My dad died.

[ShaunRyder]

My dad died this afternoon, not even sure why I have come to post about it? Maybe because I am confused, numb, I haven't even cried yet and I don't know why.

He went to hospital just over a week ago, they said he had heart failure, they put on meds, he was getting better, the water retention was coming off, his breathing got back to normal. Saw him this morning and he was the best I saw him. This afternoon they are telling us he had a heart attack. Doesn't make sense.

Every doctor we were saw said he could live a normal life, he was getting better, not one doctor said anything about potentially dying, how did they miss it? Maybe I am just in shock but why did no one ever mention he could die, especially when he was getting better?

I have lost grandparents, but they their deaths were expected due to old age, I have never lost someone so close like my dad and especially when we were making plans for him to come home to live a normal life. How has this happened? How do I deal with this? Right now, I feel empty, I do not really feel anything.

[darlene85]

I am so sorry.

[Catkins]

So sorry for your loss.

[celticlass62]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad
my thoughts and prayers are with you at this very sad time
love and hugs
celticlass xxx:bighug1::bighug1:

[Carnation]

It does open a lot of questions Shaun but for now you have to deal with the loss and go through grief.
Lots of thoughts will be going through your head especially as you were unprepared for this.
I hope you have some family or friend support during this time. :hugs:

[ShaunRyder]

Thank you all for the kind messages.

I know asking questions probably isn’t the right time as I am running on emotion.

But does anyone know much about heart failure? It’s hard to accept when he was nearly back to normal and all doctors were saying he would live a normal life? No on mentioned anything like this could happen which I find strange.

[Carnation]

Shaun, I think it would be very difficult to answer that because there are so many reasons for heart failure and I know you are looking for a reason for this for your dad.
I really do feel for you and one thing I can say, there was nothing you personally could have done to prevent it.

[ShaunRyder]

Thank you Carnation. I know it's all emotion right now.

Thank you for saying there was nothing I could of done, yesterday I was questioning myself. I am a big HA sufferer and I always notice EVERYTHING not just on me but other people. I noticed he had leg swelling but I didn't think much of it and never would of thought heart failure, I kept thinking if I just told him I was worried he would of got checked sooner.

[Carnation]

Do you know what, I think we all think that way when we lose someone close. I did with both of my parents.
Please don't cut yourself up over it. You sound like a good son and that will have meant the world to your dad.
It's all very raw to you now and all the stuff you feel it's natural, anxiety or no anxiety.

[ShaunRyder]

Thank you for your replies carnation, it’s good to speak on here to someone.

I’m waiting to have a cry but right now nothing has happened. It’s either anger, frustration, confused, guilt or just numb. My brothers and mum have let it all out but I can’t seem to right now.

Another thing I keep thinking of is all the arguments we had over the years, or all the stuff we said to each other and never mean in silly little rows.

[ShaunRyder]

So we were told that my dad’s EF was only at 15% and he a hearth rhythm which could cause cardiac arrest at any moment and had it for a while. Just researched 15% EF and it is REALLY serious. If they knew this, why did they not tell any of us or atleast my dad? Why were they saying he will make it home knowing full well this could have happened!?

They told us absolutely nothing about how serious all this really was.

[Carnation]

Another thing I keep thinking of is all the arguments we had over the years, or all the stuff we said to each other and never mean in silly little rows.


This is normal.
Everything you are feeling is normal.

As for the diagnosis, I'm not surprised you are angry.
But you were not to know. It wasn't your responsibility.
Whether something could have prevented the final outcome, no one knows. But it's not your fault in any way or form.

[fishman65]

Shaun, I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said before me, this isn't your fault in any way whatsoever. Some things are just beyond our control, and they will come about no matter what we do.

If it helps, let me tell you the story of my brother. He was 11 years older than me but died in 1999 aged 45. He had complained of a feeling in his chest for around 6 months, but our local hospital could find nothing. So he was transferred to Glenfield Hospital in Leicester and straightaway they found a tumour between his heart and lungs.

We were led to believe his prognosis was good, that he would be left with one lung, but that people can live with just the one. I wanted to visit him before going to Leicester, but he said to wait until he comes out. So I agreed which was a mistake. He died on the operating table, the cancer was more aggressive than they thought and had begun to attack his heart.

What I'm trying to say is there often isn't any rhyme or reason as to how life pans out. It just happens and we have to accept it. He left behind a wife and two young sons aged 15 and 11. It just didn't seem possible and yet there it was.

You are feeling this now, but it will get better and you will come to accept and live with it. Meanwhile, keep posting here buddy, we are listening ok?

[Scissel]

I'm truly sorry for your tragic loss.