Hello all

[sakii]

Hi everyone
I'm Saki n am really glad that i stumbled upon this forum. [8)]

I've had depression since early childhood.. as far back as i can recall. (almost feel like i was born with it). Nothing ever helped. At 18, I gave up on docs & medications n have been trying to cope on my own.
Presently, im at my wits end. Can't decide what to do and find it extremely difficult to talk to anyone about it.
(it's taken me more than an hour just to get myself to type these lines [V] )

hope to get to know you all.


Everyone is kneaded with the same dough but not baked by the same oven.

[lainey]

Hi Sakii

Welcome to the forum, you will get lots of help and support here from like-minded people. Let us know what is troubling you and I'm sure we will be able to help just by talking. Don't worry about posting here we are all in the same boat with the same kind of problems.

Take care

Elaine x

[KW]

Hi Sakii

You'll find lots of good advice and support on here. Welcome to the forum.

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

[sakii]

Thanks Elaine & KW !

Everyone is kneaded with the same dough but not baked by the same oven.

[FAN]

hi welcome to the forum

fan x

[lisarose]

Hi Saki,

Welcome the forum. Everyone here is very friendly and supportive and I am sure you will find it very helpful. there is always someone here ready to listen and give advice. i too have suffered depression after the birth of my 2nd child and gave up on docs and meds too but I decided to give it another try last August and tried new medication that has got me back on track. I still have bad days when alll I want to do is curl up in bed and hide from the world but very rarely now. Maybe you should go back to the doctor and explain how you are feeling and maybe give the meds another go just to get you over the worst.

Hope to hear more from you soon

take care
Love Lisaxx

[seh1980]

Welcome aboard!! I'm sure you'll find lots of support here. :D

[jo-jo]

Hi Saki

A big welcome to you :D

You'll find loads of support here, don't worry about sharing how you feel we'll understand.

Best wishes
Jo xx

"courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"

[Karen]

Hi Saki

Welcome to the forum.

I too have suffered from depression since my early teens. You said you have given up on doctors and medication, but have you had any counselling? Do you have much support at home?

It can be difficult to talk to anyone when you are feeling so low, but you will find a lot of understanding and support here. You do not have to go through this alone.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[razocaine_07]

hi saki, hope you get alot out of the site, welcome and good luck

MIKE

[Meg]

Hi sakii,
Well done on joining here.

When you're ready do share a bit more about you and your circumstances and there will always be an ear for you and lots of people to support you.

Do you get anxious or panic attacks too ?



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[nomorepanic]

Hi Saki

I hope you managed to read Charlie's Depression page on the website as that may help you.

Welcome aboard and I hope we can be of some help to you.

Nicola

[maxine]

Hello Saki,
Welcome to the site.:D

Take care

Maxine

[bubbles]

Hi Sakii,

Welcome to the forum. People here understand what you are going through & how difficult it can be to share & communicate it sometimes.You'll find lots of support here.


Linda. x

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

[sakii]

:) Thanks all of you !!

Lisa, glad to hear you're doing better now.
I've seen several docs over the years and the thought of going back terrifies me. It's been nearly 9 medication-free years and i feel i'm better off without them, even though it sometimes gets next-to-impossible to cope on my own.

Karen, i saw 3 counsellors during the last two years. Didn't help. (now as im typing this, my mind says "nothing helps coz you don't wanna be helped". Another part of me angrily answers "are u crazy?! ofcourse i DO wanna get well. Mostly, I feel like a third person watching these two passively, or end up getting mad at both) Perhaps i dun try hard enuff to help myself? or give up too easily.
I have a dual state of mind... even though i desperately want to feel good, a part of me wants just the opposite and will do anything to hurt me. I've quit (physical) self-harm, but i'm otherwise, unable to stop making things worse for myself. It's like this part always sabotages any attempt by the other part, to seek help or try to feel better.

No, i dun have support at home. I live with my parents and ever since i quit medications, i've struggled to appear as normal as i can and to make it look like I'm in control of my life. Ofcourse they haven't fallen for it, because of a lot of very obvious things, that i haven't succeeded at concealing. They still believe that i have a "weak mind" and am "mentally imbalanced", but atleast i can counter some of their accusations by maintaining a semblance of 'normality'.... ("see Mum i'm 'functional', i've managed to retain my job, which means i'm not as brainless as you think i am). I cannot let them know how bad things have got and how everything slips out of my hands . I can live with what is going on with me, but i won't be able to hold myself together if my family starts doubting my sanity all over again.

I don't have many friends and tend to be more or less mute all day. I'm afraid that if i open my mouth or let someone get close to me, they will sooner or later, find out that "something" is wrong with me. The friends who do know about me, cannot understand. Bottling up feelings is definitely not healthy, but it's a lot less aggravating than trying to explain your feelings to people who can only relate to depression as "a passing phase". The only person i can sometimes talk to, is my boss at work. Thank God, he's a very patient n understanding person, but i wonder, how long before he gives up on me n throws me out.

Meg, i was not diagnosed with anxiety while i was seeing the docs - that was till 9 years back. Now... I do have a lot of symptoms, but dun know for sure.

Nicola .. thanks. I'll read Charlie's page.






Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked by the same oven.