breeze25
28-12-07, 19:52
Everytime I look at my 8 year old son, I feel so guilty for the way I am, I have such a sweet caring boy who deserves so much better, not to mention my hubby who seems to love me no matter what (although he does struggle with my anxiety especially my health anxiety)
I started taking meds a few months ago and felt so much better, now I feel as though I am on the ropes again. I found a lump on my jawline and panicked went to the doctors who told be it was probably a swollen lymph node due to having a cold and should go down shortly, and to come back after xmas if its not gone and then can start doing tests, well it didn't go and I have managed to wind myself up about it, the last few days I feel sick, and my dizziness has come back, I am thinking about it constantly, I have that disorientated feeling like I am going through the motions and not quite in my body (if that makes sense) I really thought I was starting to beat this, but its getting worse.
I get something wrong with me and manage to wind myself up and then it turns out to be something easily treatable, but each time I am relieved and think why do I do it to myself, then something else happens and the whole cycle starts again, I was supposed to be watching a film with my hubby and son, but I started to feel sick watching the film as my mind was wandering so much, I just want to be a good wife and mother, and feel as though I am losing the plot. Just feel so sad and useless at the moment.
I started taking meds a few months ago and felt so much better, now I feel as though I am on the ropes again. I found a lump on my jawline and panicked went to the doctors who told be it was probably a swollen lymph node due to having a cold and should go down shortly, and to come back after xmas if its not gone and then can start doing tests, well it didn't go and I have managed to wind myself up about it, the last few days I feel sick, and my dizziness has come back, I am thinking about it constantly, I have that disorientated feeling like I am going through the motions and not quite in my body (if that makes sense) I really thought I was starting to beat this, but its getting worse.
I get something wrong with me and manage to wind myself up and then it turns out to be something easily treatable, but each time I am relieved and think why do I do it to myself, then something else happens and the whole cycle starts again, I was supposed to be watching a film with my hubby and son, but I started to feel sick watching the film as my mind was wandering so much, I just want to be a good wife and mother, and feel as though I am losing the plot. Just feel so sad and useless at the moment.