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Health anxiety has reared again. Almost 2 weeks ago I was snuggled in bed and brushed my hand across my left thigh and felt a bump. I looked and one of the many flat, large skin coloured freckle/mole things has become abit raised. It’s not any bigger and looks no different than the past 20 or more years that I’ve had it, it just looks bumpy. It’s perfectly round and flesh coloured. It’s quite big, the size of a pencil rubber top, but most of them on me are. I’ve got quite a few all over, I think some people call them sun spots, it doesn’t itch or bleed it’s just bumpy. Of course my HA kicks in and I feel I’m constantly checking it. My previous posts have shown I have a skin worry and I’m also scared to see Drs. Both my in laws have recently had skin cancer, one had major facial surgery which I won’t discuss here in case it triggers other people.
my other issue is I’ve arranged a surprise party for my husbands 50th and my sons 21st. Killing two birds with one stone! I started organising it in February and it’s next Saturday. I’m absolutely wishing I hadn’t bothered. The amount of anxiety that’s causing me is unreal and that’s not me at all. I keep stressing about people not turning up, or the band going off sick or the room not being full enough. All things out of my control but it’s waking me up in the night.
can anyone offer any supportive words or experienced similar?
First of all - how kind of you to plan a surprise party for your family! Planning parties is a TON of stress, but you husband and son are going to love it no matter who is there because it was a lovely gesture of love by you!
As to the skin thing, my dermatologist told me something years ago that really helped with my skin cancer anxiety. She said that it was no more likely for skin cancer to form on an existing mole or freckle than on any other spot on your body. So, while skin cancer and LOOK like a mole, if you've had a mole for 20 years, there's no greater chance that cancer will develop right on that spot than anywhere else. This always sets my mind at ease when I notice a mole that looks kind of weird (I have SO MANY). If it's been there for a while, I don't worry about it very much. If it's especially weird I'll sometimes pop into my dermatologist to have her take a look, but I've only done that twice ever and both times it's been nothing.
Thankyou for your kind words ErinKC.
I love a good party but I just feel exhausted with it all now and it’s almost like I want it to be over before it’s even started. Obviously I think this mole anxiety isn’t helping. I’m going to try and ignore it for a few weeks and reassess it then. I know looking at it numerous times a day only makes me think it’s bigger, darker etc so if I stop for a time I’ll definitely know.
morning is the worst, but I’m also perimenapausal which doesn’t help ��*♀️
Why is it that when your in the midst of a HA meltdown the very thing that your concerned about seems to be all around you? I follow a lady on Instagram, she’s not a celebrity I’m too old for all that �� but she does interior design etc. well she’s put a post on about her having skin cancer. I’ve been ignoring my thoughts for 2 days and then after seeing her post I’m stressing again! I’m sure part of this is hormonal which doesn’t help. I’m definitely perimenapausal and week 5 of no period. God I hate being a woman !
Had a chilled weekend which was good. I don’t think my hormones are helping my anxiety. Getting old is rubbish! Had a bit of a meltdown this morning but pushing myself through it. The party is this weekend which I wish I’d never organised so I’m trying to take 1 anxiety to deal with at a time. I’m away the week after on holiday. I’m not looking forward to that either becausethe last time I flew I had a panic attack and fainted so I’m obviously worried about the same thing happening.
So I had the party last night and it was amazing. My anxiety woke me up at 0415 and I’ve not slept since, even after the party. I won’t be doing that again because my anxiety made me feel like hell for months.
however I’m still worried about this mole, it doesn’t look like it’s changed but I’m concerned yet scared to see my GP. I go to Spain on Thursday which I’m not looking forward to because last time I flew I had a panic attack and almost fainted. It was dreadful. Now I’m exhausted from all the adrenaline pumping about but can’t settle or sleep because of my health related concerns.
In the 8 years you've been on the forum, have any of your fears come true?
FMP
No they haven’t but it still doesn’t make me feel any less worried. That’s the problem with health anxiety isn’t it? Your irrational mind makes you think this is it and then your thoughts run away with you.
I find talking about it and reading helps but I don’t Google.
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