Mammogram recall - scared

[debs71]

Hi Everyone, It has been a while since I posted on here but I hope everyone is doing ok.

I went for my first mammogram last week. I was asked by the nurse if I had any problems and I told her I had a lump in my right breast that I first noticed during the 2nd UK lockdown. I did not get a GP appointment as it is just so hard to be actually seen by my GP and my depression was raging at the time, plus I have a history of breast cysts so I probably just brushed it off and kept checking it - I'm an ex-nurse and should have known better. The lump comes and goes and rises and falls depending on my menstrual cycle, but is always there. I knew my first mammogram would happen soon as I turned 50 during the pandemic, so I stupidly sat on it. My Mum has also had several breast cysts aspirated.

I told the nurse about the lump and my history of multiple microcysts in my breasts. She told me I should expect to be called back because of the lump.

So today I get a letter from Charing Cross Hospital. As soon as I saw the postal stamp with Charing Cross on the letter, I went into meltdown. Opened the letter and they want me to come on 2nd May for further tests - mammogram, ultrasound, possible biopsy. On reading this I almost passed out and felt the blood draining to my feet.

I can't stop crying. My logical brain is saying 'you expected this' but my anxious brain is saying it's serious.

I am not sure why I am posting as I know I just have to wait and see, but I am absolutey petrified and chastising myself for leaving the lump so long.

Any advice, past experiences would be deeply appreciated. xx

[nomorepanic]

Hope all is ok Debs x

[debs71]

Thanks Nic. My anxiety is in overdrive, but I am trying to stay positive. I hope you are doing ok Nic. Lots of love xx

[longnovember]

If it comes and goes with your cycle I think it’s most likely just a cyst. My mom has one that they aspirated years ago and she’s 74 and she said it still comes and goes. She’s had it looked at many times and it’s just a cyst.

[sel123]

I know how scary it can be! But 80-9O% of callbacks are nothing (you can scroll through this site and see that!). And the changes you’re describing seem more cyclical.

Don’t beat yourself up over this past - you’re getting it looked at now and the good thing is your appt is next week so not too much waiting.

Hope it all goes great!

[nomorepanic]

I had a recall and they found calcifications but they did a biopsy to test them.

All was ok though.

Thanks for love anyway xx

[debs71]

Thanks so much for all of your kind replies.

It really helps to read them, truly. x

[Rosanna]

Totally understand where you're at debs71, but the good thing is that you are doing this. The problem comes when you don't get tested.

Just to give you my story, a few years ago I was told I had breast cancer and they ended up (later) telling me it was benign, just a rare benign growth that was unlikely to ever be a problem but gives the same appearance as cancer on the scan. It was an incredibly scary time although I had no wait, they told me on the day. The wait was only to find out what type, but in the process of them trying to do that they found it to be benign.

This is unlikely to be the case with you of course as it was very rare. But telling you this just to help. Even when they are convinced, and this really experienced surgeon was, it can still be benign. As my GP said right at the start, 'lets wait and see what this actually is before jumping to conclusions.' He explained that some breast cancers are almost benign in their behaviour, different types, so breathe and wait.

And of course most things turn out to be benign. I wish you well but totally understand the path you're on right now, it does have a route out, just hang in there x

[Catkins]

A few years ago I had a recall from mine, was an awful wait until the appointment. It turned out to be a cyst that was quite deep so I hadn't even felt it. They aspirated it and all was good, but the time between the letter arriving and the appointment was horrible, fortunately it was quite quick.

[debs71]

Totally understand where you're at debs71, but the good thing is that you are doing this. The problem comes when you don't get tested.

Just to give you my story, a few years ago I was told I had breast cancer and they ended up (later) telling me it was benign, just a rare benign growth that was unlikely to ever be a problem but gives the same appearance as cancer on the scan. It was an incredibly scary time although I had no wait, they told me on the day. The wait was only to find out what type, but in the process of them trying to do that they found it to be benign.

This is unlikely to be the case with you of course as it was very rare. But telling you this just to help. Even when they are convinced, and this really experienced surgeon was, it can still be benign. As my GP said right at the start, 'lets wait and see what this actually is before jumping to conclusions.' He explained that some breast cancers are almost benign in their behaviour, different types, so breathe and wait.

And of course most things turn out to be benign. I wish you well but totally understand the path you're on right now, it does have a route out, just hang in there x

Thanks so much for your reply, Rosanna.

It really does help to read your experience as it is the not knowing that is killing me right now, so any positive story is helpful x

[debs71]

A few years ago I had a recall from mine, was an awful wait until the appointment. It turned out to be a cyst that was quite deep so I hadn't even felt it. They aspirated it and all was good, but the time between the letter arriving and the appointment was horrible, fortunately it was quite quick.


Thanks for replying Catkins.

Yep, the waiting is awful. I just want to know either way what the issue is and my mind is working overtime. x

[debs71]

Hi again everyone,

I had my recall appointment yesterday. The first nurse I saw took me into a private room, sat me down and said 'there is an abnormality in your right breast' and I burst into tears like an idiot. She was very sympathetic and told me it could be anything totally benign. I then went for the mammogram and it was more painful than the first one as the plates really squashed my breast, but I was appreciative just to have it.

I then went in to see the doctor and the first thing she said was 'well, I think it is a cyst, at least that is what it looks like', and I immediately felt elated, but she wanted to do an ultrasound to check. She started the utrasound and then said 'nope, it isn't a cyst. It looks like a fibroadenoma' and I must admit I was hugely disappointed as I knew a cyst could just be drained and sent for testing.

This is where my anxiety really set in as she then said she wanted to do a biopsy 'just to cover all the bases'. The biopsy was fine. The local anaesthetic needle was the most painful part. She took two core biopsies and booked me in to come back in two weeks time.

Yesterday aftwerwards I was a complete mess. My mind was in overdrive and I could not stop crying. I am fearing the worst with the results and I got myself in such a panicked state that I started looking for private anxiety therapists/counsellors online. I also didn't eat all day. Zero appetite.

I have been trying to keep busy and my mind distracted. The call of Dr. Google is strong, but I am trying not to focus on the biopsy results, but I just keep thinking I will get a bad result. I don't regret going fo the callback as it can't be ignored and as the lovely nurse said to me there, 'there are two things a woman should always do and they are mammograms and cervical smears' and she is right, despite the worry.

Thanks everyone for your kind replies and help. I couldn't stay sane without them. xxx

[Lana]

I am praying for you. Keep thinking that most of the time it is nothing bad, it is most of the time not what we always think it is. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Keep repeating to yourself that the doctor said she believed it was fibroadenoma and they are NOT cancer. They simply are not.

[debs71]

Thank you so much Lana. I really appreciate your prayers and kindness. xxx

[BrokenGirl]

Hi Debs, just want to say that I'm so sorry you're going through this. We've all been there, when our anxiety just cripples us.
You've done the right thing getting it checked out and even though the wait in horrendous, you will get there.
And all those thoughts running through your head, you know those really bad ones, just try to remember that that's the anxiety screaming at you. Anxiety will only allow bad thoughts, worst case scenario ones. It actually won't allow our brains to think logically or rationally about anything. It won't allow positive thoughts. If there is a .00001% chance of something being wrong, that's what it will focus on. And it will convince us that that's what is going to happen. It's really mad how it works but it's why so many people, myself included, struggle so much with worry and what if thoughts.

Look after yourself as much as you can while you're waiting xx