Getting out of the abyss

[clickaway]

Just thought I'd post this as I'm sure we've all been there to some degree. We go downhill and wonder how we can get up again?

I've been in the doldrums for the past two weeks now, and for much of that time I couldn't go out much and only recently taken some car journeys.

I've realised that I've been very vulnerable lately, and have felt a great need to interact with people, especially as I live on my own which can be difficult when you feel like rock bottom.

One way that does help me out is to talk to others, especially those who understand what we go through, such as the people like you reading this. That's why I post on here and try to go to the chat room quite a bit.

But I sometimes find the PC stressful and so that's a dilemma. Just one of a number of dilemmas I have to face in order to get better - to find the right balance on any given day.

Then last evening, I learnt an elderly aunt of mine had died. I feel that news was a contribution to my waking up in the early hours with a tight wrist and flashing lights. I don't think it was the sense of loss so much as the expectation that I may have to go to the funeral and that one of my support lines (my brother) will have other priorities this week serving the need of my father and cousin as they grieve.

Anyway, I rang NHS Direct and then the Samaritans, as this is my way of reassurance and comfort - the actual voice can be so good to your wellbeing.

You will see that I'm really venting here, as I feel that I should. I am confused and mentally weak, and at these times its difficult to find a way forward.

Thanks,

Ray

[random_panda]

Hi ray,

Firstly honey i would like to say, i'm sorry to hear about ur aunt.

Not really sure what advice to offer, apart from u are a lot stronger than u give urself credit for. If you were emotionally weak, you wouldn't have the ability to talk about your problems as eloquently as you do.

Take care, and I'll catch up with u soon in the Chat room. remember u are not alone, we're all here for you petal.

Katie xx

put things in perspective, take a balanced view, when u start to count your troubles, count your blessings too.

[FAN]

sorry bout your aunt, as you say it will be difficult in the next week for you with the funeral and stuff but try hang in there we are all here if you need to talk
take care

fan x

[nomorepanic]

Ray

Sorry about the aunt. Are you going to be able to get to the funeral do you think?

Out of interest what did the Samartians say - were they helpful and did they understand about panic/anxiety/depression etc.

It is reassuring to know that there are people like that there to help when you need them and I am sure this forum and the chat room help too.

Chin up ok, you can do it.

Nicola

[clickaway]

Nic,

If the funeral is local (probably will be) I stand a chance of attending. That would be cool as I would be likely to meet some cousins that I haven't met since a wee lad. But I will find it hard to get out and feel OK.

I'm not sure how I measure my emotional loss with my aunt, as I would not see her as close. Due to family issues (my Dad would not own up to splitting from my mum to his folks) I stopped seeing his folks in my teenage years and beyond. Then it got hard to break the ice again.

But I caught up my late Aunt Ethel last November and had seen here three times since then. I'm just glad that I was able to tell her why I didn't see her for so many years - it was not because of any feelings I had against her.

As for the Samaritans, it rather depends on the indivdual. But I was lucky last night, as not only was the lady about my age and also single (lol) but quoted the title "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", a book by Susan Jeffers that I currently have out of the library!

So yes, she had some "minor" anxiety issues it seemed which helped. But to me, it is the tone of voice and perception of understanding shown that can win me over on a phone call.

Thanks for listening, you're a tonic,


Ray

[mojo5]

Hi Ray

Sorry to hear about your Aunt.

I know this may not be easy, but whether you go or not to the funeral, try and find something positive to celebrate her life.
No doubt you have some good memories - no one can take those away - she may have gone - but your love for her will continue in your heart.

Understandably, you are not feeling great at the moment so if you need to chat anytime please feel free to PM me or failing that I'll see you in the chat room.

Keep your chin up Ray.

Sincere best wishes.
Mo

[henri]

ray,
i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. i have similar issues with my parents (haven't seen or spoken to my dad or his family in 8 years) so i think i know where you're coming from on that front - it's really good that you were able to talk things through with your aunt before she died.
anyway, hope to see you in the chat room soon,
take care,
henri x

[nomorepanic]

Ray

It would be great if you could go. I had to do a couple of funerals when I was acute with panic and it took all my strength to do it. I had to go but boy was it hard and it knocked me for six afterwards.

The last funeral I did was Alex's dad and that was so hard but I had to be there for him.

Anyway I am pleased the Samaritans helped. I am quite happy for you to call me if that would help too. I get a few calling me from the No Panic list so it is not a problem.

Let me know ok.

Big hug mate.
x

Nicola