Dad

[fishman65]

Just thought I'd post here but feel free to move it admin if necessary.

My Dad died this morning. He went peacefully at about 8 or 9 I can't remember. We had a call saying he was unresponsive, so myself and brother went over.

I was ok until taking his case back to his house. And we have about 7 of his paintings in our lounge so lots of reminders.

So there you go.

[BlueIris]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Fishman.

:bighug1:

Sending love and sympathy.

[Sparkling_Fairy]

So sorry for your loss Fishman! I hope you have a great support system! And feel free to come on here on the difficult days

[Darksky]

Fishman I am so so sorry. He is at peace now. Remember I am here. Xxxxx

[.Poppy.]

Oh Fishman, I'm so sorry. That's a hard loss. I'll be thinking of you. :hugs:

[Carnation]

A big hug from me fishman :bighug1:
You might feel a bit stunned at the moment. Its been a long road of emotions for you and you were amazing throughout it all. My heart goes out to you fishman xx:hugs:

[Fishmanpa]

So sorry for your loss.

Peace and healing thoughts

FMP

[Lencoboy]

Sincere condolences to you Fishman.

[fishman65]

Blue, Sparkling Fairy, Darksky, Poppy, Carnation, Fishmanpa, Lenco.

Thank you all for your very kind words. They mean a great deal to me. Fortunately days like this don't come along very often, and I'm thankful he lived a long life. 94 is a good innings by any standards, he lived for almost 30 years longer than my Mum.

And he's left behind lots of reminders. Our greenhouse, the lawn, his paintings. He always had to be doing something, he was laying slabs with me at 75. Putting up fences, laying bricks. He outlived all his peers.

But saying all that, I still can't believe he's actually gone.

[Carnation]

It will take time to process fishman.
I know they will stuff to do but take moments for yourself x

[Catkins]

I'm so very sorry for your loss fishman. Do come on here and share when you need to and try and share the upcoming jobs around the family. It's an incredibly tough time so look after yourself through the process. :hugs:

[fishman65]

Thank you Catkins. And you too Carnation xxxx

[Scass]

Oh I’m sorry for your loss Fish. I know how close you were & how much of a support you have been to him. Take it easy x

[JulieJay92]

thinking of you all fishman xx

[pulisa]

I'm so sorry, fishman...You prepare yourself as best you can but when it actually happens it's completely unbelievable..

I hope your family can help to share the emotional load along with all the inevitable practicalities xxx

[Lencoboy]

I'm so sorry, fishman...You prepare yourself as best you can but when it actually happens it's completely unbelievable..

I hope your family can help to share the emotional load along with all the inevitable practicalities xxx

Really nice to see you back again Pulisa. I've really missed your presence on here.

BTW Fishman, sorry for hijacking your thread.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Fishman, so sorry to read about your Dad,
i know how difficult it can be and my heart goes out to you, but we are all here for you xxx:bighug1:

[fishman65]

Scass, JulieJay, Pulisa and YNWA, many thanks for your very kind words xxxx

[LittleLionMan]

So sorry to hear your news.

Look after yourself. Take care.

[fishman65]

Thank you LittleLionMan, you are very kind.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Fishman, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad passed.

Whilst times are going to be very hard for you right now you need to remember just how much you did for him. Much more so than any other in your family. I bet he taught you loads and you repaid him with how you cared for him in the years he needed it. In time that will be more prominent than sorrow.

We're all here for you mate. Do what you have to to get through this awful time but don't let doubts upset you and don't run yourself ragged looking after everyone else :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Something cute I saw on the news this morning. Might give you a brief lift :winks:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c72qgg398wqo.amp

[fishman65]

Thank you Terry you're a top bloke :hugs: And thanks for the link.

Yes today has been harder than yesterday as we were running around doing stuff. I went on my walk this morning but everything seems grey and colourless. Its my brother doing most of the phoning etc today. and there's a problem that's come up.

Around the late 90s Dad and his second wife at the time bought a plot in the local churchyard. In 2000 his second wife died and was laid to rest in that churchyard. Apparently Dad paid for himself to be buried in that plot too. However, my brother has been in contact with the council responsible for that church, and there's no record of any transaction regarding Dad's plot.

They said the church warden of that time died in 2006. And the late 90s/early 00s were a time when the internet was very much in its infancy. So would any evidence be on paper only? And if it has been lost, there will be no proof he ever bought it.

[Carnation]

It sounds like you would need something in writing to prove it or a recorded of payment fishman x

[Darksky]

I would guess his bank would be the first call via the executor of his estate. They must have all his historic transactions.

[Carnation]

Good thinking darksky

[MyNameIsTerry]

They issue a grave or burial deed. Hopefully your dad has stored it somewhere so the executors can take control of the plot since it forms part of the estate.

Maybe a trawl of church records will turn up evidence of a purchase especially if they look for his second wife's.

[fishman65]

Hi guys and thank you all for your advice and suggestions. It means a great deal to me.

Well nobody can find anything regarding the purchased plot. My nephew has been looking into it, not literally. But the current church warden can't find anything relating to a purchase. The previous warden died about 15 years ago and it would appear he either didn't record it or he lost any record he made.

My nephew phoned my Dad's step daughter but she has no record either. So, nephew asked her if my Dad could be buried in the same plot as his wife at the time. Are you with me so far? Well step daughter agreed he could but he'd have to be cremated, not buried.

So...... its now looking like a lost cause and we may end up burying him in a different cemetery closer to home. Bear in mind these were days before the internet, or at least was in its infancy.

Back home and a splitting head ache still.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think that's a condition of a spousal agreement, Fishman. I seem to recall reading that it had to be after cremation.

Like you need hassle like this at such a time.

[fishman65]

Thanks Terry that could well be a big help. I've just put it on the WhatsApp group chat.

Tbh my Dad and second wife only lived in that village between 1995 and 2002. And second wife died in Jan 2000, so barely 5 years for her and 7 at the most for Dad. Its a small village with a small churchyard. There are most likely families going back a long way there that could object.

[Darksky]

Sending Fishman love and strength for tomorrow, the day of his Dads funeral. A day for gentle remembering and goodbyes. :hugs:

[.Poppy.]

:hugs:

[Carnation]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow :hugs:

[Pkstracy]

Sending you hugs Fish...I am so sorry.

[pulisa]

:hugs:

Sending you strength to get through the day and I'm sure you'll do him proud.

[fishman65]

Darksky, Poppy, Carnation, Pkstracy and Pulisa :hugs: Thank you so much you lovely ladies xxxxx

Suit is on, taxi will be here at 12-25

[Carnation]

You find extra strength on days like these.
Stand proud fishman, we are all thinking of you. :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Best wishes for today, fishman. I hope you get a minute to share your poem privately with your dad, as I'm sure he would love. :hugs:

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Fishman...

Just to let you know you where in my thoughts today, I know just how hard the day can be, you need the strength of Hercules to get through it, but you
have been a tower of strength all the way through all the heartache but still managed to keep your sense of humour, so proud of you....:bighug1:

[fishman65]

Thank you so much Carnation, Terry and YNWA. :hugs:Well its all done. The service at the church, then up to the cemetery followed by the wake at a local club. The interment was the most difficult part, give me a cremation any day.

The memory board created by my nephew didn't contain a single picture of me, despite there being many family photos. I came along too late, being 13, 11 and 7.5 years younger than my siblings.

[LittleLionMan]

Sorry to hear your sad news, Fishman.

Take care of yourself.

[fishman65]

Thank you LittleLionMan