View Full Version : Having a struggle
Hello all,
I am having a bit of a struggle at the moment, having been more stable-ish (anxiety is always a background hum for me), for some months. I wonder if it’s partly my age - im 47 - and the fact that hormones are doing weird things and also that .,. Well… im getting old; and lots of people i love are getting even older. And it feels like we are all standing on such unstable ground, and that bad things are just through the next door - if not for me then for someone i love. The result of this kind of thinking is constant fear, constant checking, and sadness. I feel close to tears, and close to melting into a gibbering heap of panic. I feel like ive lost my anchor in a storm, and everything looks very volatile to me (it doesn’t feel absurd to me that yesterday morning i was calling the doctor about a suspicious mole and yesterday evening i was showing symptoms of a brain tumour. It just feels like these are the normal everyday dangers we face!!!)
Anyway. Writing it down has helped a bit. And i love this community so much. You’ve been here for me in my darkest moments- so thank you! Xx
Hello all,
I am having a bit of a struggle at the moment, having been more stable-ish (anxiety is always a background hum for me), for some months. I wonder if it’s partly my age - im 47 - and the fact that hormones are doing weird things and also that .,. Well… im getting old; and lots of people i love are getting even older. And it feels like we are all standing on such unstable ground, and that bad things are just through the next door - if not for me then for someone i love. The result of this kind of thinking is constant fear, constant checking, and sadness. I feel close to tears, and close to melting into a gibbering heap of panic. I feel like ive lost my anchor in a storm, and everything looks very volatile to me (it doesn’t feel absurd to me that yesterday morning i was calling the doctor about a suspicious mole and yesterday evening i was showing symptoms of a brain tumour. It just feels like these are the normal everyday dangers we face!!!)
Anyway. Writing it down has helped a bit. And i love this community so much. You’ve been here for me in my darkest moments- so thank you! Xx
I’m really sorry you’re struggling at the moment.
Although this is about health anxiety I guess it is kind of the same, but I read something the other day that anticipating grief is just prolonging the sadness. Obviously it’s easier said than done and i hope you find some relief soon!
Thank you so much for the reply. And i could spend a lifetime anticipating grief couldn’t I??
I relate to this so much! I posted in the general anxiety page about it. There I focused a lot on Covid fears and sadness, but there’s also a lot of what you’re saying to it. I’m 40, but already friends of mine are getting diagnosed with things and I can feel my own body become more vulnerable. It’s something I guess we just need to accept obviously, but it’s a difficult transition as we age.
It IS difficult isn’t it?! Although obviously from my perspective you have yeeeaaaarrss before you need to worry. But it feels like bullets are flying in all directions as you age. And obviously my parents are really quite old now, and although they have lucked out health-wise that can’t carry on… The thought of the future makes me feel sad these days- unlike when i was 18 and the years ahead were anticipated with excitement!
Did covid scare you a lot?
I’ve had so many ups and downs with Covid. I was really intense during lockdown and my family didn’t get Covid until 2022, soon after we really started loosening up. After that I actually stopped worrying about it because we were all fine and I felt good about having the added immunity. Then I got it a second time in May 2023. While it was more mild during, I’ve had some lingering issues since. Nothing debilitating, but on and off dizziness and POTS symptoms. I also had routine bloodwork that showed high vascular inflammation. So the idea that it could cause long term damage started to scare me and with that this looming sense of doom that it will just always be around making life just a bit scarier. We’re going to Disney World next month and it was just making me sad to have to also worry about Covid in the crowds.
I also agree about the parents. My father in law died of cancer a few years ago and my mother in law had breast cancer in the past years. She’s gotten through it like a champ, but it’s upsetting. My brother in law was just diagnosed with a heart issue at 42 (he’s a firefighter so there’s prob some connection), my college roommate has cancer, etc. If I dwell on these things it’s all very unpleasant!
I’m also starting a new career this year and so I have that excitement like an 18 year old, but then I remember I’m not 18 and my mortality kicks in when I think of the years left to practice the new career. It’s all so doom and gloom and not constant at all, but I will get waves of these feelings hit me now and then and being tears to my eyes!
Starting a new career! That really is something to be excited about….! What will you be doing?
Aww Jojo, sorry you’re going through it.
It’s a new year, the news has been so sad for months, people are miserable. No wonder the anxiety creeps in.
Keep on looking after yourself, you’re very self aware of how to help yourself, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t creep up on you xx
Starting a new career! That really is something to be excited about….! What will you be doing?
I'm becoming an attorney! I take the bar exam two weeks from today (my palms just started sweating).
One thing that does help me is to look at the older people around me. Being in school the last few years I'm surrounded by 25 year olds, which sometimes makes me feel young, but also reminds me of my age. When I feel like 40 is old, I look at my mom who is 70. She also has struggled with health anxiety her whole life (not so glad to have inherited this from her!), and no matter what worried she'd had over the many decades she's still here - alive and kicking! And I look at others around me. My neighbor is 66 and still gets up and goes to the gym every morning, she just retired last year and has written two novels, etc... I also try to remember that every generation has lived through hard and often really terrible times and instead of feeling sorry for myself I should be appreciative of what I do have etc... All easier said some days, but not bad to do these affirmations from time to time!
Aww Jojo, sorry you’re going through it.
It’s a new year, the news has been so sad for months, people are miserable. No wonder the anxiety creeps in.
Keep on looking after yourself, you’re very self aware of how to help yourself, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t creep up on you xx
Thank you so much scass - it is really lovely to hear from you. Are you doing OK?
I'm becoming an attorney! I take the bar exam two weeks from today (my palms just started sweating).
One thing that does help me is to look at the older people around me. Being in school the last few years I'm surrounded by 25 year olds, which sometimes makes me feel young, but also reminds me of my age. When I feel like 40 is old, I look at my mom who is 70. She also has struggled with health anxiety her whole life (not so glad to have inherited this from her!), and no matter what worried she'd had over the many decades she's still here - alive and kicking! And I look at others around me. My neighbor is 66 and still gets up and goes to the gym every morning, she just retired last year and has written two novels, etc... I also try to remember that every generation has lived through hard and often really terrible times and instead of feeling sorry for myself I should be appreciative of what I do have etc... All easier said some days, but not bad to do these affirmations from time to time!
An attorney! What kind of law will you specialise in?
It’s funny you should say that about your mom. I inherited my anxiety from my granny i think - and she lived very healthily (at home, no significant dementia) until she was 103. I remember asking her when she was in her 90s if she would change anything about her life and she only regretted worrying so much. All that time spent fearing things that never happened. My own mum (also in her 70s) doesn’t seem to worry at all. So i guess it skipped a generation.
Hello all,
I am having a bit of a struggle at the moment, having been more stable-ish (anxiety is always a background hum for me), for some months. I wonder if it’s partly my age - im 47 - and the fact that hormones are doing weird things and also that .,. Well… im getting old; and lots of people i love are getting even older. And it feels like we are all standing on such unstable ground, and that bad things are just through the next door - if not for me then for someone i love. The result of this kind of thinking is constant fear, constant checking, and sadness. I feel close to tears, and close to melting into a gibbering heap of panic. I feel like ive lost my anchor in a storm, and everything looks very volatile to me (it doesn’t feel absurd to me that yesterday morning i was calling the doctor about a suspicious mole and yesterday evening i was showing symptoms of a brain tumour. It just feels like these are the normal everyday dangers we face!!!)
Anyway. Writing it down has helped a bit. And i love this community so much. You’ve been here for me in my darkest moments- so thank you! Xx
I’m 49 and really going through this too. I don’t know. I guess I just have to accept it. I don’t know how else to get through it. It’s causing me a lot of sadness and depression though as well as worry which is then in turn causing me to feel really tired and down which then causes me to wonder why I feel so down and tired. It’s a vicious cycle
An attorney! What kind of law will you specialise in?
It’s funny you should say that about your mom. I inherited my anxiety from my granny i think - and she lived very healthily (at home, no significant dementia) until she was 103. I remember asking her when she was in her 90s if she would change anything about her life and she only regretted worrying so much. All that time spent fearing things that never happened. My own mum (also in her 70s) doesn’t seem to worry at all. So i guess it skipped a generation.
I'm hoping to do criminal appeals. I'll work with a judge on our state's court of appeals for a year beginning in August and then I'm hoping to go work for the public defender doing appeals. I interned there last year and loved it - it's all about research and creativity and problem solving. You get to write up persuasive briefs (I love to write) arguing your side and then go argue the case against the state's attorney in front of a panel of judges. More appealing to me than trial work, lots of independence, and good work life balance!
My mom's anxiety is focused on her like most of us, but also sooo externally focused on all the people around her. So, I grew up with her always worrying about me and every little thing. I didn't have anxiety as a young person. I had a few tiny sparks of it as a young adult - like less than once a year. But, it hit me full on after my daughter was born 9 years ago. I had bad post-partum anxiety and it never really fully resolved. Thankfully, I don't worry about other people like my mom does - that seems so much more burdensome since you can't control what other people do. When I finally went to therapy my therapist cleverly pointed out that growing up with a parent who made you see the world as unsafe was clearly a component of my anxiety. I'm glad for the insight because I make it such a specific point not to put mine onto my on daughter.
MyNameIsTerry
14-02-24, 19:00
Hi JoJo, these things often seem to sneak up on you don't they?
The thing I've often admired about older generations is their stoicism. They might be at an age where time is limited but they just get on with things.
We are now ready reaching those ages where you hear others getting various health conditions so it is bound to be used by your anxiety if health is a theme. I guess it comes back to the usual tools and techniques to calm the beast down but a certain amount of this thinking is quite natural so don't be hard on yourself for feeling what you are.
It may be a different chapter in your life but its nowhere near the last and you can take healthy physical steps to avoid the conditions that can come at some stages of life.
I think you also have to remember you could healthy for a long time. You know I'm in hospital right now and I can tell you some of the women in here are still going very strong. The nurses were struggling to keep up with one 82 year old when she walked around. Another lady was 95 and still looking after everything in her home. She had some muscle on legs for such an age.
So you could easily be just like them later in life. It would be such a waste to spend all that time worrying about illness and you would look back on it wanting to tell the younger you off.
Hi JoJo, these things often seem to sneak up on you don't they?
The thing I've often admired about older generations is their stoicism. They might be at an age where time is limited but they just get on with things.
We are now ready reaching those ages where you hear others getting various health conditions so it is bound to be used by your anxiety if health is a theme. I guess it comes back to the usual tools and techniques to calm the beast down but a certain amount of this thinking is quite natural so don't be hard on yourself for feeling what you are.
It may be a different chapter in your life but its nowhere near the last and you can take healthy physical steps to avoid the conditions that can come at some stages of life.
I think you also have to remember you could healthy for a long time. You know I'm in hospital right now and I can tell you some of the women in here are still going very strong. The nurses were struggling to keep up with one 82 year old when she walked around. Another lady was 95 and still looking after everything in her home. She had some muscle on legs for such an age.
So you could easily be just like them later in life. It would be such a waste to spend all that time worrying about illness and you would look back on it wanting to tell the younger you off.
Thank you so much for the lovely reply and i hope you are doing OK healthwise. You are so right about the stoicism…. And i do wonder if stoic people are also happier people?
I'm hoping to do criminal appeals. I'll work with a judge on our state's court of appeals for a year beginning in August and then I'm hoping to go work for the public defender doing appeals. I interned there last year and loved it - it's all about research and creativity and problem solving. You get to write up persuasive briefs (I love to write) arguing your side and then go argue the case against the state's attorney in front of a panel of judges. More appealing to me than trial work, lots of independence, and good work life balance!
My mom's anxiety is focused on her like most of us, but also sooo externally focused on all the people around her. So, I grew up with her always worrying about me and every little thing. I didn't have anxiety as a young person. I had a few tiny sparks of it as a young adult - like less than once a year. But, it hit me full on after my daughter was born 9 years ago. I had bad post-partum anxiety and it never really fully resolved. Thankfully, I don't worry about other people like my mom does - that seems so much more burdensome since you can't control what other people do. When I finally went to therapy my therapist cleverly pointed out that growing up with a parent who made you see the world as unsafe was clearly a component of my anxiety. I'm glad for the insight because I make it such a specific point not to put mine onto my on daughter.
i was 100% the same re the postpartum anxiety. Mine really kicked off when my son was born 16 years (!!!) ago. It was post natal depression, i suppose, but the anxiety never fully resolved. So if being an attorney is a second career,.. what did you do before?
I’m 49 and really going through this too. I don’t know. I guess I just have to accept it. I don’t know how else to get through it. It’s causing me a lot of sadness and depression though as well as worry which is then in turn causing me to feel really tired and down which then causes me to wonder why I feel so down and tired. It’s a vicious cycle
Yep. A vicious cycle. Maybe it is a mid-life crisis thing? Maybe it will get better???
MyNameIsTerry
14-02-24, 20:53
Thank you so much for the lovely reply and i hope you are doing OK healthwise. You are so right about the stoicism…. And i do wonder if stoic people are also happier people?
Thanks jojo, I'm ok. Just keeping going until life returns to normality when mum comes home.
I think they must be. They have a more 'take things on the chin' attitude so they don't add more stress to their lives. CBT even has it's roots based in it so there must be something to it.
Thanks jojo, I'm ok. Just keeping going until life returns to normality when mum comes home.
I think they must be. They have a more 'take things on the chin' attitude so they don't add more stress to their lives. CBT even has it's roots based in it so there must be something to it.
I never knew CBT has roots in stoic philosophy!! Ive just been reading about it - fascinating!
Hope your mum makes it home soon xx
Hi jojo,
Sorry to hear that you're struggling. FWIW, the whole age thing / getting I can understand completely. After lots of deaths in my family, now at the age of 37, I'm the oldest male! Feels a bit weird tbh, especially when I grew up with my grandparents well in their 80's and 90's. It's my children I feel sorry for most, as they don't have any close male figures to look up to apart from myself and my brother, and the latter they rarely see. To not have a grandad is very sad considering how close I was to both of mine.
But anyway, this isn't about me. I also completely get the whole checking, constant fear struggles - on edge waiting for the next thing to happen etc.
What's good in your life at the moment? (this is a question I get asked from y partner a lot when I'm moaning and struggling)
Just wanted to stop by and send love and positive vibes to everyone. Getting older is tough, but we've got this!
Just wanted to stop by and send love and positive vibes to everyone. Getting older is tough, but we've got this!
Thank you BI. You really do rock. It is tough, but we have plenty of fuel left in our tanks. I remember my granny always thinking she was in her last year when she was in her 60s (that’s my earliest memory of her. She had probably been feeling the same for decades!). But in reality she was still climbing irish mountains in her 80s and lived happily to 103. Like you say, we’ve got this!
Thank you so much scass - it is really lovely to hear from you. Are you doing OK?
Oh I’m not so bad. It’s been a hard 6 months, but I’m ok xx
Well I'm older than all of you and am still standing despite being constantly monitored for signs of decay,illness and decrepitude by one anxious daughter! Certainly just what the doctor ordered re my own HA but it's actually like constant aversion therapy:D
Make the most of being the age you are! xx
Well I'm older than all of you and am still standing despite being constantly monitored for signs of decay,illness and decrepitude by one anxious daughter! Certainly just what the doctor ordered re my own HA but it's actually like constant aversion therapy:D
Make the most of being the age you are! xx
Pulisa!!! Hello! It is so so lovely to hear from you. And think of you often and wonder how you are (and if Francis/es still visits?) xxxx
Oh I’m not so bad. It’s been a hard 6 months, but I’m ok xx
Sorry to hear it’s been tough 6 months…. Internal or external stuff? Hope your little girl is doing well- she must be… 10 now??
Health anxiety is an ailment of relapse and remission, I know… And right now I am in the middle of a big fat relapse. I feel frightened all the time (perhaps even terrified) and so incredibly hyper vigilant. I feel like I am trapped in a crashing plane (my body is the crashing plane)… And i am doing the trademark thing of jumping from one thing to another. From the last 6 weeks i have been obsessed with my swallow, convinced food was getting stuck. After receiving reassurance from an ENT i immediately started to “see” red marks on my breast, and am diving down the inflammatory breast cancer hole.
I am trying to act normal for my family. But i feel really very mentally unwell. My heart goes out to all you suffering in the same way. This thing is an absolute b****
Sorry to crash this thread. It seems as though most of you know each other and have supported each other in the past. I'm a long time lurker but have posted when I've had crises. I'm having pretty much the same issues as you at the moment, jojo, and have been in an HA spiral for the last few months, made much worse by my age - 49 - and some family stuff going on with my mum who has dementia. My lovely dad died nearly 3 years ago. I also feel very mentally unwell at the moment and unsure how to get out of it. I've been having tests and surgery for some issues around an anal fissure and have my follow up appointment with the consultant tomorrow and I'm in an absolute state. Only slept for around an hour last night. Do you take any medication for your HA? I've always resisted it and have relied on talking therapy and time, but I really wonder whether I should try finally. Obviously, as someone with HA, my main worry is side effects
How are you doing now? Sorry - my brain is fried from not sleeping and I got the dates confused, but you've just posted earlier this morning
Sorry to crash this thread. It seems as though most of you know each other and have supported each other in the past. I'm a long time lurker but have posted when I've had crises. I'm having pretty much the same issues as you at the moment, jojo, and have been in an HA spiral for the last few months, made much worse by my age - 49 - and some family stuff going on with my mum who has dementia. My lovely dad died nearly 3 years ago. I also feel very mentally unwell at the moment and unsure how to get out of it. I've been having tests and surgery for some issues around an anal fissure and have my follow up appointment with the consultant tomorrow and I'm in an absolute state. Only slept for around an hour last night. Do you take any medication for your HA? I've always resisted it and have relied on talking therapy and time, but I really wonder whether I should try finally. Obviously, as someone with HA, my main worry is side effects
How are you doing now? Sorry - my brain is fried from not sleeping and I got the dates confused, but you've just posted earlier this morning
Hello- and oh my goodness my heart goes out to you. It can be so incredibly hard to keep functioning, can’t it, when you are constantly battling crippling fear? We are a similar age and I cannot really imagine how I will cope with growing (even!!) older and risks associated with that. Although, most people DO cope, so there is hope i guess?!
Sorry to hear about your parents- that will add to your load massively of course. What are you worried about in particular at the moment? Is it about your anal fissure? Do feel free to reach out to me any time…. I find peer support invaluable when I am going through a “crisis”. Sending love.
Jojo :hugs:
I've had many a relapse over the years and it's something that's always looking over my shoulder.
I've learnt it's just best to ride that wave until it stops and it always does. I up my selfcare, cancel anything on my agenda I don't feel comfortable with, rest up and let my nerves have some rest time.
Get more creative and rooted and allow your body and mind that holiday it needs.
Stick, I don't take meds so it is possible to overcome these hurdles without but you do feel everything!
Thank you so much for your reply. I feel like I'm not really functioning at the moment. My husband has been so, so patient and kind but I feel terribly guilty because I'm making his life difficult at the moment. I was hoping to see my therapist today but she isn't available. With the age thing, all the stats say X thing is rare in the under 50s but when you're approaching that you start worrying more. And I know I'm very bad at understanding and assessing risk. In the past I might have talked to my mum about some of my anxieties but that support is gone now, and I know it sounds horrible but she is just one more worry.
Yes, I've got myself into a complete state about the fissure. I've had one for a few years and it has been painful and never healed properly and it was a low level worry but in the end I paid privately to see a consultant a couple of months ago. I think I posted on here then but it was just an information dump. He couldn't even examine me because it was so sore and tight. He gave me an ointment which is supposed to relax the muscle but he also said that I had a prominent skin tag there (which I knew about) that he thought it would be 'sensible to consider having excised' because it looked 'a bit warty'. This completely threw me into a spiral about anal pre-cancer or worse and because it is caused by HPV and I had high grade cervical abnormal cells removed in 2007 I knew that I was at higher risk. The consultant wanted to see whether the fissure healed before doing anything but I went back after a couple of weeks because I was so worried and because he hadn't been able to do an examination properly so I didn't even know if it was a fissure or something worse.
Anyway, I had an EUA nearly 4 weeks ago and he ended up excising two 'warty' skin tags - even worse that there were two. I see him tomorrow for the follow up and am dreading the biopsy results. The recovery has been really painful and I am now in an IBS flare up which makes everything much worse. the EUA did show a fissure - I thought I'd had 2 but I think he only saw one - so I suppose at least that is good, and I'm thinking surely he would have said if he'd seen anything worse. But the fissure is not healing - that is apparently a risk of having the excision while you have an active fissure - that wound healing is delayed. And if the skin tags are positive for HPV then I will have to be monitored for pre-cancer. I have read A LOT about all this which hasn't helped me. The consultant has been a bit non-plussed about my anxiety about it all. He was very kind when I was almost in tears at my second visit, but I don't think he really gets it.
I feel like I can't cope with any of this, especially if I get bad results tomorrow. My mood is so low and I couldn't relax enough to sleep last night - just lay there drifting off for a couple of minutes at a time. Some friends and family have suggested I try an SSRI but I don't want to feel worse than I do at the moment.
How are you doing with your HA? I've had this before - going from one awful, all consuming anxiety to another, almost straight away. When I look back I can see the pattern clearly but you just can't when you're in the middle of it. I've had so many anxieties about breast pain, lumpiness, skin changes. And even if the results are ok tomorrow I will be going for another cervix check (had one last year) and to check the skin on my vulva as well as I'm now obsessed with a couple of 'freckles' there.
HA is truly horrendous. I know my husband hopes each time I'll be over it, but you're right - it is just remission and relapse and it's exhausting
Thank you so much Carn…. That is sage advice indeed. And it is true the wave does always pass. And when it has it is so easy to look back and think how silly you were being. But at the time it can feel almost intolerable. For me this site is an absolute lifeline so thank you a 1000 fold for your support.
Stick i do take medication- sertraline. But a few months ago i dropped my dose because i felt stable. Clearly a mistake! It does help, for sure, but i don’t really like the idea of being on it forever…
Thank you so much for your reply. I feel like I'm not really functioning at the moment. My husband has been so, so patient and kind but I feel terribly guilty because I'm making his life difficult at the moment. I was hoping to see my therapist today but she isn't available. With the age thing, all the stats say X thing is rare in the under 50s but when you're approaching that you start worrying more. And I know I'm very bad at understanding and assessing risk. In the past I might have talked to my mum about some of my anxieties but that support is gone now, and I know it sounds horrible but she is just one more worry.
Yes, I've got myself into a complete state about the fissure. I've had one for a few years and it has been painful and never healed properly and it was a low level worry but in the end I paid privately to see a consultant a couple of months ago. I think I posted on here then but it was just an information dump. He couldn't even examine me because it was so sore and tight. He gave me an ointment which is supposed to relax the muscle but he also said that I had a prominent skin tag there (which I knew about) that he thought it would be 'sensible to consider having excised' because it looked 'a bit warty'. This completely threw me into a spiral about anal pre-cancer or worse and because it is caused by HPV and I had high grade cervical abnormal cells removed in 2007 I knew that I was at higher risk. The consultant wanted to see whether the fissure healed before doing anything but I went back after a couple of weeks because I was so worried and because he hadn't been able to do an examination properly so I didn't even know if it was a fissure or something worse.
Anyway, I had an EUA nearly 4 weeks ago and he ended up excising two 'warty' skin tags - even worse that there were two. I see him tomorrow for the follow up and am dreading the biopsy results. The recovery has been really painful and I am now in an IBS flare up which makes everything much worse. the EUA did show a fissure - I thought I'd had 2 but I think he only saw one - so I suppose at least that is good, and I'm thinking surely he would have said if he'd seen anything worse. But the fissure is not healing - that is apparently a risk of having the excision while you have an active fissure - that wound healing is delayed. And if the skin tags are positive for HPV then I will have to be monitored for pre-cancer. I have read A LOT about all this which hasn't helped me. The consultant has been a bit non-plussed about my anxiety about it all. He was very kind when I was almost in tears at my second visit, but I don't think he really gets it.
I feel like I can't cope with any of this, especially if I get bad results tomorrow. My mood is so low and I couldn't relax enough to sleep last night - just lay there drifting off for a couple of minutes at a time. Some friends and family have suggested I try an SSRI but I don't want to feel worse than I do at the moment.
How are you doing with your HA? I've had this before - going from one awful, all consuming anxiety to another, almost straight away. When I look back I can see the pattern clearly but you just can't when you're in the middle of it. I've had so many anxieties about breast pain, lumpiness, skin changes. And even if the results are ok tomorrow I will be going for another cervix check (had one last year) and to check the skin on my vulva as well as I'm now obsessed with a couple of 'freckles' there.
HA is truly horrendous. I know my husband hopes each time I'll be over it, but you're right - it is just remission and relapse and it's exhausting
Ive now read your original anal fissure post (sorry i missed it the first time) so am now up to speed. I really think that you would have heard if the biopsy results were bad. But i know me saying that won’t help…. But i hope that tomorrow you get the reassurance you need (and don’t, like me, immediately leap to the next thing!!).
you really struck a cord with what you said about your husband. I think we ARE hard to live with and mine also is incredibly patient and also - like yours - always hopes that one day i will completely “recover” (im afraid i will not). I do try to shield him and my family as much as possible- and behave like a “normal” person -which is why i tend to dump on here.
My mum also used to be a great source of support. And while she is still fit and well she is getting older and it seems inappropriate somehow for a late 40 something to be leaning on her late 70 something mama!!
Good luck tomorrow. The results will be fine i am certain, but good luck with deflating the anxiety (that will be the tough bit!) xx
Thank you so much Carnation and Jojo for the SSRI/meds comments. You are right about riding the wave, Carnation, but it's a scary time when you're in the middle of it and you just can't believe it will pass. I've always been so wary of medication but wondering whether this is the time to try. Having said that, I feel like my resources are so low at the moment I'm not sure I can cope with start-up side effects.
I can't thank you enough Jojo for going back and reading my previous post - that's really kind of you. And your support means a lot. My tendency is always to leap to the next thing if I get a good result - it's mostly unconscious but when you're in an HA wave it's almost like you have to replace a worry with another worry. I know what you mean about feeling like you're burdening elderly parents, and that you should be a 'proper grown up'. I think that's what's so hard about seeing my mum as she is now. She's still my mum, but I just don't have that support from her and she can't play that role in my life anymore, and that feels really hard, and another part of getting older, I suppose.
I should try to lean less on my husband, but it's very hard. I feel like I need an outlet somewhere. I'm glad your husband is also supportive and patient (though optimistic about HA!)
I hope your breast worries can recede, too x
ckelley116
03-06-24, 11:53
Jojo, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rough time of it. You've been such a voice of reason for me lately and I hate thinking of you suffering too. I don't have anything to offer beyond what's already been said, but I'm thinking of you and here for you if you need to chat!
Thank you so much Carnation and Jojo for the SSRI/meds comments. You are right about riding the wave, Carnation, but it's a scary time when you're in the middle of it and you just can't believe it will pass. I've always been so wary of medication but wondering whether this is the time to try. Having said that, I feel like my resources are so low at the moment I'm not sure I can cope with start-up side effects.
I can't thank you enough Jojo for going back and reading my previous post - that's really kind of you. And your support means a lot. My tendency is always to leap to the next thing if I get a good result - it's mostly unconscious but when you're in an HA wave it's almost like you have to replace a worry with another worry. I know what you mean about feeling like you're burdening elderly parents, and that you should be a 'proper grown up'. I think that's what's so hard about seeing my mum as she is now. She's still my mum, but I just don't have that support from her and she can't play that role in my life anymore, and that feels really hard, and another part of getting older, I suppose.
I should try to lean less on my husband, but it's very hard. I feel like I need an outlet somewhere. I'm glad your husband is also supportive and patient (though optimistic about HA!)
I hope your breast worries can recede, too x
Its possible that in the immediate term you could make use of diazepam to help you through? I agree about the start up side effects of an SSRI- they can make you feel worse in the short term which might be hard to tolerate right now. You will probably feel better after your appointment tomorrow and you must work really hard to allow the anxiety to subside without it fixing on another perceived “danger”, as it may try to do.
I hope the breast thing subsides too…. I have been completely neurotic about my breasts in the past. Almost to the point where i wanted to have them removed altogether (seriously!). But also part of me does know that the anxious brain actively seeks out the “danger” and that the things i am seeing on my breast would never have caught my attention had i not been searching.
Jojo, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rough time of it. You've been such a voice of reason for me lately and I hate thinking of you suffering too. I don't have anything to offer beyond what's already been said, but I'm thinking of you and here for you if you need to chat!
Thank you so much ckelley - that means such a lot. I hope you are doing OK? Has the doctor been in touch?
Its possible that in the immediate term you could make use of diazepam to help you through? I agree about the start up side effects of an SSRI- they can make you feel worse in the short term which might be hard to tolerate right now. You will probably feel better after your appointment tomorrow and you must work really hard to allow the anxiety to subside without it fixing on another perceived “danger”, as it may try to do.
I hope the breast thing subsides too…. I have been completely neurotic about my breasts in the past. Almost to the point where i wanted to have them removed altogether (seriously!). But also part of me does know that the anxious brain actively seeks out the “danger” and that the things i am seeing on my breast would never have caught my attention had i not been searching.
I did wonder about diazepam. I was prescribed them once before when I was in the middle of a crisis but only took one in the end. I've seen other people say they were able to get diazepam at the same time as they started an SSRI, to help them through. I really don't know what to do. I think I need to see what happens at the appointment first.
If everything is ok tomorrow, and that feels like a really big IF to me right now as I'm convinced the biopsies will be bad, I know I need to really work hard on the anxiety subsiding without replacing it with another danger
I'm totally with you on the breast thing, to the point that I've had times when I was thinking having them removed would be easier. I've been to the breast clinic a number of times in the past. I've tried to be better about not checking all the time, but it doesn't always work. And then the skin tags are something that wasn't really on my radar, but should have been as I had a time when I was totally obsessed with HPV and cell changes
For what it's worth, IBC is rare, and I think it would be a lot more obvious than marks you have to check for to find. Be kind to yourself today - easy to say, but difficult advice to take, I know x
Jojo, my o/h is on sertraline and when he reduced his dose he felt the impact almost immediately. It wasn't the right time to do it. He since has reduced several times and now has adapted to it but it took a while.
Jojo, my o/h is on sertraline and when he reduced his dose he felt the impact almost immediately. It wasn't the right time to do it. He since has reduced several times and now has adapted to it but it took a while.
Ive tried giving up sertraline a few times and annoyingly i am OK for the first few weeks meaning i think im home and dry then BAM! It’s a thing apparently. I don’t know why I keep trying. I think it is OK to stay on it long term. Does it help your OH? Xx
I did wonder about diazepam. I was prescribed them once before when I was in the middle of a crisis but only took one in the end. I've seen other people say they were able to get diazepam at the same time as they started an SSRI, to help them through. I really don't know what to do. I think I need to see what happens at the appointment first.
If everything is ok tomorrow, and that feels like a really big IF to me right now as I'm convinced the biopsies will be bad, I know I need to really work hard on the anxiety subsiding without replacing it with another danger
I'm totally with you on the breast thing, to the point that I've had times when I was thinking having them removed would be easier. I've been to the breast clinic a number of times in the past. I've tried to be better about not checking all the time, but it doesn't always work. And then the skin tags are something that wasn't really on my radar, but should have been as I had a time when I was totally obsessed with HPV and cell changes
For what it's worth, IBC is rare, and I think it would be a lot more obvious than marks Lou have to check for to find. Be kind to yourself today - easy to say, but difficult advice to take, I know x
Ive PM’d you xx
ckelley116
03-06-24, 14:11
Thank you! I'm okay - got through the weekend; I'm functional but the ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach is making itself known. I haven't heard from her yet, but it's still early in the day here - just about 9:00, and I'm not entirely sure what she has going on on Mondays or what time she starts. I imagine I will hear something today, as she's usually pretty quick even when she's not physically in her patient-seeing office (which she's only in on Thursdays).
I hope you can have a peaceful day today :)
He's practically weened himself off and only takes as when. He seems OK most days.
Thank you! I'm okay - got through the weekend; I'm functional but the ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach is making itself known. I haven't heard from her yet, but it's still early in the day here - just about 9:00, and I'm not entirely sure what she has going on on Mondays or what time she starts. I imagine I will hear something today, as she's usually pretty quick even when she's not physically in her patient-seeing office (which she's only in on Thursdays).
I hope you can have a peaceful day today :)
Functional is the best i can hope for some days! I hope your dr doesn’t keep you waiting too long
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