View Full Version : Carnation’s New Thread - Anxiety, setbacks and tips
I’ve started a new thread.
After 7 years, my old thread has lost it’s way from its original purpose.
I ask any posters to be sensitive with posting any serious health matters, keep it friendly and helpful and share anything that might be of help to all those that struggle with anxiety.
just recently I have found Holding the thumb a great calming tool when feeling panicky. It might be why babies suck their thumbs. Anxiety can be very debilitating and it’s all very well acting normal, and it is acting most of the time but sometimes well need a bit of extra help in getting through the day.
’Live as if you are already healed’ - this attitude helps tremendously.
’Its not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it ‘
Anxiety tends to promote overthinking, fuelling negative thoughts, causing bodily symptoms.
Its all about living in the moment, not catastrophising, keeping reality, telling the mind ‘you’ve got this’.
I will end this post by recommending ‘Claire Weekes’ as a good reference guide to recovering.
Living as if you are already healed is a great idea; it requires a bit of bravery but I think it's probably the most effective strategy I've encountered. Example: I postponed an afternoon out a few times because I was afraid of what would happen if I got scary sensations and panicked. My husband was starting to get annoyed and I was feeling guilty, so last weekend we just did it. Nothing awful happened when we took an alternative route to the restaurant that involved going up a steep hill, and I didn't die in the cinema because the film was longer than an hour and a half. It was fun!
It can be hard when you're in the depths, but faking it til you make it works so well; instead of convincing your brain that everything is scary and dangerous, you're showing it that everything is okay and even fun.
Oh, and Carnation? Thanks for all the help these past few months.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
15-02-24, 09:00
Hi Carnation and Blue....
I agree with the Claire Weeks books and would highly recommend them to anyone suffering any kinda anxiety, she covers them all...
im having a set back at the moment, so out come her books again to try and get me on the right path again, like you said Carnation about catastrophising every little ache, pain sensation etc I’m my own worst enemy for doing that.
Blue Well done on going out, I know that fear well and I know how hard it is to push on through it but sometimes you surprise yourself just what you can do, but you have to know your limits, if it’s a really bad day then maybe sometimes it’s best to rest for a bit, talk to someone who understands, get their reassurance and a different view point and then bite the bullet and get out there....
I came across a site many years ago, you may have heard of it....Anxiety centre.com/symptoms and oh my the list of symptoms is huge, also the guy that runs it, tells his 12 year battle with anxiety, you’ll find that if you look for Jim Folk Story...it’s a bit like Nicola’s story on here....
I found it very interesting and helpful when I’m going through a bad time and when you keep thinking to yourself this symptom can’t be anxiety....well yes it can, you’d be surprised...
This Guy had a huge struggle, but as overcome it and reading through it I can see a lot of Claire Weekes training which goes to show how well ahead of her time she was....
I hope this helps xxx
You are so welcome BlueIris x
I know exactly what you mean...
When you think the event or trip might trigger you and putting off or cancelling. Pre - anxiety is the worst.
Something that's new, out of the way, being out longer, the thought of possible embarrassment of having a reaction.
And the strange thing is, with all those thoughts and fear, nothing ever happens. You might still have the residue of the pre anxiety, but it does wear off. And sometimes you actually have a good time. If only it wasn't for that pre-anxiety stuff.
I read that visualisation is good for this. By closing your eyes and imagining you are actually doing it with ease actually helps. I suppose if we can imagine a fuelled anxiety situation then we can also imagine an un-fuelled anxiety situation.
Our partners can be so patient but they sometimes get that 'oh, come on' attitude. I have to admit that sometimes gets me going. Like you say BlueIris, you feel a bit guilty.
Oh, the times I haven't wanted to do stuff and actually enjoyed it. I then think 'why on earth did I get myself in to such a tizz?'.
YNWA,
Claire Weekes is like the Godmother of Anxiety knowledge and understanding. If you only read one book, it's got to be hers.
Setbacks come. Claire Weekes covers this.
I think understanding why and letting that phase pass is the only way forward. I know it's frustrating when you've made such progress but it's a bit like a boiling kettle, if it doesn't switch off, it's eventually going to boil over.
Nothing to be scared about, just uncomfortable for a while. You've been there before and survived it and you'll do it again. x
It never surprises me how many symptoms Anxiety can produce. And the weird thing is, we are actually producing them. I had a list of about 30+ symptoms which were all foreign to me when I first approached my doctor with 'what's wrong with me? ". Scared like a rabbit in the headlights. Straight away she said " Anxiety ". I couldn't believe that Anxiety could do all of those things to me and how powerful it was. I went on the Internet and found this forum and there it was in black and white, other people feeling exactly the same as me. I felt relief because I wasn't going mad after all.
Thanks for the link YNWA. I like to read other people's stories. There's a few on this Site too if anyone is interested.
I loved Ruby Wax's idea of the frazzled cafe meet.
I expect when I go out there are others like myself but its not plain to see. We all do a good job of faking how we feel in public. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we are sensitive people that feel everything and that makes us very empathetic which is special. x
I think that’s a very good concept….Living life like you’re already healed. Live it like other people. Just do it. I have a Nike T Shirt that has that logo on it. I like to wear it as inspiration. The more you ruminate and think about doing stuff the more you end up not doing it. Overthinking and worrying, which really serve no purpose whatsoever. Just do it.
JulieJay92
15-02-24, 15:25
100% agree about claire weeks books, helped me out enormously when at my worst . i did give them to charity years later but ended up buying them again to help me when i can feel them starting again x
I like the idea of a slogan T shirt darksky, being the right wording of course. I've got a top that says 'sunny days ahead' and I get so many compliments when I wear it.
Do you remember the 'RELAX' t. Shirts in the 80s, cut out sleeves, black and white? There were lots of slogan t shirts around but not so many now. Nike must sell a lot of their t shirts with 'Just Do it', a clever move by them.
Juliejay, you can't part with a Claire Weekes book, it's like an anxiety sufferers Bible. Great you got them back again. :yesyes:
I also love Claire Weeks!
And I like the mantra of living like you're already healed. I do this when trying to expand my physical activities. I've had physical set backs and sometimes feel like my body is broken. One thing that helps tremendously is just pushing myself a bit and seeing that I'm fine. This works just the same for the mind!
Another thing I've been working on lately is reversing my thinking. The anxious mind has such a super power to see the future (or at least we think it does!) and imagine every possible outcome. Instead of doing that, I've been consciously working on using my brains incredible power to consider every possible scenario to look backward and find all the times I've felt exactly this way and the fact that it was never something serious. It's like reverse catastrophizing... decatastrophizing.
With the bar exam coming up I'm in full on panic mode about every single thing that could go wrong between now and then, so I've really been working on this one!
For your entertainment, the most deranged "what if" I had recently came the other night when I was finally bringing down what my husband affectionately calls my "mug garden." That is - the wide collection of half-drank mugs of coffee and tea I leave all over the second floor to grow new ecosystems of mold before I finally crack and bring them all down. This garden was particularly bad since I've been so distracted lately. When I dumped out one particular mug, the irrational fear hit me that somehow the mold inside the mug would float up into the air, I'd breath it in, and then I'd get some wild lung infection that would stop me from taking the test (and then of course kill me). In the past, I would have started googling things about this and panicking. Instead, I sat down and replayed through my head how many times through my life I have carried moldy mugs through my house and dumped them in my sink... this house, every apartment I've ever lived in... I took my mind all the way back to my college dorm with my roommate who would relentlessly make snide (though utterly justified!) comments about the science experiments growing in my dishes. Never, in that decades-long history of being lazy and kind of gross did I ever contract a lung infection from breathing in the fruits of my mug gardens. So, I had a little laugh to myself, ran the dishwasher on sanitize mode, and called it a day.
And so, this is what I've been trying to do each time a new worry pops up. Palpitations? I've had 'em 1000s of time. Dizzy? What else is new?
For each thing, I don't just think - this has happened before, I actually take the time to visualize previous times, how I felt, and how I got through it. One day I'll probably come to a symptom I've never had before and - hey, in that case, I can do what a non-anxious person does and go to the doctor!
Can you get Claire Weekes T-shirts? :D
Carnation, the 'Relax' T-shirts would have been the 'Frankie Goes to Hollywood' reference?
Hi Erin
Taking time to think to visualise previous times and realising that nothing bad came from it, is a good way to quickly realise that you are safe and it's anxiety up to its tricks.
Yes, no googling should be another one to remember.
It will always give you the worse case scenario and probably not even a true diagnosis.
We've all done it in desperation.
I enjoyed your mug garden story Erin. Lol.
I spent my youth living in a bedroom with mould all around the windows. And now living by the sea, it's very damp and a good basis for potential mould.
If it was that lethal we'd be dropping like flies.
Just think back to the Victorian era with no heating and bare walls. I bet it never crossed their minds about mould inhalation. Anyway, they were too busy inventing stuff and working to feed the family.
Thinking back, I was terrible for drinking cold tea. I'm not talking about an hour later but 3 or 4 hours later. Lol.
I like to push myself a bit. Mentally and physically.
Get to know what your capabilities are gradually.
But we are definitely stronger than we realise.
We do have power over anxiety if only we realised it.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
15-02-24, 18:59
I’ve got a t-shirt that says....it’s ok....I’m ok....everything is ok....
I enjoyed reading about your mug garden Erin, I never did it but my kids did both with cups, glasses and dishes, half the kitchen cupboards where upstairs in their bedrooms, usually decorating the window sills with the green mould growing beautifully....
When you think about it though, how many times have you accidentally eaten mouldy bread, apart from the taste being yuk it never did anyone any harm and let’s face it, what is penicillin made from....Mould...so there you are Erin permission to grow your own antibiotics.....lol xx
Oh god yes, accidentally eaten mouldy bread loads of times. :wacko:
Yes, that's right fishman. Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
Get more creative!
It's proven that creativity eases anxiety.
Find time in the day to do something creative.
A hobby, craft, painting, drawing, playing an instrument, making something, baking, gardening, designing, styling, sewing, knitting, embroidery, woodwork, growing vegetables, herbs, plants and flowers.
It's great exercise for your hands too.
The hands hold connections to the rest of the body so it's a win, win, win!
Couldn't agree more! Crafting is basically my non-work life, and cookery calms me down like nothing else.
Don't let those things go BlueIris.
You also have a talent, not to be wasted. x
Currently beading up an octopus, Carn :)
I was going to join the old thread so great to see this new one!
I've had a major setback. I had a panic attack recently and now feel myself slipping.
I started with panic attacks over 20 years ago and they eventually tailed off. It's like I've forgotten everything about them now and, in some ways, it feels I'm starting again.
My anxiety is in my head these days, the uneasy feeling - on the very edge of panic.
I know if I get an illogical thought - like "I should have eaten by now. Oh no. I'm going to have low blood sugar and feel weird" I instantly feel it come on, and it lingers even after I've eaten.
I also find I get air hunger a lot, and then I don't have the anxiety but get skipped beats. If I don't have the air hunger I have the anxiety.
I feel like I'm trapped.
As I'm typing this I feel strange dull chest pain - just randomly come on. It's all so strange.
Thinking through my thoughts helps - my own CBT. Doing that a lot more.
Not sure if anybody can relate? It's always calming to know that somebody else understands.
Absolutely, Jayke, yes. I had several years mostly HA-free, then these past few months I've backslid horribly. I think - I hope - I'm getting back to where I was, but it's a frightening place to be.
Currently beading up an octopus, Carn
That sounds so weird BlueIris.
Will post a photo when I'm done, I fell in love with the pattern when I saw it.
Hello jayke
It's good to feel some comfort being around people that have the same feelings.
Claire Weekes mentions setbacks in her book.
The uneasy feeling is normally down to being over sensitised and that can take time.
To quote the time would not be realistic because we all different and have different circumstances.
But it is sign to maybe change your lifestyle a bit.
The thing is when we feel ok we tend to forget the self care and the stuff that keeps us grounded and peaceful.
Life becomes hectic and there never seems to be any extra time. But as little as ten minutes here and there throughout the day can make all the difference.
Don't get despondent because setbacks are not permanent and what goes back has to come forward at some point. What goes up, comes down, you get my drift.
We feel things in our chest due to the way we feel. The same for the stomach and head. So by doing things that give you relaxation in turn will relax the body.
That would be great to see it BlueIris :yesyes:
I’m also having a bit of a blip. Some HA, but also a healthy dose of everyday challenges (life, career, finances, etc) feeling really heavy. Having some struggles with Chisum, which is making me feel icky. Had a scary (somewhat) local event the other day that played with my feelings of being unsafe again. No need to bore you all with too many details. :)
I’m enjoying all of the tips. For me, I just like to get outside if I can and focus heavily on nature and what is going on around me. Listen to the birds. Notice the pattern of the moss. That kind of thing. I also like to switch my brain into sort of a “stream of consciousness” mode and just pay attention to what is happening/what I’m feeling in the present second.
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
16-02-24, 18:43
Poppy.. sorry to read your having a blip, join the club, I think a few people here are too at the moment, but it will pass, try not to be impatient with time, that’s one of my faults, I think I’ve done this and I’ve done that so why am I not feeling good yet, it doesn’t work like that, as Claire weekes says let time pass and if necessary let more time pass.
Aww what’s wrong with Chisum, is he poorly....
I was telling Carnation a while ago when I go for a walk I look at all the gardens and give them a score out of 10, pretending I’m judging a garden competition....keeps me occupied.....
Hope you have a lovely weekend too xxx
I would like to join the blip club too please! I don’t really have anything helpful to add other than sympathy and company down the anxiety rabbit hole. It’s hard and it’s scary, but the really bad bits do pass.
Poppy.. sorry to read your having a blip, join the club, I think a few people here are too at the moment, but it will pass, try not to be impatient with time, that’s one of my faults, I think I’ve done this and I’ve done that so why am I not feeling good yet, it doesn’t work like that, as Claire weekes says let time pass and if necessary let more time pass.
Aww what’s wrong with Chisum, is he poorly....
I was telling Carnation a while ago when I go for a walk I look at all the gardens and give them a score out of 10, pretending I’m judging a garden competition....keeps me occupied.....
Hope you have a lovely weekend too xxx
My garden can’t be seen between the mole hills. What score would that get, i wonder?
Thanks, YNWA. I really do love the winter, but maybe it’s the weather. I have struggled a lot with my friends/family all seemingly moving forward with their lives and I just feel stuck. And everything is getting so expensive, I think I will need to make a career/job change soon and don’t know where to begin.
Chisum is thankfully pretty healthy, but he’s had some ear infections so I have to clean his ears 1-2 times a week. He’s so good for it, but hates it, and will lower his head and slink away when he knows it’s time or even if I say the words “ears” or “clean”. He also knows I keep the bottle in my medicine cabinet, so even if I reach in there for something else he slinks away and hides and it’s so disheartening. He also had a couple of indoor accidents (out of character for him, but I think his own anxiety is raised) and I’ve gotten frustrated over that and then I feel guilty for being frustrated because I know I should do better to help him be successful. So just lots of icky feelings.
Judging gardens sounds fun. Everyone around me I think would get pretty low scores. :roflmao:But when I walk around my neighborhood, I do like to look at the colors of houses and curb appeal, trying to get my own ideas. Unfortunately there are a lot of students where I live, so many boring apartments and homes that need a lot of love. But there are some really pretty gems too.
I think I saw your blip thread, Jojo. I’m sorry you’re having your own struggles but I guess we are all in good company. :flowers:
Poppy,
Good to hear from you.
There does seem to be something in the air.
I've said before that you cope so well but sometimes you just have to accept a bad patch and let it pass in its own time. I know it's frustrating, uncomfortable and to a certain extent affects the things you want to do.
But use this time for the stuff you can do. More grounding stuff.
I walked out to my garden this morning and felt very ungrounded but after a while of looking at new shoots growing, the daffodils and sitting in the sun, I started to feel better. I know you like your walks, and you have your hobbies. Don't think about the future for now, decisions will come naturally. For now, just be.
YNWA, I think we can be impatient sometimes with this time passing. I know I do. I have a day or two of rest and think I should be much better by the third day.
It's very frustrating, but we'll get there.
Jojo, you are certainly in the right place.
I certainly have sympathy for anyone feeling the way I do at the moment. Like I said to poppy, you have to find comfort in the things that make you more calm. Plenty of rest, if you can, and remind yourself this is just a bad patch.
Finding comfort, and just being. Very wise words
so there you are Erin permission to grow your own antibiotics.....lol xx
I should have kept them - I'm sure I've accidentally found a cure to antibiotic-resistant bacteria up there!
Not having a blip as such but unfortunately due to having twisted my left knee (after having problems with my right knee which is on the mend now), the things that I do physically to help keep me feeling well are being limited. So it's good to come on here and remind myself of all the other things which help.
Hi catkins
Have you tried knee supports? Also massaging them when sitting.
I was a one for scrambling about on my knees when younger and my mum said, "you'll pay for that later in life". I do get issues with my knees from time to time but I still go down on my knees. I did buy a pair of knee pads for working in the garden and it's one of the best things I've bought. I can't crouch or bend for too long so these enable to work on something with no agony.
Your first mistake...
Before we've opened the front door, you have tensed yourself like a violin string screwed up tightly. You thought, "oh, my goodness what's going to happen now?" if one plucks a violin string, it responds by vibrating, whereas a slack string does not. By tensing your body you made of it an instrument on which your fears can play a very painful tune, and you did this before you even put a foot outside your door. This is your first mistake.
Instead of tensing your body in anticipation of what might happen, let it go, slacken it, release it. The worst that can happen to you out there in the street, in the shop, is you let yourself become frightened. I know how severe that fright can be, but if you release as much tension as possible and are prepared to accept what happens, prepared to surrender yourself to it, it won't be quite so overwhelming. Surrender, accept. Slacken those strings. Take a slow brrayh, let it out gently. - Claire Weekes.
I'm wearing a knee support Carnation and massaging with ibuprofen gel. I've also got some exercises from the physio dept at work. I'm just impatient I guess. Again it's working on accepting that this is the way things are just at the moment and it will pass.
Hi I’ve been reading your thread hope you don’t mind me butting in I’m really struggling at the moment I had a health issue last year that put me in a bad place mentally all resolved now am on long term medication which is working well but I’m still overwhelmed with anxiety wake up every morning with feelings of impending doom and that something awful is going to happen to me it’s ruining my life I don’t know how to get out of this hole x
Catkins, you just have to see it as a niggle and try to distract otherwise it can really get you down.
Some vitamin D from the sun would be good when the weak is better to sit outside.
Hi smogie,
Health issues have an effect on us, that's for sure.
We become very vigilant about the way we feel, changes to our body. Even if a situation is resolved it can take time to buildup the confidence. But as time passes you will have that. You've got to try to stop thinking about what happened to you and what you want to do now with your life. Setbacks are just that, it doesn't mean you can't move forward.
SING!
Singing has wonderful effect on the body.
The vibrations are very good for us, mental and physically.
It's good for the throat, our breathing, our facial muscles, the brain and our state of mind.
Thank you I just feel very stuck I think even the counsellor is at a loss or maybe that’s just me being negative I have had setbacks before but this time it’s just going on and on
Try to stop wishing it away.
It is what it is and it will pass in its own time.
In the meantime redirect your attention to something else.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
18-02-24, 14:04
I sing Carnation, got a Karaoke set up on the Pc, speakers Mics etc and loads of karaoke songs, sometimes I just go upstairs and belt out a few songs.
Good for you YNWA. :yesyes:
A bit of ABBA? Stand by your man? Dolly Parton?
YoullNeverWalkAlone
18-02-24, 17:55
Yes I done those in the past, but usually do country, like Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Connie Francis to name a few, they are all the oldies I sing. Hubby sings too, different songs.
Do you sing Carnation, I’ve always sung and used to play the keyboard, Hubby played the Guitar, we used to set the living room up like a stage and sing and play all sorts of stuff, the kids used to join in too, now my youngest lad writes and sings his own songs and plays guitar, he has been in a couple of bands doing gigs. Me and hubby used to do gigs in pubs back in the day ....xxxx
Oh wow YNWA , you are a dark horse. Brilliant! You keep that up. We need more stuff like that in our lives than the stress that's dished up to us.
I like singing but I'm no pro, lol.
To be honest I don’t think you can beat a bit of ABBA to sing to. I have a mental playlist of feel good songs. Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves is pretty much guaranteed to get you dancing and feeling better. Any other suggestions?
YoullNeverWalkAlone
19-02-24, 09:12
Oh my Darksky there are loads of make you feel good songs, if I’m feeling a bit poo, I sing out loud...I feel Good by James Brown...
I have music on all day, don’t bother with the Tv ....
Me too YNWA. Music going most of the day. But I do have the TV on as well.
Darksky, ABBA is normally my go to choice on the karaoke. We used to have a karaoke night when we had the pub. Mr C was against at first then we couldn't get him off the damn thing, lol.
Strange thing was the worst singers thought they were actually good. It was so entertaining.
Country was always popular, as was Frank Sinatra and the crooners. Everyone fighting to sing Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline'. Johnny Cash's 'Burning Ring of Fire'. :)
Bells...
Apparently have a good vibration on the body.
The Chinese love them.
I love the sound of the church bells ringing and the bell on a bike is just so cute.
Who can't resist dinging a bell on a counter?
I remember there would always be a handbell in people's houses, either brass, silver plated or porcelain. Sometimes from foreign lands, a holiday souvenir.
My favorite though are cowbells.
Me too YNWA. Music going most of the day. But I do have the TV on as well.
Darksky, ABBA is normally my go to choice on the karaoke. We used to have a karaoke night when we had the pub. Mr C was against at first then we couldn't get him off the damn thing, lol.
Strange thing was the worst singers thought they were actually good. It was so entertaining.
Country was always popular, as was Frank Sinatra and the crooners. Everyone fighting to sing Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline'. Johnny Cash's 'Burning Ring of Fire'. :) And of course not forgetting some good old Motown, which really gets many people of all ages up on their toes!
Motown is always a winner, which brings me to dancing.
So good for you. Exercise and a real feel good feeling eliminating fear!
Allow time to take care of healing.
Allow time to take care of your worries.
Allow time to take care of your trauma.
Allow time to take care of your grief
Allow time to take care of adjusting.
Allow time to give you the answer.
Allow time to grow.
Allow time to settle.
Allow time to Love.
Allow time for yourself.
Apparently rubbing the soles of your feet gives you a better night's sleep. Supposedly has a calming affect on the body. I tried it, I did sleep a bit better than I normally do so maybe it works.
That’s good advice, Carnation. I need to keep it in mind.
Chisum and I went on a really long hike today - we tracked my mom across the pasture a couple of times which was really fun - so hopefully we both sleep well tonight. It was much warmer than I’d prefer for February, but there was a nice breeze so not much complaining from me.
The weather up and down here. But it does look like an early spring on the cards.
I love hearing about your walks poppy. Tracking your mom sounds hilarious.
I’m quite proud of him really, he was tracking her well over a quarter of a mile. The last time I was sure he wouldn’t be able to find her, as we had gone different directions so we were in an area she hadn’t been (therefore he didn’t have her footsteps to work off of). And I had no idea where she’d gone, so I couldn’t give a hint. But the wind helped - he caught her scent on the breeze and he was off. If anyone else gets lost it’s no good, but if she’s lost somewhere we know who to call, lol.
I’m in a mild predicament today- my coworkers are all going for dinner/drinks after work and I originally wanted to go (and still sort of do) but…I’ve had a terrible cold/illness for like a month now. It seems whenever I start to get better, I then get worse. I’m finally on the tail end of it, just a bit of a cough, and I’m not sure I can sit in a crowded restaurant for fear of catching something else (and some of the coworkers have colds themselves). I feel bad and am disappointed but I think I’ll have to pass, hopefully they understand.
Hope all is well with you!
I’m quite proud of him really, he was tracking her well over a quarter of a mile. The last time I was sure he wouldn’t be able to find her, as we had gone different directions so we were in an area she hadn’t been (therefore he didn’t have her footsteps to work off of). And I had no idea where she’d gone, so I couldn’t give a hint. But the wind helped - he caught her scent on the breeze and he was off. If anyone else gets lost it’s no good, but if she’s lost somewhere we know who to call, lol.
I’m in a mild predicament today- my coworkers are all going for dinner/drinks after work and I originally wanted to go (and still sort of do) but…I’ve had a terrible cold/illness for like a month now. It seems whenever I start to get better, I then get worse. I’m finally on the tail end of it, just a bit of a cough, and I’m not sure I can sit in a crowded restaurant for fear of catching something else (and some of the coworkers have colds themselves). I feel bad and am disappointed but I think I’ll have to pass, hopefully they understand.
Hope all is well with you!
I think we're now almost approaching the end of the bad illness season so the risks of catching bugs/viruses while out and about should start to lessen from now onwards.
Poppy, I can understand the decision deciding 'do I go or don't' and you way up the pros and cons and obviously staying healthy comes into it. But never feel bad for declining, they'll always be another opportunity, do what's right for you.
Your dog sounds amazing. I love that you track your mum, lol. Wonder what she does while she waits, she obviously can't keep going, she might end up in another State, lol.
I'm ok. Had a bit of a bad patch. Spring is my focus now. I'm planning growing lots this year. Instead of using seeds I'm buying produce from the farmshop and re-rooting the stuff after eating. Taking cuttings from plants. It's all an experiment but it's fun and hopefully worthwhile.
Lencoboy, yes, it's winter bugs out and sunny days ahead.
That sounds like a really good plan Carnation. I'm very thankful that I have a friend with a big greenhouse and lots of spares.
:yesyes:
I'm lucky to have a farm shop near by catkins.
Lencoboy, yes, it's winter bugs out and sunny days ahead.
I think a lot of the bugs this winter season that we're now almost approaching the end of (gosh, where's the time gone?) have been more pronounced due to it being the first real winter season that resembled pre-pandemic norms, and many of the old (non-Covid) chestnuts have basically been playing catch-up since around autumn-winter 2022, but should hopefully even out more by next winter (2024-25); fingers crossed!
Yeah, I’m hoping the bugs lessen. I did three cycles of the “feeling better then suddenly a lot worse” and I don’t think I can again. So even though I feel guilty, I think I’ll stay home tonight. Just as well, since it’s unseasonably warm here - im hot and tired and really am craving a nice shower and then a relaxing evening.
That sounds lovely, Carnation. I’m not sure if I’ll have a food garden this year, but maybe I’ll try for a couple of things. I do plan to landscape in front of my house. And I’m hoping my wildflowers come up. They had a local seed swap a few weeks ago - the first one they’ve done - and I should have gone. It’s such a nice idea.
I like the idea of a seed swap poppy.
Don't feel guilty, it's just one night.
Pressing the tongue on the roof of your mouth gives instant calm. It connects with the nervous system.
Might be handy if you get stuck somewhere and feel a bit edgy. And no one will even notice.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
27-02-24, 13:37
I find I do that a lot Carnation, wonder if it’s an automatic reaction...x
I sat on my back step this morning with my barefoot Carnation. It was quite pleasant.
It could be YNWA :)
It's a great feeling catkins :)
I've been a bit absent from the thread recently because I've changed provider for internet, Tv and mobile. This took nearly a week with several near meltdowns and wanting to escape it all by hiding under the duvet. But I kept going, had lots of cups of tea during the process, stayed calm when they got my name wrong and couldn't access my account for several days. Accepted the situation when they sent me the wrong SIM card which left me without a phone for 3 days and was very polite and calm when the engineer came.
My point is...
We are capable if we stay focused. Everything eventually gets sorted one way or another. You might feel like you are having a breakdown but take a minute, compose yourself, have a cuppa, take a deep breath and deal with whatever you need to do, you will get there and normally with a reward.
Bravo Carnation!! :hugs: Well done for seeing it through. All that red tape, passwords, onetime PINS etc etc would test the patience of a saint. Award yourself an extra custard cream.
Thanks fishman
You've obviously been through it all too.
It involved a new phone as well so had to transfer everything.
Wise words, Carnation, and I may just be repeating them to myself over the next few weeks.
Poppy, in life, we have obstacles, paths and decisions to face, and we get through them and sometimes a change is for the better, although we don't always realise that at the time. We become to familiar with being comfortable or so - so and we do need to change sometimes to better our lives. Have confidence and trust.
Yes change can be for the better but isn’t it hard to convince ourselves of that. Many has been the time I’ve been teetering on the edge of a change and been moaning about it, dreading it. My eldest often then will say to me ‘but this is a good change’. That sort of brings me up a bit. Change can be good, it doesn’t always have to be bad stuff. I’m thinking of the number of posts on here about anxiety over a new puppy. Typical change. Fast forward a couple of months and the dog is the best thing that happened to them. The new normal arrives. It can be hard to accept but life is full of changes. Nothing stays the same for ever but in that respect, it’s good to remember that even the bad stuff changes and goes.
Why be frightened of the rain when you've survived so many storms. You are stronger than you think.
Why be frightened of the rain when you've survived so many storms. You are stronger than you think.That's a lovely post Carnation.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
09-03-24, 08:52
That’s a good one Carnation and so true, we fear the slightest drizzle, forgetting how many storms we’ve come through...
Don't judge yourself because your having a setback....Judge yourself on how many times you have fallen down but got back up again....
Thanks catkins, hope you are feeling a little more grounded.
Don't judge yourself because your having a setback....Judge yourself on how many times you have fallen down but got back up again....
Great quote YNWA
Thanks catkins, hope you are feeling a little more grounded
Definitely improved Carnation, just taking things slowly.
Slowing down is something that anxiety sufferers find hard do. It's a good reminder when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Our ears can be the secret to our calm.
The bit just above the earlobe that covers our ear opening is known as the stop panic button. Just press it for a few second. Does it work? It would be nice to know it does.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
12-03-24, 09:58
Next time the anxiety shoots up or I can feel a panic coming I’ll try it and let you know Carnation.
Do you push one ear or both xxx
Try one, then the other YNWA x
Hi Friends, long time no see... I have found myself lurking back here more often lately. Been going through a rough patch... changed some meds, changed my job of 6 years - all good changes. But going through a lot of marital issues at the moment. Maybe I'll start my own thread about that.
Anyway what's been helping -
- Found a fabulous medication provider
- Found a wonderful therapist and did some very hard but necessary trauma treatment (EMDR).
- When I get really worked up and can't get myself out of a panic, I hold onto ice cubes and take deep breaths until I feel a bit more rational. It grabs my attention away from my spiral.
- Opening up to a friend who has been through it recently too. I was scared to but I did it and feel less alone in this.
Hope you are all hanging in there.
Wow, it has been a long time swgrl, great to hear from you.
It sounds like you really turned your life around, dealt with the issues that you had to and I can feel such great positivity from you.
I love the holding of the ice cubes, brilliant!
Saves getting your face wet with freezing cold water, which is another cooling down the spiralling of panic and anxiety. :yesyes:
Opening up to someone whether it be a friend, family member or even a therapist is such a major thing and very emotional.
We all know it's not good to keep things in but at the same time baring all is not easy and it takes great courage to do so. Be proud, not frightened because the reward is huge!
Sometimes things seem to fall apart when In fact it was for something better!
I find cold sensations are a great way to bring levels down. A frozen or chilled flannel held to your neck or forehead. Careful not to get freeze burns with frozen ones. But the sensation of cold helps a lot. It’s the same method as going outside or just opening a window near you. A cool draft can help enormously, the colder the better. A cold shower, which is apparently very popular now, has long be advocated to stop a panic
It could be why winter is easier on the Anxiety darksky.
The heat of the summer is such a trigger for some.
Standing with your hands on your hips, not only gives you immediate confidence but relieves stress, helps with anxiety and is good for straightening the back. :yesyes:
Avoiding some foods, drinks, people, places and so on, because we had a PA, high anxiety or bad day. Who does this?
It's been 10 years since I had an egg mayo sandwich because of this and a few days ago I took the plunge and had one. There was I sitting waiting for a reaction, slightly putting myself in the zone and nothing happened.
After 10 years it was just a coincidence or totally not related to what I was eating but thinking!!!
I've had the same thing with certain items of clothing and not worn them again.
Shops, another one, which I've overcome.
A trigger, a thought, a connection to the past.
My mum had this in a card shop and it was related to a past experience.
But food, drink, what you wear, just happens to be there at the time.
Us thinkers eliminate any possible culprit which turns out not to be true!
It's not only the body that needs the rest from time to time, it's the brain too!
This can be achieved with still doing things but with less stress thinking and more creativity. It doesn't mean you have to shut off the brain completely and not think but direct your thoughts to past times you enjoy, more playing, less work.
Avoiding some foods, drinks, people, places and so on, because we had a PA, high anxiety or bad day. Who does this?
It's been 10 years since I had an egg mayo sandwich because of this and a few days ago I took the plunge and had one. There was I sitting waiting for a reaction, slightly putting myself in the zone and nothing happened.
After 10 years it was just a coincidence or totally not related to what I was eating but thinking!!!
I've had the same thing with certain items of clothing and not worn them again.
Shops, another one, which I've overcome.
A trigger, a thought, a connection to the past.
My mum had this in a card shop and it was related to a past experience.
But food, drink, what you wear, just happens to be there at the time.
Us thinkers eliminate any possible culprit which turns out not to be true!
Associations and all that, even if purely coincidental.
ETA; Like I've said before, there are certain things that are generally otherwise innocuous that still trigger me all these years later, such as certain words, logos, typefaces, etc, that I have long associated with reprimand and/or punishments when I was younger.
It's hard to not to when it's been with you for so long lencoboy. :hugs:
Stressed /Anxious?
Massage the area at either side of the outer bit of the corners of the eyes.
We hold tension in our face, even the eyes can be affected and clenching the jaw, stiffening the neck. Let it go!
Don't wait until you think you need to do selfcare. Do it as part of your routine.
To relax...
Clench your fist for a few minutes then unclench and let your hands lay relaxed.
Electrolytes....
There is something about connecting to the ground, especially the earth.
On a rare warm day I sat on the grass and after about ten minutes felt immediately charged with energy.
Why is it when we get older we stop doing the things that we did when we were young.
We are we disconnecting our bodies from the earth.
We wear so many things that disconnect us, padded jackets, wedged footwear, drive cars, sit on buses and trains.
How many of us take our footwear off indoors instead of putting on boot-like slippers or just staying in the footwear we've had on all day?
When was the last time we walked barefoot on the grass, no wonder so many of us feel floaty.
So when you get a chance, get that connection with the earth.
Thanks, Carnation. A couple of days after we spoke last week I had a full-on breakdown; it was terrifying. Getting back on track now thanks to your helpful tips, but I made a lot of mistakes trying to get back from this one.
Oh BlueIris, it's not nice going to that place :hugs:
The body and mind have an incredible way of keeping you safe, even if you don't think it at the time.
It will take action if it's needed and sometimes it will just say to you, enough is enough.
Maybe too much negative thinking, not enough relaxation, not enough of creativity and things that give us joy. Not staying in the moment. Or worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened and probably will never happen.
Overworked brain and it tells you so. So many times we ignore the signs to 'time-out'. We go on punishing ourselves, torturing the mind and wonder why we get to the point of a full on meltdown.
We should never be too busy to recognise when we need a break from our thoughts and divert our attention on the calming process we need. Who can't afford ten minutes here and there to calm those nerves. Breath, sit, shut the mind, relax the muscles and regain some peace to such an overworked brain. We all do it, we keep plugging away, fighting, if only we remember to stop, slow down and take those moments to recharge and relax those nerves.
I'm really sorry to hear that Blue, but glad you're picking up a little.
Struggling myself here, losing my Dad is impacting in more ways than the simple fact he has gone. He and his house/needs/companionship really did keep the agoraphobia at bay.
Carnation, I find your tips and explanations very soothing, comforting. I don't say that often enough.
I'm so very sorry you're having a bad time, Fishman.
I can feel agoraphobia trying to get a hold on me right now, but having spent the whole weekend indoors I know it didn't help at all. It's hard, isn't it?
Carnation, he's right. You do so much for this site.
I can feel agoraphobia trying to get a hold on me right now, but having spent the whole weekend indoors I know it didn't help at all. It's hard, isn't it?
While I'm not necessarily agoraphobic per se ATM, the thought of me witnessing irate parents losing with their kids in public and/or smoking in cars with their kids present really fills me with both dread and rage, and dread the thought of going to supermarkets, etc for fear of possibly witnessing such things.
But I know full well avoiding the issues by not venturing out in public will be an even greater hindrance in the long run, and thankfully it's something I seldom ever seem to witness these days compared to the 90s and 2000s.
Thank you fishman :hugs:
I found the same situation when I lost my mum.
Her needs pushed me to limits I certainly didn't think I was capable of at the time and I did find myself struggling even more so with agoraphobia when my services were no longer needed.
I threw myself into the garden (not literally). Growing stuff and tending to the plants gave me that purpose I needed and wanting more plants and seeds pushed me to go out again.
Life takes some adjusting after losing a parent, even more so with the condition of anxiety.
Fishman, let time and nature take care of your struggles.
Aww, thank you BlueIris :hugs:
It helps me too and you've helped me on a few occasions.
Anyone of us can need advice, comfort or just an ear to listen.
One person's fear can be helped by another who has experienced it.
Please don't worry about the staying in because although I had those same thoughts when I stayed in, it's the will that prevents that from becoming permanent. In some instances some time out is good. So you can relax those tired nerves.
I never thought I'd step outside the front door, the garden, the street, a shop, a supermarket or further than 1 mile away from home.
It's the will and determination with a lot of 'I'm going for it no matter what' attitude.
Lencoboy, you are unlikely to see someone smoking in a supermarket or anywhere which involves building or public transport.
That hasn't been an issue for nearly 15 years.
But you won't stop seeing people smoke and it's their choice to do so. As it is to drink alcohol.
I know this is an issue for you 'smoking' but please remember that some people do smoke, are considerate smokers and wouldn't affect you anymore. So why you keep bringing the issue up, I have no idea.
FYI, I smoke. And I appreciate non-smokers don't like it and I take that into consideration when I have a fag.
Thankfully I also have a partner who doesn't preach to me and let's me enjoy my smoke in peace.
Your experiences as a child with smoking is in the past Lencoboy, it's not your future and not even your present.
Not a smoker, Carnation, but tobacco shops are one of my top 3 favourite smells in the world :)
Honestly, I'd take the smell of honest cigarette smoke over fake sugary vape any day.
Lencoboy, you are unlikely to see someone smoking in a supermarket or anywhere which involves building or public transport.
That hasn't been an issue for nearly 15 years.
But you won't stop seeing people smoke and it's their choice to do so. As it is to drink alcohol.
I know this is an issue for you 'smoking' but please remember that some people do smoke, are considerate smokers and wouldn't affect you anymore. So why you keep bringing the issue up, I have no idea.
FYI, I smoke. And I appreciate non-smokers don't like it and I take that into consideration when I have a fag.
Thankfully I also have a partner who doesn't preach to me and let's me enjoy my smoke in peace.
Your experiences as a child with smoking is in the past Lencoboy, it's not your future and not even your present.
It's not people smoking as a whole that I've got issue with (nor do I have any beef with you for being a smoker yourself for the record), and I'm sure the vast majority of smokers (including yourself) indulge in said habit responsibly and in accordance with current legislation and not 'on the sly', but people indulging in said habit inappropriately, especially in vehicles with children present (which has been against the law in this country for almost a decade now), is what I mostly disapprove of.
And I never for once suggested anything about the possibility of people smoking in shops, etc (which is extremely unlikely, as it was already forbidden in almost all shops donkeys years before the 2007 smoking ban); it was more about witnessing parents losing their temper with their children in such places and dishing out hard whacks, swearing loudly at them, etc, which amounts to both child abuse and ASB.
I've had this obsession on and off for almost 30 years now, and it seems to be getting worse of late (the obsession, not necessarily the actual 'incidents').
I often feel like a bad and judgemental person myself for it at times too, but I just can't stand seeing defenceless children being ill-treated often through no direct fault of their own, be it violently walloped, aggressively addressed with tirades of F and/or C-bombs or smoked around in confined spaces, such as motor vehicles.
Times and places for things, and all that.
It must be wonderful to be devoid of flaws, Lenco.
Has it ever occurred to you that these defenceless kids you talk about are only a couple of years away from being the youths you hate so much?
Not a smoker, Carnation, but tobacco shops are one of my top 3 favourite smells in the world :).
I can kind of see the logic there BI, as tobacco shops are probably a nostalgic reminder of a largely bygone era for many, smokers or non-smokers.
On a similar note, as I already mentioned in another thread recently, I feel a sense of nostalgia for old Carling paraphernalia from the 70s-80s era when said lager was known as Carling Black Label that came in bright red cans with the logo encapsulated literally in a slanted 'black label' symbol, bearing the words (as stylised) 'CARLING Black Label LAGER'. And by the 90s they had not only ditched the classic red can design but had also ditched the words 'Black Label'.
And all despite me being a lifelong teetotaler as well.
It must be wonderful to be devoid of flaws, Lenco.
Has it ever occurred to you that these defenceless kids you talk about are only a couple of years away from being the youths you hate so much?
The 'youths I hate so much' are often (but not always, of course) a by-product of such ill-treatment by their parents/carers who tend to grow up with the idea that violence and aggression is the norm, especially in order to get one's own way right here right now, though of course at the opposite extreme there are others who are out of control as a result of too lax discipline.
Plus I don't hate 'all' youths/young people.
In fact, most that I tend to encounter these days seem to be a lot tamer and less boisterous compared to what ISTR back in the 90s and 2000s.
And probably most likely due to diminished ill-treatment by parents, teachers, etc, and rightly so.
What are you doing to make a positive difference to the world?
Sorry Carnation, will stop de-railing your thread now.
Not a smoker, Carnation, but tobacco shops are one of my top 3 favourite smells in the world
Me too Blueiris
Lencoboy to my knowledge, you go on about smoking a lot!
And I don't know what relevance that has on what we were talking about.
I also started this new thread for more positive stuff as my old thread went off its original path.
Although I've kept that one for various reasons. But I would like to keep this one for what it was attended.
I think you need to read what BlueIris has said in her last post about positivity.
And no, you are not de-railing the thread BlueIris, you are just responding to Lencoboy who seems to want to debate an issue irrelevant to
what we were discussing.
Apparently it relates to me starting to feel afraid to leave the house.
Really appreciate the encouragement, Carnation. I'm making it into work, at least, and I'm planning on going out somewhere at the weekend. I wish it was drier because I'm longing to walk the canal towpaths again.
Lencoboy to my knowledge, you go on about smoking a lot!
And I don't know what relevance that has on what we were talking about.
I also started this new thread for more positive stuff as my old thread went off its original path.
Although I've kept that one for various reasons. But I would like to keep this one for what it was attended.
I think you need to read what BlueIris has said in her last post about positivity.
And no, you are not de-railing the thread BlueIris, you are just responding to Lencoboy who seems to want to debate an issue irrelevant to
what we were discussing.
I admit to being the one responsible for derailing this thread and I apologise.
The main reason why I posted was because I started another thread of my own on the topic of concern and nobody replied.
But I made a mistake and once again, I apologise.
Thank you Lencoboy, much appreciated.
I think you do incredibly well going to work BlueIris.
I find it helps with agoraphobia if you really want to do something, even picture yourself doing it.
Also a reward helps. Going out to get something you want, whether it be a food item or a personal treat.
Can you believe if I run out of smokes I'm out like a flash, lol.
Also, don't plan anything, just go! The buildup is worse than the doing.
Be aware of using negative words about yourself, even as a joke.
Agreed. Neuroplasticity is a thing - the brain perceives the things we tell ourselves as truth.
That's exactly right BlueIris.
I've often stopped in my thoughts and words thinking, I shouldn't have said that.
But by noticing you do this rectifies the negativity.
Sorry you're having such a rough time BI. You'll get there.
I've had a week or so where I have just been completely focused on a summative assessment for Uni. It was a presentation and was a tough one. But sitting on the back steps with barefeet has helped and really focusing on things when out with the dog has too. Watching as the blossom was opening on a beautiful tree in the churchyard has been lovely, I was almost excited to see its progress each morning.
That sounds lovely catkins. Blossom trees are just pure bliss. I could stare for ages.
I'm so pleased the barefoot rejuvenation is working for you.
When I used to stay in a caravan it used to be one of things that gave me a feel good feeling.
That and stretching out on one of those long sofas.
I actually laid down on the grass a week ago and honestly felt supercharged in a good way.
We used to do this as children, why do we stop as we get older.
Sitting making daisy chains, having a picnic, tickling someone with a long piece of grass walking around in bare feet. :)
Being barefoot on damp grass :)
I started using Headspace again today and I'm determined to stick with it this time.
Good one BlueIris :yesyes:
Gently rubbing the inside of the thumb up and down has a calming affect on the nervous system.
Don't do exercise before you've warmed up (talking from experience)
carriewriting
29-04-24, 14:26
Hi, I hope it's okay if I join this thread. I'm in a spiral due to some medical tests my daughter is having. I've relapsed big time and my health and general anxiety has been through the roof. I need some accountability to get back on my anxiety management plan, stop googling and challenge my catastrophising thoughts. BTW I tried the thumb thing and it did help :)
Not sure if I've already said this one...
Pinch your earlobes for instant calm
Make a list of all the chores that need doing, then choose three from the list. The ones that will benefit greatly. :winks:
The shitty people are giving you shit because of the shit in their lives, you just happen to be there.
Keep that grounding going. Get those shoes off when you can. The benefits are amazing. Better sleep, more energy, healing properties. It really does work.
I'd love to bury my toes in a nice thick lawn if I had one.
Good tips, Carnation. Grounding is really so useful. I like to just sit outside and watch the wildlife, even the bugs, going about their lives. It makes me feel more in sync somehow, like we're all just doing our best with what we've got in this moment.
I also really enjoy listening to a creek or a stream flow, and sticking my hand in if possible. Cool running water is really calming.
Hi poppy
Water is very calming when it's a gentle stream or the waves of the sea whooshes back and forth. Or the trickle of a waterfall. I remember indoor waterfalls being all the rage, somehow that phase has passed.i like to my garden as an outdoor room and bring some of the outside indoors. It's all about connection.
Blueiris, are you ground floor? Sitting on the doorstep is just as good. Otherwise take yourself for a picnic one day over the weekend. It might be fun preparing a picnic basket full of goodies.
We have a first floor maisonette, sadly. We were going to go for a canal walk this weekend but I'm honestly so tired I think I'd be drained before I made it to the towpath.
For another time BI.
Just saw someone grounding, seriously, no shoes or socks walking barefoot on the path walking their dog. :yesyes:
Brain fog?
Give your head a good rub or brush your hair.
It stimulates the brain cells.
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