Anxiety about anything sexual? (Warning.. details)

[Meggles]

If you're not comfortable with reading about sexual things, or whatever, then please don't read this.

Oh, and this might be REALLLLY long.

*If a mod deems that this is inappropriate, they can delete it*


Hi Guys,

I can't believe I'm going to share this with strangers, but I feel like I have to get it out.

I'm going to put it bluntly here... but I enjoy sex. I've always been quite "out-there" and open and experimental. I've done some crazy and fun things, and am always up to try new things with my partner. We have a lot of fun in bed and enjoy each other.

Now.. some backstory. About 2 months ago now, my partner and I and a good friend of ours had.. well.. a "threesome." Now, I really enjoyed it and we all had a lot of fun and everything is fine between us all. **Also an important note is that my Mum was away on holiday at this time**

Late in the night/early morning after it happened, at the friends house, I had a panic attack. Now, I'd been drinking quite a bit, plus just had a new experience so I figured it was all of that just compounded. So I panicked, and tried to calm myself down, but couldnt, so my partner took me home.

From then, I freaked out. I just couldn't stop the anxious feeling. It was all new to me, because I'd had panic attacks before over the years, and as horrible as they are, I could deal with that. But this all-day, constant, non-stop anxious feeling and feeling on edge was all new to me and utterly terrifying.

So I jumped on the net and searched and searched and searched to find anyone who could help. I found this site, and what a godsend it's been. But anyway. As I said, this was all very new to me, and I was terrified that it would never go away.

I don't mean to sound rude, but I was scared I might end up like some of the people on the forums - housebound and dealing with anxiety 24/7. That scared the shit out of me. I couldn't handle it for 1 day, let alone all of the time.

So I was ringing my Mum while she was on holiday, sobbing and freaking out. She was worried for me, and said that subconsciously it was probably separation anxiety because she was gone.

Anyway, I struggled through 2 and a half weeks of it until Mum got back, and although I wasn't 100%, I felt heaps better once she was home.

Since then I've been pretty ok. I've had a few moments of feeling a bit on edge or anxious, but I've been good.


NOW, to get to the point of the story:

Ok. So NOW, after all that, I've started getting anxious again today. And I'm getting the stupid, scary thoughts with it.

Now.. this is gonna sound silly.. and you'll probably laugh at me.. but I got really panicky today after umm.. looking down at my "bits" while in the shower. It was as if I was disgusted to have these bits.. or freaked out.. or something. I actually felt nauseas and my heart was pounding.

But the thing is, I ENJOY sex, and I'm very open and talk about it often with my partner and some friends... we talk about it in detail, joke about it, talk about things that could happen etc... All sorts of things. And most of the time I'm fine.

But sometimes, I just FREAK about sexual things. Any time I think about it, I freak out. Sometimes I'll even freak if I think about the friend that was the "3rd person" in our experience.

I dont know if it's my subconscious trying to deal with what happened, but I'm so confused.

If I was nervous, or didn't enjoy it, or whatever.. then I'd understand. But I really enjoy sexual things, I had alot of fun that night, and I should be fine. Why am I feeling this?


I'd ask if anyone else has ever felt anything similar, but I doubt it.


Please don't think bad of me or anything because of this.. I just had to get it out.

[Meggles]

Fantasy about sexual stuff is great, but often the reality doesn't leave us feeling so great.

Yeah maybe you're right. Maybe it's had more of a negative affect on me than I thought. I just wish it didnt.

[Pink Panic]

Hi

I think what Blue said about fantasy being great but reality not leaving us feeling so good is a good pointer as to how you are feeling.

I think that perhaps subconsciously you are feeling some sort of guilt that this threesome took place. Now, I'm no prude and what people choose to do sexually is their business but you said that you thought you freaked because this was a new experience for you, perhaps because you enjoyed it, coupled with the fact that it all took place when you Mum was away led to the guilt.

I think the way that you emphasise the fact you ENJOY sex, and say you talk about it in detail with friends as to what you can do etc., makes me wonder if indeed you really do or if you would feel better having a more private one to one relationship?
Just my thoughts.

[honeybee]

anxiety is always linked to your thoughts so you gotta try and figure out what you were thinking just before you experianced the initial panic.

you said you enjoyed the experiance and that is fine but you must have thought something to have triggered off the anxiety. unfortunatly thoughts or images can happen in a split second so sometimes its really hard to believe it was something you thought that was the trigger. i think the anxiety that followed was probably just a reaction to the intial panic you felt because you were scared to ''end up like some of the people on this website''.

so ask your self some questions to try and figure out what those thoughts were that triggered it.... for example

**what was going through your mind just before you felt that way?
**what do you think that says about you?
**what were you scared of that might happen?
**what was the worst thing that could happen?
**what will other people feel/think about you?
**what images did you have?

maybe you thought something along the lines of *''is this going to change my relationship with these people'' if that was the case that thought could lead onto something like ''i'm might lose my partner because of what i've just done'' i'm not saying this is the case i'm just trying to explain that even though you enjoyed the experiance it can still set off insecurities within you.

you really need to search for those answers then when you have them you have the answer as to why you paniced. you should then write those thoughts down and try to rationalise them. if the thoughts are irrational then you can explain them away. if the thoughts are something you feel you need to discuss with your partner then you can get them out into the open and talk about them.

hope this helps.

[darkangel]

Hi Meggles

Ive read what you have said and all I can add from where I see it is, maybe this was an experience which you enjoyed but you highlighted the fact that your mum was away on holiday, so maybe at the back of your mind was the thought, this is going against my core beliefs, what would my mum say. etc, etc.
Just a thought.

[chalky]

Hi Meggles,

You appear to have thought about this very deeply.
I agree with DarkAngel.
Your experiences may appear on the surface to be enjoyable but in your sub-conscious mind are alarm bells ringing?
This behaviour was not deemed appropriate whilst your mum was at home.
Young people today are always being warned of the dangers of not practising safe sex-risk of sexual diseases.
Could your sub-conscious be telling you to be more careful?

There is a lot more to sex than the sex act and I would urge you to think very carefully about that.
Excess alcohol can have an adverse effect on your anxiety.
Please be very careful.
Chalky