Could really do with some BIG hugs guys!

[angiebaby]

I go back to work tomorrow. Been off now for 6 months and i am probably worse now than when i went off sick as since i have been off i have lost my dad and my father in law! So i am really, really scared and not looking forward to it at all. I really don't want to go and my therapist doesnt want me to go back either i don't think but i also feel so guilty so i thought i would try and see how i go. If i can do it then i will, if i cant do it then i will have to go off sick again and rethink my career!
I am absolutely terrified and i will be even worse in the morning, i know i will, but i will go and try. Hubby is coming with me as it is my first day, just in case i need to get out quick, lol. But i could really do with some hugs and support right now with this one.x

[kazzie]

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: Angie

I will be thinking of you:flowers:

Luv Kaz x x x

[angiebaby]

Thanks for that Kaz.x

[honeybee3939]

Hi Angie

Will be thinking of you:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Hope your day goes well, good luck hun:hugs: :hugs:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[groovygranny]

Angie big hugs for you -

I went back after 6mnths too - I think you're being very wise in not expecting too much from yourself. Just take it step by step, we're all there with you.

Big hugs for you

http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb71/nekozet/bighug.jpg


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


:flowers:

[angiebaby]

Thankyou for your kind words. Yes, i am petrified right now going to get my stuff ready. Will be worse in the morning!!
Will let you know how i go on if i survive, lol.x

[Pink Princess]

right you!

you will be fine, you are so brave to even think of going back so you should be very proud of that fact. it takes a lot of strength to go back so well done.

you will be fine, you just have to remember that its just to try it and see how it goes, you will be fine, dont do anything that you think you cant cope with just take it slow and you will be fine ok?

http://img.123greetings.com/eventsnew/gen_luck/1012-004-38-1036.gif

now that has to work its huge lol. your doing fab and im really proud of you so keep it up xxxxxxxxxxxxx

p.s i will be wearing my purple top tomorrow :)

love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mystics]

:hugs: :hugs: Hope today has gone well for you :hugs: :hugs:

Sending you positive vibes to help you through :yesyes:

Brightest Angel Blessings
Mystics :flowers:

[Anna77]

Hope today went well Angie :hugs:

x

[Granny Primark]

Hope today went fine for you.
It was a huge step for you to take and im full of admiration for you.

Take care
LYNN xx

[angiebaby]

Well i am so sorry, but it was awful and much worse than i expected!!
I got there ok and got in there ok, hubby was with me. He stayed with me and sat outside my room in case i needed him. I got in my room and turned on my pc and that was it, i went to pieces. Everything was unreal and unusual and i felt i couldn't cope with it i just felt too weird. A colleague came in, early to help me, and she had got me a balloon, bless her! I was just sobbing! She took quite a few patients off my list so it wasn't as much for me but it wasn't reallly that that was the problem to be honest. I just felt so 'not here' and 'not with it' at all. Everything was so awful. I got all my things ready and i did see my patients and i did stay for the full 4 hours but sitting here writing this now it just seems like i havent been except for the fact that i am upset again because i have felt so ill ever since. It has just been so bad, i knew it would be bad, but i didn't really expect it to be quite as bad as that. Hubby is really proud of me for going and for staying and doing it but i don't know if i can go back again.
After work i had to nip to a shop, which i did, hubby with me and i got out of the car and walked in the shop fine and thought ok i can do this. I stood at the counter and all of a sudden both my ears shut off - i couldn't hear - the pressure was in my head and neck and i felt like i was going to pass out right there and then. I took a deep breathe and put my head down and eventually i went ok, but i havent had this symptom for a few weeks and not this bad for ages and ages. This really scared me, it was so very bad. Does anyone else get this? I am just suffering so very much right now, still got the unreality and my thoat feels closed off and swollen, even my tongue feels swollen. I am so sad and if i just sit in my chair, again, it isn't so bad, but if i move everything gets so bad again. Unreality, dizziness, the phone rang and i knew it would be my mum asking how i have done and i got a shot of panic that i would have to even talk to her!! These symptoms are so very awful!!
I don't feel like i have let anyone down because i did go and i did the full 4 hours, and the guilt should subside now as well which will be good. But i just feel so ill and scared, so 'out of it', not even in my own head.
Thankyou for all your lovely messages of support and pink thankyou for your help and vibes.x

[funky chick]

aww Angie so sorry had tough time today, was thinking of you but well done you did stay as you say and do your shift so dont punish yourself. sending you hugs lots of love Gail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[angiebaby]

Thanks Gail, i know you were thinking of me and i know i have your support, but i didn't think it would be so very hard as it was. I thought i would struggle a bit and i was expecting panic attacks for a while - but funnily enough i didn't have any panic attacks at all. Just every other flippin symptom instead!!
Thankyou and i hope you have a good night hun.x

[Coni]

Hi Angiebaby,
Going back to work is so hard...I went back after seven months off and it was awful. But you did really well to try and you got through your shift which is absolutely fantastic! Are you being phased back in slowly?

Please dont be hard on yourself...I think its a great achievement that you faced your fear and managed to do what you did.

Be kind to yourself.

luv Coni XX

[angiebaby]

Did you struggle like me, i felt like i was drugged, foggy, cloudy, unreal, scared, unreality, heart going mad, dizzy, all the usual i know, but so so very bad, could hardly stand and walk. How did you cope with it?x

[Pink Princess]

http://www.olympicweb.co.uk/images/1st-medal.gif

you deserve a medal for that. well done, that sounds so awful that you had such a hard time, but to get through that shows you got amazing strength in you so you musnt forget that ok?

we will get you there dont worry, well will take it nice and slow and just work on little bits and find what is right for you ok?

always here xxxxxxxx

[decca]

Total respect Angie, you're an inspiration to us all.
I hope I'm as brave as you if I go back, scrub that,when I go back.
Decca.

[Bill]

Hello Angie,

You went to work and stayed the full hours. You went to the shop and achieved what you set out to do. You have Alot to be proud of!:hugs:

When we experience a trauma such as our first very bad panic attack, it can shake our foundations so much so that from then on everything terrifies us but all that's really changed is the fear that the panic attack has installed us.

You can't expect to go into work and think everything will be fine again just like that. You're in what has become an alien environment because you've been away for so long trying to regain the life you once had before the panic attack.

If you retreat back to your "safe place" at home then the panics will take over as before restricting you from living but I Really do feel that if you can persevere gradually, then the alien environment at work will gradually become more familiar and it'll help you to regain your confidence which will also have a knock on effect in every other area of your life.

It won't happen overnight and I know it'll be far from easy to keep going but I do believe that if you enjoy your job, and as you proved today that you are capable in yourself and doing the job, then by keeping going can do no harm.

All the bad effects you felt were down to anxiety. You felt vulnerable and exposed but you you know the methods to cope with the symptoms and given time you'll prove to yourself just how capable you really are, just as others saw in you today.

Congratulate yourself for your achievements today. This was the first and most difficult hurdle. If you can persevere, the hurdles will become smaller as you learn to deal with each one. This is your first step to regaining your confidence and your life, and overcoming the trauma you once had.

Keep going Angie. You have Lots of people on your side willing you on. You did Extremely well today. Be Proud of yourself. You Can get there!:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Southern_Belle]

Congratulations Angie for making it back to work. I know it must have been so difficult but you made it! You fought the battle and won. I am very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.

Huge hugs,

Laura

[angiebaby]

Thankyou all so very much for your kind words.
I struggled all day after yesterday's four hours at work and i have had a lie in this morning and was feeling better when i got up.
But i have noticed that i only have to be up for a little while then the dizziness starts again. I have had my breakfast and am just sat here reading through all of your lovely posts and when i move the dizziness is always there to get hold of me again and again. It drives me bonkers!!
I will go in work on Monday and i will see how i go. If i can i will if i cant i will come away. Nothing more i can do really but try for now. Perhaps it will get better with time, but can i stand it as it was yesterday while i wait for the better day to come, i do not know!! But i will try on Monday and see how i go. Thankyou all again for helping and supporting me and i will let you know what happenes!x:)

[Piglet]

:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Pink Princess]

you know i will be right there with you on monday and i will be sending frogs to jump about your office in their underwear :)

let me know if you need anything xxxxxxxxxxxxx

love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Well done for going and staying Angie

The dizziness can be relieved with correct breathing techniques so try that for next week.

[groovygranny]

Wow - mega adulation to you Angie!

You not only faced the music - you kept on singing!!

Your symptoms are doing their damndest - but you're still keeping going.

You have my admiration.

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u256/woodyford/thcongratulations-4.jpg


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Nibbles]

Well done for staying the four hours Angie, that can't have been easy and you should feel proud of yourself for that. You've had some real knocks to do with and are showing a tremendous amount of bravery going back to work. Take things slowly and give yourself lots of praise as you're doing really well. The important thing is you're trying and so whatever you manage on Monday is an achievement. :hugs:

Take care,

Mike :)

[jodie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

jodie xxxx

[Bunty]

Well done for trying. I'm signed off work at the moment and dread going back.

You're so brave and strong.

Huge hugs for you:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

bx

[Coni]

Angie, you have done so well...I am so pleased for you.
I really struggled too and some days couldnt see how I would ever feel better but I got through by in my mind breaking the day into small chunks and focussed on getting through one chunk at a time. I also allowed myself to know that if things got really bad I could leave, no one would force me to stay and somehow that made me feel less 'trapped'.

I dont know if this will help but you have done really well to get this far.

Huge hugs to you!

luv Coni XX

[angiebaby]

Well, i don't think i will getting many hugs now!!
I did do last Friday, Monday and Tuesday, but i just kept feeling worse and worse instead of things getting better and better. I don't know why i am suffering so badly even though i keep trying and going back. I know that i manage to stay, achievement yes, but i feel so awful. The symptoms are getting worse instead of better. Wednesday was my day off, so i have been back again today to keep trying.
Well, went to work today and it took me 20 mins before i could get out of the car. Suffering really badly, don't know why, symptoms are really driving me mad. Unreality and dizziness are the worst really, but i went in and stayed for the full 4 hours again. But even though i did it and i can do my job, it is getting worse and worse, instead of getting any better and easier. I am still looking for another job but no luck yet. I really don't think i can go back again after today and i feel so weak and stupid for 'giving' in as it were, but i am really struggling so much. But i had to try and at least i did try, obviously not ready yet. My counsellor hasn't been doing anything for me but i still see her, due to see her next week. She didn't think i was ready to go back, but i just felt so guilty, still do. Thought that would go if i tried, but i feel worse now actually. I think the problem is that i just don't want to do the job anymore, i used to love it and have nursed all my life, i have studied hard and gone as high up as i possibly can for my position. I was and still am very good at my job, but i have no interest in it anymore since what has happened. I think this has proved it too me. I need to get out as quickly as possible i think. I feel like i am letting a lot of people down and feel such a wuss, but i just don't want to do it anymore and keep struggling and putting myself through this hell each day. http://palps.chemicalforums.com/yabbfiles/Templates/Forum/default/cry.gif
I am very sad and low at the moment too, this is making it worse i think. I don't know how we will manage money wise if i do go back off sick, my SSP runs out in few weeks time then i suppose i would have to claim incapacity benefit which is virtually nothing. I am going to continue looking for another job and try my best to find something as soon as possible. I believe that i just need to get out of that surgery once and for all.
I am sorry for backing out, but i did try and kept trying now for a week. http://palps.chemicalforums.com/yabbfiles/Templates/Forum/default/embarassed.gif
So looking for a job now that doesn't involve nursing, invasive procedures and things like that. I think this will be a great help, now it is just finding something. Looking at school work perhaps, working with children again would be nice. I just need about three days, would be ideal, but i need the money more than anything and the problem with that also is that because i am so highly qualified at the moment my hourly wage has just gone up and up and nothing i will find will ever match that! So may see gp tomorrow and go back off sick, so confused at the moment.
Struggling so much right now.x http://palps.chemicalforums.com/yabbfiles/Templates/Forum/default/undecided.gif Sorry.

[Pink Princess]

http://www.perfect-party-ideas.com/images/ElmoBigHugFleecePillow.jpg

ok my lecture time.....:winks:

first of all DONT YOU DARE say you dont deserve hugs now!!! :lac: you have first of all took the decision of going back to try it when really you never wanted to and didnt think you were ready. you have not only been to work you have stayed for all your hours, you have also continued to go back even though it has been making you feel crap and ill. now that deserves more than hugs.

you managed to try it and see hwo it went that was the goal in the first place wasnt it? to see how things went :shrug: you have proved you didnt give up or give in with it cos you kept goign back. but if you dont wantt o be there then perhaps finding a new job is the right thing to do.

dont be saying sorry either or you see that little red fuzzy guy up there ^^^^ he will come down there and tickle you and make your head spin even more! oh yes then i will do this :buttkick:

you really have done so well ang, i am proud of you and i know everyone else will be too. you said you would try and you tried, so you have failed at nothing ok.

here if you need me xxxxxx stay strong xxxxxxxxxxxx

love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hu gs:

[stace81]

BIG HUGS TO YOU HUN XX
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[denize]

hi angie i hope everything goes well for you, :hugs: :hugs: hugs for you:hugs: :hugs: i am thinking of you :yesyes: DENIZE xxxxx

[funky chick]

:hugs: :hugs: sending you hugs Ang please take care thinking of you love Gail xxxxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: