View Full Version : Quarter-life Crisis
Hi everyone,
I usually don't post anything like this online but I'm at the end of my tether and desperately struggling to cope, constant sobbing fits/can't sleep etc. I'm 27 years old and pretty sure I'm experiencing some kind of mid-life crisis. I can't stop thinking about how much older I've gotten so fast, the passage of time. My parents are in their early/mid-sixties now and I can't stop thinking about the fact they're getting older and what that might mean for the future. I'm disabled with mental illness/chronic fatigue and just feel as if my life is wasting away. I try to be productive in my own way (artwork) but it feels as if my life amounts to nothing, that the whole world is just slipping away so fast and I don't know what to do about it. I know it probably sounds silly coming from someone so relatively young but, it all feels like it's happened so fast. Now it all feels literally imminent for some reason, old age, the deaths of loved ones, everything. I don't know what to do about this feeling. I doubt posting it online will cure it by any means but, maybe getting it out and maybe hearing some other people who may have gone through similar things might help. I don't know. Thank you.
It doesn't sound silly at all. I often felt like that in my 20s.
I suddenly realised my parents were getting older and fast and it gets you thinking about your own life.
You are so young but even 30 might make you feel like your life is running away from you, especially when you have no direction or worry about the future.
So much can happen in those years to come. Opportunities, paths to take, meeting new people, possibly moving. Try to live for today and not think of the years ahead. Find joy and peace in the things that give you pleasure. Learn about yourself and you will find your purpose.
It doesn't sound silly at all. I often felt like that in my 20s.
I suddenly realised my parents were getting older and fast and it gets you thinking about your own life.
You are so young but even 30 might make you feel like your life is running away from you, especially when you have no direction or worry about the future.
So much can happen in those years to come. Opportunities, paths to take, meeting new people, possibly moving. Try to live for today and not think of the years ahead. Find joy and peace in the things that give you pleasure. Learn about yourself and you will find your purpose.
Thank you for the reply, you're of course absolutely right. I even spoke to my own parents about it and they just said "that's life"! I think this will pass, it's just a lot of thoughts happening at once. I know I have so much time ahead, with the ones I love, for some reason it feels weirdly imminent, almost like a fight or flight response, but I suppose that's where the anxiety disorder comes in.
I am 38, soon 39 :). Never experienced this, even now, what I can say is that the age is just a number. I'm in the shape of my life now, I have a great fiancee and a great job, awesome hobbies (dancing). Didn't have any of that when I was 27. Zero money, not the worst shape, but 10kg more than now, played League of Legends and tried to get my masters degree which was just a procrastination on my end not to do anything else. My parents were also in their 60s back then. Still alive fortunately, but I am not dependent on them at all right now, like I used to be back when I was your age.
So, even though I didn't look about my life as you are, if we looked objectively, I wasn't in a better place, just didn't care about that. And even if you said you are 37, I would tell to take it day by day and try to improve yourself in every way possible and after a year or two, when you look back you will be amazed at how much you have done.
(Disclaimer: It's not all sunshine are roses with me as I am battling Health Anxiety. We all have a kryptonite, that's mine :))
This is rather an interesting train of thought. Obviously, the difference is as numerous to the stars in our galaxy but it does settle down to just a few scenarios. For me personally? I never really thought of it that much as real life was all too consuming and occupied the space to even ponder this train of thought. I will say though, when I hit the big 60, it really did hit me emotionally and mentally. Again, it all comes down to your current real life reality. I've been in a mental and reality 'survival mode' from 2007 until today. Having gone from great to nothing from the financial perspective, and having had to start all over in my early 50's was a rather rude slap in the face of reality. Now? My wife and I own the home we've been in since 2011, We have some savings, decent jobs, retirement funds and Social Security. As retirement is rather close on the horizon, I think we'll be Ok :)
If I were to offer any advice concerning your worry about this, I would tell you the same thing I've told my children their entire lives (My oldest is 33 and youngest 30). Follow your heart. If you have a passion for something, nurture it. Pursue it with vigor! As it turned out, my son always dreamed of traveling. He took a job with airlines after college and has traveled the world and is still doing so. My daughter has a passion for teaching children and worked in the school system and has been teaching privately as a nanny/teacher since the pandemic. They love what they do so it doesn't feel like work. It's the same for me and music. I told my kids and others that more than half the battle in life is enjoying what you do so follow your heart and passion. Make it a part of your life. For me it was music. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and frankly, I was interested. My little sister had leg, walking issues and she wore a special brace and did physical therapy when she was a baby and it worked so I was pretty interested in podiatry and specializing in pediatric podiatry. I was always a brainy kid and did very well in school. I got my senior year of HS and freshman year of college at the Institute for Human Resource Development at Hahnemann University Hospital in Philadelphia, PA. I majored in pre-med. Thing is, I'm a musician. I get that pursuing my parents desires would have changed the path of my life but I had to follow my heart and passion. I changed my major to music, got my BA in music at Rutgers University in NJ and ended up touring with a professional band, had a top 100 song I wrote on the Nashville charts in 1988 and have performed ever since as a SAM (Solo Acoustic Musician). I have no regrets. The experience has molded me into the man I am today. Anxiety, about anything really, quells the courage it takes to take steps forward to fulfilling your dreams. What's your dream and what are you going to do to achieve it? ;)
Having faced health issues that would have taken most from this earth, I can tell you the biggest regrets we have in our lives are the chances we didn't take due to the fear of failing.
FMP
I am 38, soon 39 :). Never experienced this, even now, what I can say is that the age is just a number. I'm in the shape of my life now, I have a great fiancee and a great job, awesome hobbies (dancing). Didn't have any of that when I was 27. Zero money, not the worst shape, but 10kg more than now, played League of Legends and tried to get my masters degree which was just a procrastination on my end not to do anything else. My parents were also in their 60s back then. Still alive fortunately, but I am not dependent on them at all right now, like I used to be back when I was your age.
So, even though I didn't look about my life as you are, if we looked objectively, I wasn't in a better place, just didn't care about that. And even if you said you are 37, I would tell to take it day by day and try to improve yourself in every way possible and after a year or two, when you look back you will be amazed at how much you have done.
(Disclaimer: It's not all sunshine are roses with me as I am battling Health Anxiety. We all have a kryptonite, that's mine :))
Yeah I think that's the thing some part of me isn't realizing, so much can change in so little time. I am currently dependent on my parents but very much trying to make that not the case, though of course due to my health issues it takes time.
Thank you for the reply. Kind of glad I never got into League though, probably would've taken up a whole lot of time!
This is rather an interesting train of thought. Obviously, the difference is as numerous to the stars in our galaxy but it does settle down to just a few scenarios. For me personally? I never really thought of it that much as real life was all too consuming and occupied the space to even ponder this train of thought. I will say though, when I hit the big 60, it really did hit me emotionally and mentally. Again, it all comes down to your current real life reality. I've been in a mental and reality 'survival mode' from 2007 until today. Having gone from great to nothing from the financial perspective, and having had to start all over in my early 50's was a rather rude slap in the face of reality. Now? My wife and I own the home we've been in since 2011, We have some savings, decent jobs, retirement funds and Social Security. As retirement is rather close on the horizon, I think we'll be Ok :)
If I were to offer any advice concerning your worry about this, I would tell you the same thing I've told my children their entire lives (My oldest is 33 and youngest 30). Follow your heart. If you have a passion for something, nurture it. Pursue it with vigor! As it turned out, my son always dreamed of traveling. He took a job with airlines after college and has traveled the world and is still doing so. My daughter has a passion for teaching children and worked in the school system and has been teaching privately as a nanny/teacher since the pandemic. They love what they do so it doesn't feel like work. It's the same for me and music. I told my kids and others that more than half the battle in life is enjoying what you do so follow your heart and passion. Make it a part of your life. For me it was music. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and frankly, I was interested. My little sister had leg, walking issues and she wore a special brace and did physical therapy when she was a baby and it worked so I was pretty interested in podiatry and specializing in pediatric podiatry. I was always a brainy kid and did very well in school. I got my senior year of HS and freshman year of college at the Institute for Human Resource Development at Hahnemann University Hospital in Philadelphia, PA. I majored in pre-med. Thing is, I'm a musician. I get that pursuing my parents desires would have changed the path of my life but I had to follow my heart and passion. I changed my major to music, got my BA in music at Rutgers University in NJ and ended up touring with a professional band, had a top 100 song I wrote on the Nashville charts in 1988 and have performed ever since as a SAM (Solo Acoustic Musician). I have no regrets. The experience has molded me into the man I am today. Anxiety, about anything really, quells the courage it takes to take steps forward to fulfilling your dreams. What's your dream and what are you going to do to achieve it? ;)
Having faced health issues that would have taken most from this earth, I can tell you the biggest regrets we have in our lives are the chances we didn't take due to the fear of failing.
FMP
I'm very very lucky to have parents like you that are totally okay with me following my dreams. I graduated with a Film Production degree in 2020 due to my love of the medium, though due to my health problems I've yet to take much advantage of it. And I'm also a fellow musician! I've self-released a lot of music in the past five years... though this is what I mean, it doesn't feel like it was five years ago. I suspect it's because quarantine happened in the meantime and it totally warped a lot of people's sense of time, maybe it just hit me particularly hard. I also self-released a book last year and am currently writing my second which I intend to get professionally published if possible so, lots of dreams to work towards! Maybe part of me is afraid to actually just enjoy life because of how fast it feels, but then I can't control that so why can't I just accept it and live my life? It's probably some larger issue with control, but therapy is expensive, haha. That's incredible about touring and getting a top 100 song, I'm sure you must have plenty of great stories from that time! I hope one day I have a lot of stories.
Life definitely feels like it's stalled for me right now because of all the stuff that's wrong with me, maybe as I'm transitioning into full-on adulthood I'm starting to realize that I've got to find a way to spread my wings, even if it's anxiety-inducing, and difficult, to not have control over what my future will entail.
Thank you for the reply, it was very enlightening :)
it's frustrating that this feeling won't go away, it's a constant pit in my stomach. time has slowed down but only because i am painfully fearing each tick of the clock. maybe i need to go back to the docs cause this isnt sustainable, especially with how long a life i have ahead... hopefully
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