I am so scared about....

[BlackLily]

....taking my daughter to school tomorrow. I haven't taken her in nearly 3 weeks. My partner have been off work for the past couple of weeks but he has to go back tomorrow & all I've been worrying myself all day & ended up giving myself a headache. I have arranged with her teacher that I can drop her off earlier or later & pick her up slightly earlier or later but I feel physically sick thinking of having to walk out of my street & down the hill towards the school.

I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder & Mixed Anxiety & Depressive Disorder last week & had a panic attack while in the waiting room to see the Doctor. I am taking Citalopram for it but the anxiety is still there. I know it's only a few days since I have been taking them but I wish they could work soon.


I have never been so scared about anything in my life.

The outside world is such a scary place for me at the moment.

[sagey]

Hi Blacklilly, this is really tough for you and you have my sympathy. I know what it feels like - you're torn between guilt and not wanting to let your child down whilst facing the terror of that journey. I guess you've not got a friend/relative or neighbour who could help out or you'd already have it sorted by now. I used to try mentally breaking down the walk in to small sections and walk it in my head, this seemed to make it appear more managable. I also used to say to myself that as soon as I stepped out of the door, I was , in effect, on the way home as that is where my feet would lead me. Try some deep breathing before you leave. Let us know how you get on . good luck.Sagey.

[BlackLily]

Thanks for replying Sagey.

I'm so glad I have found this forum cos I can type how I feel & people understanding what I am going through.

I will do what you say about breaking down the walk.

Things have got so bad that if my fear doesn't get better I'm going to see about paying a qualified childminder to take my daughter to & from school.

[sagey]

How did you get on today Blacklily ?

[BlackLily]

My boyfriend's nan took my daughter to school as I had to take my baby for her injections around the same time so she took her to school while I was finishing getting ready. Luckily the baby lcinic was empty as well so I was in & out without having to wait in a crowded room. This I had forgotten about until the night before (my memory is hopeless lately) & I got into a panic about that.

Unfortunately my boyfriend's nan couldn't pick my daughter up from school & thinking about having to go there made me have a panic attack. I had to ring my Dad who lives 20 miles away to come to my house to drive me down to the school & get my daughter. I got there 10 minutes after schoool ended so there were only a few parents there.


It was my daughter's nativity yesterday & I managed to go to that but stayed at the back near the door. I had to go in & out 3 times but I saw my daughter being an Angel & was so proud of her.

I thought I was just scared of the school, but now I think it's just the outside. Thinking of walking down the 2 streets to get to the school & walking past people is the thing that scares me :(

[sagey]

Well done for getting to the Nativity. I can imagine how difficult it was for you but you managed it and your daughter would have been thrilled to have you there. When I had trouble getting my kids to school I used to recite nursery rhymes in my head as a distraction. also used to note the street names and try spelling them backwards in my head. Have you been to see your Doctor about this problem? He might offer some therapy to help you out. Take care.Sagey.

[jacq]

HI Blacklily, I have been in exactly the same situation as you and implore you not to give in and avoid going out, I started in the same way not being able to go in the school and now today i havent been out of the house on my own for over 3 years. Could your nan come with you regulary and maybe wait a bit down the road so you know she is close. You said in your first post


I thought I was just scared of the school, but now I think it's just the outside. Thinking of walking down the 2 streets to get to the school & walking past people is the thing that scares me :(.

Dont fool yourself into thinking that if you avoid these situations you will not panic. You are not scared of the situation you are scared of the panic attack and the sensations you are feeling. I no i dont practise what i preach so to speak as i now avoid everything but i am aware that the panic is inside me and that could happen absolutely anywhere. I find that EFT really helps me as a distraction and i take my i pod everywher with me to listen to my paul mckenna download. You really need to sit down with your family and say you are really struggling and need there help. Dont feel guilty it is very hard for someone not in our position to understand how scary it is and how useless we feel. Good luck.

Jacq x