Almost constant feeling of panic

[Franz]

A bit of background: I suffer from social phobia revolving around making other people feel uncomfortable in "quiet" social situations. I had this when I was younger, then it got better for about 8 years thanks to clomipramine, but then following an experiment with self-hypnosis it got worse again. I ended up becoming very isolated.

I've established some behavioural techniques that have resulted in I'd say a 50% improvement in my social problems. But just as things seemed to be getting better, a friend I'd been confiding in effectively turned her back on me. I don't blame her because she was messed up herself, and becoming too dependent on me: but since then I've been getting panic attacks. A couple of times I had to get my parents to fetch me (they live 4 hours away). After a couple of days with them I'd feel better; but a few weeks ago I started becoming obsessively worried about global warming and the oil crisis, and ended up a gibbering wreck. I took 2 weeks off work to stay with my parents, but there was no stable improvement. I was prescribed diazepam, and have taken it when I really felt I needed to, but I've tried to avoid using it too much because I know it loses its effectiveness and it's not a long-term solution.

I'm back at work now and have moved to a desk where I've people around me; there are partitions so I can manage. But the panic just keeps coming back.

I've joined a liberal church, I go to meditation evenings, but when I'm alone this fear just grips me. I've taken another diazepam just now but don't feel great.

I feel more than anything that what I need is the physical affection of another human being - the times when people I know, say, touch me on the shoulder, I kind of "melt" with relief. I've signed up with some dating websites, and am meeting up with a woman this week - but to be honest, right now I just feel too needy to be able to contemplate a relationship, and anyway it woulnd't be too long before I'd have to admit I'm in the throes of a nervous breakdown, if it weren't obvious already.

Every morning I awake with a feeling of crushing anxiety. Muscles are constantly tense, I often lack appetite, I'm scared of scaring people away. It's a neurological habit that I just can't will myself out of. I feel I need some seriously strong medication to control this. I have a psychiatric appointment in a couple of weeks but frankly I'm struggling.

Sorry for the long post.

[Nibbles]

Hi Francis and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way. It sounds to me that you are coping extremely well by going to work, joining a church, and going to meditation evenings so don't be too hard on yourself.

Take care,

Mike :)

PS I've moved your thread to the introductions forum so you get more replies.

[Franz]

Thank you for moving my post. I think my post was a little bit too long for an introduction though :\

Thank you also for your kind words. I feel better actually just for joining this group. Just knowing that there are other people out there who at least partially understand where I'm coming from is a help.

Best wishes,

Francis

[nomorepanic]

Hi Francis

Just wanted to :welcome: you aboard and lovely to see you here.

I hope we can be of some help.

[mrsfinknottle]

Hi Francis, welcome to the site. I can relate to your symptoms as I have suffered with social anxiety disorder for many years. You mention social phobia - is this what you have been diagnosed with? My diagnosis was social anxiety disorder and I have found thinking of my problems as basically anxiety rather than a phobia a more realisitic way of looking at them. I don't fear social situations or other people but I get very anxious about the physical symptoms I have when I'm with other people. This is what makes it so hard, I'm actually desperate for the very sort of social contact which makes me anxious. It's not like being frightened of snakes!

I note that you're going to see a psychiatrist soon. I hope he/she is helpful. If not you might find a psychologist more helpful. I saw 2 psychiatrists and 3 psychologists before I found someone who could help me so I suppose you have to keep going till you find someone you can work with.

Hope things start to improve for you very soon.

Best Wishes

Sue

[manmoor]

Hi Francis,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends

Take care

Trac xx

[groovygranny]

Hello Francis:welcome: to you!

Believe me, that was not a long post lol !! Glad you found us!!

You're really going through it at the mo aren't you? Well, you'll find plenty of help and support here so hope you'll not feel alone any more. We all have a story to tell and it helps so much doesn't it to know that others can relate to what you're going through - that gave me so much comfort when I first joined....and still does.

Anyway, very pleased to meet you!

:)

[honeybee3939]

Hi Francis

And a BIG warm welcome to NMP, its lovely to see you here, im sure you will get some great advice, support and make new friends too.:)

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Franz]

Hi Francis, welcome to the site. I can relate to your symptoms as I have suffered with social anxiety disorder for many years. You mention social phobia - is this what you have been diagnosed with? My diagnosis was social anxiety disorder and I have found thinking of my problems as basically anxiety rather than a phobia a more realisitic way of looking at them. I don't fear social situations or other people but I get very anxious about the physical symptoms I have when I'm with other people. This is what makes it so hard, I'm actually desperate for the very sort of social contact which makes me anxious. It's not like being frightened of snakes!

I note that you're going to see a psychiatrist soon. I hope he/she is helpful. If not you might find a psychologist more helpful. I saw 2 psychiatrists and 3 psychologists before I found someone who could help me so I suppose you have to keep going till you find someone you can work with.

Hope things start to improve for you very soon.

Best Wishes

Sue

Hi Sue. My social problem is basically a fear of making people hostile to me by thinking hostile thoughts about them. If someone's in my field of vision, I can struggle not to convince myself that I'm projecting "negative vibes" at them. It's a resurgence of a problem I had when I was younger, and which was completely cured by clomipramine, but since I dabbled in self-hypnosis I've "re-learned" this ability to convince myself totally that I can turn people against me.

I know just what you mean about being desperate for the very social contact that makes one anxious! I know how I *want* to feel among people, and I try and concentrate on that. I've (cautiously) used self-hypnosis a bit to try to plant positive suggestions in my head in response to certain triggers, and although it requires considerable effort, it does help. There are situations - meetings etc. - that I couldn't cope with 9 months ago but can manage in now. It's all about distracting yourself, and I can explain in more detail if you want. It's not cured me but it was making things better until, as I said, I started getting these more generalised, and very intense, panic attacks a couple of months ago. What started them was losing touch with my friend: I felt desolate, and kind of caved in after all the pressure of the last 3 years :\

As for psychologists: I think I understand my problem reasonably well; I'm a shy person who's inherited rather neurotic genes from my parents, and fear rejection from other people. But I've also read up a bit about neurology and to some extent, breakdowns can happen to anyone: it's a question of thresholds for tolerance of trauma, rather than a simple question of whether one is or isn't neurotic.

Anyway I've banged on enough - sorry!

Wishing you well,

Francis

[belle]

Hi Francis..

Sorry to read you are going through a rough patch, trust me, you are NOT alone.

I'm sure you'll get all the support and advice you need :)

x

[Mystical]

HI Francis,
Re your social anxieties; I am - ironic as it might seem - a mental health worker now incapacitated by a similar form of illness as yours; social anxieties are very common and usually they are an outward symptom of some other 'subliminal' anxiety condition that is using social anxieties as a protective mechanism. If you can establish a timeline for all your anxieties and prioritise them from 1 thru 10, I am sure you will find that some are almost off the scale while others score very low indeed. If you need to know more about different ways you can reduce your social anxieties to a coping level I will be pleased to help in any way possible. This site has welcomed me in a degree which is matched by the number of people who shun me in the real world. Odd isn't it! Maybe they think I'm the big bad wolf - I'm not sure. Actually I'm a wounded healer at the moment passing through a depressive episode, but with a support system in place I am making progress; I hope you do too. Yours kindly..... Mystical

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Francis,

Welcome to the site. There are many here who will understand what you have been feeling and can help.

Hugs,

Laura

[Franz]

HI Francis,
Re your social anxieties; I am - ironic as it might seem - a mental health worker now incapacitated by a similar form of illness as yours; social anxieties are very common and usually they are an outward symptom of some other 'subliminal' anxiety condition that is using social anxieties as a protective mechanism. If you can establish a timeline for all your anxieties and prioritise them from 1 thru 10, I am sure you will find that some are almost off the scale while others score very low indeed. If you need to know more about different ways you can reduce your social anxieties to a coping level I will be pleased to help in any way possible. This site has welcomed me in a degree which is matched by the number of people who shun me in the real world. Odd isn't it! Maybe they think I'm the big bad wolf - I'm not sure. Actually I'm a wounded healer at the moment passing through a depressive episode, but with a support system in place I am making progress; I hope you do too. Yours kindly..... Mystical

Dear Mystical,

Thanks for your helpful comments. Personally I think a lot of the best mental health workers must be people who've been through the mill themselves.

Support systems are what it's all about, and I'm so glad I found this group.

Best wishes,

Francis

[Lindalou64]

HELLO FRANCIS AND WELCOME TO THE SITE WISH YA THE BEST........LINDA

[mrsfinknottle]

Hi Francis, Its interesting for me to hear from a fellow social anxiety sufferer. Your thought patterns are very different from mine. I blush very easily(am blushing now just because I'm thinking about it!). When this happens in company I'm convinced that everyone will see how stupid and inadequate I am. My cognitive behavioural therapist spent many months getting me to the point where I could feel that a blush wasn't a huge catastrophe but just a physical reaction. So although I also have anxious parents and therefore presumably anxious genes I no longer feel so anxious about my blushes and can feel more relaxed without having to make a huge effort to distract myself. Does this make sense to you? I don't feel cured but I do feel in a much better place now. Hope you get some help with your negative thoughts, they sound really difficult to cope with. Lots of luck,

Sue