View Full Version : Hanging in there, ish.
Have had a bit of a weekend. Mr. Iris did an overnight shift at the election; I was sure he'd said he'd finish at 2am but then at 2.45am his phone was still off, cue insane panic and thoughts about self-harm. He got back to me a little later - he'd finished late - and then I just had to deal with the stress of him walking a couple of miles home across some very dodgy areas, including ours.
At this point I already had some sort of cold/flu covid thing. Sleepless night #1.
Friday I caved and took a sick day, and actually got a little sleep that evening.
Saturday, Mr. Iris came down with what I have and my period showed up unexpectedly forcefully. Woke up every hour worrying about period stuff. Sleepless night #2.
Sunday I was still feeling wobbly and anxious - think particularly bad panic hangover - but I needed to go teach a friend's son how to bead because I'd promised and I knew she was cooking for me. Managed it, albeit I really had to fight the urge to cancel because I was terrified I'd bleed on her furniture. Sunday night, Mr. Iris was coughing all night. Sleepless night #3.
Monday, Mr. Iris had a high temp and my panic kicked in properly. Landed up sobbing for hours and him getting upset with me. Woke up every couple of hours at night but not quite so badly.
Today, Mr. Iris still has a temperature and I'm still scared that one or both of us is going to die of something horrible. In work regardless, zoning in and out but managing to get at least some work done. Boss came for my sickness absence debriefing and tried to convince me I'd get a formal warning if I had more sick time before October (Friday was my second day since mid-October). Double checked staff policy - I'm paranoid about hitting sickness absence triggers - and reassured myself she was wrong. Told her... tactfully.
Right now, still feel like I'm waiting for the worst to happen and desperately wanting more sleep. A fever can last a few days without it being a massively dangerous deal, right?
Link to my favourite poem because I'm really feeling the energy of this one right now. (https://readalittlepoetry.com/2011/02/27/some-more-light-verse-by-wendy-cope/)
You sound just like me when Mr.D is ill. Also you sound just like me when he’s off somewhere and late back. We torture ourselves, we really do.
Temperatures last a few days. My youngest had a temperature so high once he was hallucinating. He laughs about it. He was fine.
Is Mr.Iris taking ibuprofen, that will help get it down. You’ve both caught whatever lurgy is doing the rounds and you will get over it. You always do. Anxiety just has to have a say in the matter. Rationality goes straight out of the window when catastrophe comes along. Try to remember this.
Fancy suggesting you would need a sickness debriefing for your second day since October. I’m glad you put her right. Still, that’s more pressure you didn’t need. My sister is the same with her sickness record. She goes in when she really shouldn’t because she’s scared of triggering warnings. Yet others frequently are absent without a care. Guess what, she has anxiety too.
What you need is sleep. Everything is so much worse when you’re missing sleep. :hugs:I’m sure you’ll both feel better when you kick this bug to the kerb.
Thank you, Darksky. He's taking paracetamol but he's still hot, which is what was freaking me out even though I know it's illogical and I was the same a few days ago.
Sleep deprivation is my worst enemy, honestly.
Hope you get better soon BI.
Me and my dad both had this bad cold thing about a month ago, but it wasn't Covid.
In fact, we both had an even worse virus just before last Christmas, which also wasn't Covid.
Thanks, Lenco, I really appreciate it.
Our work sickness policy is terrifying; if you're off 3 times in 6 months (or for 5 days) you automatically get a formal written warning on your record.
Oh hell Blueiris :hugs:
You were actually in my thoughts yesterday, I was wondering how you were doing, and now I know.
You have a trio of stuff causing overthinking and worry.
Hubbby coming down with something which could be a very bad case of hay-fever. Don't underestimate hay-fever, ice had several nights of coughing like a foghorn, sweating in the night and head full of shite. If it's not that, it's probably a spring cold. With the temperature all over the place that wouldn't surprise me if it's that.
He's not dying!
Secondly your period. Well you know what you're like with that. But well done for still keeping that appointment.
Thirdly, a boss with no compassion or understanding. It's not the first time I've heard the rough end of her tongue and it's obvious she has issues of her own.
Well done again for standing your ground, especially when she is wrong.
So I'm not surprised it's all affected your sleep.
But you are coming out of all three situations and when you return to work don't pander to your boss because you've been there a long time and you have to do something pretty much serious to lose your job. She hasn't got a leg to stand on and should never have said that to you. Employees take weeks off in sickness and a doctor will cover you up to 3 months if needed so please don't worry about it.
How are you today? xxx
Ironically, I'm fairly sure I'm still not over the thing he's got. I'm exhausted and floaty and all I can think about is getting home and lying down on the sofa.
We think it might have been covid as the symptoms seem to match up with more recent strains.
How are you?
I think in the circumstances Blue, you're doing really well. Be proud of yourself!! And yes that boss needs a crash course in people management and another in empathy. What a bitch (sorry ladies). Having a go at employees never works and nor should it. All good bosses engender a sense of teamwork and respect.
And all this while battling a virus. You deserve some recognition!! :hugs:
Thanks, Fishman. Mr. Iris is perking up a bit so hopefully I'll have sole couch rights tonight.
Our work sickness policy is terrifying; if you're off 3 times in 6 months (or for 5 days) you automatically get a formal written warning on your record.
It really sucks that your work management are allowed to ride roughshod over employees like yourself who are having uncontrollable illnesses.
If your current cold-like illness might happen to be Covid by any chance, the media haven't made a song and danced over it for ages now.
In fact, (for better or worse) the only 2 countries in the world still publishing their (weekly) Covid stats so far during 2024 are New Zealand and Malaysia, according to Wikipedia.
Again, for better or worse, it seems like the rest of the world has now finally disowned the Covid pandemic, but then again, if it's now only causing a fairly negligible number of hospitalisations and/or deaths the world over compared to the high points of the pandemic in 2020-21, then all of its extensive media attention is obviously no longer warranted.
After all, the WHO did officially declare Covid 'no longer a public health emergency of international concern' (PHEIC) about a year ago.
You'll feel tons better after a good night's sleep Blueiris x
YoullNeverWalkAlone
07-05-24, 19:03
Hi Blue, sorry your feeling a bit crappy at the moment, sounds like you’ve both been through the mill recently, but you will get over this virus, whatever it is, both of you will and yes a fever can last, my hubby had one for 3 days with his temp keep spiking, he even started hallucinating with it, but he was fine in the end....We both had the same virus at the same time but had different symptoms, strange isn’t it how we react differently to the same thing...
Glad you got the work thing sorted out, they were bang out of order, she sounds like a right stuck up silly cow and I’m glad you brought her down a peg or two.
Hang on in there Blue and you’ll turn the corner soon, sleep when you can but don’t push yourself too hard till you feel a lot better....:bighug1:xxxx
Thank you.
He's feeling a bit better today, but overstretched himself a bit; swore blind we didn't need to get dinner delivered but changed his mind. We tried a new curry place and it did our favourites really, really well, so now I'm curled up on the sofa with Eurovision.
The curry will kill any virus or cure a cold Blueiris :yesyes:
It may well do Mrs.C but I reckon Eurovision will kill the will to live far quicker. :sofa:
I'm sorry it's been rough, Blue, but glad you're both on the upswing a little bit. Curry will definitely do the trick, and a good meal and comfort show is always the right choice.
That sick leave policy is incredibly strict. I wish workplaces were more tolerant of individual needs.
Oh Blue, it does sound like you've had a rough weekend. You did so well putting your boss right about the sick leave policy when you were feeling wobbly and going to teach too. Take it easy and keep your mind occupied as much as you can.
Thanks, all.
Still exhausted and shaky, but Mr. Iris is definitely feeling better.
Back to worrying about my period now, obviously ;)
Rightbackatcha.
:bighug1:
No boss in today, and I have lots of fairly gentle work to do, which is nice.
Darksky, I quite like Eurovision and Mr C and I watch it religiously every year. Yeah I know it's mostly crap with no music standard of years gone by, but hasn't music in general taken a nosedive. We get a good laugh then wait for the political voting.
Who's your favourite to win Blueiris?
I suspect Croatia will do it, but so far I'm also loving Ukraine, Luxembourg and Finland.
Not a massive fan of the UK's entry this year but that's not very fair of me as I just don't like Olly Alexander's face!
Lol, he can't help that but I don't think the UK entry is strong enough and who is wants to be reminded of being 'Dizzy'. He doesn't cut mustard for me.
Ireland weird, a bit scary. Quite like Germany.
Haven't heard them all because I didn't watch the semi-final. Dare I say Israel a good song and performance but they'll get no where because of the political situation
I thought Germany were quite sweet, too.
I watched the semi last night but went to bed as soon as I'd heard all the songs. Still absolutely wiped out and rather envious of Mr. Iris having a bed day today.
I'm watching a bunch of webinars this morning, then this afternoon I have a meeting with a dear colleague that's 30% work and 70% coffee and cakes.
It will take a while to get your mojo back, good you've got a reasonable day and the weekend not too far off.
That coffee and cake sounds good, enjoy!
Just listened to Luxembourg, I quite like it.
Quite old-school, I thought, in a good way.
Yes, I agree.
Croatia has the package to be a winner.
Talking of packages,, not sure about the pantless man for Finland but I do like the song. I'd change some of the wording because it's seems more sexual than political, but very punchy.
Less flashing lights in Eurovision would be better.
Talking of packages,, not sure about the pantless man for Finland.
Oh I dont know. Can’t complain.
Glad things seem to be on the up BI. It will take a while for the bug to completely go and also high anxiety wipes us out totally and we take a while to come back down.
Darksky, I quite like Eurovision and Mr C and I watch it religiously every year. Yeah I know it's mostly crap with no music standard of years gone by, but hasn't music in general taken a nosedive. We get a good laugh then wait for the political voting.
The trouble is many of us have simply allowed the general quality of popular music to deteriorate significantly over the past 30-odd years or so through sheer complacency of our own making.
And yes I know many of the music labels themselves have been partly to blame for making beelines towards the easiest, quickest and cheapest options long before the Internet even took over (quantity over quality and all that), plus I bet many people bemoaning the current state of the music industry haven't even purchased a physical music format for over 20 years, even releases that are still actually worth buying and listening to.
A kind of vicious circle I think.
But nevertheless I'm happy that BI now seems to be feeling over the worst.
Thanks, Lenco.
Honestly, I'm not even sure that the quality of music has deteriorated, it's just that we've got older and popular music always will be about the teens with the passion and the disposable income.
Eurovision itself is a constantly evolving creature, and one year's runaway success might not even have made the final a decade before or after. I think that this year there's a lot of silly stuff, but that may be because Kaarija made such a splash last year. Besides, it's always been about the inclusivity, which is something I can't help but get behind even when some of the songs aren't to my particular taste.
Yes, I agree.
Croatia has the package to be a winner.
Talking of packages,, not sure about the pantless man for Finland but I do like the song. I'd change some of the wording because it's seems more sexual than political, but very punchy.
Less flashing lights in Eurovision would be better.
Although I haven't even watched the ESC itself, it does sound to me like the artist from Finland is trying to be a bit too over-reliant on being 'edgy' with the raunchy/'sexualised' stuff, which I feel has basically been done to death elsewhere over the past 30-odd years or so to the point where it's now no longer exciting nor shocking for the most part.
Interesting and exciting back in say, 1994 perhaps, but a bit same old same old in 2024, especially subject matter in general that warrants the 'Explicit' tag.
Also the producers should be more clued up about the 'flashing lights' thing by now, especially with possible epilepsy triggers in mind, but obviously choosing not to care.
Thanks, Lenco.
Honestly, I'm not even sure that the quality of music has deteriorated, it's just that we've got older and popular music always will be about the teens with the passion and the disposable income.
Eurovision itself is a constantly evolving creature, and one year's runaway success might not even have made the final a decade before or after. I think that this year there's a lot of silly stuff, but that may be because Kaarija made such a splash last year. Besides, it's always been about the inclusivity, which is something I can't help but get behind even when some of the songs aren't to my particular taste.
Yes, you're probably right in the sense that popular music in general has almost always been primarily aimed at the teen market and concurrently despised by the older generations as 'tuneless/talentless din' poisoning the minds of the youngsters, basically for as long as it has existed.
But generally speaking, there seems to have been a noticeable narrowing of the generation gap over the past 20 years or so, especially in terms of what music people listen to.
Like I've said before, up until about 20 years ago, youngsters would never have been seen dead listening to 'older' music nor non-'chart' music.
Having watched the first semi, Finland was ridiculous and maybe a bit embarrassing, but the UK entry was far more explicit - hunt it down on YouTube if you're curious. Finland was basically just like a Carry On film from way back when - make of that what you will.
Bright lights are a migraine trigger for me and can send me temporarily blind, so I have to have a keen sense of when to look away ;)
Lol darksky :roflmao:
How are you today Blueiris?
Back to worrying about my period, Carnation - it's day 7 and I'm spotting like always but the anxiety is strong.
Very tired and achy and keen to get home from work - Mr. Iris said yesterday he had no idea how I was able to go back to work as early as I did.
I was thinking the same as Mr Iris. Proves you are made of strong stuff and I know there's the case of you have to.
Days 7 means it's on its way out. Even a day 8 is nothing to concern yourself with. I always had long and heavy periods. Residue after the main drag.
When your periods stop through menopause it truly is like a gift from God.
I used to think, surely I'm experiencing a more heavier time than other women, but no, they just covered it up well or were too embarrassed to talk about it.
I hope in time you can have an easier time mentally on this subject. Google has a lot to answer for.
I agree, and it's harder when I'm tired and overloaded.
I need to be home already, the panic is back and I'm struggling to think straight. Going to do a few breathing exercises at my desk, I think.
You OK now Blueiris?
It's probably the tiredness exasperating the feelings x
Still worrying about the same thing, Carn, and I hate myself for it.
Big hug :bighug1:
I can't say 'don't worry' because I do it myself.
I can only distract when I'm like that.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
10-05-24, 20:23
:bighug1:From me too Blue, it’s hard not to worry if that’s how your made, but like Carnation I try to distract too, sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t but we keep plodding on....xxxx
Thanks both.
Still sporting a little and had a full-blown panic attack in the supermarket today.
Aww, it's not nice when that happens. Are you more settled now? It can be so exhausting, anxiety hyping up x
Unfortunately it hit again, still trying to come down.
Thanks both.
Still sporting a little and had a full-blown panic attack in the supermarket today.
Funnily enough that's exactly what happened to me today.
I was in Sainsbury's with my dad and suddenly had flashbacks to when we were in there some 40 years ago (in its old location in the town centre) complete with various family upsets, etc, back then.
Hope both you and I feel a bit more chilled tomorrow.
You are getting a rough ride at the moment BI. :hugs:
Can you try some of those calming tips and do those positive affirmations before you go to sleep tonight x
This is the plan, Carnation, yes. Hope you're well.
Apart from the hay-fever, yes.
Eurovision sort of taking my mind off of it. Lol.
Don't forget the holding of the thumb if you feel the anxiety rising. Sounds silly but it works x
Apart from the hay-fever, yes.
Eurovision sort of taking my mind off of it. Lol.
Don't forget the holding of the thumb if you feel the anxiety rising. Sounds silly but it works x
Oddly enough I've barely had any hayfever for the past 2-3 days; the least for ages now.
Can be a right nuisance at times.
It certainly can Lencoboy.
I'm really sorry you're having a rough time Blue :hugs: It seems there's a few of us going through the wringer right now. I do hope it settles for you very soon.
Same, Lenco.
I wonder if your panic attack in the supermarket was triggered by anything specific (if you don't mind me asking), e.g, certain stimuli such as lighting, sounds, odours, items on display, etc, or perhaps just your general state of mind right now?
Not only did I feel a little nauseous concurrently with the flashbacks to my often agonising trips to the old Sainsbury's store that used to be in the main (indoor) shopping centre in our town centre up until around the very late 80s as a child most Saturdays, but my dad also said he had felt a bit faint himself while he was in there today but didn't tell me until we arrived back home.
My dad said he hated the old Sainsbury's site with a passion himself, especially as he thought it was too cramped, could often sense tempers fraying among other customers, him often struggling to find somewhere decent to park in the adjacent multi-storey car park, and the general chaotic nature and atmosphere of the place at the time.
Ikea. Somehow it makes me feel sort of underground:shrug:
I wonder if your panic attack in the supermarket was triggered by anything specific (if you don't mind me asking), e.g, certain stimuli such as lighting, sounds, odours, items on display, etc, or perhaps just your general state of mind right now?
Not only did I feel a little nauseous concurrently with the flashbacks to my often agonising trips to the old Sainsbury's store that used to be in the main (indoor) shopping centre in our town centre up until around the very late 80s as a child most Saturdays, but my dad also said he had felt a bit faint himself while he was in there today but didn't tell me until we arrived back home.
My dad said he hated the old Sainsbury's site with a passion himself, especially as he thought it was too cramped, could often sense tempers fraying among other customers, him often struggling to find somewhere decent to park in the adjacent multi-storey car park, and the general chaotic nature and atmosphere of the place at the time.
Women's stuff, Lenco, sorry, I was pre-triggered and only left the house because we needed a new duvet set.
That said, plenty of shops make me nervous because of narrow aisles and overstimulation. The places we visited today are both spacious enough that I don't mind them, but smaller supermarkets leave me feeling uncomfortable every time.
I feel so guilty about saying it, but while the covered market in Cov is wonderful, the acoustics feel wrong to me on a fundamental level and because it's circular, I struggle to navigate it despite having lived here over 20 years.
That said, plenty of shops make me nervous because of narrow aisles and overstimulation. The places we visited today are both spacious enough that I don't mind them, but smaller supermarkets leave me feeling uncomfortable every time.
I feel so guilty about saying it, but while the covered market in Cov is wonderful, the acoustics feel wrong to me on a fundamental level and because it's circular, I struggle to navigate it despite having lived here over 20 years.
Exactly how I feel too.
Although I can't comment on the covered market in Coventry having never been there (the market itself, not the city as a whole), acoustics and shapes of various rooms/environments can affect me too.
Also for many years rooms/environments with loads of hard, shiny surfaces combined with bright lighting (especially if they're largely bare) have been known to make me feel dizzy and/or nauseous, especially in the evenings. Some (but not all) windowless rooms can also give me the willies.
I think some places just have bad vibes about them generally, which can leave me feeling uneasy.
Ikea. Somehow it makes me feel sort of underground:shrug:
While I personally have never actually set foot in an IKEA store (so far), I've heard that they have rather odd vibes about them.
My dad told me he visited our nearest store in Wednesbury, West Mids, once with my mom some years back and there was a rather arbitrary one-way system for customers walking around said store which my dad found very oddball and illogical (this was about 20 years before Covid BTW), plus he thought the place had an extremely oppressive feel to it, and was glad to get beyond the exit door of the place.
My dad also thought that many of the staff there seemed like 'little Hitlers' at the time, though he added it might actually be different now some 25 years later.
Had my meds review this week (basically an are-you-okay? text) and I've decided to increase my citalopram dosage. Not sure if it's still the right drug for me but I want to give it a go before I run the gauntlet with something new.
Absolutely right. There are many to choose from and some do wonders for one and zilch for another.
Giving it a good go is the only way to know for you.
Good luck with it Blue.
How goes it on the upped dose blue? Xx
Hard to tell so far; emotionally I'm feeling good and I seem to be back to being more productive, but the flip side of the coin is that I'm wanting to sleep all the time.
That’s interesting- i often find SSRI’s interrupt sleep. So good you are feeling a bit better though! (And maybe your body is still trying to catch up on all those lost night’s sleep!!)
So much more I could say here but I'm trying to process it all. I had no clue how frail my parents had become until my sister messaged me on Friday. Came down to visit today; I inherited my passion for food from them but quite a few bits in the fridge were mouldy, and it turns out my mother has dementia and is only mentally with us about a fifth of the time.
I cannot even begin to get my mind around this.
So much more I could say here but I'm trying to process it all. I had no clue how frail my parents had become until my sister messaged me on Friday. Came down to visit today; I inherited my passion for food from them but quite a few bits in the fridge were mouldy, and it turns out my mother has dementia and is only mentally with us about a fifth of the time.
I cannot even begin to get my mind around this.
Sorry to see that Blue. It must be quite a shock x
Very sorry to hear this Blue. Sometimes life gets away from us and time moves on without us realising. It's nobody's fault, its just the way things can pan out :hugs:
Blueiris, I've been through all that with my parents and it sort of happens without you seeing the signs. Or maybe there are signs but we don't want to accept them. Plus there is the matter of work and keeping your own head above water, not to forget our own health matters.
It takes time to accept the frailness of our parents and for many years they are the ones in charge.
It's not an easy time emotionally but I hope you realise that you have a listening ear here and we can support you as much as we can. :hugs:
Thanks all.
I don't mean to be dramatic but it feels like I lost my mother without even finding out about it.
Once I'm home I'm going to refer myself for therapy to keep on top of things.
I think therapy to process this would be a good idea. It sounds to me like what you are experiencing is a lot like grief. I also wonder whether having slightly more regular contact with your parents might be healing? I know your relationship and history is complicated so this might not work but, although they are frail, they are still here.
I know the coming days are going to be hard….. thinking of you xx
We talk on the phone a couple of times a week, but it's hard when Mum can't communicate and Dad doesn't want to. I've never been 5he one avoiding contact.
I understand that Blueiris :hugs:
I had an estranged relationship with both my parents and when I stepped up to take care of them they were suddenly different people. I'm not running them down but it wasn't the normal parent /daughter relationship that you aspire it to have. So it was difficult to deal with and as a result I saw therapist for a good year over this.
Blueiris, it was very helpful for me and I would recommend you have something like that. I chose a councillor that dealt with a range of things which included anxiety, depression and grief. She was my rock through it all.
But please come in here if you need to or pm anytime x
I can totally relate to what you're going through right now BI, as my own mother has vascular dementia and has been living in a care home for almost 2 years now.
I was actually having a dream about her last night; we were both in the town centre and I was actually tolerating her looking around various shops and her spending ages in them, which both me and my dad used to detest with a passion when I was younger.
But in said dream I felt proud of myself for coming to terms with and being tolerant towards my mom's foibles regarding shops and her tendency to spend ages in them, plus she was really happy with me herself in that same dream because she finally felt 'understood' and not regarded as a hindrance.
Also, she didn't appear to have dementia in that particular dream either.
YoullNeverWalkAlone
30-05-24, 20:21
Hi Blue...
I 100% understand what your going through, when my Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia it came as a shock but looking back the signs where there.
You have friends here if you want to talk and you can alway pm anytime if things start getting you down...
Sending you a big hug :bighug1:
Hope that dream was a comfort to you x my dad has dementia and I’ve found myself clinging to him lately when I’ve been struggling even though he doesn’t know this I miss having him in my corner it’s true when they say you lose a little bed one over and over when they have dementia xx
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