View Full Version : anxiety spoils everything
I am sick of anxiety/panic controlling my life. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed - it is always there.
Everyday is filled with dread - I dread going to work, going to school, going shopping etc etc etc. But why? - because of the feelings and thoughts I have. How ridiculous is that!!!
I used to love this time of year - getting really excited, and although I still do - it is masked by anxiety. I am worrying about how I will feel, will panic ruin it for me?
I also get very stressed - worrying about everything. I just like it to be perfect.
Any advice???
Thanks for letting me moan this morning - just fed up with anxiety/panic!!!
I second that Ann ,I think the only thing we can do is practise mindfulness,
I blieve this is the only way out of this way of thinking , cos thats what it is ....a belief we have that we cant do things that others can.
But really we can do it .
hope you enjoy your xmas this year .
xxx
Hi Mirry,
Yes i agree with you too...it is a real pain. Sometimes what i do, is when i wake up, i 'decide' that whatever it is i am worrying about....a symptom, a problem, that just for today, whatever happens, i am not going to worry. Sometimes that really helps and snowballs to maybe a few more less anxious days. The problem is keeping it going, and i find it is to do with energy levels as to whether or not i can keep it going.
The other thing that may help is doing the good old relaxation tapes, yes i know, boring, but necessary.
rite down at the end of the day, 5 things you did that you managed well and did for others. It may be as simple as cooking the tea, but you did it, and it is important to recognise all the things you achieve.
I think we tend to discount the good things we achieve by saying to ourselves...well yes i did it, but i did not fully enjoy it because of my anxiety. We need to turn those thoughts around gradually...to something like, ..i did it, i didn't feel great, but at odd times during it, i did feel a little better, and i need to build on those little moments.
Now i just need to take my own advice Mirry!! You see we are creatures of habit, and that is automatic...we need to change those habits which requires us to be vigilant and alway's trying.
Have a good Christmas, notice the good moments.
Loopy Loo. xfile:///C:/WINDOWS/TEMP/moz-screenshot-2.jpg:flowers:file:///C:/WINDOWS/TEMP/moz-screenshot.jpgfile:///C:/WINDOWS/TEMP/moz-screenshot-1.jpg
:) after feeling like this on and off for years ive connected as have many others that perfectionism and unrealistic expectations are triggers for the way we are 'feeling'. i started cleaning last night because i havent cleaned properly for ages, but i didnt do it for anyone else as nobody will be coming anyway! i did it for me because i want to clean the house now so i wont have to really do it again for ages. also it gives me something to do when im not busy. but ive already made plans to not put stress on myself - ive already done alot of present shopping, some by myself and some on-line. i am going to get 'everything' ready done this year even roast potatoes - mark was horrified:D but i just told him to 'shut up' as for once i want to enjoy christmas, which i hardly ever do because for some reason it seems really stressful to me:shrug: i could make a roast dinner any day but on christmas it seems stressful because of this perfectionism, its like well if it all doesnt come together that will be awful. but ive noticed that other people either dont put this pressure on themselves in the first place, as in they are not concerned with anyones scrutiny(maybe got lower more realistic expectations) or they actually dont even do it properly in the first place! some dont even do a christmas dinner and never have and others go to someone else and let them do all the work:mad:
so maybe you could start to give yourself some brownie points for EFFORT rather than results? and also maybe try to lower your perfection levels? really what does it matter if it isnt perfect? do your family really notice,and do they actually care in the first place? they would probably rather have you chilled and things a bit slapdash than everything perfect and you in a state?:yesyes:
yorkylover
06-12-07, 10:38
Know just how you feel Anne:hugs: :hugs:
i know what you mean, its constanly there......
the only thing i can say is, after a year of having anxiety/panic, i have learnt to manage it, and although it is still slightly in the background, its not my every thought as it was.
the only advice i can give is relax, diet changes, no caffene (can't spell),
keep a diary or write down what is really stressing you and to focus on the fact that this wont last for ever.
i know its hard and i was there in your shoes and believe i never want to go there again.... but i wont let it rule my life anymore, im still scared of doing simple things but usually find that when im doing them im fine.
sorry it sound like a book !!!!!
but keep smiling, and as mirry says keep focusing on all the good things you achieve everyday
take care x
dawny x
Hi
I agree anxiety can spoil everything if you let it. I still get very fed up with feeling so lousy all the time. I used to love shopping for example, now it is an ordeal with me hanging on to my partner for dear life and eying up all the exits. I do not feel up to going to the work Xmas party (the first one I have missed in 10 years). However I am struggling on, using various techniques learnt through CBT and also using my Claire Weekes book as I do not want to go back to where I could not get out of bed.
Quite often my telling myself it is just a silly adrenaline overload I manage (although not enjoyable). I do also find however that the anticipation of going somewhere or doing something is worse than the actual “doing”.
This time of year is not helpful – the perception is of big happy families and friends going out and enjoying themselves makes you feel even worse.
Hi, I am in the same boat. I love Xmas, and now, because of the anxiety, I cant be bothered with it. All I want to do is sit and cry. I get out most days - I make myself go out. Managed 30 minutes in town yesterday but was so weary I felt like I was walking through treacle with the worlds troubles on my shoulders. I am so fed up of this. I have had it before, 4 times in 30 years so I know a bit about it. But I have been like this since the summer last year. It has spoilt such a lot since it set in. I have got a Claire Weekes book too and am trying to FACE, ACCEPT, FLOAT and LET MORE TIME PASS. Sitting here I am trying to accept the unreality!!! I am married with two kids and have no relatives here so being mum is no easy task when I have no support and hubby works long hours. I am also going to have to remimd myself that this is just silly adrenalin over load too.
Thinking of you all
Shirley
Pink Panic
06-12-07, 20:52
Hi
I know the feeling all to well too :weep:
I feel like here I am at another Christmas still with the dredded Anx hanging on. I know I have progressed as this time last year my partner had to do all the Cmas shopping by himself and my Mum helped him with the food shopping. I felt so hopeless writing out lists and bossing them about but this year at least I'm contributing and putting myself out there. Now the thing is that I want to be Anx free and be able to do things without fear and having to think "what if" and so on. This illness is just so draining. I look at all the people out there enjoying themselves, socialising and even shopping without fear and it makes me so envious. I think back to the times when I was able just to get up and go without fear and how I long to be able to do that again. I was told that part of me is still inside me but that it's just not around at the moment but my Cmas wish would be for it to come back.
Love & Hugs
Pink
x
It's an awful time of year when you suffer with this illness. Other times of the year it is definitely more manageable.
It hurts to see people going about their business, I see old ladies getting off the bus with their Christmas bags full of stuff. Some of them are struggling to walk but t hey do it. I think - look at me I am physically capable but can't even do what they are doing. This leads to lowering the mood even more of course.
We have to carry on and do as much as we feel we can - however I think we must know when we have had enough - and then rest. This illness is so draining, after a panic attack - or not even a panic actually - after feeling anxious for say even an hour you can feel completely lifeless - and this is what people who don't suffer from this just don't understand.
Mirry; you mentioned mindfulness. I was practising mindfulness last year - John Kabat Zin's cd's and I have his book. It's about feeling what you feel isn't it. I have to say I didn't get on too well with it. You seem to be doing okay on it.
Dreading everything you have to do in life is awful. As I said before I think you have to know your limits and do what you can. Ann - what sort of help are you getting for your anxiety? Are you on meds, are you practising relaxation, cbt whatever? You do need to lose that dread feeling somehow - it's anticipatory anxiety by the sounds of it.
Once you are in the situation, like at school, at work - do you feel better or is the anxiety very bad in the actual situation? I think you have to keep doing what you do and try to distract your mind as much as you can from the way you're feeling. You have to tell yourself it does hurt and does distress you but try to just let it be. There is nothing else I can offer as support I'm afraid.
What I do now is tell the panic to do what it likes - god I call it some names! I keep telling it that it won't beat me and I try to continue on. It's not easy and I'm not as courageous as a lot of people on here and I do avoid lots of things. Give it a go anyway.
Hi Yvonne and Pink, I know just how you feel and have not enjoyed the run up to Xmas at all. Like you Pink, this is another Xmas with the anxiety, though I admit its not the same as it was last year. Its sort of changed. Like you Pink, I want to be able to enjoy things normally again without the "What ifs" and everything that goes with it. I know what you mean when you say you see all those people out there shoppping without fear and my xmas wish is to get myself usual happy self back too.
Yvonne, Yes, I agree, other times of the year are more manageable for sure. It hurts me too to see other people going about there business without a care in the world. I was in the Victorian Arcade in town the other day - its all decorated for Xmas - and everyone looked "normal" and as you say, getting on with their own thing, no problems. But there I was, looking at the lovely Xmas scene in front of me, and it was all I could do to stop myself from crying.
You are right, people dont understand this illness at all and we have to carry on and cope with and do what we feel we are able to and rest too, when we have had enough. It is so draining I know.
I suffer with GAD and I have, as you may have recently seen, got another Claire Weekes book which is very helpful. So I am now trying to keep her excellent advice in my head as much as I can. Also, I have ordered one of her DVDs from E-Bay. So that should be here soon. She says that if we feel strange we should relax and accept any feelings as they really arent important.
My main "concerns" at the moment are that I dont want to be far from the car and also that I dont want to go anywhere with anyone in their car or anything, as I would not be able to come home when I wanted to. Also, for the first time in almost 25 years of trouble free driving, the anxiety has stopped me from driving any distances so I am only able to drive around town and not 200 miles away! I cant even drive to my parents 60 miles away as yet. Its been like this since summer last year.
However, I have suffered with anxiety before over the years, about 4 times with 10 year gaps between each episode and it has ALWAYS COMPLETELY cleared. One year I even went to America a year after I got over it and sent my Psychologist a Post Card so he could see how well I was!!! So it WILL go. I have to keep telling myself that.
I am sat here alone as I type this. I have two kids and they are at school so I am alone all day till they get home. I have no relatives here and this is all so isolating as although I have got friends in this town, I rarely see them. Not that I have wanted to bother with them in recent months anyway.
I do get out during the week. But on Wednesday I just managed 30 minutes in town. I was so weary and felt like I was wadding thru treacle with a ton weight on my shoulders! So I came home. I have got most of my Xmas shopping anyway.
Best Wishes
Shirley
Pink Panic
07-12-07, 09:20
Hi Shirley and Yvonne,
Yvonne - You already know that I can relate to how you are feeling and I will email you later. Well Done on getting out for ciggies yesterday my friend. :D
Shirley - One of my "things" as I call them is that I don't like being far from the car either. I also don't want to go with other people in their cars unless I know I can totally trust them and rely on them to bring me back if needs be.
Like you I have suffered anx before, about 13 years ago and I too recovered and was able to get back to being "normal" whatever that is lol.
I am also alone most of the day so perhaps we can have a chat sometime on MSN? My youngest daughter is at School all day too and the eldest lives away at Uni. Worst of all my partner works Offshore for 2 weeks at a time and as he's my "safe" person this makes life difficult for me as I can't really do that much without him although I am trying with the help of a Support Worker.
We have to keep believing in ourselves as we are strong people - we have to be to endure this every single day.
Love
Pink
x
Hi Pink, Although I dont wish this anxiety on anyone, I am relieved to know that I am not on my own when it comes to not wanting to be far from the car etc. Sorry to hear that like me, you have suffered before with this. People who have not had this condition would get a huge shock if they did, wouldnt they? My husband has no idea of the impact it has on you.
Yes I would love to chat on MSN. Its not good being alone all day is it. I can understand how you feel about your husband being away 2 weeks at a time when he is your "safe" person. I am the opposite in that respect. I feel "safer" doing things on my own!! Glad you are trying to do things with your support worker though.
Yes we have to keep believing in ourselves - we are stronger than we realise.
I will PM you my e-mail address.
Love Shirley
:) hi there,have any of you been to 'nopanic'? i have had private cbt this year(15 sessions) because my issues are long standing( same as some of you) and sometimes we all need that bit of extra help especially if the support network isnt too great:lac: anyway they have a 12 week recovery programme you can get and it is very informative and really helpful, it really gave me a much more realistic understanding of this condition, and is something i can use out of therapy.:yesyes: hope this helps, emma
Pink Panic
07-12-07, 10:19
Hi Emma
I have been to No Panic and I did think about trying theit course but my Psych has put me down for CBT so on the waiting list now.
It's good to hear that it helped you and I will keep it in mind, thanks :hugs:
Pink
x
Hi girls
No Panic is good Iknow - a friend of mine is a member (yearly fee I think of £15.00) - she gets a therapist comes to her weekly which is amazing. She is agraphobic.
Shirley, I kind of envy you for being able to go to town on your own and being able to do stuff like that alone. I used to be able to and know I will again soon (fighting talk). However, you are still suffering and that is not good. You saying that you could have cried at a Christmas scene - I know how you feel - when I'm out over the weekend if I start hearing Bing Crosby with THAT song I swear I will run!!!!!!!!
We actually all suffer this illness but at different degrees I think. Some people don't have such severe panics as others, or they can mange their panics and therefore can get out more. Some can't get out at all because their anxiety is so so severe. Not everyone's anxiety is the same and it does not present itself in the same ways either.
The thing is, it doesn't matter to what degree we suffer - if it is hurting us and not letting us lead the sort of life we want to.... then full stop. IT HURTS.
I used to drive much more than I do now. I moved to a new town - just can't face the "mad" roads here. Too many roundabouts and stuff and it's just too much for me. So, my driving is very limited.
At the moment I am not at ease being out alone to go shopping so I have to wait to go with hubby. I don't like that because men don't shop like women do. Always bloomin rushing as if it's a race to get to the checkout in the supermarket, he doesn't like moseying about in stores like I would like to - so it aint great fun. Also his rushing about makes me edgy of course. He is getting better tho and being patient lol.
You just have to keep telling yourself it won't always be like this and you have to tell yourself until you begin to believe it. Branwashing - could be the cure lol.
Claire Weekes books are brilliant Shirley - I have them all. I also have a tape of one of her talks somewhere - wonderful stuff and if you can "float" and "accept" the way Claire advises then we will be well away. I personally feel I have accepted but as for floating - ...... could someone please tell me how you do that ?!!!!!!!
Regarding Claire's books - as I said above I think I have acepted. Claire says you walk into the panic "while the volcano is raging" or something like that. Thing is I do that EVERY day of my life and my panics still come. I so wish Claire was still alive cos I think I would get a huge loan out and go to Australia and have private therapy with her.
It's all hard this anxiety lark - what's even worse is the depression that can come with it. However, as I said before we must brainwash ourselves into thinking that we will get there or else what do we do sit in a corner and rot.
Love to all xxxx
Hi there,
Mirry - what is mindfulness?
Yvonne - I am not taking any medication - have tried numerous and they all made me feel worse - so was advised not to take anything. I am currently doing CBT - and I understand anxiety/panic inside out - but am finding it so hard to challenge my thoughts and accept that these horrible, scary feelings and symptoms are down to anxiety. If I could crack that then maybe I will be able to just accept and float with it.
How do you just accept it???
Ann
Mindfulness is basically "feeling what you feel" - youhave to practise deep breathing techniques, which I must admit are very relaxing. Look up John Kabat-Zinn on the net - and read "Calming Your Anxious Mind" by Jeffrey Brantley MD. It's about paying more attention to what is going on around you and not your anxiety sensations. That's how I understood it anyway.
As I said - I have accepted - well you have to don't you. As for floating - no idea.
Hi Yvonne, I will re do your message later ok. I have just spent 30 mins typing you a reply and when I came to post it I had to log in again and then it came to a blank page and the message was gone!!! So I will re do it again tomorrow ok.
Take Care
Shirley
x x x
Hi Yvonne, I will try again now. Yes I do get to town and such like alone though I still have to "dare" myself to go and do these things. And I am usually still feeling strange when I get there and have to keep talking to myself and reminding myself that nothing will happen etc. Yes I have felt very upset with all the Xmas Scenes and glad you understand how I feel with all this Xmas stuff going on around me. I will be glad when Xmas is over this year.
Yes we all suffer with different degrees of anxiety and different symptoms and people have no idea how it feels unless they have been there, do they? You are right, we all suffer with this and none of us will be the same and as you say, some will be affected worse than others, some not as bad. But all I want for Xmas is my life back - it will happen one day - for us all. But for the moment is seems to be hurting us all on here.
Yes I used to drive more too. I used to drive 200 miles on my own no probs. Now I just drive around thwe town so I know how you feel about that too.
I went to Tescos last night. I know where you are coming from when you talk about men being quick in Supermarkets. However, I go when hubby is half way round then I join him, as me and the kids did last night. I was unreal walking round the store but kept telling myself it wasnt important.
I will stop here and continue on a new page in a few minutes as I dont want to get timed out again.
Shirley
x x x
Continued...........
You are right Yvonne, we have to keep telling ourselves it wont always be like this and it WONT!! I have had this 4 times in 30 years and I have ALWAYS totally got over it. ALWAYS!! So all in good time, for ALL of us.
I think you have done great to accept your symptoms Yvonne. Thats a great start. Did you see the other message I left on here earlier for someone about tapes and Cds at www.selfhelphypno.com (http://www.selfhelphypno.com) I might order one as you can have them personalized and I think that that would be great.
Claire Weekes is great. I know that I would have loved to have met her too if she had been alive. I know that what she says is right (having been here before) but its not always easy to keep what she says in your mind all the time is it. I am trying to think Accept/FLOAT etc. I was doing great yesterday and felt better than I had done all week. But then I slept badly and I feel strange again whilst I am sitting here typing to you. I have found in recent months that I dont really want to be bothered with close mates as I dont want them to see me like this so I have just been to Slimming World on a Monday and then to Mc Ds for a drink as well as into town or something. But its all so difficult and my hubby understands none of this, none of my family do. However, I am trying to cling on to Claire Weekes and am expecting a DVD of hers arriving soon in the post. I have also got an exercise DVD so I can get going with that too as exercise is meant to help, isnt it.
I will stop here for now. I will catch u on here during the week no doubt.
Take care
Love Shirley
x
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