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KW
23-02-05, 15:10
I've had SA since I was a child. I just wondered if there is anyone else that can share their experience of living with this and how they've coped?

I've been reading up quite a bit on this lately and have discovered there is medication that can help. Does anyone know of this? I read people with SA lack a chemical in the brain?

I've found things have got worse for me as I've got older, but I am still determined to keep going in life! I dread every day I have to face. The interaction with people at work, I hate making eye contact, hate any focus on me, if someone asks me a question or alot of people look at me I have that surge of fear rip through my chest, I tremble, blush, my heart races, can't breath etc...

CBT has helped but only so much and I wonder if SA is something that needs full attention.

I've been to my doctor about this and she prescribed Beta Blockers to help me to relax..but I still go through complete hell with this fear. To be honest I don't think doctors take social phobia/anxiety seriously. When I mentioned therapy my doctor said i need to face my fear and then i would overcome it. Well I face my fear every Tuesday morning with attending the meetings and having to talk..i've been doing that for nearly 2 years now but I still go through hell and if anything i'm worse now than i was 2 years ago so i believe it might work for some people but it's more difficult for people like me with SA.



KW

KW
28-02-05, 14:22
Thanks Andrew,

The winter months are always the worst aren't they. My doctor recommended CBT, which I had privately. My counsellor said after 4 sessions I no longer needed it as I wasn't running away from my fears but facing them. She was right..but I still have to go through hell every time I attend a meeting/course etc.

My doctor said I needed to face my fears - which I do but I remain with the same fear and have to go through the same hellish anxiety every time, so that's what I meant by suggesting SA possibly needs more attention than just facing the fear, but what I don't know..

Have you ever considered hypnosis? Have been considering going to it.

I really don't want to rely on medication but I have read that SSRI's can help SA.

Bascially my SA is down to my childhood. Having a father that moaned constantly at everything I did and my poor mum had nervous breakdowns one after the other for about 10 years until she was diagnosed with manic depression. She was always in and out of hospital so as a young girl (this was happening from when I was born til about the age of 10) I didn't have my mum around, which obivously wasn't her fault but then my Dad didn't exactly help things. He never put any confidence in to me, never said 'well done' or asked about what I did at school, he just picked on me... Mum was ill alot of the time after her breakdowns so was very quiet and I guess all this affected me. At 13 my parents divorced and my dad won custody of me and my brother, as the judge looked at my mum as being 'unstable' due to the manic depression. So we went to live with my Dad and his new girlfriend and she constantly picked on us . My Dad never stuck up for us..it's a long story but we went through emotional abuse for 4 years and only got to see mum on a saturday (10am-6pm) It was cruel, we yearned to be with mum but the law said we couldn't be and dad didn't even care about us.

I don't feel sorry for myself but I've put the pieces of my life together and can now undertand how it's affected me. My brother luckily didn't develop SA, he gets a little depressed now and then but on the whole is ok.

Sorry to have gone on so much..

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Karen
28-02-05, 21:34
Hi KW

I've had a fair few of the same experiences as you and have also found that my social phobia has become worse as I've got older. However, I think this is at least partly due to increasingly avoiding social situations and other situations where I know I would have to speak. The first therapist I saw said that I had become too clever in finding ways of avoiding verbal communication, so that I can get by and cope with most situations that crop up with avoiding having to speak. I know now of course, that this avoidance has just made the whole thing worse and is one reason why I am now so isolated.

You did really well with the CBT and you are still managing to work and to attend the meetings and I think it shows a lot of strength that you can do this. I understand the anxiety, fear and dread that you experience every time though.

I also have a controlling father and he has criticised and put me down since I was a young child. My mum has been emotionally distant and has now cut me off completely. I was desperate for my mum's love when I was growing up and still haven't come to terms with the fact that she has rejected me. I was always a shy child anyway, but I do think these things have an impact and have at least partly contributed to the situation I now find myself in.

I'm currently seeing a hypnotherapist, although we are concentrating on working through other issues at the moment. I think it is worth giving hypnotherapy a try.





Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

andrew
01-03-05, 02:53
hi kw

obviously not an easy up-bringing for you, be pleased and proud that you've put so many of the pieces back together.

i've not tried a hypnotherapist, i certainly have considered it and would think it was much more suitable than SSRI's.

like yourself, i was quite good at pushing myself through an anxiety attack to achieve a goal and facing my fears. but i didn't really start to feel better until i came to terms with myself. we do need to learn how to encourage ourselves, accept ourselves as good enough and even comfort ourselves. its quite easy to continue that childhood put down in our present attitudes and just never take a break. anyways, something to think about and do go on, have a good look at yourself.

and karen, good luck with the hypno, keep up the fight, both take care ... andrew

KW
10-03-05, 15:00
Hi all

Here we go again..having to face my fear. Got a meeting in half an hour and i just know we're going to have to introduce ourselves. My boss, the director and 2 other colleagues will be in the meeting. But..! I've done it before so i know i can get through this. Just dread the same old thing..'will hate everyone looking at me, i'm going to sound stupid, they are all more important than me, i might not get my words out right or i might stutter' It's so silly, why do i dread having to speak so much?! and i don't know where to look when everyone looks at me. Anyway i've taken a beta blocker and now sipping rescue remedy in water!!

Keep telling myself in 2 hours it will all be over and done with.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Meg
10-03-05, 18:24
KW , Just look at what you've written about your inner dialogue - never mind what you're thinking ..You are sabotaging your improvement

A cursury - you've done it before and then a total barrage of negatives and worries - if you were your innards which would you believe ???

You need to really 'big up' your sucesses and capabilities and learn to talk to yourself with the same sort of dialogue you'd use if you were helping your struggling best friend/sister/ daugter through this same situation.

An exercise for you- what would you be saying to them that you're not saying to yourself ?? >> answers on a post please .


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

Karen
10-03-05, 18:43
Hi KW

I hope the meeting went ok for you. I just really hate that having to introduce yourself scenario. I would be having exactly the same thoughts as you were having, the only difference being that you have done it before. I think you show a lot of courage; I would find my words wouldn't come out and I wouldn't speak.

I don't know how it is possible to get over the fear of speaking either. It has held me back all my life and I can't imagine a time when I will ever feel comfortable with verbal communication.

Hope you're feeling better.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

nomorepanic
10-03-05, 20:58
KW

I bet it went just fine didn't it?

We really have to work hard at the "oh no not again" scenarios.

I am guilty of it too cos everytime I have to go to Wales I think "oh great got to cross that bridge again and I know I won't like it"

Last time I went with a better attitude of "I am going to do this and I am going to beat it". It was a case of "come on then bridge".

It takes time and practice but negative talks leads to negative feelings I know that all too well.

Nicola

KW
11-03-05, 10:14
Hi all

Well it went well. I managed to look up and got my words out ok. I feel a failure at times though that I have to rely on beta blockers to slow my breathing and heart rate down but then I guess we all need a bit of assistance at times. It's better than struggling through the panic and then beating myself up about it after the event. I suppose the beta blockers just give me a helping hand and make things easier for me.

Meg I told myself I could do this and asked myself to stop worrying about what others thought of me. When we introduced ourselves they went around the room so quickly I didn't have time to get all shy and anxious! Before the event I dread it and visualise when it comes to me to speak everything will stop, I'll freeze and the focus will be on me..but it never happens. When I sat in the room I thought well I'm here now - I'm not going to walk out so will face this and get through it. After we'd done the introductions I felt relieved and got on with taking the minutes. At times some people asked if certain things could be in the minutes and my boss mentioned me a couple of times and i felt everyone looking and didn't like it. I thought if anyone asks me a question or to explain something i'd go blank. So I've kind of got through the introduction stage so going to build my confidence up for future meetings and think about if i had to explain something so i'll be prepared in case it ever happens.

Like my Mum always says 'everything will be alright, you'll get through it, people won't dislike you, they won't even notice you're feeling nervous'

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

FAN
11-03-05, 12:43
hi, it doesnt matter how you got through it just that you did, well done for that

fan x

Meg
11-03-05, 15:42
**I dread it and visualise when it comes to me to speak everything will stop, I'll freeze and the focus will be on me..but it never happens.**

Predictive anxiety is your issue, more than the actual doing it.

You need to start recreating and anchoring a new set of visualizations. A good NLP session may be able to help with this.

Well done for doing it again and suceeding - again !


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

KW
11-03-05, 16:18
Thanks Fan - my problem is I analyse things even after the event - 'how did i sound?, what did they think of me' etc... but i am learning not to think so much about these things. I try and distract myself nowadays with alternative thoughts.

Meg - what is NLP? It's only in the last 2 years I've managed to get through these situations - probably because certain aspects of my job makes me face my fear so I feel there's no choice.

If I didn't take the Beta Blockers I'd be in a right state. But I guess I'm teaching myself new ways to cope in other situations. When I feel the beta blocker wearing off I remain relaxed for the rest of the day. If I start to tense up I realise I am doing that to myself.

But you're right I am predicting and think about things so much that I convince myself I'll be very nervous and don't even consider being anything else. It's just so difficult trying to break my thinking habits when I've been thinking these since a child. It's torture going through this, every week, every month, attending meetings etc and get myself into such a state and wonder why I put myself through it but deep down I know it's doing me good and will make me more confident. Feel very guilty and selfish that I think about myself so much!

Thanks for your replies.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

nomorepanic
11-03-05, 20:21
KW

NLP is detailed on my website at www.nomorepanic.co.uk/therapy.htm

Nicola

KW
19-03-05, 12:46
Hi all

I feel so silly. I took my car for MOT this morning and I suppose it's do with my SA but I get so nervous doing these things. I knew it was going to fail and dropping it off at the garage was fine but when I went to collect it I knew I'd have to discuss things with the mechanic and so i got all uptight about it. It didn't help that when I walked into his office he said I looked nervous. I just laughed and said 'yeah tell me what the damage is then' referring to my MOT and then when I was paying I knew that my hands were shaking and I thought oh no he's going to notice and if he had commented on it again I would have just gone to pieces. Only just held things together, kind of got my breathing under control but I just felt so stupid. Wish i didn't think about things so much! As it happens it only failed on a couple of things which is quite good and i'll be taking it back this week for repairs.


Why do I feel such a failure over such a tiny thing?


KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

FAN
19-03-05, 13:38
hi.......dont put too much thought into the way you were feeling its the fact that you got out there and did it that counts your one step further forward........i used to go to the shops a total wreck and god knows what the woman thought of me i was out there doing it....


someone once posted on here.........."do it trembling if you must...but do it!" think of that it works

fan x

nomorepanic
19-03-05, 19:36
KW

You are not a failure. If you had failed then you would have sent someone else to go and get the car and you wouldn't have done it yourself.

You did well, you coped and you got through it fine.

So a pat on the back is deserved and don't beat yourself up over it ok? Some people wouldn't even have considered going.

I bet he never even noticed you were anxious.

Anyway, us women are nervous at garages cos we think that they are going to rip us off cos we are girls and don't understand cars!!! LOL.

Chin up you did well.

Nicola

Karen
19-03-05, 20:30
Hi KW

You didn't fail at all. You went to collect the car in spite of the way you were feeling and you spoke to the mechanic. You felt anxious but you did it anyway. I think that is a success.

I know if it were me, I would have had to take someone with me or send someone to collect the car for me.

Don't give yourself a hard time about this. Give yourself the pat on the back you deserve.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

andrew
20-03-05, 00:44
hiya kw,
your social anxiety thoughts and patterns shape your feelings, your strenght and courage shape your actions - it can only be a matter of time before you find a healthy balance.
and in general its not a crime to be anxious or to let somebody see you as such, if anything he most probably tucked you up for £20 less because of it lol, tc .. andrew

Princess
08-04-05, 11:06
Hi

I've had similar experiences with social anxiety and again I think I've actually had issues since I went to secondary school at 11. My anxiety has also got worse with age but I feel that this is mostly because when you're younger you can get away with blushing and being nervous as people expect that more and are more accepting. I feel stupid because I'm 30 and still experience these things. That's what I find embarrassing and that's why I think it feels worse as I get older.

I was in a job that required lots of meetings like these and I also headed up a team. In the end I left that role through being signed off with depression. Since I left though I feel that I've got better and better. I now do a job that I chose specifically because it requires none of these 'encounters' I find stressful. I had so many of them in my last job my stress levels rose and rose and it affected more and more different 'encounters' because my negativity spread to other areas. Once I had reduced the main ones I found stressful I have found myself responding better to other situations and then have gone from strength to strength because I can see my successes.

I'm not suggesting that complete avoidance is a good thing, as I feel that we do need to be able to 'feel the fear, and do it anyway' just to function. But for me a had so many negative experiences from that job that it made me worse.

I think sometimes it's worth persevering with a particular social situation that causes anxiety and there are others like spending time with friends that I try and overcome my fears. Even though sometimes I feel daft coming across as nervous or embarrassed.

Good luck Princess XX


Princess XX

Jac
11-04-05, 13:03
Hi KW, Jacqui here I have been reading your post with interest because it is so like me to.

I have sp and mine has seemed to get worse as I've got older (I'm 37 now) I don't know why, you'd think it would get better as you get more mature, but no it does'nt.

I work 2 and half days a week at an Admin Office in our Local Council, and there is quite a few women in there, after working there over a year I still get butterflies in my stomach before I go in beginning of each week, worried about facing them, as I do not enjoy conversations.

I to try to avoid face to face conversations when ever possible as I find it so uncomfortable, when I make eye contact my nerves go haywire, I think its the fact that they are looking at ME, and the attention is on me, I know it sounds strange, when I have to speak to people I find it hard to know what to say and usually come out with a load of rubbish (or so i think).

Unlike you I don't really have cause to speak infront of people (thank god) but I know if I did I would feel exactly the same as you, I think the more nervous you get the more chance you could mess up, but the more you think of messing up the more nervous you get, vicious circle comes to mind!

Its sounds like you, like me, are worried about what people think of you, but you just have to try and look at it from their point of view, they have probably listened to loads of people talking and don't think anything of it, so if you just try to block them out and concentrate on what your saying, it may be easier, listen at me telling you that, if only I could take my own advice, I am gradually trying to teach myself to me more self confident by saying over and over " I am as good as anyone and better than most" we are all equals in this world, so don't care what others think of you, if they think bad then its their problem not yours, you are a GOOD person, keep saying that, I do.

Anyway I've babbled on a bit so loads of luck with your prob, and may speak again soon.

Love Jacqui

Fernie
22-04-05, 21:09
Hi there. I had social anxiety for many years which culminated in a blushing problem. I used to blush at everything and endured many a painful social situation/meeting when I was talking and was the colour of a beetroot - but I am much better these days!

What helped me was Prozac which is good for anxiety as well as depression. After being on this my confidence levels soared and the anxiety lessened tremendously. I came off it with no problems. Also what helped is that I had loads of therapy and finally understood what had triggered off my anxiety which was from my adolescent years and a couple of situations in my late teens/early 20's. These situations all involved being shouted at or my competence being ridiculed in some way and basically I lost confidence in myself and how I appeared to others. I have since changed careers and gained a good qualification and my confidence level in myself has increased which means I can 'hold my own' in a social or work situation. I have realised that most people have some sort of hang up themselves and spend most of their time thinking about themselves and their lives and not me. Socially anxious people give other people a lot of power when really they are just human with weaknesses themselves.

I do think hypnotherapy helps tremendously with social anxiety. I was given an 'anchor' on my wrist which meant that when I felt anxious and a blush rising I would hold my wrist and the anxiety subsided. Keeping relaxed generally helps as well as anxiety keeps you on the 'alert' instead of calm.

Good luck with everything.

Fernie

KW
13-06-05, 15:13
Hi all

Well I've been doing ok the last few months and admit I haven't logged on here for a while... havent been ingoring the site, just been getting on ok.

I've completely changed my diet, excercise most days - eat loads of salad, veggies, fruit etc and take the following vitamins which have helped me sooo much. Vitamin B6, Sea Kelp, and Evening Primrose Oil. I used to have mood swings, tantrums and cried alot as I've got Polycystic Ovary Syndrome ..but ever since i've been taking these vitamins and eating properly I am sooo happy!!! Even my fiancee has noticed the difference in me and says I'm more content and not so snappy now.

Just thought I'd share this with you people as someone might find this could help them too. I still get anxious with certain social situations but things have improved. I went to Cyprus 3 weeks ago and didn't even think twice about going, didn't like the flying but then i'm not alone there really! Had the best hol ever.

Going for a scan this week to do with the PCOS which I'm not looking forward to and going for blood tests after work today.. now normally i'd have a beta blocker to calm my nerves but will see how i get on without taking one. The thing is I get so nervous sometimes sat there waiting and I end up shaking etc but if the nurse notices it today then so what!! Ok she doesn't know I have Social Anxiety but I could have a fear of seeing blood for all she knows - I haven't but she won't know that. Not going to type any more about it because the more I think about things the more it becomes an issue!

So...I hope everyone is doing ok, lots of love and best wishes to you all.

Kerry x

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Karen
13-06-05, 20:08
Hi Kerry

Great to hear you are doing so well. I'm really pleased for you.

Hope the blood test went OK and good luck for the scan this week.

Keep up the good work!


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
13-06-05, 21:30
KW - Very glad to hear you've been doing so well

Thanks for coming back and telling us .

Many congratulations indeed for all those good lifestyle changes

I hope your scan goes ok ..

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Garfield
19-06-05, 18:11
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I dread every day I have to face. The interaction with people at work, I hate making eye contact, hate any focus on me, if someone asks me a question or alot of people look at me I have that surge of fear rip through my chest, I tremble, blush, my heart races, can't breath etc...

To be honest I don't think doctors take social phobia/anxiety seriously.

<div align="right">Originally posted by KW - 23 February 2005 : 13:10:12</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Ditto the above.
Sorry I snipped your post but these two points jumped out at me .... were we separated at birth? j/k

I really can't believe this thread ... it's stunned me. I've been researching anxiety for a while (almost 2 yrs on and off) and I've never come across the "Blushing Syndrome" my biggest bug bear of anxiety. This is the thing that controls my every waking day and every social interaction.

When I start to blush it is either easy to hide, easy to stop or it gets totally out of control and I can blush for 10 minutes.

Anyway I'm hijacking this thread but so glad to know that I'm not alone ... &lt;blushes slightly&gt;.

I wish you all luck and hope I can chat to a few of the blushers at some stage and exchange glances ... without blushing.

Take care
A..

KW
05-07-05, 15:20
Hi all

Just to let you know I haven't got PCOS.... but have got a few probs so will be going down the IVF route! It's going to be a long road but very pleased as I really didn't want to be put on medication.

Just wanted to share this with you all...takecare everyone

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Meg
05-07-05, 15:40
Kerry

Good to hear from you.. Good news about PCOS ..

Hope IVF goes well. We're here if you ever want to rant or share.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nomorepanic
05-07-05, 19:11
Kerry

Thanks for the update.

Good luck with the IVF - I hope it goes smoothly for you and you get the result you really want.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

KW
14-09-06, 12:27
Hi there...

Well it's been a while since i've been on here, but feel i need some reassurance as i'm attending a meeting this afternoon and i've done it before but we'll probably have to introduce ourselves and it's been a whlie since i've had to do this so feeling anxious. I feel so silly, it takes a few seconds to say a few words but i just hate everyone looking at me and never know who to look at as i'm speaking!!

Then i think if i don't make eye contact as i'm speaking will everyone notice that i'm nervous. Hate feeling this way.


KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

maxmagnum
20-09-06, 10:58
i have suffered for 30 yrs and searched and searched for help ,, i read of others suffering on this site ,, and think should i say anything or not , as i have been accused of all sorts by speaking before ,
i bought the david johnson programme , and listened and listened , i have had every question i ever wanted answered ,,,,answered with that programme , i now know why , how and what ,, no bewilderment left ,, sorry but i had to say something ,,i guess this post will be deleted ,,
healing-anxiety.com

maxmagnum