Harper
15-12-07, 15:37
Sorry I’ve just realised I’ve written my life story!
Hi everyone,
I’ve been reading through this forum for a few months and find it very helpful. I’m kind of nervous about posting because some of what has triggered my anxiety is my own fault and I’m ashamed to post it.
I’m a final year uni student, I’ve got a lot of work to do at the moment, I’m worried that I won’t ever get round to doing it all, I’ve been under pressure for the last few years, but up until now all the work has always seemed “do-able”. I think part of my worry is that I don’t know what I am going to do next year, I’ve got no plans and am frightened that I may have lumbered myself with a load of debt for a degree that I ultimately won’t do well on.
A couple of months ago my first serious relationship broke down, up until then I’d always been a generally happy person but in the week that followed that I felt so down, I can’t remember ever having felt so sad-which is probably an indication of how good my life has been up until then-I’ve never experienced the loss of a loved one or anything like that- I know that a relationship break up is nothing in comparison to what many people have gone through. A couple of weeks after that I had a “health scare” which helped put all of that into perspective a bit.
This next bit is the bit I’m ashamed of; as an attempt to forget the past few weeks I went out with some old friends, they were taking “stuff”, I’ve known about this for a long time but never wanted anything to do with it before, but that night I thought “who cares” and tried something. I wasn’t pressured in to it, it was down to me. I can’t tell you how much I regret that decision-the next day I didn’t feel bad physically, but it played on my mind what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how stupid I had been. Most of all I felt guilty, I have a family who love me and to think what I could have put them through if something bad had happened to me, made me feel sick.
Six days after this I was working, when I kind of had a “blip”, I was working at the computer when I had a sudden head rush, I couldn’t concentrate on anything for 5 seconds and the only thing I could think of to do was run to be with other people in case something bad happened. I was fidgety and panic-y for the rest of the evening, I couldn’t keep still or concentrate on anything, I was scared to go to sleep in case I didn’t wake up.
The next day we went out and although everything was still playing on my mind I tried to distract myself with other things, except the feeling of needing to run and fast heartbeat came back. I tried to relax, when it happened the next day (although nothing like the first time it happened) I called the on call service (it was a weekend) and was told to go to A&E. I’ve never been to hospital before and that in itself scared me, but I really thought I was about to die. I told the doctor everything, he said that anything I had done would be out of my system now but he did some tests and everything came back OK. I was told everything was down to anxiety.
The reassurance from the doctor helped, since then I’ve only had a couple of the “head rush” occurrences and knowing what they where I breathed through them, other symptoms like the lump in the throat and lack of appetite have gone. I’m finding it less of an effort to breathe too, if that makes sense. This happened about 7 weeks ago and since then I’ve had about 3 days where I kind of feel like my old self but for most of the time my head feels foggy and “heavy”, I wake up feeling tired and I think my university work has suffered because of this.
So that’s my story. The cause of my panic and anxiety is mainly self inflicted. On the positive side it’s taught me some lessons and made me appreciate life more and empathise with other people-I never really though about how frightening panic attacks and anxiety was until it happened to me. However I’m worried that this is something that I will always have now and I feel sad when I think back to how I was six months ago and realise how much my life’s changed.
Thanks for reading x
Hi everyone,
I’ve been reading through this forum for a few months and find it very helpful. I’m kind of nervous about posting because some of what has triggered my anxiety is my own fault and I’m ashamed to post it.
I’m a final year uni student, I’ve got a lot of work to do at the moment, I’m worried that I won’t ever get round to doing it all, I’ve been under pressure for the last few years, but up until now all the work has always seemed “do-able”. I think part of my worry is that I don’t know what I am going to do next year, I’ve got no plans and am frightened that I may have lumbered myself with a load of debt for a degree that I ultimately won’t do well on.
A couple of months ago my first serious relationship broke down, up until then I’d always been a generally happy person but in the week that followed that I felt so down, I can’t remember ever having felt so sad-which is probably an indication of how good my life has been up until then-I’ve never experienced the loss of a loved one or anything like that- I know that a relationship break up is nothing in comparison to what many people have gone through. A couple of weeks after that I had a “health scare” which helped put all of that into perspective a bit.
This next bit is the bit I’m ashamed of; as an attempt to forget the past few weeks I went out with some old friends, they were taking “stuff”, I’ve known about this for a long time but never wanted anything to do with it before, but that night I thought “who cares” and tried something. I wasn’t pressured in to it, it was down to me. I can’t tell you how much I regret that decision-the next day I didn’t feel bad physically, but it played on my mind what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how stupid I had been. Most of all I felt guilty, I have a family who love me and to think what I could have put them through if something bad had happened to me, made me feel sick.
Six days after this I was working, when I kind of had a “blip”, I was working at the computer when I had a sudden head rush, I couldn’t concentrate on anything for 5 seconds and the only thing I could think of to do was run to be with other people in case something bad happened. I was fidgety and panic-y for the rest of the evening, I couldn’t keep still or concentrate on anything, I was scared to go to sleep in case I didn’t wake up.
The next day we went out and although everything was still playing on my mind I tried to distract myself with other things, except the feeling of needing to run and fast heartbeat came back. I tried to relax, when it happened the next day (although nothing like the first time it happened) I called the on call service (it was a weekend) and was told to go to A&E. I’ve never been to hospital before and that in itself scared me, but I really thought I was about to die. I told the doctor everything, he said that anything I had done would be out of my system now but he did some tests and everything came back OK. I was told everything was down to anxiety.
The reassurance from the doctor helped, since then I’ve only had a couple of the “head rush” occurrences and knowing what they where I breathed through them, other symptoms like the lump in the throat and lack of appetite have gone. I’m finding it less of an effort to breathe too, if that makes sense. This happened about 7 weeks ago and since then I’ve had about 3 days where I kind of feel like my old self but for most of the time my head feels foggy and “heavy”, I wake up feeling tired and I think my university work has suffered because of this.
So that’s my story. The cause of my panic and anxiety is mainly self inflicted. On the positive side it’s taught me some lessons and made me appreciate life more and empathise with other people-I never really though about how frightening panic attacks and anxiety was until it happened to me. However I’m worried that this is something that I will always have now and I feel sad when I think back to how I was six months ago and realise how much my life’s changed.
Thanks for reading x