ErinKC
07-02-24, 15:08
Hello all. Looking for a bit of advice, thoughts, etc. Recently, I’ve been increasingly plagued with a general sadness/fear of death. Now, I have health anxiety, so I’m not stranger to fearing death by some particular ailment at any given time (though I’m doing well with that at present), but this is different.
I find myself getting waves of deep emotional sadness and fear about just the general idea of death. I’m 40, so it’s probably some midlife crisis, and I’m about to embark on a new career, so life-wise there is a lot of upheaval and anticipation. I suspect some of it is related to that.
I also think some of it is related to the relentless persistence of Covid and fears around the long term health consequences. I’ve had it twice, despite my very best efforts, and after the second time I’ve had a few lingering symptoms. I have a strong fear of getting it a third time and what that would mean for my current and future health. My family is planning a trip to Disney next month when I finish the bar exam and yesterday I found myself worrying about getting Covid h there, thinking about all the rides that are indoors and all the crowds. This led me to a general feeling of sadness that life would never be like it was before. I kept thinking back to all the things I did before Covid without a care in the world and that now everything comes with this asterisk now. It’s always there in the background making things just a little bit less safe or less carefree. I feel sad for me, but also for my daughter whose whole life has basically been in this post-Covid world.
It’s not that I’m consumed by this or that I’m not out there living life, but sometimes the low hum of these thoughts turns itself up more than other times and it smacks me in the face.
As I’m sure this is a common anxiety theme (the death stuff - the Covid stuff took me a bit off the rails here but I’m sure that’s not uncommon either), I wanted to see how others have dealt with this and gotten past it. Obviously, trying not to think about it and accepting everyone dies is the straight forward approach, ha. But with the anxiety mind that’s not always the easiest!
I find myself getting waves of deep emotional sadness and fear about just the general idea of death. I’m 40, so it’s probably some midlife crisis, and I’m about to embark on a new career, so life-wise there is a lot of upheaval and anticipation. I suspect some of it is related to that.
I also think some of it is related to the relentless persistence of Covid and fears around the long term health consequences. I’ve had it twice, despite my very best efforts, and after the second time I’ve had a few lingering symptoms. I have a strong fear of getting it a third time and what that would mean for my current and future health. My family is planning a trip to Disney next month when I finish the bar exam and yesterday I found myself worrying about getting Covid h there, thinking about all the rides that are indoors and all the crowds. This led me to a general feeling of sadness that life would never be like it was before. I kept thinking back to all the things I did before Covid without a care in the world and that now everything comes with this asterisk now. It’s always there in the background making things just a little bit less safe or less carefree. I feel sad for me, but also for my daughter whose whole life has basically been in this post-Covid world.
It’s not that I’m consumed by this or that I’m not out there living life, but sometimes the low hum of these thoughts turns itself up more than other times and it smacks me in the face.
As I’m sure this is a common anxiety theme (the death stuff - the Covid stuff took me a bit off the rails here but I’m sure that’s not uncommon either), I wanted to see how others have dealt with this and gotten past it. Obviously, trying not to think about it and accepting everyone dies is the straight forward approach, ha. But with the anxiety mind that’s not always the easiest!