View Full Version : New girl - Please dont judge me
Hi All
I am a severe sufferer of anxiety and panic attacks and use cocaine and alcohol at weekends that makes my problem worse - please dont judge me, i Hate myself and want to stop taking this stuff but it is my only release from my world of hell. I hope here I can find people who can understand and help me as I have no one in my life.
The drugs are a big trigger to the anxiety and I am scared I will die but they make me feel like I can be happy - until they wear off and the awful attacks get me that last for days and days
I can not see a doctor as I am ashamed of things I have done and where my life is at, I wish I have the courage to die but I am too weak
Despite above my biggest fear is dying, deep down I want to love life again, get over the bad things that have lead me here and make amends with people I have hurt
I am not really a bad person, just scared and would love to make some friends
Thank you for reading x
Hi Lostgirl,
Welcome to NMP. You will get great advice here. Have a good read in the self help section on the left hand side. You will find loads of help there. Also please see a doctor, none of us like where we are at, but it's something that we all have to face.
There is hope and light at the end of this tunnel, I promise you that, I am in recovery from panic anxiety after 6 years. Hang in there and remember you aren't alone here.
Hi there.
No judgement from me - we all do what we feel we have to do, don't we?
It's good to see you've admitted to yourself that you need help. This forum will be helpful, I'm sure, but if you're not prepared to gradually cut down on the substance abuse and help yourself directly, you probably WILL need to see a doctor about it. There's no shame in that any more than there is in catching flu - it happens. They've seen it all before. Just tell him you're drinking and don't tell about the other drugs - same difference.
You can set off down a path to recovery with the right therapy and support, perhaps legal drugs for a time to help you stabilise - sort your head out and let go of regrets/guilt/painful memories... face the future afresh. It will take dedication and patience (and be prepared for the odd setbakc here and there) but you can do it.
Good luck
SunderlandClambee
23-12-07, 12:52
Hiya--
No one will judge you, surely there is someone in the same boat.
Welcome! I'm quite new, too. Everyone here's the sweetest. Don't be afraid to open up! :)
Hi Lostgirl,
Welcome to NMP.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You will be offered plenty of support and advice here.
I have no desire to judge you at all.All,I can offer is my own personal experience.
My anxiety problems began as a direct result of my abuse of alcohol.I am a recovering alcoholic.I have been clean and sober for nine years.My anxiety problems are and have been much more manageable in sobriety than when I drank.
I have found a clear head to be the basis for recovery and dealing with the underlying issues in my life.
I am delighted to hear that you are trying to get help.Your chances of getting well are so much greater with good support around you.
Best wishes,
Chalky
Lindalou64
23-12-07, 13:51
HELLO LOSTGIRL BY ANY MEANS YOU WONT BE JUDGED I BELIEVE PEOPLE WHO SUFFER W/ANXIETY TRAUMA IN LIFE HIDE BEHIND SOME SORT OF FIX I ALSO WAS A ALCOHOLIC AND DRUG USER MORE SO THE DRINKING BUT I HAVE STOPPED ALMOST 15 YRS NOW LIKE CHALKY AND CAN HANDLE ALOT MORE THAN I THOT I COULD HANDLE BEING HIGH....THE ANXIETY DOES GET ALOT BETTER WITH OUT IT.......I WISH YOU WELL,..........LINDA
Pink Princess
23-12-07, 14:46
http://s179.photobucket.com/albums/w285/kimmychilds/hh/hh0302.gif
everyone here is very understanding and can relate to what you go through so dont be scared to make friends here. hope to see you around xxxxx
Southern_Belle
23-12-07, 16:16
Hi LostGirl,
Hello and welcome to the site. Many here have felt like you do and you will find that you are not alone. Also, no-one here judges anyone.
Hugs,
Laura
bottleblond
23-12-07, 16:21
Hiya Lost,
You'll no be judged from me either. We all cope in different ways hun and it's not for any of us to say that you are right or wrong.
Lisa
xxx
Hi Lostgirl, I'm not here to judge either. Like others have said, we all have our own ways of coping.
This is a great site with people with similar problems as you. Read the links on the left, they are full of great advice
Take care
Hi Lostgirl,
A big warm welcome to you. xx
Hi Lostgirl who am I to judge anyone, we all do what we have to do the get through our anxiety. You will find lots of help and many new friends on here.
Welcome.
Carol
xxx
Welcome to the site!
I am in no position to judge anyone. As I still have yet to figure this anxiety crap out, but this site has been wonderful to me, and it will be to you as well.
I commend you on your courage in admitting your wrong doings....in my mind that's pretty brave! I wish you lots of luck in finding yourself again, and kicking the anxiety.
groovygranny
23-12-07, 21:06
Hello lostgirl:welcome: to you!
Nope, nobody judges anybody here as we all have a story to tell.
Plenty of help advice and support though, thankfully!
Pleased to meet you!
:flowers:
nomorepanic
23-12-07, 21:38
Hi and :welcome:
Hope we can be of some help.
Hi Lostgirl and :welcome:
You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way. I think the fact you want to love life again is what we help you come through this and also that you know what isn't helping. There is nothing to be ashamed about and you won't be judged here.
Take care,
Mike :)
[U][U][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hi Lostgirl
Thank you for sharing your story with us :hugs:
All of us on this site also feel uncomfortable about seeing our GP, however go some of them are able to give professional and supportive advice and care.
You stated that you use drugs to help with the symptoms of anxiety, which is what happens to most people if they dont receive the correct support.
Speck to your GP who will be able to discuss with you a plan of care. In the mean time try something you enjoy doing, such as, swimming or walking the dog, as a way of distraction. Dont forget to wrap-up warm!!
Take care
Tabatha
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Hey Newgirl,
As a psychotherpist myself, I understand completely where you're at and why you're scared; if you think about it, these really are valid fears and what you write makes complete sense. Yet you know girl, you have taken one of the hardest steps in openly posting and telling us about your problem.
Like many on site - I can only say I am here for you - and like others will offer up no judgement - knowing that you are constantly doing this to yourself. Time to reinvent the wheel and get it turning progressively towards some kind of recoovery pathway. NMP will help lots... I know because I came in seeking help after a depressive episode and help was not the only thing I found; also here was love and friendship and ongoing support, so that on my down days someone lifted me and opn my up days I helped others to lift themselves as I doing now in saying 'GO FOR IT!' Newgirl.
Mystically yours with love and understanding........
Hey Newgirl,
As a psychotherpist myself, I understand completely where you're at and why you're scared; if you think about it, these really are valid fears and what you write makes complete sense. Yet you know girl, you have taken one of the hardest steps in openly posting and telling us about your problem.
Like many on site - I can only say I am here for you - and like others will offer up no judgement - knowing that you are constantly doing this to yourself. Time to reinvent the wheel and get it turning progressively towards some kind of recoovery pathway. NMP will help lots... I know because I came in seeking help after a depressive episode and help was not the only thing I found; also here was love and friendship and ongoing support, so that on my down days someone lifted me and opn my up days I helped others to lift themselves as I doing now in saying 'GO FOR IT!' Newgirl.
Mystically yours with love and understanding........
eeyorelover
24-12-07, 02:09
Glad you found the site :)
A big warm welcome to ya!!!
I know you will find loads of useful info and a bunch of supportive new friends here !!!
xxx
Sandy
Thank you all for the kind welcome messages. :)
I know I have a long struggle ahead, I have made my doc appointment for early jan, am not expecting a miracle, I know I will use again new years eve and will suffer the anxiety the next day but have to take my time and know i will get there. I have a long road ahead, I am going to be honest and welcome the advise and support of you lovely people x
hello lostgirl & take care!
hi youl definately not be judged by me either noones perfect your certainly are not alone ,and your realy brave openly posting this and very honest 2 well don tc elaine xxx
Hi Lostgirl.
I am glad to hear that you have arranged a Doctor's appointment.
You say that you are going to use again on New Year's Eve and I would caution you to think carefully about this.
If I were to step onto a road without looking and get knocked down,it would be described as an accident.If I were to do the same thing repeatedly,then you would question my wisdom.
I am a recovering alcoholic-nine years sober-and applied that argument to my drinking.Abuse of alcohol kills people.Abuse of drugs kills people.It would be wrong for me to pat you on the shoulder and say carry on when you are engaging in behaviour which is harmful to your health.There is a lot more to life than drugs.I would suggest that you still have time to make alternative arrangements for that night which will not place your health at risk.
I do not seek to judge you but honesty is vital in recovery.
Best wishes,
Chalky
Hi there lostgirl
no would not judge anyone for anything, after all we all do or have done things we feel bad about, even though it feels like the right thing to do at the time.
When you first wrote the thread you said that you binge with alcohol and drugs at the 'weekend' i wondered if that meant it was just the weekends that you did this ?
Richie xxxxxxxx
Hi lostgirl,
Im new to this site as well. I have not had or got the problems that you have but my brother did have, many years ago. I supported him through many bad days of drink, drugs and panic attacks, but it was him that had to help himself in the end. Eventually he went to the Doctors and received a lot of help. He was advised to talk to a therapist as well. It took a lot of hard work for all involved, but he now lives a full active, happy life. Where there's a will there's a way. Never a truer word said. I hope you get the help that you need, good luck.
a big welcome to you lostgirl. i hope 2008 will be a new start for you and glad to hear you have an app to see the doc. dont be ashamed it is nothing the doctors have not heard a thousand times and im sure they will give you lots of help and supprot, just like the members of this site will. also no one ever gets judged here. you will get there if you realy want to.
take care and best wishes for the new year xxxxxxx
Hi Lostgirl,
Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends
Take care
Trac xxx
Hi All
I am having a hard time at the moment, I have cut down a lot on the drink and drugs and am going through the nasty anxiety I expected during the withdrawal period, I have a lot of chest pain and am worried It may be heart problems due to what I have done to myself :weep:
It is hard, very hard and I pray I get through this
xx
Hi l.g., well done on cutting down. Chest pain could be anything, and is vastly more likely to be something very simple, muscle pain or something, that you've just become hyper-aware of, now that you're not so drugged up.
Please have patience and give it time. We're with you :hugs:
You can do it.
hi lost girl u will find ur way u have taken the first step take care
:bighug: :bighug: hi lost girl u will find ur way we all hav been down many a wrong road and found our way back god bless:flowers:
Hi Lost Girl! Welcome to the site! xxx
Hi Lostgirl,
I was so glad to hear that you have managed to cut down.
As an alcoholic,I know how hard this can be.
I have been clean and sober for nine years now and I have no regrets.
If a "lost soul" like me can do it,then I believe you can too.
Recovery is achievable one day at a time.
Best wishes,
Chalky
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
pink daisy
06-01-08, 16:01
Hi Lost
I hope you wont feel lost for long hun xxxx
Come in chat and you will find lot's of new friends to talk too hun..
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Pink Daisey x
peoplelikeus
06-01-08, 23:40
Hi Losty
I used to be an alcoholic and used drugs too. I also gained an STD via my lifestyle..no one judges here.
Hi All
Thank you again for such kind messages :)
Since my last post I have not taken anything drug wise and have deleted the number from all the people from this scene from my phone as I feel to make a new start can not keep in this circle - this has left me feeling very alone
The anxiety (or dying as it feels) is totally awful, i have bad shakes, sickness and have not left bed yet, the Doc has given me diazepam short term as doesnt want my addiction to turn to this and I have a mental health nurse visiting me Daily,
I feel like a stanger looking in on myself, I have to pinch myself to check I exisist as this doesnt feel like my life or me, I cant watch TV, Read I have no concentration. my days and nights are a haze and I see no end to this feeling, I cant even cry I feel so detached from myself, Am so confused even my name doesnt feel like mine, if that makes sense
I dont want to die.I want to live and be happy so why is this happening to be, :weep:
Lisa x
Hi, you have made the first step on your road to recover.
Good luck with the journey, it will be tough but worth it in the end.
Christine xx.
lost girl a big well done to you so far. you are so brave and i am proud of you for finding the strenght to do this. it can be very hard to deal with anx as well as comeing away from drugs. the drugs and drink withdrawel is likely to add to how you are feeling. but this wil pass you just have to be strong and hold on hun. come into the chat room and talk to us all we can support you though this hun and u dont need to feel alone. well done for deleting those numbers they are not the kind of freinds you need. you will get there hun there will be better days. good luck to you and best wishes.
take care . kellie.
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