View Full Version : Dreading Christmas
I'm dreading Christmas.
Got no invites anywhere and won't even be able to play any music as my dad will be asleep all day in his chair.
We don't have turkey cos he doesn't like it and will probably just have something cheap and "normal" like sausage and chips.
People wonder why I'm messed up, well there's a good example right there.
I've got no freedom at all - it's like being in jail stuck in my room all day, sometimes I feel like just smashing a window or something so that I get sent to actual jail for a few weeks and I can get a proper Christmas dinner and some company in there.
Gordon
Oh Dear Gordy:hugs:
Rather drastic action:ohmy:
Could you not find a day centre or something to volunteer as a helper at for Xmas???
I know here in Southampton lots of charities are looking for help over the festive season......just an idea:shrug:
Failing that try and remember it only lasts 24 hours:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Think I'll just try to sleep all day.
I'm in rural Northumberland and there's nothing here to get involved in.
Be different if I was in a big town or city, I'd get out and about and get involved in lots of things then, but because of council boundaries I can't go to the nearest town 5 miles away as all their centres and stuff come under the next council along and once when I asked to go to centres there as a user I was told I couldn't cos I never lived in their catchment area. I've been a victim of stupid red tape all my life.
Gordon
yorkylover
16-12-07, 23:53
Hi Gordon,can you cook!!!!Why not do a christmas dinner for you both,dad might be surprised and enjoy it.Its a shame there isnt anything going on near you.Our local church lays on a christmas lunch for people on there own.
Yes I'll offer to cook something.
Won't be anything festive but I might try and get a half decent piece of beef or lamb.
Whether or not I'm allowed to is another thing, I have no say on anything.
My dad got me a crate of beer to drink at Christmas which I do really appreciate but it was cheap weak beer that I don't like (I like Stella or Red Stripe) and when I said it was the wrong beer all hell kicked off. He could have avoided that by spending all of a few seconds asking what beer I would like. But no, he just picks up the cheapest one. No one else is forced to drink a drink that they don't like so why does it happen to me?
Gordon
yorkylover
17-12-07, 00:08
It may have been the wrong beer Gordon but he did get some.Some people get nothing.I feel that you dont get on with your dad very well am I right.
I do know what its like to have a bad christmas,I have an alcoholic brother who is also biploar.
Do you live with your dad?
Hi Gordon,
I don't like Christmas either, probably because I am not religous and when it comes to family, I hardly have any!
I will be over at my brother's who is in a similar situation to me, so we keep each other company. As I see it, he invites me over to avoid being alone when others are with people. My Dad chooses to stay at home on his own on Christmas Day so we'll be going over to see him this coming week.
Have you asked whether there is any drop in centre that provides a Christmas lunch (they do in my town and its not council run so there is no residential rule). And yes, you could volunteer to help in the city, and who knows even in your local neighbourhood.
At least, try and get up and out rather than lying in all day!
Sorry you are feeling down but i am pretty darn sure you are not the only one.
This year, in my house there will be NO Christmas.
My husband is going to his mothers, my son is going to my sisters with the rest of the family...and me...i will be alone, all day. With no one. No festivities will be taking place. We have NO money, no food, no nothing. I can't leave the house even if i wanted to.
So, don't feel bad, at least your father made an effort. My dad made a rare visit today. He lives in Wales, i live in the SE. I got a grand total of TWO minutes of his time, my sister got TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't be bothered.
Pink Panic
17-12-07, 09:38
I'm sorry that you are all feeling down and can you add me to the list?
My partner will be away working Offshore and my two girls will be here half the day and at their dad's for the other half which I suppose isn't too bad.
Don't get me started on family!!!! Yesterday I couldn't talk as after having a bad cold Laryngitis set in. All I wanted was for my Mum or Dad to get me some Strepsils or anything to ease my throat but they didn't as they were off Christmas shopping!
Last week after a really bad day my CPN asked my Mum to pick up anti-psychotics for me which she initally agreed to but after the CPN left she said she didn't have time and would get them the next day!
Maybe your Dad did get it wrong but hey he tried! Could you not explain to him that you would like to have a traditional Cmas Dinner and substitute the turkey for chicken or beef? As for not playing your music, do you not have headphones as then you could happily go about the house listening to your music and not disturb your Dad.
The only other thing I can say is roll on the New year!
Pink
yorkylover
17-12-07, 14:22
Bluebell Im so sorry you will be alone,why arnt your family staying with you for christmas.
My brother is coming over for 3 days,we shall sit here pretending to be happy families.The atmosphere will be awful as usual.He is an alcoholic and a total pain in the neck.I wish it would just come and go!!!!!!!
Hi Ellen,
Despite being a little too agoraphobic right now, being with the "family" at Christmas would possibly be the WORST thing i could put myself through, mentally! My mother remarried many years ago, but my step father never made it any secret that he doesn't think much of my sister and i, so right from word go its a huge pretence. Also, i am only 3 1/2 weeks into my bulimia recovery (been abusing laxatives for 19 years) and i would be watch what i am going to eat, and because for obvious reasons that won't be that much, i just can't be bothered to sit and face the repercussions of that. My step father never joins in anything....he'll sit away from the rest of us, its just rediculous. Can't be arsed with the stress.
Pink Panic
17-12-07, 14:43
Hey Bluebell,
From reading your blog I know you love Russell so spend the day with him instead by watching his dvd and reading his book.
I'm hoping my daughter gets me his Bookie Wookie as I love his humour, his tight trousers aren't bad either :blush:
Seriously from reading your post I can understand why you chose to stay home hun, families eh? Who'd have em??
Love & hugs
Pink
xxx
Hi Gordy,
It's true that you can chose your friends not your family.Compromise is vital in family situations.Could you try with your Dad?Thank him for the beer but apologize for over-reacting.Take a small step like this and who knows,X'mas may start to get better.
Best wishes,
Chalky
I admit maybe I do react badly to things but it's all part of my Borderline Personality Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder to get an idea of how messed up it is).
With the beer thing, I'm not a connoisseur of beer by any means but I can't drink "plain" beer that is only about 3.5% volume. That's like asking someone who likes going to TGI Fridays to eat a burger from one of those dodgy vans that park up in the town centre on a weekend! Everyone has the right to enjoy their favourite drink, food, etc. When TOLD that one will drink what is on offer or do without then that's akin to dictatorship!
Thanks for the kind words and advice everyone, but I'm afraid Christmas is going to be totally rubbish. New Year will be ok as I'm going to visit relatives in the Midlands but they couldn't have me for Christmas "because I left it too late to ask" and they already had 15 people to cater for. I guess I did ask at the last minute...... so done myself out of dinner there lol.
Gordon
To answer the question about how I get on with my dad, well let's just say it's like being on a rollercoaster. Sometimes we get on fine, other times it's like world war 3 breaking out. But to be fair sometimes I'll start the arguments because I'll get paranoid and take something he said totally the wrong way. Another part of BPD I'm afraid. And as I pointed out he has a habit of doing everything his way or no way at all and no one else gets a say in things.
Gordon
Hi Pink...
I am watching him right now. I am p*ssing myself laughing. I've started on the book and it's also really funny. I adore the way he speaks, all poetic....and he's an Essex boy too :)
One thing on Christmas Day, there certainly won't be any silly arguments in MY house, only if i annoy myself...lol
x
Lindalou64
17-12-07, 16:18
gord hun just make the best of it cook something you like your a grown man you dont need anyone telling you what you can have or do.....guess we just have to make the best of it im not into xmas myself but thats for other reasons but i make the best out of it anyways have to work anyways i rather have 5 root canels and wisdom teeth ripped out then go to my job ughhhhhhhh oh well sleigh bells ring............linda
Granny Primark
18-12-07, 22:21
Christmas is only 24 hours.
Ive had 4 horrible years trying to reproduce the old traditions we used to do.
This year its going be totally different. Me and me family are going to start new traditions.
A new grand daughter a new start.
Heres wishing you a happy new year gordon. Sack christmas just think of the things you want for 2008.
Loads of love
LYNN xx
Thanks Lynn, yeah I will just try to get through it.
He got the Christmas food today - THREE tubes of pringles, ONE pack of shortbread biscuits and one small box of sweets that I would normally demolish in a night, which "has to last all week"........
Yeah I know some peeps don't even get crisps and stuff but we live in a nice house in a middle class area and everyone else in the street walks in their homes with boxes and boxes of shopping at this time. We get about three bags full lol.
That's what happens when working class folk get a bit of money and try to live above their station. They end up with hardly any money for anything else. We'd have been better off in a council house.
Gordon
Gordon , Whats stopping you going out getting some of the shopping? wouldnt you then be able to pick things u like?
ive read all of your post and seen everything you cant do and everything u havent got , what about being greatful for the things that u have got??
in a lot of ways u are more fortunate than a lot of other people , at least you will be having a dinner even if it isnt the sort that you wanted, many people in this world would kill for sasuage and chips.
l spent many years never having a christmas , but l didnt feel sorry for myself , l just was very greatful that others were enjoying themselves.
Now l have christmas and for that im greatful and l dont take any of it for granted.
Maybe you and your dad could make an effort and share the responsibilites of the Holiday!!
nomorepanic
18-12-07, 23:08
Blimey I was quite happy till I read this :wacko:
Xmas is what you make it - whether you want to celebrate it or not it is only 1 day of the shops being shut so no differerent to other bank holidays.
It is what you make it to be. Personally I spend it with family that I don't see very often and we have fun and play games and have a laugh - we don't do that often enough but once a year we do.
If you are religious then it has other meanings but for me it is time with family but I know that I can also have that at other times but it is for the kids and the excitement they show and the appreciation of everything they get.
I make the best of it I can and make it the best for other people I can with quizzes and prizes and games etc.
Xmas is what you want to make it. If you want to sit and be miserable you can, if you want to go out and make a difference you can.
Gordon,
Its really easy when in a sad space to start with to feel 'hard done by' and I'm sure we've all done it a few times.
Christmas is a tough time with high expectations from all around to have 'a wonderful happy time' and it's easy to feel let down and disappointed in the situation you find yourself in.
Each of us with our own experiences and dreams fuel those expectations and once you add in our own health issues it can make for a difficult time before the silly season even starts.
I understand your upset over the beer, its similar to those who have asked for something specific and then received as a gift, something near but not quite right. It's hard to be grateful at these times but I would hope that Dad didn't go out and buy you something he catagorically knew you wouldn't like, he did what he thought best with his resources.
I guess Dad has his own issues to deal with too over this time and its hard for you both and that can lead to friction.
I understand from what you've written that most things you don't get a say in many household decisions but you do appear to have the ability and are well enough to go out and about so have your freedom.
You do have choices then on what to do over the holidays. If you're rural, then you must have countryside nearby which is free to enjoy, maybe there is a local event you could make an effort to attend and even if you're not religious most churches have a Christmas Eve/day carol singing event which can be uplifting to attend. Have you any lonely neighbours who might have noone at all nearby and who might appreciate an unexpected seasonal 'Hello'.
On the internet there are always forums having online parties/quizzes over the season, maybe you could join in with one of those and spread and take in a little Christmas cheer
You do have a good New Years away to look forward to as well so all is not doom and gloom really.
I knew I'd get the usual person having a pop.
I know what you mean, millions of starving kids in Africa and all that but I'm not in Africa am I?
I have to deal with ME first and foremost. What am I supposed to get food with? I'm on TWENTY pounds a week after I pay my debts.
I'd like to see some people who rely on their hubbys and wives try and cope alone on 20 quid a week.
That's 1-1 I believe.
Gordon
Yes I know, I can get food with 20 quid a week.
What am I supposed to live on? Am I supposed to NEVER enjoy a pint of beer, or a trip to the cinema or a new CD once in a while?
I'm gonna become a crim, seems to be the way to get money these days AND you get away with it if you say you're misunderstood.
I'm sick of this PC society where white male British people can't complain about not having much.
I'm off again. I'm sick of being "bullied" and told what to do by some do gooders who are like "some people would love chips".
Well I'm sorry but would you settle for eating the cheapest greasiest available meals day after day, I don't think you would. People need to practice what they preach.
i'M sick of all this, way to make a person even unhappier thanks.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
PLEASE READ AND HELP ME PLEASE
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I NEED HELP AND ALL I GET IS WAITING LISTS FOR 5 MONTHS
I DON'T JUST HAVE PANIC I HAVE BPD AND IT IS HELL ON EARTH
I AM SORRY BUT SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER EVER GET THIS EVER.
I think i deserve a space on this list also. I have not had any contact with my dad for seven years apart from the occasional letter or christmas card and this year will be no different. This christmas i will be with family i barely know, tryin to conceal how i hate every minute of every day pretending to be happy and content with my life. I particularly dislike the sudden neccesity to see people who call themsleves family despite their lack of interest within you the rest of the year, the people who question how you are but expect or care only to hear 'im fine'.
Hi Sam,
I think you have made a very valid point here and maybe I can add to it.
Society seems to expect us to 'come together and be happy' at Christmas, but in many cases this is not possible or is false. And I believe in being straight. Fortunately, I'm not in your situation and all members of my family do get on, but basically there are only three of us.
We constantly get this signal that Christmas should be really special, fun, full of kindness and generosity and so on. But when this isn't possible because of a family situation, it can bring us down even further.
I have noticed myself throughout the year that I find it tougher to get through a weekend than I do in the week and feel this must because of an inner knowledge that tells me that weekends are a time for a family coming together more. These feelings are receding over time and I'm hopeful that they will continue to ease.
I actually got a 'Christmas Card' delivered this week which was rather special. It was a humorous one from a friend overseas with the only reference to Christmas being on the inside - a 'HO HO HO!' It was very indivdual and brought home the spirit of friendship home even more. And yes, I do look upon this time of year to focus on friendship and really treasure all the greeting cards I receive above all else.
Gordon, I know you have problems, but do please try and go for a short walk each day if you can. As Meg says, the air is free - it is a gift to us all.
Cheers,
:)
I'm dreading Christmas.
Got no invites anywhere and won't even be able to play any music as my dad will be asleep all day in his chair.
We don't have turkey cos he doesn't like it and will probably just have something cheap and "normal" like sausage and chips.
People wonder why I'm messed up, well there's a good example right there.
I've got no freedom at all - it's like being in jail stuck in my room all day, sometimes I feel like just smashing a window or something so that I get sent to actual jail for a few weeks and I can get a proper Christmas dinner and some company in there.
Gordon
Christmas is what you make it hun,
I realise you live with your dad but being 'not allowed' to cook what you want, time to stand up for yourself hun, nicely mind!.
Get yourself a bag of aunt bessies roasters, a few sprouts and carrots , tin of peas, aunt bessies stuffing balls and from the deli counter half pound of turkey crown [the proper deal not processed crap], whip yourself a lovely xmas meal up in half hour and hte only messy washing up is the roast spud pan.
If your dad moans, smile and say nicely 'this is my xmas too dad and I am having a christmas dinner,'
Dont rely and someone else to make it a good christmas for you cos it aint gonna happen, and altho its no subsitute for real company remeber theres always someone on the net 24/7 365 days a year!. u seem like a guy with lots of mates so if your still not going anywhere xmas day make it a plan to choose some buddies u think alot of and have a chat online and enjoy it,
If your expecting to have a downer you WILL have a downer,
Dont think about the things you wont be getting or doing for christmas and CONCENTRATE on the things you Will be doing at xmas and get it into your mind to ENJOY them!...
You will enjoy this xmas gordy, you have to believe that, get intouch with some old mates and chat over old times or patch a few strained relationships and you will feel good.
good luck mate!.
spinny x
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