s too relentless to keep enduring.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 20:48
I’m at my worst when ‘normal’ people would be tired and sluggish, the mornings, after eating and in the evenings.
I think my body and mind are that tired and ruined that the extra tiredness just crashes me even further and then the anxiety starts.
That’s my theory.
I believe you can come back from this but I think you need to view it in a different way. You’re getting anxiety over getting anxiety and putting too much pressure on your self to overcome it quickly I think.
LittleLionMan
28-09-23, 20:57
I agree with that.
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 12:59
I’ve had an hour with my psychologist this morning, and I’m completely ruined now.
I literally can’t do anything without it overwhelming me.
You probably feel emotionally drained. Be careful of the narrative that you feed your brain. It’s always listening.
What did the psychologist say?
You probably feel emotionally drained. Be careful of the narrative that you feed your brain. It’s always listening.
What did the psychologist say?
Darksky, I've been telling him this for months. The dramatic language he uses acts as food for his anxiety.
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 13:32
Yeah, emotionally and physically.
Head is scrambled.
She said I need to treat this like burnout almost, that my head has just been completely overwhelmed for the last 4 months and it’s going to take time and patience to recover.
I have to gently keep doing as much as I can and go easy on myself in between.
I also need to find gentle things to occupy myself whilst my head can’t handle the bigger stuff.
I’m in a real pickle to be honest.
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 13:41
Darksky, I've been telling him this for months. The dramatic language he uses acts as food for his anxiety.
I know, I find it hard to come up with better words when I’m in the thick of it. I’ll work on it.
It’s just the way you word it I think, I do the same. Get rid of the big dramatic words and just say something like “I feel overwhelmed now, and I’m finding it hard to do my tasks because of it”
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 13:58
They are right though, because telling myself I’m f%#cked all the time can’t be helpful.
It's not. Trust me, at the moment my choice of words is all that stands between me being functional at work and curled up foetally under my desk sobbing.
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 14:23
Hope you get through the rest of your day okay.
Message me later!
Sparkling_Fairy
29-09-23, 15:35
Wording is so important! It's one of the first things my therapist said to me, when I said I am anxious.
She said: let me stop you right there. Have you ever heard anyone say I am a headache? No, they say I have a headache. You need to start saying I have anxiety. It's not who you are, it's what you have.
And that really changed my relationship with anxiety. Now whenever I catch myself say I'm anxious today I go No, I have anxiety today. And it somehow makes it feel like a cold that I'm feeling shitty from today, rather than a part of me that I'll never get over.
Just an example. But wording really does matter. It alters our perception more than you realize.
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 18:12
That makes sense.
I try and do it with my thoughts, like ‘my head came up with this today’, put a bit of distance between them and myself.
This might sound stupid but I literally picture my anxiety as another person living in my head trying to bully me and I talk to it. If it’s particularly bad I picture it as really big then talk it into being “smaller” like I have defeated it by not listening to what it says. Sounds ridiculous I know.
I do the same!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
LittleLionMan
29-09-23, 19:30
Just to confirm this is still me…
God I feel bloody awful, blah, blah, blah! :yesyes:
LittleLionMan
30-09-23, 20:14
I’m so wired tonight, can’t settle at all and my head is throwing up all sorts of nonsense. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m so wired tonight, can’t settle at all and my head is throwing up all sorts of nonsense. I don’t know what to do with myself.
With all due respect, being that you have the resources, as previously suggested, admitting yourself for 'in-house' treatment should be seriously considered regardless of the anxiety it causes you. You need supervision and medication as well as one on one therapy to delve into the reasons you've been trapped in this spiral for so many years and find the resources and techniques to starve the dragon.
FMP
LittleLionMan
01-10-23, 08:53
I wouldn’t be able to do an in-house treatment, but I agree that I need more help.
I have struggled for years, but I honestly didn’t realise it could get this bad.
I didn’t realise anxiety could get this bad too, it sucks I wish I hadn’t let it.
So you wouldn’t consider an in house treatment then?
LittleLionMan
01-10-23, 09:31
Yeah, but I wouldn’t be able to do it.
If I can get back to a functioning level then I’m going to do everything to make sure I never end up back here again.
This doesn’t even feel like anxiety anymore to be honest. It’s just pain from the second I wake up until the second I try and sleep, and I can’t function at all. I can’t think, I can barely move, it’s hell. I can’t even remember the last time I felt okay, and felt like myself.
LittleLionMan
02-10-23, 10:53
I’m trying to force my head into my work this morning, and it’s like I just can’t take it, like I’ll snap at any moment. I need to prove to myself that I can do it.
Am I right to just push on and force an exhausted mind to just ‘get on with it’ do you think?
Tbh you probably need some time off to focus on fixing yourself. I know distractions can be helpful for anxiety but I don’t think it works in your case.
LittleLionMan
02-10-23, 13:37
To be honest, the workshop is drying up so I don’t have a lot of choice.
It’s bloody hard word though, my head just isn’t cooperating.
Work is something I enjoy normally, and it’s important to me, so I have to try.
I’m just worried putting my mind through this will cause more harm than good.
LittleLionMan
03-10-23, 08:42
Yeah, it was a mistake pushing so hard yesterday, a huge mistake.
All I’ve done is pressed the accelerator on my head, and I’m in a right pickle.
I just can’t win here.
Just a thought and not to come off sounding harsh or anything but have you tried writing down these thoughts? Rather than posting them here where you aren’t really getting responses anymore.
It might be helpful just to write down everything you are feeling and rant at the notebook instead.
LittleLionMan
04-10-23, 09:12
Nah, it’s just noise about how I am really. Constant analysis.
I’ve only had about 2 hours sleep last night, so this is going to be fun today. :weep:
* can confirm it’s not fun. 1 star.
LittleLionMan
07-10-23, 14:12
I can’t win here, if I try and relax and go easy with myself, I get worse.
If I push on, I get overwhelmed and exhausted, I get worse.
Got ages on my own now having panic attacks because I pushed so hard the last couple of days that I can barely move.
I think something has broken in me, and can’t see a way out.
I think this has gone beyond anxiety.
LittleLionMan
08-10-23, 13:45
I would love to be able to understand what is happening to me.
Lots of articles out there that explain the science of it all. I read one the other day that said don’t try to get “rid” of your anxiety. Try to live with it and it will decrease on its own.
LittleLionMan
10-10-23, 08:53
I pushed myself really hard yesterday.
I worked on and off all day, gave myself a haircut, ate more than I have been doing, and generally just put effort in, then last night I was in a right mess and I’ve woken up in a really bad way this morning.
It’s like whatever I do has a negative outcome.
I want to push on, but it isn’t helping?
* I’ve just realised I’ve had this feeling before after I’ve cut my hair. I wonder if I hold my neck tense or something whilst I’m doing it. It’s almost like I feel ill.
LittleLionMan
13-10-23, 08:25
I think I’ve made my bed my ‘safe place’, and doing anything outside of that is anxiety provoking, I think that’s my issue.
I don’t think I’m afraid to shower, eat, or even have people over and socialise, I think I’m anxious to get back to my bed whenever I do these things, which is a real problem.
I’ve done an hour and a half with my psychologist this morning, and I’m ruined now, and can barely get out of bed. This is the problem, I can’t take steps forward because I’m not capable of it. It’s a tough one.
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 10:09
Has anyone ever been that anxious for so long that it freaks them out when they notice they have been ok for a few minutes? I’m not used to that lighter, energised feeling, and whenever it comes, I turn it into bloody panic. So frustrating.
Yes I was saying to my therapist the other day I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore but anytime I feel the slightest bit ok or clear headed or just good I freak out and back to being anxious. With me I think it’s more I’m scared by feeling good I will jinx it so have to be on my guard all the time otherwise I have further to fall. I have given up entirely with the thought I will ever go back to how I was now.
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 10:42
I think I’m just holding onto myself so tightly, trying to suppress everything, that any sensation scares me now.
I’m scared of things that aren’t even body sensations now.
Car idling outside and making the house vibrate? Panic
Weird music on the radio I can barely hear? Panic
Stood on a chair and it wobbles slightly? Panic
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 11:07
It’s just hyperawareness isn’t it.
Most people would love to wake up energised, and I turn it into anxiety.
I did get up, smoke, and start cracking on with work though, so it’s probably my own fault for trying to do more than I can manage. I’m just fed up of the alternative.
Yeah it’s hyperawareness but I don’t know how to get rid of it it’s like everything is “too real” now. I have always had sensory issues though. Clothes bugging me, not liking most foods, hating loud sounds. So I’m just a sensitive person in general which probably explains why I even have anxiety in the first place.
I don’t even wake up energised just wired but tired aha.
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 12:13
Yeah, it just turns into wired.
I don’t know what to do about it either, to be honest.
Yeah I’ve given up trying tbh, just accepted it in hopes if I don’t fight it maybe it will get better some how. It’s the derealisation that messes with me.
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 12:58
Same.
I really hope you do find a way out of this even if it does take some time. It’s so debilitating.
LittleLionMan
14-10-23, 15:05
Thanks mate.
LittleLionMan
16-10-23, 15:49
I’ve just had an appointment with my psychologist.
She basically says that I have so much going on, that tackling them all at the same time is tough…
I’m physically weak and exhausted, so any pushing physically has to be careful and followed by rest, whilst trying to eat properly.
I’m mentally exhausted because of the high level of stresses that I’ve put myself through for so long, so I can’t throw myself into other things mentally how she would want.
The anxiety is so high that it’s going to keep tiring me out physically and mentally.
It’s a real careful balancing act to get one of the areas to improve. So it’s eating properly, pushing myself anxiety wise in ways that aren’t too physical, and then moving more when I feel up to it, followed by rest. It’s also getting my head into other stuff gently, bits at a time, keeping my head occupied but not overwhelmed, getting my attention off myself, but not overdoing it. It’s not going to be a quick fix, it’s a really overwhelming and scary place to be.
It's great that you now have a plan, sounds like it good one too. I agree overwhelming but at least you now know what steps you have to take.
LittleLionMan
16-10-23, 18:54
Yeah, there was something I forgot to ask her, and that’s why I panic when I notice I’m not anxious or I’ve almost forgot to be anxious… really doing my head in that one! I’ll call her tomorrow.
All I did was hop out of bed and run downstairs a bit too enthusiastically, and it’s like my head goes “woah, what you doing!!?”. So frustrating.
I guess because if our default state is anxious obviously if we suddenly don't feel it then we are going to notice and just go back into that state because our brain is so used to it.
I'm curious to know what she says though.
LittleLionMan
16-10-23, 19:53
I see it more as a feeling of being out of control - behaving normally when your anxiety is trying to shackle you.
Yeah that also makes sense, maybe doing that enough would teach it to go away? Idk how this whole thing works aha.
LittleLionMan
17-10-23, 12:02
I mean, it doesn’t work for me, pushing just sets me back, but that’s the theory.
Since last night I have been trying to look at it a different way. Anxiety wants me to do “X” well I will do the opposite. Like it doesn’t want me to outside so I will walk to the shop and back.
LittleLionMan
17-10-23, 12:23
It’s not really about that, it’s just doing whatever you want to do, regardless of anxiety and how you are feeling.
LittleLionMan
17-10-23, 12:36
I wouldn’t take my advice though to be fair.
I’m worse today than I have ever been I think.
Ive just been flicking in and out of panic since the second I woke up.
With all due respect, I've heard you say that so many times.
LittleLionMan
17-10-23, 12:55
Yeah, I know. Definitely guilty of that one!
Today is especially bad though, and I don’t really know what’s caused it, unless it’s from pushing too hard yesterday… but if I can’t push myself to do stuff without it flooring me, how am I ever going I get better?
LittleLionMan
21-10-23, 13:42
How can you be anxious and have panic attacks all day long, when you don’t even know what you are anxious about? I honestly don’t understand the mechanism of it. :weep:
Because there is a chemical imbalance in your brain
What’s the stuff written on the paper in the photo?
LittleLionMan
22-10-23, 15:06
It was my psychologist trying to explain it to me.
Didn’t think it uploaded properly.
Having a nightmare today, it’s all gone wrong.
I’m trying to kick on, and anxiety is just kicking back. I feel like I’m out of control or being reckless for trying not to hold on to myself so tightly. It’s such a strange situation, and I don’t feel like anyone understands it. Even my psychologist doesn’t quite seem to ‘get it’. It feels impossible.
I think it’s just that I’m trying to view it on mobile and it doesn’t work on mobile very well.
I don’t think anyone will exactly understand what you are experiencing in your own head tbh, they would have to literally be in there it you.
LittleLionMan
23-10-23, 13:41
Definitely. The ‘mental exhaustion’ part of this is by far the biggest issue, but I don’t know what to do about it… I just can’t think straight, no matter what I try and do. I think it’s trying to push my head into other stuff all day, and then attempting to wind down properly at night before I try and get some sleep.
LittleLionMan
26-10-23, 11:13
I’m focussing on eating more at the moment. Try and get my strength back, and see if actually fuelling myself properly makes any difference. Difficult, but hopefully proves worth it. It’s like it’s adding energy and strength to the anxiety at the moment though. Hopefully that settles down.
LittleLionMan
26-10-23, 18:57
I have the NHS crisis team out here tomorrow. They said they are sending 2 people to do an assessment.
I'm panicking tonight that they are going to try and hospitalise me, and I don't even know how I'm going to sit and do the assessment to be honest.
Does anyone have any experience with these crisis teams and how it will work?
I have had involvement from the crisis team and honestly the last thing they wanted to do is hospitalise me. They provided support, worked out a treatment plan, discussed medication and made referrals to help me improve.
Be totally honest with them and tell them exactly how you're feeling.
LittleLionMan
27-10-23, 08:17
Thanks Catkins, that’s put my mind at ease a bit.
Hopefully it proves helpful.
LittleLionMan
27-10-23, 11:21
They had to reschedule that appointment, one of the people weren’t available. It’s on the 9th Nov now.
Hang in there - not long now!
LittleLionMan
27-10-23, 11:55
Thanks mate. Gives me 2 weeks to keep eating more and build my strength up at least.
LittleLionMan
27-10-23, 17:05
I got really anxious about that session this morning, then had a row with my Mother when it didn’t happen, then had work incidents, and then my session with my psychologist, and my head is completely screwed. Tired and derealised. I’m in such a mess.
LittleLionMan
28-10-23, 10:42
Yesterday has really taken it out of me, I really can’t handle anything right now. My head is just an anxious swamp, and I have no idea what to do about it, apart from go gentle and wait it out. I seriously don’t know what I’m supposed to do from here.
* it’s turned into an awful panic attack.
* I still don’t understand how you can be this anxious 24/7, with no breaks. I simply don’t get it.
LittleLionMan
30-10-23, 10:05
Does anyone else feel more ‘down’ when they are cold?
LittleLionMan
02-11-23, 21:58
Today has been a shocker. Constant intrusive thoughts, one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had, tears with my psychologist, every symptom you can think of on cycle. 2 steps forward, 5 steps backwards.
* yesterday has really rocked me, straight into panic again this morning. I basically tried to behave ‘normally’ yesterday, and became really wired, so tried to give myself an hours break before my therapy session, and instead I just fell into intrusive thoughts and then panic.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. But do you think of impact this continuous posting has on others who have tried to help you. You don’t listen to what people have told you about language or your constant analysis. It’s just same stuff over and over. It’s a bit disrespectful of people who have offered advice - some for many years. I get that when you are in thick of it it’s hard to think straight. You just want help and you are desperate. It’s so tough, I know. But you have to try and change the story.
Try some meds, look at in house therapy try and change the narrative. You will not feel better restricting your life the way you do, and applying this constant analysis of cause and effect, and looking for comfort on here or other places online. You obviously can’t get comfort you need from those close to you, which seems like an obvious thing to try and address.
I hope the crisis team can help.
I’m not looking to get into a back and forth as I don’t use the site much, but please try and think of others before you post.
LittleLionMan
03-11-23, 11:57
This is the nature of the forum though, and something I’ve never understood. What is the point in me posting that everything is going okay, and making it sound great, when it’s not?
I TRY and speak differently to myself, I don’t post anywhere else, I don’t speak to alone else about it apart from my psychologist once a week, so what you see here is the grand total of my ‘continuous posting’.
I’m trying to push my boundaries, I think that’s why it’s blown up so bad yday and today, because I pushed so hard. Honestly, if people saw what I actually attempt do in a day, given the state I’m in, they wouldn’t hold the opinion they do.
It’s like the site is made for anxiety, but not when it gets too bad, and I’ve never understood it. I think I hope this is the one place where maybe people will understand. In real life, I’m not a moaner, I’m not a complainer, and I’m certainly not sitting back and doing nothing about this, I just feel like I’m doing it without support or direction, which is what I suppose I hope to get a little of from here.
I have had involvement from the crisis team and honestly the last thing they wanted to do is hospitalise me. They provided support, worked out a treatment plan, discussed medication and made referrals to help me improve.
Be totally honest with them and tell them exactly how you're feeling.
Despite some of the horror stories that sometimes still abound online, especially those that are easily stumbled upon when doomscrolling said subject, I'm sure hospitalisation/institutionalisation is only ever used as an absolute last resort nowadays.
Plus I reckon it's the most extreme of cases that tend to make the news whenever such things do happen.
After all, who's really going to be interested in hearing/reading about the vast majority of cases nowadays that don't involve hospitalisation/ institutionalisation as to most people they're basically non-stories.
LittleLionMan
03-11-23, 12:09
Yeah, my psychologist said the only reason they would have to hospitalise me is if I wasn’t eating still, but I’m force feeding myself all day now, and getting loads in, so that shouldn’t be on the radar now really. The threat of hospitalisation was when I had lost 3 stone and was still losing it, but it’s sticking around the 9st 12lbs mark now, so hopefully if I keep going I will start to gain weight again, which will hopefully help with my anxiety too, when I’m a bit stronger.
Yeah, my psychologist said the only reason they would have to hospitalise me is if I wasn’t eating still, but I’m force feeding myself all day now, and getting loads in, so that shouldn’t be on the radar now really. The threat of hospitalisation was when I had lost 3 stone and was still losing it, but it’s sticking around the 9st 12lbs mark now, so hopefully if I keep going I will start to gain weight again, which will hopefully help with my anxiety too, when I’m a bit stronger.
Well that's good news.
Especially as food, or more commonly the lack of it, can adversely affect our moods and general wellbeing in many ways.
Had you been hospitalised, it would have been more for reasons of safeguarding and not as a punitive measure.
Also both my dad and various staff members at my day centre have reassured me that people don't just get hospitalised or sectioned willy-nilly anymore.
My dad said that society at large was far more black and white about such issues in the past and institutionalisation was often considered the simplest and easiest option by the authorities, sometimes even over the most trivial of matters. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that.
But a lot of that has now changed and in a lot of ways improved, thank God, especially in these more enlightened times.
LittleLionMan
03-11-23, 13:13
I’ve made eating a priority. Even if I can’t manage anything else, I make sure I eat. I’m just skin and bone at the minute, and don’t think I’ll ever begin to recover from this episode until I’m physically stronger.
I can’t imagine they were as understanding in years gone by. We all know how bizarre and weird some of our fears and anxious thoughts get… if you started saying them all out loud to someone who didn’t understand, they would be awfully quick to react back then.
I’ve made eating a priority. Even if I can’t manage anything else, I make sure I eat. I’m just skin and bone at the minute, and don’t think I’ll ever begin to recover from this episode until I’m physically stronger.
I can’t imagine they were as understanding in years gone by. We all know how bizarre and weird some of our fears and anxious thoughts get… if you started saying them all out loud to someone who didn’t understand, they would be awfully quick to react back then.
Absolutely. MH issues in general weren't as openly discussed nor taken as seriously in the past like they are today, so were often on the face of it 'hidden' and ignored issues.
Also you're correct that many people seemed to be far more prejudiced in past decades, and even many 'specialists' in the field of MH, psychology and psychiatry were often unhelpful and even seemed to treat certain individuals with MH issues with contempt on occasions; as if they were a perpetual hindrance to society and the likes of the NHS, etc, even well into the decade of the 2000s IIRC.
LittleLionMan
04-11-23, 10:14
It becomes clear when I see the different reactions I get from my girlfriend, who is 28, and my parents, who are early 50’s. My Dad will shout at me in the middle of a panic attack telling me to stop being ridiculous and pull myself together, and my Mum will tell me every day that I’m still struggling that ‘I’ll never get better, and that it’s all a waste of time’. My girlfriend will remind me that it has to pass at some point and remind me how feelings and thoughts always leave and evolve. It’s just a generational thing isn’t it. If they have never struggled, and never attempted to learn about it, they just don’t know.
My big issue with the NHS is that any interaction with them feels like a box ticking exercise. They don’t seem to have any interest in actually helping, they just seem to want to get their forms filled in to demonstrate they tried, seemingly to cover their bums in case something happens to you, so I still think they have a long way to go. Funding is a obviously a big issue for them though, as anxiety is never a quick fix is it.
It becomes clear when I see the different reactions I get from my girlfriend, who is 28, and my parents, who are early 50’s. My Dad will shout at me in the middle of a panic attack telling me to stop being ridiculous and pull myself together, and my Mum will tell me every day that I’m still struggling that ‘I’ll never get better, and that it’s all a waste of time’. My girlfriend will remind me that it has to pass at some point and remind me how feelings and thoughts always leave and evolve. It’s just a generational thing isn’t it. If they have never struggled, and never attempted to learn about it, they just don’t know.
My big issue with the NHS is that any interaction with them feels like a box ticking exercise. They don’t seem to have any interest in actually helping, they just seem to want to get their forms filled in to demonstrate they tried, seemingly to cover their bums in case something happens to you, so I still think they have a long way to go. Funding is a obviously a big issue for them though, as anxiety is never a quick fix is it.
Paragraph #1; your parents attitude, or probably to be fairer and more precise, your parents' generation's attitude really sucks in that respect.
Reminds me of the typical 'we were slippered/belted/caned by our parents and teachers, smoked around indoors and in the car, left home alone while our parents went down the pub, etc, when we were younger and it never did us any harm, yadda yadda yadda', 'youngsters today....blah blah blah' hyperbole that's often trotted out. Also the past wasn't always superior to the present, even though many of us often like to believe it was, despite a lot of the not-so-good things that were actually known to happen at the time.
Paragraph #2; I think certain elements of the NHS and many public services in general have always been known to be rather up themselves ever since I can remember. And while I'm not in any way trivialising the current financial climate as a whole, I do personally believe there are certain workers in such professions who milk the situation to suit their own personal agendas (e.g, can't be bothered-ness), and that trend seems to have become even more apparent since the start of the Covid pandemic, if not already increasingly so beforehand, especially many of the typical 'jobsworth' types.
LittleLionMan
04-11-23, 14:03
The irony in it all is that a therapist would have a field day with my parents, my father in particular. He’s a control freak, a workaholic, alcoholic, lunatic of a man. He’s brilliant in many ways, but hugely floored in others. He has lots of traits that I admire, but the fundamentals of how he talks to people and treats people is completely wrong. If ever this little spell ends, my priority is going to be trying to get out of this environment for that very reason… moved towards safety and kindness with my girlfriend.
There were some things that were better in the ‘good old days’, and there are things this generation can learn from them times, but there are also things that need to stay firmly in the past!
Yeah, definitely. There will either be people don’t care and just want to tick
boxes, and then the people who do actually want to help won’t have the resources and probably become disillusioned with it quite quickly. Sad really.
The irony in it all is that a therapist would have a field day with my parents, my father in particular. He’s a control freak, a workaholic, alcoholic, lunatic of a man. He’s brilliant in many ways, but hugely floored in others. He has lots of traits that I admire, but the fundamentals of how he talks to people and treats people is completely wrong. If ever this little spell ends, my priority is going to be trying to get out of this environment for that very reason… moved towards safety and kindness with my girlfriend.
There were some things that were better in the ‘good old days’, and there are things this generation can learn from them times, but there are also things that need to stay firmly in the past!
Yeah, definitely. There will either be people don’t care and just want to tick
boxes, and then the people who do actually want to help won’t have the resources and probably become disillusioned with it quite quickly. Sad really.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially concerning your dad and his attitudes. I have ASD and when I was younger I sometimes used to (usually unwittingly) behave in certain ways that many neurotypicals consider rather odd (or at least used to moreso back then), and I was often warned that I was basically asking for ridicule, bullying and abuse by behaving in such ways, and it seemed that even the 'professionals' back then were appeasing and pandering to the serially ignorant and prejudiced of our society and was often being told by them that characteristic 'stimming' and meltdowns were not tolerated by 'normal' people!
In fact, has there ever even been such a thing as a completely 'normal' person? I don't think so.
LittleLionMan
04-11-23, 17:50
I imagine that must have been tough, because would I be right in thinking any attempt to suppress the behaviours would increase anxiety around it and amplify them?
i really don’t think there is. When I worry that I’m going mad or that I’m ’broken’, my psychologist spends an awful lot of time trying to demonstrate to me that everything I experience mentally is actually normal, and that things that I worry about and make me anxious are actually normal things that happen to everyone, which I then turn into huge issues because I’m just anxious and hyperaware of every little thing. She thinks my impression of what a ‘normal’ brain is like, is hugely unrealistic. She says no one’s head is perfectly still and well behaved, I’ve just got to learn that it doesn’t matter what nonsense it comes up with. The cognitive symptoms frighten me far more than the physical ones, always have.
I imagine that must have been tough, because would I be right in thinking any attempt to suppress the behaviours would increase anxiety around it and amplify them?
i really don’t think there is. When I worry that I’m going mad or that I’m ’broken’, my psychologist spends an awful lot of time trying to demonstrate to me that everything I experience mentally is actually normal, and that things that I worry about and make me anxious are actually normal things that happen to everyone, which I then turn into huge issues because I’m just anxious and hyperaware of every little thing. She thinks my impression of what a ‘normal’ brain is like, is hugely unrealistic. She says no one’s head is perfectly still and well behaved, I’ve just got to learn that it doesn’t matter what nonsense it comes up with. The cognitive symptoms frighten me far more than the physical ones, always have.
You're not kidding; it certainly was tough at times. There was also the 'double standards' aspect of it all too; people like me were always being told that violence and aggression was very wrong but many neurotypicals ironically still seemed to have the god-given right to assault and abuse people like me for displaying such 'odd' behaviours and often get off scot-free for doing so. I think people like me have always been easy pickings for the authorities to readily lay down the law to, while seemingly ignoring the 'real' serial bullies, sadists and general @rseholes of society who connivingly often seem to be above the law but love to scapegoat individuals perceived as 'lesser' human beings.
'Character building' my backside!
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 10:08
Yeah, it all makes sense, and comes back to a lack of understanding again doesn’t it!
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 10:14
I’ve had a terrible night. Had a panic attack just before I started winding down for bed, and it resulted in me laying awake having panic attacks all night, my head was like mush, and it’s the same this morning. I pushed myself quite hard again yesterday, but it just ends up setting me back. It’s like I can’t do anything to help myself without it backfiring. It’s so disheartening. I normally sleep okay(ish) as well, and I think that’s been my only really saver in all this. Really not good today, and it’s going to just be a case of getting through today, somehow.
I’ve had a terrible night. Had a panic attack just before I started winding down for bed, and it resulted in me laying awake having panic attacks all night, my head was like mush, and it’s the same this morning. I pushed myself quite hard again yesterday, but it just ends up setting me back. It’s like I can’t do anything to help myself without it backfiring. It’s so disheartening. I normally sleep okay(ish) as well, and I think that’s been my only really saver in all this. Really not good today, and it’s going to just be a case of getting through today, somehow.
Join the club mate.
I'm the very same right now. I keep ruminating on a very cruel thing my mom did to me when I was 12. One morning I refused point blank to go to school because it was such a hellhole for me at the time, and she grabbed one of my dad's hammers and set about my record player in a mad fit of rage. I was always being told that violence, aggression and vandalism were very wrong but all of those things still seemed to be acceptable for everyone else, especially as an act of retribution.
That particular school at the time seemed to be in blatant denial of its dysfunctional regime (which seemed to be more of a dumping ground for the serial juvenile delinquents of my town of residence) plus both my parents seemed to be far more concerned about their daytime jobs at the time and that I was basically out of their sight and mind while I was there during the day, but my dad admitted to me fairly recently that he now has many regrets for not taking a lot of my issues more seriously when I was younger, and he and my mom were basically going along with the general consensus of the time concerning people with my condition, even though they never really agreed with said consensus at the time, but they didn't really have an awful lot of choice as it was basically the way society and the culture was back then, so therefore had to go with the flow.
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 14:12
Really? That doesn’t sound fun!
I think the evenings and when I’m asleep are the only real break my head gets at the minute, so when that gets ruined, I don’t half know about it. Very bad day so far.
Really? That doesn’t sound fun!
I think the evenings and when I’m asleep are the only real break my head gets at the minute, so when that gets ruined, I don’t half know about it. Very bad day so far.
Hope things improve for you soon. We all go through our ups and downs throughout our lives. I think we're both going through a bit of a blip right now.
But at least we're not in a national lockdown like we were this time 3 years ago.
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 15:27
Haha, I’m agoraphobic mate, lockdown is like my Olympics! :roflmao:
Haha, I’m agoraphobic mate, lockdown is like my Olympics! :roflmao:
I suppose I probably would have loved the prospects of lockdowns had Covid or something similar happened back in the late 80s-early 90s, as it would have meant not having to go to school nor the seemingly 'hell-on-earth' respite unit I also had to attend for about 2 nights once every month circa 1989-91.
It would also have meant not having to suffer the torment of attending other places I hated with a passion, such as certain shops, etc.
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 17:51
Haha, I joke, but I actually really struggled with it.
I was never scared of catching Covid, but I don’t think it helped that all the sport stopped and things, all the distractions I relied on.
Haha, I joke, but I actually really struggled with it.
I was never scared of catching Covid, but I don’t think it helped that all the sport stopped and things, all the distractions I relied on.
TBH, I think certain factions of society had already been gagging for some kind of national lockdown ages before Covid came along, especially hardcore elements of the H & S brigade and those who hate getting off their backsides period.
Certain staff members at my previous day centre definitely spring to mind, especially the ones who would habitually cancel day trips or community-based activities willy-nilly at the slightest inkling of any undesirable weather or whatever else.
Furlough must have been bliss for them in 2020!
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 19:33
It definitely suited some people. Caused a nightmare for my businesses.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. But do you think of impact this continuous posting has on others who have tried to help you. You don’t listen to what people have told you about language or your constant analysis. It’s just same stuff over and over. It’s a bit disrespectful of people who have offered advice - some for many years. I get that when you are in thick of it it’s hard to think straight. You just want help and you are desperate. It’s so tough, I know. But you have to try and change the story.
Try some meds, look at in house therapy try and change the narrative. You will not feel better restricting your life the way you do, and applying this constant analysis of cause and effect, and looking for comfort on here or other places online. You obviously can’t get comfort you need from those close to you, which seems like an obvious thing to try and address.
I hope the crisis team can help.
I’m not looking to get into a back and forth as I don’t use the site much, but please try and think of others before you post.
Man, you nailed that Mr. P! This thread is just a continuation of the previous thread and should be merged. Despite the OP is saying about trying, all appearances indicate quite the opposite. No sense in replying as it's just fodder for the dragon. Some will, some won't, so what? It is what it is. Again sir, well said!
FMP
It definitely suited some people. Caused a nightmare for my businesses.
I also recall someone saying on another forum I used to frequent a few years back but eventually gave up on due to the constant venom and OTT-ness from certain members on it during the immediate aftermath of the 7/7 terrorist attacks in central London in 2005 and also during the August 2011 riots that full-on national lockdowns were urgently needed on both occasions in the interests of the entire country's safety and security and my immediate thought (on both occasions) was 'What the hell?'. To implicitly award the small minority of nutjobs hell bent on causing chaos and wanton destruction on the streets of our cities and towns some kind of 'badge of honour' by simply shutting down the whole country; even areas where the chances of such incidents occurring were/are extremely remote and at the inconvenience of all us innocent folks who were/are far more likely to get run over by a bus than get caught up in a terrorist attack or a riot.
As for the recent Covid pandemic, its lockdowns were necessary; at least during its initial stages, even though I've more recently wondered as to whether or not they were completely warranted, especially as Sweden managed to get through the worst of the pandemic without any national lockdowns and their death rates directly attributed to Covid weren't reported to be any greater than ours as a result.
You live in an interesting world Lenco.
FMP
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 21:23
You live in an interesting world Lenco.
FMP
No stranger than a bloke who doesn’t suffer with a mental health problem, spending all his days mocking people who do.
I don't think FMP mocks anyone, though. Sure, he can be harsh, but harsh works on some people.
Frankly, I depend on harsh when I start disappearing up myself.
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 21:35
Man, you nailed that Mr. P! This thread is just a continuation of the previous thread and should be merged. Despite the OP is saying about trying, all appearances indicate quite the opposite. No sense in replying as it's just fodder for the dragon. Some will, some won't, so what? It is what it is. Again sir, well said!
FMP
You have absolutely no idea what I do in a day in an attempt to get better and the effort I’m putting in to fight for myself. Bloody judging me.
No stranger than a bloke who doesn’t suffer with a mental health problem, spending all his days mocking people who do.
Bro, I've struggled with depression and anxiety since my first heart attack in 2007. I've gone to therapy and taken meds to help. I struggled after my cancer and again, went to therapy and taken meds to help. The bottom line is it came down to me to take action on the words and techniques to quell the dragon. I still have my moments and struggle but I recognize it and take action. I'm 64, have had two heart attacks, triple bypass and triple stents for my heart issues. Ohhh yeah, battling Stage IVa H&N cancer, two surgeries, and 6 weeks of chemo and radiation and I'm still here. I had a 50/50 chance for survival! I can safely say that no members here have gone through what I have. I originally came here because I followed posters on the cancer forum I was part of to this site over 10 years ago and have offered real life observations and advice since then. Not to mention my daughter has severe mental health issues (anxiety and depression) and has been in treatment since she was a young teen. She has attempted suicide twice and has been in mental hospitals several times by choice and not.
You know what? Suck it up dude! No words on a screen or the advice of others who have tried to help and support you over the last few years will help unless you act on them. You know what? I would gladly reply and support you if you showed any evidence of you actually trying and making progress. You've done nothing of the sort! Need I say more? :lac:
FMP
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 21:39
I don't think FMP mocks anyone, though. Sure, he can be harsh, but harsh works on some people.
Frankly, I depend on harsh when I start disappearing up myself.
All he does with me is try and police what I post, belittle me, mock me for not getting better, and talk about me on my own posts. Can’t be doing with it.
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 21:49
No words on a screen or the advice of others who have tried to help and support you over the last few years will help unless you act on them. You know what? I would gladly reply and support you if you showed any evidence of you actually trying and making progress. You've done nothing of the sort! Need I say more? :lac:
FMP
I do try and act on all the things I’ve learnt, every second of every day, I’m fighting so hard at the minute, and you want me to prove it to you? For what? You’ve already said that despite me telling people what I’m trying, you don’t believe me anyway (I don’t know what that is based on), so what’s the point? I’m also not going to try and prove anything to someone who speaks to me and treats me the way you do. I honestly don’t know who you think you are. :shrug:
All he does with me is try and police what I post, belittle me, mock me for not getting better, and talk about me on my own posts. Can’t be doing with it.
Calling it as it is 'PHR'... You, along with other serial posters over the years on this site and others will continue to use it as food for their dragon. Your replies are predictable, transparent and I have 10+ years experience to affirm that. Do what you need to do to feed your dragon and know that will be others besides me that call it out.
FMP
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 22:09
Calling it as it is 'PHR'... You, along with other serial posters over the years on this site and others will continue to use it as food for their dragon. Your replies are predictable, transparent and I have 10+ years experience to affirm that. Do what you need to do to feed your dragon and know that will be others besides me that call it out.
FMP
I changed the name purely for anonymity, so thanks for that.
These ‘serial posters’ are people simply trying to navigate their way through this the best they can, largely on their own or with families that are less than helpful, and are trying to find some support whilst they try and navigate their way out. No one wants to feel like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Just for the record, I am giving this everything I’ve got. I am fighting for myself every day at the moment. You can say what you want about me, I’m sure there are plenty of things I’m getting wrong, and I get that you have some problem with me or you wouldn’t speak to me how you do, and that’s fine, but I won’t let accusations of lack of effort fly, because that’s complete NONSENSE.
I changed the name purely for anonymity, so thanks for that.
These ‘serial posters’ are people simply trying to navigate their way through this the best they can, largely on their own or with families that are less than helpful, and are trying to find some support whilst they try and navigate their way out. No one wants to feel like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Just for the record, I am giving this everything I’ve got. I am fighting for myself every day at the moment, and you can say what you want about me, I’m sure there are plenty of things I’m getting wrong, and I get that you have some problem with me or you wouldn’t speak to me how you do, and that’s fine, but I won’t let accusations of lack of effort fly, because that’s complete NONSENSE.
Who knows what you do. We only see your words and they do not back up your claims at all. I'm 64, have health issues and who knows how long I have on this Earth. You'll be here well after I'm gone along with many others. If there is an afterlife, I'll reply and call out your dragon ;)
FMP
LittleLionMan
05-11-23, 22:44
Who knows what you do. We only see your words and they do not back up your claims at all. I'm 64, have health issues and who knows how long I have on this Earth. You'll be here well after I'm gone along with many others. If there is an afterlife, I'll reply and call out your dragon ;)
FMP
You mean because I haven’t got better? Which is EXACTLY why I’m so confused and frustrated… it feels the harder I’m trying, the worse I’m getting.
I don’t need your smart arse comments from any afterlife, they are annoying enough from this realm! :roflmao:
Yet here you are, a person who is financially secure unlike anyone else here. You have the means to recover yet SSDD. Seems you're rather triggered by me because I'm calling you out and challenging your dragon. Deal with it or not but I will call you out when it's apparent to do so. And let's be real here, other than me at this point, the members replying are no better off than you :winks: If you want to continue a back and forth as you seem inclined to do, feel free. I have the tenure and experience with serial posters like you and will reply accordingly. ADMIN: Please merge with previous thread as this is the same issue. The name change and new thread are simply an attempt to feed the dragon.
FMP
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 06:55
I’m not ‘triggered’ by you, and you aren’t ‘challenging my dragon’. I KNOW you are wrong in lots of what you are saying, and I honestly just think you are pretty creepy to do what you are doing on here. You keep saying SSDD like it means something - I’m desperately struggling to get any relief, that’s all it means. I have tried using my finances to escape this, but it turns out you can’t buy good mental health, who knew. I know about the lack of replies, and I get it, the forum seems to be a pleasant place for people with a little pang of anxiety now and again, but not for people are too bad or for too long, which I get, we aren’t fun to talk to and people don’t feel their words or advice have had the desired impact.
I have good spells and bad spells. It was only a few months ago that I had got myself to a place where I was pretty happy, trying to push outwards, and things were starting to look pretty good, now I can barely get out of bed, am severely underweight, and can’t really do anything.
You aren’t some superhero calling out the bad guys, you know. You are a creepy man ridiculing people for not managing to recover from a mental health condition, despite all their efforts - a condition that you’ve never even struggled with.
ADMIN: The name change was for anonymity as I discussed with other members before hand, and the new thread was because my issues evolved way beyond what the initial trigger for the decline was and I found myself in a very specific place that I felt the need to try and describe.
There's a reason people post on this forum; that is because every member has some kind of MH issue, otherwise there's no point in any of us being members of this forum.
And I understand that although on the face of it some of us may appear to be 'drama queens' and indeed 'know-it-alls' on occasions (probably myself included), it's not necessarily intentional a lot of the time.
We're all individuals with our own respective 'quirks'; e.g, in the sense that we can get our knickers in a knot over certain things that others may perceive as relatively trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Of course there are some lazy, ignorant individuals (not necessarily on here) who seem to be of the mindset that there was no such thing as MH issues pre-21st Century, that they've all been made up post-Y2K to excuse certain attitudes, behaviours and traits (including ASD and the like), that we're 'woke', 'snowflakes', etc and a hindrance to society.
All very wrong; we're actually living in more enlightened times with greater awareness than ever before of many issues, but unfortunately there will always be certain sadcases who will stubbornly bury their heads in the sand and wear their rose-tinted specs forever more.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 09:19
This, exactly.
I think maybe I just need to realise it isn’t the place I thought it was, and isn’t the place that that I would like it to be.
I don’t Google anything, and don’t use any other anxiety website / forum / chat (I have 2 web pages screenshot that I feel gives me all the info I need to know) so this is the grand total of my anxiety ‘online’ activities. I thought that I was being sensible but I’m not so sure now, as you’re right, the idea of it being a supportive and helpful place is inaccurate, and it’s actually pretty toxic.
I will always be grateful for the few kind people I’ve met and spoken to on here, though.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 09:58
This hurts to read.
My post? I’m extremely grateful to have met and spoken to you, that’s basically what the last little bit was about.
You know I think you’re wonderful. :hugs:
This hurts to read.
I’m sorry I don’t mean to offend anyone but this is truly how I feel and sometimes the truth hurts I guess. This site has properly messed my head up the last few months. As I said everyone here seems nice and it’s no one’s fault but the format of the site just doesn’t work and I feel like other groups help me more. My dad also pointed out it’s no use getting help from other people with anxiety as we are all in the same boat and surrounding yourself with negativity and people who are also mentally ill doesn’t help and I have to agree with that now. People on sites this are always going to be a little extra sensitive so it results in arguments like this (if you would even call this argument I don’t but I don’t know what to call it) things don’t translate the same online as real life and I’m sure most here are lovely in real life (as they are on the site most the time too)
Also I get being harsh helps some people but some people also have past trauma and being harsh can be a trigger for them. When people are being harsh to be nice to me I start feeling like everyone hates me, it doesn’t work for everyone which why I always chose to be kind.
Goes both ways, plus you've helped keep me sane this past couple of days.
It's a tough one, my gut instinct is to defend this place but I hate the thought of anyone being hurt. I've always found that a kick up the rear helps me, which is why I can be harsh sometimes; kindness is good but it doesn't always help me move on. It's a tough balance to strike, and I know I've maybe gone too far with you sometimes, LLM.
As others have said, we're all trying our best to do what we can here with what we've got - we've had trolls, but I don't think any of the regulars fall into that category. Different communication styles, I guess, and that may be why people clash.
Apologies for rambling, my brain's fried from worry and the noise outside last night.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 10:19
Goes both ways, plus you've helped keep me sane this past couple of days.
It's a tough one, my gut instinct is to defend this place but I hate the thought of anyone being hurt. I've always found that a kick up the rear helps me, which is why I can be harsh sometimes; kindness is good but it doesn't always help me move on. It's a tough balance to strike, and I know I've maybe gone too far with you sometimes, LLM.
As others have said, we're all trying our best to do what we can here with what we've got - we've had trolls, but I don't think any of the regulars fall into that category. Different communication styles, I guess, and that may be why people clash.
Apologies for rambling, my brain's fried from worry and the noise outside last night.
Glad I’ve been able to help, somewhat.
I can take harsh, that isn’t my issue, and especially from you because I know that it’s from a good place
Considering your brain is fried, I think that’s a pretty rational view on it all to be honest.
Goes both ways, plus you've helped keep me sane this past couple of days.
It's a tough one, my gut instinct is to defend this place but I hate the thought of anyone being hurt. I've always found that a kick up the rear helps me, which is why I can be harsh sometimes; kindness is good but it doesn't always help me move on. It's a tough balance to strike, and I know I've maybe gone too far with you sometimes, LLM.
As others have said, we're all trying our best to do what we can here with what we've got - we've had trolls, but I don't think any of the regulars fall into that category. Different communication styles, I guess, and that may be why people clash.
Apologies for rambling, my brain's fried from worry and the noise outside last night.
I think personally this site is just a bit too serious for me. I have been using a group chat on Facebook which is way more casual as it’s just people relating to each other and telling each other it will be ok.
I'm glad you've found something that works for you; I hope things start getting better soon.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 10:35
I think personally this site is just a bit too serious for me. I have been using a group chat on Facebook which is way more casual as it’s just people relating to each other and telling each other it will be ok.
See, that wouldn’t help me either. My needs (sounds weird, but I suppose that’s what it is) isn’t really about reassurance, it’s more about understanding. The second I understand what’s happening to me, my anxiety seems to disappear. I think that’s why my posts come across as repetitive and annoy people, because I’m almost desperate for someone to understand EXACTLY how I feel (which is impossible), and then to be able to give me useful pointers. The trouble is that I’m having a hard time understanding or articulating what’s happening to me at the minute, so I’m just tying myself up in knots… that mental exhaustion thing I sent you is as close to understanding it as I’ve come. I don’t know if I should be resting, pushing on and gritting my teeth, a bit of both, I honestly don’t know, and everything I do seems to backfire, so I’m just a bit lost at the minute.
I’m sure it will all ease up at some point.
It's because you're smart, LLM.
It took me so long to learn how to be a human being, rather than a human doing.
Acceptance is tougher if you're used to being able to solve everything life throws at you.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 11:04
It's because you're smart, LLM.
It took me so long to learn how to be a human being, rather than a human doing.
Acceptance is tougher if you're used to being able to solve everything life throws at you.
I think that’s it. It’s like my brain sees everything as some problem I need to solve.
Serves my brilliantly in the office, not so well in the rest of life.
Welcome to my world ;)
You'll get there, though, I have faith.
See for me I had to stop trying to convince myself all my symptoms are purely anxiety. Now I’m tackling them all separate as individual things that may or may not be caused by anxiety and it’s helped me greatly as I think that was part of the problem, everyone saying everything was caused by anxiety when I know it’s not as I know my body and I have real things going on such as ear infections. I think it works for me when I feel like I’m fixing the physical symptoms. rather than the anxiety for some reason.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 11:08
A blessing and a curse. :wacko:
Thanks, I hope so.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 11:12
See for me I had to stop trying to convince myself all my symptoms are purely anxiety. Now I’m tackling them all separate as individual things that may or may not be caused by anxiety and it’s helped me greatly as I think that was part of the problem, everyone saying everything was caused by anxiety when I know it’s not as I know my body and I have real things going on such as ear infections. I think it works for me when I feel like I’m fixing the physical symptoms. rather than the anxiety for some reason.
That’s because it feels like you are taking action.
This is my problem, because the best action is no action. Leaving it alone and getting on with my life would be the best action I could take, but my mind screams louder when I do that and I get sucked back in again.
Sorry if this is obvious, but have you tried breaking everything down into chunks and working on the bits you can deal with?
For example, the eating thing: is it helping a bit?
I hadn't wanted to go out on November 5th because our area gets so violent, but I gave myself permission to spend money on a cab if I needed to. It's sort of like nibbling little bits off the edge of the anxiety.
That’s because it feels like you are taking action.
This is my problem, because the best action is no action. Leaving it alone and getting on with my life would be the best action I could take, but my mind screams louder when I do that and I get sucked back in again.
Yeah maybe it’s not what I’m meant it be doing but it’s what’s worked.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 11:32
Sorry if this is obvious, but have you tried breaking everything down into chunks and working on the bits you can deal with?
For example, the eating thing: is it helping a bit?
I hadn't wanted to go out on November 5th because our area gets so violent, but I gave myself permission to spend money on a cab if I needed to. It's sort of like nibbling little bits off the edge of the anxiety.
I am eating loads now. I haven’t put as much weight on as I hoped I would, and I’m not sure it’s helping, but I’m doing it.
I’ve tried this, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. Like going out for a cigarette, I do it 12 times a day, and I still get anxious every time I do it. It’s a really general ‘head is swamped’ thing, everything feels like an issue.
I feel like I need to sleep for a week and just let my head rest, but I obviously can’t do that. :roflmao:
Can't you? Could you not just book a week into your calendar?
Serious question, I'm not mocking.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 11:53
Nah, I can’t. It also wouldn’t do what I imagine I don’t think.
Okay, so, next step: Either a day, or a couple of hours a day. You'll be so much more productive once your brain's back in gear.
I'm nowhere near as bad as you, and I'm absolutely not operating at full capacity right now.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 12:24
The trouble I have, is that doing nothing isn’t restful, because my head just finds something to swirl about. It’s like I need to find things that relax me and give me mild distraction. Just enough to keep my entertained without adding extra thinking… If that makes any sense. I need to find some ways to give my head some down time.
It does, and you need to find what works for you.
I'm going to be doing the same thing this evening, probably by driving my husband mad with cartoon series I've watched a dozen times over ;)
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 12:39
Haha! Sounds good!
I think I’ve said before, but I sometimes lay on an acupressure mat in bed at night, and me and my girlfriend put the same show on, and sometimes the texting back and forth about it and the show combined is just enough to do it… it’s like bliss when it works!
How are you holding up today?
I have been leaning crochet recently and that has been helping me. Keeps my hands busy while I’m learning something new. Plus I get a sense of achievement when I make something which boosts my mood.
Maybe you could find a new hobby? Or go back to one you used to do? Try find something that isn’t too thought intensive as I know you struggle with concentration.
Honestly I couldn’t even imagine being able to sit there and do something like crochet a few weeks ago. I just try my best to focus on it and take breaks when I need to if I get overwhelmed and anxious.
That's fantastic, KitKat!
I really wish I could crochet but I'm certified unteachable, so I'll have to stick with my beads.
I have my auntie to help me who’s amazing at it. I must admit though it is very fiddly and I found it really difficult at first. I was going to give up but after three days managed to make a tiny octopus.
I have a load of beads just sat in a box, I’ll have to get back into that too.
If you ever want a free Zoom class, hit me up :) I love teaching beadweaving skills.
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 13:34
Some of your beading things are pretty complex!
I wouldn’t have the patience for either! :roflmao:
I bet you have the patience for complex calculations, though. When you get into the flow state patience isn't required.
Be proud of who you are, and what you can do.
Like I said earlier this morning, there are various issues I have always felt very strongly about that most others seem to consider trivial and unimportant (e.g, graffiti and litter) and have even been belittled by others for voicing my concerns about them with the usual 'there's far more serious things going on in the world right now, yadda yadda yadda', 'who cares', etc.
Let's face it, I can't do anything about the warring factions in Israel and Gaza right now who have basically been at each others' throats on and off pretty much since year dot, nor the situation in Ukraine since the start of last year, even though they're obviously considered the most pressing issues in the world ATM, but it still doesn't mean various issues closer to home shouldn't matter as well.
Not that I don't care about the plight of the poor innocent individuals in the thick of those terrible conflicts through no fault nor choice of their own, and I think the way certain factions here in Blighty are reacting to it by hate-attacking seemingly innocent Jews and others who have no direct influence on their day-to-day lives is nothing but disgusting in the extreme.
But hey ho, some people love scapegoating and blame-gaming!
In a year or two it will probably be another 'cursed' group or thing that becomes the next 'scapegoat'.
Are you in the right thread, chuck?
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 14:09
That’s very nice of you. I haven’t really heard of beadweaving before so just looked it up and that’s amazing. Didn’t know people were making things like that with beads I just used to make bracelets.
I rotate through hobbies like manic so that will probably be my next thing. What sort of stuff do you need to do that anyway? Other than the beads I don’t have anything else aha.
Some of the things Blue makes are really impressive.
I’d love to see some.
Also that was meant to say “maniac” in my post not “manic”.
At work right now, but if you're up for it I'd be happy to share pics via Whatsapp.
Heck, time permitting, NMP members get free earrings :)
Basically, for beadweaving you need seed beads, a needle, scissors and specialised beading thread. The basic supplies aren't massively expensive. If it's something you want to try, I can make up a kit and post out. I love getting people into the hobby :)
At work right now, but if you're up for it I'd be happy to share pics via Whatsapp.
Heck, time permitting, NMP members get free earrings :)
Basically, for beadweaving you need seed beads, a needle, scissors and specialised beading thread. The basic supplies aren't massively expensive. If it's something you want to try, I can make up a kit and post out. I love getting people into the hobby :)
whats app is fine, will just need to download it again as I deleted it aha. Message me on here I guess with your details to add you?
LittleLionMan
06-11-23, 19:41
I’ve been awake since 5, and worked from 7am until 6:30pm, through the anxiety, clearing nearly every job off the engineering board, and I am whacked. Time to try and do that relaxing thing I hear people talking about! I know the working thing sounds counter intuitive in this state, but I need to get it to a reasonable place before I can have the proper break that I desperately need.
Some of the things Blue makes are really impressive.
I'm curious to see some pics please BI. My wife is an artist/crafter and creates some amazing products. From paintings to jewelry to knitted and crocheted products. She uses beads in her jewelry creations. Post a link or pics please. I'd like to see your work.
FMP
Will do, FMP. I don’t particularly like the picture interface here, but if you're okay with DMing me a WhatsApp or email address I'll happily send some photos over.
Will do, FMP. I don’t particularly like the picture interface here, but if you're okay with DMing me a WhatsApp or email address I'll happily send some photos over.
:yesyes:
FMP
LittleLionMan
07-11-23, 12:59
I had a session with my psychologist first thing this morning.
Shes says that I’m ‘pushing’ in the wrong way, and that I’m confusing what is productive with what is beneficial for anxiety. She says if I looked up what is good for an exhausted mind, then lying in bed staring at a screen and working for 12 hours would be the polar opposite to what is needed, and I’m only considering it ‘pushing myself’ because it’s so hard.
She thinks a lot of this is physical, that I’m not moving enough to discharge any of the adrenaline and stress hormones that will be building up, understandable because I’ve become so weak from the months of not eating enough (I’m eating more than enough now) but that it’s something I need to correct. She says that I need to start off small, and gradually increase my physical activity, and that until I’m moving around more, then I’m probably not going to get any relief. I’m to try and do more physical stuff… shower, walk, stretch, play, whilst being clear not to confuse the symptoms of physical exhaustion for anxiety (she joked less time looking at my heart rate on my Apple Watch, and more time looking at the steps!), and see it as an attempt to build myself back up physically, regardless of my mental activity.
That sounds pretty sensible to me. Hang in there!
LittleLionMan
07-11-23, 13:33
Yeah, I think so. It makes sense in theory, so I’ll try and see what I can do.
How are you doing today?
Pretty drained, but life goes on.
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 08:17
I’ve got that crisis team assessment at 11.
Absolutely climbing the walls, dreading it.
It's going to be the start of things getting better for you. You've got this!
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 08:47
I hope so. I’ll give it a good go.
I’m not even arsed about the actual assessment as in the content and the ramifications, it’s just being up and about for an hour talking to 2 strangers that’s bothering me. I can’t do that for myself let alone for them.
You are doing it for yourself, though.
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 10:45
Not really, because I honestly don’t think there’s going to be anything they can offer me.
I am literally climbing the walls here, and have no idea how I’m going to do this.
* sorry, being negative, I’m just pretty certain they aren’t going to be able to help, and it feels like I’m putting myself through this for no reason.
If you're literally climbing the walls, could I have a photo of spider-you, please?
You're stressed, and you're being silly and dramatic. It'll be okay.
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 10:56
Haha, spider man’s powers would be wasted on me!
Not really, being up and about for an hour with two strangers is a huge deal for me, when I haven’t even seen my girlfriend in 6 weeks. I am not really functional right now.
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 12:54
It was one woman, and it went on for an hour and a half. I’m frazzled now!
She was lovely, and said she will be presenting her findings in a meeting tomorrow, but said she wants to assign me a psychologist… but the waiting list is over 2 years at the moment. Pointless.
Hey, better to be on the list than not.
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 12:59
It doesn’t really help me.
The only real positive was that I sat upright at the table engaged in conversation for an hour and a half, and I didn’t think I could do that, so that’s something I suppose.
* I’m bloody ruined now. It’s really taken it out of me.
spectrum123
09-11-23, 18:10
Like BI said, at least you're on a list. Yesterday you weren't!
Can they not look at your medication in the intervening time?
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 18:58
She said she would look at a psychiatrist, and then rang back to say she will be unable to provide one of them in the short term either. Like I expected, it’s just been a really tough day for not a lot of benefit.
I’ll go back to trying to find private help for myself again tomorrow when I can hopefully think a bit clearer again.
* sorry, just feeling a bit hopeless tonight, I doubted it, but I thought maybe the right help might be on the way, so it’s disheartening that there isn’t in fact any help on the way. The private things I’ve tried obviously haven’t helped so I feel a bit lost again now. I’ll find something, I’ll be okay.
spectrum123
09-11-23, 19:27
What medication are you on at the moment?
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 19:36
I don’t take any medications.
Up until about 4 months ago, I was doing okay, and looking to try and kick on, but this little relapse has really caught me out, so I’m just sorting treatment for myself now really.
spectrum123
09-11-23, 20:20
Well if you talked your way out of it last time, and this is a 'little' relapse, although you're not making it sound like it.
You're going to try and do it that way again, by the looks of it now, down the private route.
Has medication ever been recommended by your Dr?
LittleLionMan
09-11-23, 20:30
It’s more than a little relapse, yes, I’ve actually never known anything like it, but I have been in desperate places before and got myself out of them without medications.
I’m not sure really, because I am softening to the idea of medication, but I will have to assess whether I still trust my current therapist to be enough to help me out of this, and whether I go and find myself a psychiatrist and go for meds.
I don’t really know what the answer is, I just know I can’t keep going on like this. I’m just not seeing an improvement for my efforts, so I must be getting something badly wrong somewhere.
Yes. My doctor prescribed me Escicitalopram I think it is, but I’ve never taken it.
LittleLionMan
10-11-23, 08:44
I am completely ruined today. This does show how big of a role the physical is still playing in this though. Yesterday was always going to be tough, but it’s really knocked me around. I’m just too weak, and to go from lying in bed and pottering around, to being up and about for 2 hours, and sat up in a chair talking to that woman for an hour and a half was just too much. As tough as it is, it shows I need to work on the physical as much as the mental.
* really wish I hadn’t done that yesterday. It wasn’t worth this suffering.
missfishlash
10-11-23, 18:28
Hi Lion Man
Ive just read through your posts....very sorry you're having such a dreadful time.
Have you tried the cbt4panic links on this forum at all? Ive just had a relapse of my anxiety and panic attacks and visited that site and found it really helpful.
LittleLionMan
10-11-23, 19:51
Hi missfish,
I haven’t to be honest, but I did try a CBT thing before they put me on to the crisis team.
I struggled because I’m not really aware of what’s making me anxious any more, it seems to just be my standard state.
I think it’s simply that I’ve had such an anxious few months (when I was focussed on being on my own so much, and it was honestly torturous for me) that I’ve just shut everything down, retreated into myself (and my own head) and I’ve lost the freedom to do things that I had before, so I’ve become anxious about everything now, and my head is seeing everything as a problem.
I’ve been scheming today, and I think it’s going to be a case of writing a list of things that I want to be able to do again without issue and doing them over and over again until they aren’t an issue, and then seeing if having a slightly bigger world gives my head other places to go.
I don’t really know though, that’s just all I think I can do.
I don’t Google anything, I just have this page saved from when I was doing https://anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety-mental-exhaustion/ and it really does describe exactly how I feel. My head is just completely exhausted, and it’s probably from obsessing about the state I’m in, and the because everything makes me anxious, it’s probably ‘risk assessing’ constantly, so it will be moving forward, with a certain acceptance that my head is going to keep doing this for quite a while whilst I’m doing it… and almost going easy on myself (which I’m not very good at!), like that article says. Don’t overdo it, but keep moving forward.
Sorry to hit you with all that, I have just been scheming today, and it all just kept going! :roflmao:
LittleLionMan
11-11-23, 08:45
I slept for 9 1/2 hours solid last night, and I’m still completely ruined. It’s exhaustion, complete physical and mental exhaustion. That meeting on Thursday was too much and I was stupid for doing it. It’s ruined me.
* this is a new low for me today, my head is completely disconnected, and the panic just won’t stop. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going mad.
* Worst. Day. Ever.
missfishlash
14-11-23, 21:40
Hi again
Maybe worth a try....Ive no idea where my anxiety comes from either...I have what I consider a good and stress free life, great marriage, trouble free kids etc. There could be old under lying ptsd I guess and social anxiety i
has been a thing for a while.
I like your goal list idea....Im trying hard to push myself to do things that I feel like avoiding as thats always going to reinforce the problems long term
And yes, its really exhausting when you feel crap....youre bound to focus on it and it does make it worse. I do find this forum a godsend though....always nice to know there are people out there who can empathise with what we are going through....I hope you start to feel better soon.....dont give up :)
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
FMP
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 11:14
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
FMP
I’ve had actual CBT, and explained above why it doesn’t seem to work for me - because I’m not even sure what I’m anxious about at any given time at the moment - so there’s no actual clear thoughts to evaluate and reframe, if that makes sense. (literally what the last two posts in the thread are about)
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 11:18
Hi again
Maybe worth a try....Ive no idea where my anxiety comes from either...I have what I consider a good and stress free life, great marriage, trouble free kids etc. There could be old under lying ptsd I guess and social anxiety i
has been a thing for a while.
I like your goal list idea....Im trying hard to push myself to do things that I feel like avoiding as thats always going to reinforce the problems long term
And yes, it’s really exhausting when you feel crap....youre bound to focus on it and it does make it worse. I do find this forum a godsend though....always nice to know there are people out there who can empathise with what we are going through....I hope you start to feel better soon.....dont give up :)
Thanks missfish,
I’m the same really, if you took my anxiety away, my life would be pretty great.
Yeah, that’s pretty much my approach now, just do, gently and kindly, and just try to accept any feelings that come along.
Broadening our worlds again seems like the best way, fill it with other stuff that hopefully starts to take over again, and helps me climb out of this hole.
Good luck.
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
You said you 'tried' CBT. Try again at your own pace. You said you were prescribed meds but never took them. Meds can be and are useful as well. Meds can help calm the storm in your mind to help you focus on the techniques that CBT and other therapies teach. Again, the best help is the help you give yourself! Enough excuses. ACT!
FMP
There is no real reason for your anxiety anymore so I expect you are now anxious about being anxious? The typical vicious circle.
If this is the case, give up trying to rationalise it, to work it out. It won’t serve any purpose. You have to lose your fear of the symptoms. You are doing right by trying to accept them as they come along. Of course we all know from experience it’s a lot harder to do than say. :weep:
Go gently and slowly but keep going. Don’t push too much or else you will get burn out which will feed your symptoms. Keep on keeping on.:hugs:
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 12:15
You said you 'tried' CBT. Try again at your own pace. You said you were prescribed meds but never took them. Meds can be and are useful as well. Meds can help calm the storm in your mind to help you focus on the techniques that CBT and other therapies teach. Again, the best help is the help you give yourself! Enough excuses. ACT!
FMP
CBT didn’t not help because of the pace, or the trying, it’s because there is nothing really there to work with.
Meds are definitely something I’m considering, not just for now, but to kick on after this episode, I will speak to the psychiatrist about that when my appointment comes through.
On the last bit, I know remarks like that are just for your ego, but can’t you just try not to say something arsy and stupid for one message? Just try it, you might like it.
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 12:26
There is no real reason for your anxiety anymore so I expect you are now anxious about being anxious? The typical vicious circle.
If this is the case, give up trying to rationalise it, to work it out. It won’t serve any purpose. You have to lose your fear of the symptoms. You are doing right by trying to accept them as they come along. Of course we all know from experience it’s a lot harder to do than say. :weep:
Go gently and slowly but keep going. Don’t push too much or else you will get burn out which will feed your symptoms. Keep on keeping on.:hugs:
That’s exactly it Darksy I think.
It’s all anxiety about anxiety, treading too carefully through my day I think.
That giving up trying is exactly what I’m trying to do. Switch my focus to the other stuff in my life, and just accept my head and body will keep doing this for a while. Oh, you’re right, it’s extremely hard to not get sucked back in, and I’m falling over a fair amount.
It’s getting that balance between pushing and letting yourself off which I’m not very good at, because I go too far and ruin it. It’s just being a bit gentler and kinder to myself I think, whilst moving forward.
Thanks. :bighug1:
CBT didn’t not help because of the pace, or the trying, it’s because there is nothing really there to work with.
Meds are definitely something I’m considering, not just for now, but to kick on after this episode, I will speak to the psychiatrist about that when my appointment comes through.
On the last bit, I know remarks like that are just for your ego, but can’t you just try not to say something arsy and stupid for one message? Just try it, you might like it.
:lac: Ok then.... And again...
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
You said you 'tried' CBT. Try again at your own pace. You said you were prescribed meds but never took them. Meds can be and are useful as well. Meds can help calm the storm in your mind to help you focus on the techniques that CBT and other therapies teach. Again, the best help is the help you give yourself! Enough excuses. ACT!
I downloaded that CBT course and still have it. I gave it to my daughter and I used several of the techniques when dealing with scanxiety after my cancer treatment. The thing is, many of the techniques are useful for everyday life (work, relationships etc.) and I incorporate them to this day when challenged with mental stress.
FMP
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 13:02
Why are you sending me the same stuff again, when I’ve just explained to you why it doesn’t help me. :shrug:
My issues are like Darksy grasped (presumably from actually reading what I write). The techniques will help you enormously because your issue was navigating an understandably stressful period. It’s tangible, and can be evaluated. They work for a lot of people who have worries about particular things, but although I still apply things I learnt in very certain scenarios, they don’t work for this.
Why are you sending me the same stuff again, when I’ve just explained to you why it doesn’t help me. :shrug:
My issues are like Darksy grasped (presumably from actually reading what I write). The techniques will help you enormously because your issue was navigating an understandably stressful period. It’s tangible, and can be evaluated. They work for a lot of people who have worries about particular things, but although I still apply things I learnt in very certain scenarios, they don’t work for this.
One can confidently say the forum doesn't work for you either as this thread and the previous thread clearly illustrate. Just saying :whistles:
You're seeking help. Help and tips, the same help and tips offered to thousands through the years have been offered to you and yet here you still are :shrug: What do you have to lose by at least trying it? You said you haven't looked at the course so how can you say it won't work? What I see are excuse after excuse when practical real life advice is given. It's always, 'that doesn't work for me'. Meds too. There are dozens of former members that I keep in touch with via FB. I advised the same things I'm advising here. While they (and all of us) have our bumps in the road, they have the tools to overcome. Again, it comes down to you. No words on a screen are helping so?
FMP
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 13:25
One can confidently say the forum doesn't work for you either as this thread and the previous thread clearly illustrate. Just saying :whistles:
You're seeking help. Help and tips, the same help and tips offered to thousands through the years have been offered to you and yet here you still are :shrug: What do you have to lose by at least trying it? Meds too. There are dozens of former members that I keep in touch with via FB. I advised the same things I'm advising here. While they (and all of us) have our bumps in the road, they have the tools to overcome. Again, it comes down to you. No words on a screen are helping so?
FMP
It does though, when I’m talking to understanding people. I’ve spoken to some great people on here, and up until a few months ago, I had got myself to a really good place. I’ve just relapsed, it happens.
I don’t expect you to understand, you don’t have anxiety, you have no idea what any of us are really talking about because you’ve never experienced it, and it shows. You also don’t read what people write, you just see a name you don’t want on here and decided to belittle them for a bit.
You don’t like me, I get it. Just scroll on by, it’s really no big deal. :yesyes:
*just noticed you edited this to include more nonsense. The whole approach I’m taking now is basically reinforced from what I’ve learnt on here, from someone reminding me the other week to revisit Clair Weekes work, right back to when AnkietyJoe was giving me tips. It’s also what helped me out of the last relapse I had. I also have been showering using BI’s advice to stop the floating feeling. You honestly haven’t got a clue, and I’m sure it’s because you don’t actually read what people say. There’s no excuses here.
It does though, when I’m talking to understanding people. I’ve spoken to some great people on here, and up until a few months ago, I had got myself to a really good place. I’ve just relapsed, it happens.
I don’t expect you to understand, you don’t have anxiety, you have no idea what any of us are really talking about because you’ve never experienced it, and it shows. You also don’t read what people write, you just see a name you don’t want on here and decided to belittle them for a bit.
You don’t like me, I get it. Just scroll on by, it’s really no big deal. :yesyes:
If that's what you believe and it gives you justification for saying these things then so be it :lac: (BTW... check out that link in my signature ;) )
FMP
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 14:07
If that's what you believe and it gives you justification for saying these things then so be it :lac: (BTW... check out that link in my signature ;) )
FMP
I’ve just explained to you three times, calmly and logically, why CBT isn’t helpful to me at the moment. :doh:
The fact you had to suggest it AGAIN is all your issue, that’s down to your need to patronise and mock people. It’s weird and I don’t understand it.
Please just leave me alone.
spectrum123
15-11-23, 16:30
Where do you go from here then? If CBT is not helpful, and you've told me you would rather not take drugs. What is the next move to get over your little blip?
LittleLionMan
15-11-23, 16:35
Acceptance, and gently getting my head back into my life is what I’m trying to do. Eating more (I’m up to 10st, so still got a long way to go!) and a bit of self care too.
I think this nonsense again today means I have to rethink how I use this site though. You would have thought this would be one place you wouldn’t have to justify having anxiety. Poisonous.
LittleLionMan
23-11-23, 09:32
I’ve had my psychiatrist appointment through, and it’s at 10am on the 5th December, so I will ask them everything I can to try and get my head around taking whatever meds they advise.
I’m in just a constant state of panic again now after a very difficult (enforced) fear facing on Sunday. It really set me back again and I can’t shrug it off. Pretty scared right now, and I STILL don’t understand how anxiety can be this constant, I simply don’t get it. I’m lying in bed trying to work, and I’m just hot, my chest is burning up, and adrenaline is just racing through me. I really just don’t get it. I tidied my room, and did a few other tasks last night, just to get moving, and all it did was make me anxious and wired, and robbed me of my evening when I can sometimes settle a tiny bit. It’s like whatever I do backfires. So feeling a bit defeated and lost at the minute with it all.
hopefully they can help you get your head around meds and it will be the start of a new beginning for you.
it really does suck to be stuck in fight or flight all day, it is so draining.
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