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Hi all
My daughter suffered from the age of 3 PA Anxiaty she is now 11
and doing really well, she has had no problems for a long time.
In the early years of her illness going to bed was always horrible
for her she would be sick 4 times a night sometimes in her sleep.
One night I found her choking on her own sick this frightend the
life out of me:( So I decided to sleep in the room with her. Every
night for a long time I would here her staring and I would jump up put
a bowl in front of her she would throw up and then she would go back to sleep. I have been in her room ever since. My hubbly has supported
me with this[^] Because she has been feeling better she asked me if
she could sleep on her own, I was so pround of her[^] she slept on her
own for about 4 weeks and was doing really well.
One night she was waching a film, it was a kids film and a part of the
film made her feel sad. I heard her getting up and found her in the WC
sitting on the bath next to the loo. I took one look at her and new what
she was going through D-Derealization, this hurt me soooo much:(
I have tought my daughter most things about her illness. After she
was sick in the loo she sat on the bath looked at me with fear in her
eyes and said " MAKE ME HAPPY" I had to hold back my own fears for
her and my tears. After telling a few jokes and talking about things that
make her happy she was much better.
But now she dose not want to sleep on her own. During the day she
has no symptoms at all, its just when she goes to bed. My sister says
to wait till she is a sleep then come out of the room, but I think that this
is the wrong thing to do because I could do this once and the next night
she will know I might do this again and the anxialty might start.
I have talked to my daughter about the trigger and she says that she
wants to sleep on her own but not yet.
In my heart of hearts I think the best thing to do is to wait till she says
she is ready.
I would like to know what you all think because you all understand what she is going through.
I think it hurts me even more now because I have been there myself.
In the early years I NEVER new what she was going through untill I
had PA Axniaty back in june last year. I myself am 99% better thanks
to this site and the special people on here.
This is such a horrible illness but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
THINKING OF YOU ALL ALWAYS
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and an end!
hi sorry your feeling so down about your daughters problems but as you say the site helped you and it can help you through this with your daughter. i dont want to advise what i think you should do because i feel then you might question whatever you choose the way to deal with it. there are some young members on here that are going through the same as her and feel they will offer her lots of help and support. look through some of the posts and chose some you can share with her to show her she is not alone with this. we are all here for you
fan x
razocaine_07
25-02-05, 15:09
Being the child in a similar situation where i am, if my mum was not sure whether to move out of my room when i had fallen asleep, i would just wanna talk to her about it. Because then you know what would make her happy. Talking is sometimes the best way. I can totally relate to what your daughter is going through. I have major problems sleeping every night, going on for 8 years now. But if you wanna talk, just send me a PM
good luck
Hi Jill,
Sorry to hear that your daughter is suffering again at the moment.
As you know, I'm also going through problems with my own daughter and I can sympathise with you totally.
If this situation arose with my own daughter, and it wasn't causing any bad feeling with my husband, then I would sleep in the same room with her.
I personally think it is better to reassure her as different problems arise and, if it makes her feel less anxious, then it would be no big deal to me.
This, of course, is just my own personal opinion and how I would deal with it myself!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, Jill, and give your daughter a big hug from me.
Love Kate x
hi Jill,
I'm sorry to hear about the problems your daughter is going through. I think that it would be best if you stayed with her until she feels that she is ready to be alone. It must be such a comfort for her to have you with her and she probably needs you right now..
Sarah :D
She was sensible enough to ask you to leave last time and I'm sure this is just a blip and within a short time will be asking you to do so again.
I don't agree with leaving her quietly when she's fallen asleep as it will injure the complete trust she has in you. If you say you'll be there - then you would be best to stick to the agreement until you both agree the next stage.
Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
Hi Jill,
I am really sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a bad time. I often worry about how my own illness with panic attacks and anxiety have affected my 11 year old daughter as she too has suffered a few panic attacks in the last few years mainly when she has been ill (she has seen me suffer with a fear of illness for the last 5 years) or when she has been excited about something and I feel that I haven't handled it too well. I try to tell her that everything will be O.K and try to tell her to take deep breaths but I still worry that things might get worse for her as in September she will be starting secondary school and wonder if she will be able to cope O.K. She is also going through a bad time at the moment with 2 girls picking on her at school and I have noticed a big change in her personality as she is scared of these other girls and I don't know what to do to make her feel better. I have spoken to the teacher but I don't think they are taking it too seriously at the moment.
It is so hard being a parent and to know the right way to handle things but you sound like you are doing a great job so don't worry too much(easier said than done).
Hope things get better for you and your daughter.
Take care
Love Lisaxxx
nomorepanic
25-02-05, 18:36
Jill
Sorry to hear that she is not so good again.
I don't usually agree with parents sleeping with their children BUT on this occasion I think you should. She needs you at the moment and she is scared and she just needs to know that her mum is there for her.
She will, at some point, want to sleep alone again and I am sure she will tell you when she feels ready for that.
I hope you can support her through this and not suffer too much yourself.
We are here if you need us and will do all we can to advice you.
Hope she will be ok tonight.
Nicola
Thank you all sooo much for your advice, understanding and kind words.
Fan,
I have asked my daughter if she wishes to read some post, but she said no, I have always told her that she is not alone. She knows that she has had a blip and says that when she has mended her mind she will try and sleep on her own.
Raz,
My daughter and I have talked alot over the years about her illness,
You are right talking is the best, I have told her always to tell me if she
has any problems and not to bottle them in.
Kate,
I often think about you and your daughter, we like all mothers want the best of health for our children.
There has been times when my daughter was getting better my husband
said its about time she slept on her own, but I new that it was not the right time for her. I know she will do this, she has come so far over the years and I'm sooo proud of her. These days she has no PA and just normal anxiaty[^]
Sarah,
I have always been a comfort to her but I think that was part of the problem. It got that way she would never go anywhere without me not even with her dad. Know there is know stopping her, she wants to go everywhere its costing me a packet LOL well worth the money to see her
enjoying life.
Meg,
She is a sensible child and she know it is just a blip, as I have said to fran when she mends her mind she will try again, I have asked her to let me know when she is ready. If she takes along time I will ask her.
Lisa,
Sorry to here your daughter is having a bad time at the moment,
I know how you are feeling right now, It's soo hard when we see our
children suffering because of other kids. My daughter went through
lots of this mainly because of her illness and how it made her feel.
She started secondry school last september. I thought it might send
her back into panic I was sooo scared for her. I got the shock of my
life[:O] she love's it, just normal kiddy problems[^]
If you wish to chat about your daughter please PM me.
Nic,
I have in the past had some people tell me that all she needs is a good
smacked bottom, or put her in the room and leave her crying and she
will soon stop. If I had took this advice I don't think she would be here
today, she might have choked on her own sick. I have a son and he has
no problems sleeping on his own.
I myself have had a few symtoms of high anxiaty but noting I can't
handle. I am 99% better and it's all down to this site and the special
people on here. A big THANK YOU Nic.
Wishing you all well
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill
Sorry to hear she isnt well at the moment. You have been a great support to her and i am sure in time this will pass and she will want to sleep on her own again. She asked you before and i am sure when she feels a bit better and gets her confidence back she will ask you again. Like she said to you she wants to sleep on her own but not yet.
Pleased you are feeling so much better, its great to hear.
Take care and big hugs to your daughter.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
razocaine_07
26-02-05, 13:25
hi jill, good to hear you have a good relationship with your daughter. Thats the main thing. Im sure things will find a way
Hi Jill,
I found that once Hannah had confided all her problems to me, it made us become even closer.
She does, however, sometimes tell me things she doesn't really want to, due to the OCD. She thinks if she doesn't tell me then something bad will happen to me.
Does your daughter confide in your partner? Hannah never tells my husband anything, never discusses it with him at all. Although I'm glad that she can talk to me about it I do sometimes feel that I'm carrying the whole burden myself which can be very stressful.
Anyway, Hannah is 13 today and we have been out for a lovely meal. She is now on her new laptop, listening to music on her new mp3 player! She has got a laser quest party tomorrow teatime so we are having a nice, relaxed weekend for a change!
Hope you and your daughter are well today, Jill. Have a nice weekend.
Lots of love Kate xx
Sorry I have not replied to post sooner but my daughter has not been to well, she has had a virus. OK now and back in school[^]
Sal,
Thank you sooo much for your support.
Raz,
Things will find away of getting better,
I have always said that all problems have a begining and an end,
so I'm sure that one day she will do this.
Kate,
No my daughter who also is called Hannah never tells my husband anything. I think for me it was because I never went out to work becaause she was sooo ill and I was always there for her. In the early years although he wanted to be there for her he had to work and I thought I was the only one who could comfort her.
I can understand how stressful this can be.
Good to hear that Hannah had a fab birthday:D
Thank you all soooo much for your support,
Wishing you all well
Lots of love always Jillxxx
hi, sorry to hear she hasnt been to well, how has it been the last week apart from the virus? has anything changed or did you put it on hold til she was better?
keep us posted how it goes you might also have tips for others in the same situation then
fan x
Hi Fan, All
I have put it on hold for a while, she has recovered from the virus and is back in school. When she came in from school I was up stairs sorting a few toys and things to give to charaity. Hannah came into the room and said she felt strange and had a funny feeling and everything was moving quick D-D. I said to here lets sing songs, we sang for a while together even though I can-not sing[:P] LOL my daughter has a lovely voice[^] Within about 10 mins she was out playing.
Hannah has not had high anxiaty for a long time during the day just this blip the other night. So I'm not sure what is causing the day time anxiaty but I will find out. Maybe it is the back end of the virus, I have told Hannah this she says, "when the virus has gone I can mend my mind" she knows what she has to do. think positive and think nice thoughts.
I am still over the moon that she slept on here own for 4 weeks, and I know she will try again when she is over this blip.
Given her age I have not told her everything about PA Anxiaty because I think it will scare her, she is only 11 and to much information at that age when she has not had all the symptoms is not a good thing, but I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing, should I tell her?
I have only ever told her things on a need to know bases, if she has a symptom she needs iformation about it,
I have tought her lots of things Fan, face your fears, distraction, breathing. and yet when I had alot of PA's back in june last year everything I tought my daughter went out of the window and I could not bring Mr Panic under control myself untill I found this site.[^]
I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all, for me it was this site that made me feel better, for others is may be this site or maybe a book they read or something they here on the TV.
I think that the start of feeling better is to believe that you can.
study your illness inside out as if it was a course and you where going to get an dagree in it. There are no books on Mother's helping young children with anxiaty, or is there and I have not found them?
Many thanks for your support
TAKE CARE LOVE JILLXXX
Its only a thought, and a thoght can be changed.
Hi Jill,
Reading your story as bought it all back to me what i thought i'd forgotten when i was young i used to sometimes if something was on my mind i'd want to sleep in my mum and dads room i felt safe knowing they was there I think you should stay in your daughters room untill she is ready to be alone as sometimes my parents would say no and i'd get in a terrible state lying awake and you cant just snap out of it its horrible. when ever we went on holiday or anything i always rember dreading bed time cause i was scared when everyone else was asleep. Have you tried taking your daughter to see a therapist I know its scary the thought of your little girl having to see a therapist but i think she will benefit. I'm 22 now and up untill I was 20 until i was put on prozac I sometimes if i was feeling quite bad i'd have to sleep with the light on Thankfully now i'm ok at bed time.
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Sorry that my post brought it all back to you.
In the ealy years I took her to see a therapist she said it was in Hannah's make up to be like this, she may grow out of it, or be like this for the rest of her life[:O] Also she told me that everything I was doing for her, larning her to face her fears changing her thoughts about things and teaching her breathing was the right thing to do and did not think she needed at that time anything else. But if I wanted it I could have more help. I choose at that time not to get more help because she was only 6 years old and one of her fears was strangers. As each day past I could see she was getting better, although it was very slow progress.
Untill this blip she has been for a long time 100% better.
I have NEVER wanted her to feel different then anyother child single her out if you like, because if other kids found out she was seeing someone this might have made things worse for her.
If things get worse of course I will get help for her, but at the moment I'm hoping that this is just a blip.
Happy to here that you are OK when going to bed, this is a step forward to getting better.
Thank you soo much for your reply, it means so much to me.
TAKE CARE LOVE JILLXXX
Friend are those rare people who ask how you are
and wait to hear the answer. ( You are all my special friends) THANK YOU:D
razocaine_07
03-03-05, 15:31
Hi jill , i doubt its anything more than a slow down in progression for your daughter. Not a step backwards, more like a side step. Everyone goes through those rough patches, but it never means that we are at square one. The main thing is that she has a mother that wants to protect her. No doubt its going to be a long tough road for you both, but you will come out the other side, as have many others. We are all trying to find the end of the maze
Hi Jill
Sorry to hear she has had a virus, seems to lots of them going round.
Pleased she is okay and back at school, although she might not be!!!
You are doing really well and she is a lucky girl to have such understanding parents. I am sure with your love and support she will carry on with the progress she has made and will always know that you will be their for her if a blip arises.
Take care.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi all you special people
I have brought this thread back up because I need your advice.
I am still in the same room as Hannah:(
We decided on a time and that was when the extention was finished and her new room was done. This is nearly done now her room will be finished in about a weeks time.[^]
The other night I brought the subject up, Hannah went white and said she did not want to talk about it and felt sick. We have talked about it alot in the past and she was really looking forward to it, but now the time has come she is soooo scared.
She was 12 on the 7th of August and I am sooo proud of how far she has come through this illness[^] I'm sscared to rock the boat:( If I push her to much it may have a knock on effect.
What words can I say to her to help her do this?
Since finding this site it has help me, but it has also help me help her to move on even more and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
TAKE CARE ALL
WISHING YOU ALL WELL
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Jill,
Could it be anticipatory anxiety that it affecting Hannah? She knew that sleeping alone would come as soon as her new room was done. As the completion date looms ever nearer could she be regretting having agreed to this and therefore getting into a right panic about it?
If she can't answer your questions about her fears, could you ask her to right you a little note setting out her concerns? She may find this less embarassing than having to discuss it with you face to face.
She could also be very worried about "letting you down" as she does not now want to move into a room of her own?
She obviously has worries that she needs to get off her chest and a successful move to sleeping on her own wont be possible until these can be talked through.
I know how hard it can be, Jill, let us know how you get on.
Love kate x
Jill,
Has she shown much interest in choosing the decor for her new room, maybe you could stimulate her to feel like she owns this room and to be proud of it.
Also you could meet her halfway on this and you both move to sleep in the new room until she settles in and makes it her space when you can discuss withdrawing.
Its a bit ominous a completely new room with no comfy atmosphere as yet.
Also a comfort musical box or a CD that becomes going to bed CD only is helpful.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Meg,
Thank you so much for your reply.
Yes she has shown alot of intrest in choosing the decor for her room,
this is why she was looking forward to her new room.
I know you are right and I have to meet her half way untill she settles.
But I do think this will take a while, I say this because everytime we go on holiday and we go alot she always says "will you stay awake till I go to sleep. The anxiaty has not gone altoghter and is still there for her during the nght sometimes.
When she was whaching something on TV she got scared, I told her that fear is only as the mind alows, at that time she did not say anything so I just left it. It happend again and I repeated fear is only as the mind alows, this time she asked me what I ment I explaind it to her. She looked at me for a minute and them said, " so when I get my funny feeling (DP/DR) if I am not scared of it, it will go away"I said yes, she smiled and said "thats good that"
I think that she has alot more to learn and I know that in time she will learn how to sleep on her own.
In the meantime I will remember just how bad she was and be proud of her on how far she has come.
It IS a horrible illness and I'm not sure why are maker wants people to suffer in this way:(
Many thanks Meg,
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Kate
I know you are right kate, she is scared of letting me down, I will talk to her again tonight and see what she says. When I tried to talk to her the other night she said it was making her feel sick so I said leave it for now and we will talk anothertime. Thank you for the advice on the note thing if she will not talk to me I will ask her to do that.
There are lots of worries that go on in her little head, she says its sounds she hers in the night make her feel scared. She has since she was 3 had PA anxiaty alot in the night and she knows that when she dreams, if she's scared she wakes up with anxiaty symptoms and its seeing me that helps it go away. This only happens about twice a month now so it is a BIG step forward but she knows its still there.
As I have said in the reply to Meg, she still has alot to learn.
I am sooooo proud of her Kate, tears fill my eyes when I remember just how bad she was, but joy fills my heart because she is such a brave child.
It hurts sometimes because I know just how bad this illness can make you feel, beacuse I'v been there and at times still get some symptoms myself.
Thank you sooo much for you reply kate
TAKE CARE
WISHING YOU WELL
LOVE JILLXXX
Just wanted to say that I hope it all works out Jill. Your daughter sounds like a brave little thing so I'm sure she will cope in her own room soon enough. :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Hi Jill
Firstly I agree with Meg perhaps you could sleep with her in the new room until she's happy with the situation.
Secondly I think I would take any time limit off it all together then when it happens Hannah will know it was her decision (and it wont be hanging over her) and feel proud of that fact.
I've never had much of a hangup about any of my kids jumping into my bed what ever gives us all a good nights sleep I say. However as a single parent I didn't have a fella to consider.
Sometimes in the hols we drag a couple of mattresses into my room and have sleepovers which I tell them is the agoraphobic version of camping!!!
They are now all teenagers and no-one seems to have any major sleep probs and are all happy in their own beds. Just do what feels right for your particular circumstances Jill and you won't go far wrong.
Love Piglet:)
Hi Sarah
Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean alot to me.
My daughter is very brave but she is not so little anymore, she
is 5ft 2 and takes a size 8 shoe. Find it hard getting her school
shoes. LOL :D She is only 12, still got alot of growing to do.
Somtimes Sarah I wonder just how tall she is going to be.:D
Many thanks Sarah
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Piglet
Thank you for your advice on not having a time limit, I know
you are right [^]
I have just been talking to Hannah about her new room and
she said she would try the next thing she said was "what if
I can't" I remided her of all the times in the past when she
faced things that she thought that she could not do and there
have been soooo many the list would be as long as my arm
if I told you Piglet. She looked at me and said "thats because
I'm older" I told her that one day she will not want me in her
room as with time she has learnd how to face soooo many
fears she will learn how to do this to. Also if she tries and finds
it hard it does not matter at least you have tried. I told her that
this is not a problem I am soooo proud of her already [^]
She has gone out tonight with her dad to a barbacue, this was
one of the things she would never do without me, not even with
her dad.
Thank you sooo much for you kind words Piglet ( just do what you
feel is right and you won't go far wrong) Here at home I have noone to talk
to who understands just what Hannah has been going through.
It helps sooooooo much just reading the replys from special
people who understand.
Many thanks Piglet
TALE CARE
WISHING YOU WELL
LOVE JILLXXX
You are very welcome hun.
It sounds to me that you are totally on the right track anyway but like the rest us just need a little reassurance from time to time.
Keep us posted
Love Pig x:)
Hi Piglet
You are right again Piglet I do need reasurance from time to time.
Hannah looks on me for reasurance all the time.she always has
done. On holiday at the end of july this year my son and Hannah
wanted to go in a air baloon, one of my fears is hights. Although I
have not had a PA or high anxiaty attack in a long time I felt fine
and thought I would face this fear[:O] As soon as the baloon went
up the anxiaty symptoms started. Hannah was looking over the side
of the baloon and enjoying the flight. The higher the baloon got the
more anxiaty symptoms I got. Hannah turned and looked at me, she
could see the fear in my face, she asked me if I was OK, I could see
the concern for me in her face. I smiled at her and said " you know
I'm scared of hights but I'm facing my fears, fear is only as the mind
alows" I must admit the symptoms did not go till the baloon came down
but its another learning carve for me, it showed me how much negative
thinking can bring on my anxiaty symptoms. I explained this to Hannah
how all my negative thinking caused me to feel unwell. The next day
we went up the Eifel tower, positive thinking kept the anxiaty at bay.
I explaind this to Hannah to.
I know Piglet that Hannah sleeping on her own is going to take alot of
reasurance alot of talks like the one I have just told you.
I also know that she WILL do it in time.
TAKE CARE
WISHING YOU WELL
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Nigel
Thank you sooo much for you advice.
Yes, I have asked Hannah what she gains by it. She says, when she wake's and feels unwell seeing me stops it from spiraling out of control (full panic) I have tought her over the years how to deal with the day panics and anxiaty attacks, and she is doing sooooo well[^] Most of the time she is 100%better[^] I have been trying to teach her how to change her thought pattern if she wakes in the night, but it is hard for her. In the past she has had alot of PA when she has been asleep. Some nights she would be screaming and throwing up then she would lay back down. I would talk about it to her next morning somtimes she would remember sometimes she would look at me as if I'd lost the plot and say " I never I was asleep all night" As time went on, If she did not mention the night PA's I would not talk about them. This happend alot. For her Mr Panic sits inside her tummy, make's her tummy hurt really bad this in turn give's her acid then reflux:( as I have said she is OK during the day now, but when she is asleep she has know control, it just happens. She has not been sick for along time now except when she started her new school and we new what triggerd that one. She has had a few anxiaty attacks but not many.[^] oh and the time she slept in her room for a while on her own, we know what triggerd that one as well.
She has come soooo far, in the early years at night she would have 3 or 4 attacks a night and 4 or 5 a day somtimes less sometims more. Now she is nearly free af it,[^]
Sorry Nigel, gone on a bit havent I. It's just that all the time My daughter was going through this I never had noone to talk to that understood, wish I had this site back then.. I will shut up now LOL
You have given me some good ideas, Thank you so much Nigel [^]
When her room is finished she says she is going to try, if she finds it hard I will leave it for a while then try one of your ideas.
Many thanks
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi All
I have put this here because I wish to vent, hope you all don't mind.
About 4 days befor my daughter was due to go back to school she had a blip in the middle of the night :( she woke up and said she was scared and felt unwell.In the begiinng I used to distract by daughter by stroking her face, I would always hold her hand and calm her. She would always say "will you stay awake till I go to sleep" I always did. Over time I had to stop doing these things because I know she had to learn how to deal with this on her own, learn how to distract herself,learn how to change her thoughs. We talked for a while about what had triggerd this, but she did not know. I said leave it for now and we will talk in the morning.
She asked if I would stay awake till she went to sleep, I said yes.
My heart was pounding in my chest, I felt anger, I felt guilty. I just wanted to go over to her and put my arms around her and tell her that everything would be alright, tell her not to be scared she is safe because I am her, but I know I can't do this, she HAS to learn how to deal with this on her own. She has to learn how to feel safe with herself.
I know I'm doing the right thing but is does not stop me from hurting inside :( Befor I suffered myself I'm not saying I found it easy to do this, but now I understand what she is going through, it tears me apart.
I just lay there with my eys shut listening to her. After about half an hour after our talk, she went to sleep.
Next morning I gave her a hug and told her how proud I was that she had dealt with it herself. She smiled and said " I know what triggerd it now, I was thinking of school" I gave her another hug and said well done for finding the trigger. In the past I would always run things by her to help her find the trigger, but now she is older she HAS to find the trigger herself.
I am soooo pound of her. BUT this does not stop me from hurting.
Thank you all sooooo much for reading this. I just needed to vent.
TAKE CARE ALL
WISHING YOU ALL WELL
LOVE ALWAYS JILLXX
Jill ,
You and Hannah are doing so well together, its a joy to read. So well done to you both
There are not enough resources out there for kids so if you could bring yourself to revisit it bit by bit and start some sort of chronalogically documenting the story I think it would be of great benefit to others.
We will help in any way we can with reviewing/ editing it etc but only you can tell the story Jill...
Maybe you'd be more comfortable with summarizing it into a parent/child page for the website initially.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Jill,
I think you are dealing with Hannah's problems brillantly!
Me and my Hannah also have a lot of talks! Her main fear is of something happening to me when she is away from home. At the end of August she was going away for a few days with my mom and dad and her two cousins. The night before she was going, she was crying because although she wanted to go away, she was frightened that something would happen to me. She kept saying that she knew that she treated me badly but that she loved me, no matter what. Anyway, I'm pleased to say that she did go away but sent me several texts during the time asking if everyone was ok and saying she loved us all no matter what. But, I was very proud of her as she actually took that step and went on holiday.
When they take a step forward and start to sort things out for themselves it is such a big achievement for them. You are doing so well, Jill, and so is Hannah!
Love Kate x
Hi Meg :D
I do understand that there are not enough resoures and I do sooooooo want to help. BUT where do I start, I new I should have listened in english class LOL. I am no good at spelling and not very good at writing things down and not very good at explaining things in writeing :(
How do I start? what is important? what is not important?
should I write a small bit about the first 3 years of her life when she was a confident and happy child, is this important?
Because things where done very very slow over a long period of time, how do I get across how important this is?
As you can see I just don't know how to do it.
It is only on the forums I lack confidence, If I feel comfortable with someone I could talk all night about my daughter.
If you will give me alot of suggestion I will give it ago.
LOVE JILLXX
Confidance, whats confidance[:P]:D
Hi Kate
Thank you soooo much for replying to my thread you don't know how much it means to me :D I do wish that you did not understand though.
The hardest thing is to help them face there fears, to help them understand that fear is only as the mind allows. Also to help them change there negative thoughts. This has to be done very very slow,and for a long time ask them, if they think negative try very hard to put a positive in place.
But because it dose not happen over night and is very very hard they get fed up of trying and give in. As you and I know, it is very hard to change are thoughts, but I know it CAN be done.
For the first 3 years of her suffering, I was allready teaching her how to breath and also teaching her how to change her thoughts. Don't ask me how I new this I had never read ans anxiaty book in my life. By the age of 6, after being told the the valve that leads down to her tummy was loose and she was suffering panic and azniaty, I could already see an improvment in my Hannah. So by the time we got an appointment to see the phico, the Phico said I was doing everything right for my Hannah and there was not much more they could do. She said if I wished she could come in and see her. I said no and have never looked back since.Don't get me wrong Kate, if my Hannah was not improving I would have.
[Oops!] gone on a bit have'nt I LOL
I know how hard it is for you Kate, not only dealing with your Hannah but dealing with this disortder yourself. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for. Be pound of yourself Kate, saying its hard work would be puting it lightly.
I am sooo happy to hear that your Hannah took that step and went on holiday, this is one step closer to recovery.:D
Thanks again Kate for your reply.
THINKING OF YOU BOTH ALWAYS
WISHING YOU BOTH WELL
LOVE JILLXXXXXXX
Hi all
I have brought this tread back up becasue I have some great news (well I think its great anyway [^])
My daughter Hannah is now sleeping in her room on her own [^]:D
As we all know, when you suffer anxiety it is very very hard to face your fears. This was Hannah's biggest fear, and she did it, all by herself.
I went away for the weekend with hubby, My mum had the kids. Normally Mum would sleep in Hannahs room but Hannah said that she wanted to try on her own. That was last weekend and she's been sleeping on her own ever since [^]:D[^]:D[^][^][^][^]
I am soooo proud of her [^][^][^] words alone can not explain how I feel right now :D:D:D:D:D
This was hear last biggest fear, and SHE DID IT [^][^]:D:D
I would like to thank each and everyone who post on this site, some replies on all threads gave me ideas on how to talk to Hannah.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXX
Jill
That is such magnificent news.
I know how this has been seen as her last big hurdle really and now shes over that too.
Many congratulations to you and her for all the hard work you've put in with getting her to this wonderful point .
Love
Meg xx
hi jill
you and hannah have worked sooooooo hard to get this far
WELL DONE to both of you ,:D[^][Wow!][Yeah!][Yes!];):)[:P] take care
denisexxxxxx
denise
hi jill
have just read all your post you have a very brave child and feel very proud ( which im sure you do )
WELL DONE HANNAH hope you all have a lovely christmas and hope you dont mind me joining in your news
take care
dan
This is fantastic news. I had a big smile on my face reading that so thank you for sharing. You have both done so well. (hope you don't mind me butting in as well lol)
Tammy x
Im butting in too, well done to all concerned especially Hannah and what a lovely Christmas present for all,xxxx
love from Alexisxx
If I help one person today it was worth getting up.
Jill,
That is such fantastic news! A big Well Done to both yourself and Hannah.
Kate xx
Thank you all sooo much.
:D:D:D:D:D:D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi all,
Hannah is still sleeping on her own which is great [^]:D
Hope you all don't mind but I have a few things on my mind which I know that if I write them down for you to read it will help me to get it off my mind.
Its still on the same subject, My daughter.
On christmas eve Hannah had a little blip. I new that it would happen, I did not expect it to be all plain sailing, so no supprise when it happend.
She told me she felt unwell, that her tummy hurt. This has been one of her many symptoms over the years. After talking for a while about thoughts, that it may be that she is soooo excited over xmas and explaining to her that excitment causes a rush of adrenalin, she said that the symptom was not the same as she always gets. We carried on talking for a while. I said that she may have a virus, told her to try and get some sleep and went out of the room.
She stayed in her room all night [^]:D Xmas day was great :D
Xmas night it happend again. " I feel funny" she said " my tummy hurts and I don't feel well" I new at this point that it was not a virus, a pattern was forming. Again we talked for a while and I left the room. This time she did not settle, she came into my room a couple of time's.
Then went back into her own room.
The third time she shouted me. I went in to find her sitting there very scared. We talked again and I said something to her I wish I had never said now.[V]
I asked her "whats the worse that could happen. She looked at me and said " I might die" [:O][:O] my heart jumped. Oh I wish I had never said that now. She is only 12 years old and she was thinking that she might die.
Words failed me at this point. I was trying soooo hard to find the right words to say to her. Thinking about the forums on what anyone her would say.
To be honest I can't even remenber what I said to her now. I was woffling on about how well she has been doing and how proud I am of her and in NO WAY would she die.
After our talk she said "you can go back to your room now" I could not settle. She did come into my room during the night but I said to her, "just go back in hun and I'll come and check on you in a minute"
I did go and check on her but she was asleep.
The next morning she said to me. " I did not come into your room after you had left the last time" She could not remember, she must have been sleep walking. I am not sure if I did the right thing but I told her that she did but she went back straight away and praised her for doing that.
Because I now know what it feels like to be soooo scared when you have anxiety attacks. I have found myself thinking the what if's, " what if she is in her room sooo scared to shout me, What if she walk's in her sleep and hurts herself.
All negative thoughts I know I should not be thinking.
Positive one's.
There is NO WAY she would just lay there being scared, she will shout for me if she needs me.
She had never hurt herself in the past when she has sleep walked and she will NOT do that now.
Writing it down has helped alot, knowing that people who read it will understand my fear and how hard it is to change the negaitive thoughts to positive one's..
I will take each blip as it come's like I always have. Talk to her when I feel the time is right and know that in time she will learn more and more about her thoughts and feelings.
We all need to vent at time's so I hope you all don't mind me venting.
It has helped alot and I feel more positive now.
The mind is a very powerfull thing and I don't have anyone hear who understands to talk too.
Thank you all sooo much taking the time to read this.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
I remember when I was about Hannah's age, becoming very aware of my own and my parents mortality. I would lie awake crying, imagining my parents dying and also trying to give myself some comfort about dying myself by telling myself that there is a heaven.
The fear of death cannot, of course, be taken away as there is no proof as such of life afterwards unless you are 100% committed to a religious faith.
Personally, I feel that this is not a step backwards in Hannah's continuing recover. I think that she is of an age when questioning and feeling afraid of death will happen to most children.
You have done exactly the right thing! She knows that if she awakes in the night worrying she only has to call you or come find you for you to be there to comfort her.
Your doing a great job, Jill!
Love Kate x
hi jill
i agree with kate that the realisation of death comes to us all and is frightening i can remember also being petrified at this age and did not suffer from anxiety then. my mum told me we go to heavenwhich was v comforting until i questioned religion, but always assured me i would be fine and i believed her, maybe this is goes against your beleifs and sorry if so. i think this is a natural part of growing up and is just magnified because she has anxiety issues i also think as parents we worry if we say or do the wrong thing and the affects it may have on our children i no i do and usually im still worrying whem my son has completely forgotten the conversation Hannah sounds like she is doing fantastically still and is lucky to have shuch a good caring understanding mum
Dan
Hi Kate, Dan,
I can see where you are both coming from. I too as a child remember fearing death.
I will put this down to a child growing up.
But what I should of said was, I know that Hannah was having a anxiety attack, she has had many many of them in the past and knows just how bad she can get (panic)
The fear of it spiralling out of control is what she feared the most, by me provoking with the question “what’s the worse that could happen as we all know with anxiety we think the worse so she thought death.
I do however do NOT see this as a blip, just a little hiccup, she still has a lot to learn about her thoughts and feeling and I know this will come in time. She has come so far and done so well.
It is only becomes a problem when it pattern forms, when it happens more then one night, which it did then went again. Last night she became unwell again this is pattern forming. She had anticipatory anxiety because she had school next morning. She has done this lots of times in the past.
At this point in time, with Hannah distraction is called for, know talking about her thoughts and feeling, just distraction works for Hannah.She went to bed with no problems after the distraction. I will talk to her about her thoughts and feeling when she gets in from school today.
Kate, :D
My heart and my thoughts are always with you and Hannah. I know what you are both going through, I wish I could find the right words to say to you. You always reply to my threads on Hannah and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
If you ever need to chat by pm I am hear for you. I may not have the answers you are looking for but I'm always hear if you need to vent.
Dan,
Thank you sooo much for your advice and kind words, you don't know how much it means to me.
Thanks again [^]:D:D:D:D
Wishing you both well.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
I have only just caught up with this thread.
I agree with Kate and Dan as I remember thinking just the same as them at that age.
Moving on to the 'whats the worst that can happen' bit, the fact that Hannah said what she did in some ways was good, cos it got it out of her head and you were then able to reassure her that of course you don't die.
When we feel really horrible and panicky that is exactly what we feel like so I presume that's exactly the same for a little un. It maybe she will need reassuring about this again and again for a while.
Massive leaps forward have been made lately over the sleeping arrangements and that is in no small part down to your sensitive handling of the situation :D
Love Piglet x
Oooh sorry Jill, got the wrong end of the stick! [:I][:I]
It would seem that Hannah, on Christmas eve, confused the feelings of excitement for panic ie the adrenalin rush producing the same symptoms. Although she said that it didn't feel the same as previously, this is of course possible as we all know that symptoms vary greatly in different circumstances.
It must be very scary for her, worrying when she feels a bit weird that it will explode into full blown panic. We also all know that we have thought that we were going to die from panic, that being the worst case scenario.
You are definately doing everything right, you are a great mom! I agree that distraction works particularly well on young children, it is the easiest way for them to cope with it.
Hope Hannah had a good day at school and that you can have a good chat with her later.
Kate xxx
Jill ,
As Hannah matures she will hear, read, see and think of things that she didn't know existed before in her sphere so will periodically come up with new concerns.
However, because of how you are teaching her such great coping and learning skills she will be able to think them through herself and some of them will not even come to your attention. Right now she still needs to check most of them with you.
You are both doing a really really fantastic job
Love
Meg xx
Hi Piglet, Kate, Meg,
Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words :D
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXXX
nomorepanic
04-01-06, 20:50
Jill
I think you and Hannah have both come a long way together and I congratulate you on her progress as well as your own.
You are doing a fab job so I just wanted to say that really.
Hugs to you both
xx
Nicola
your daughters so lucky to have a mother like you xxxxxx
Hi Nic, Kimmy
Thank you both for your kinds words.
You will never know just how much they mean to me.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
How is Hannah doing today?
Love Kate xx
Hi Kate,
Hannah is fine now :D
I posted this last post on here only becasue I had alot of what if's runing around in my head. I have no one at home who fully understands. I know what I must do when this happens. I had no axiety symptoms which is good but the what if's just kept coming every time I went to bed. So I posted it on here and it helped alot.
I know its becasue I've slept in her room for soooo long and I think that in the back of my mind I can still remember the fear I felt when I found her choking on her own vomit.
While I was sleeping in the room with her this thought never entered my mind, unless she had one of her little blips.
Its just me, I have to let go of the past and move on. It is early days so I know that it will take time for me to let go of this thought, she has not had a pa or high anxiety in a long time and she has not vomited.
I just need to keep telling myself this and move on. She WILL be ok sleeping in her room on her own.
I also know how lucky I am to have kind and caring people reply to my thread.
Thank you again Kate for asking how Hannah is.
If you ever need to chat by pm I'm hear for you.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Jill....
Reading about you and your daughter has been a honour.. its brought tears to my eyes....
You are both doing so well xx
Gina
Gina
Thank you Gina for your reply :D
You take care.
Wishing you well.
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
Glad to hear that Hannah is better [^]
I haven't really been online much the last week or so, find I'm kind of keeping clear. I have come to the conclusion that ,for myself, constantly reading about panic and stuff is not good for me so although I look daily on the forum, I'm being very selective in which posts I read.
It IS hard to let go of the past and move on, but this is something that I guess we all must do if we are to change anything about our lives. Makes it sooo much harder though when our children are involved.
I will definately PM you soon!
Love Kate xx
Hi Kate,
I am sooo sorry to hear that you are finding it hard to read some post and have to be selective it what you read, but I do know where you coming form on that.
I will be thinking of you and Hannah.
Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Take care
Love Jillxxx
hello jill,
i am glad to see hannahs doing well, I meant what I said, shes very lucky to have you, it wasnt untill reading this. I remember very young thinking of my amily dying and crying myself to sleep, I still do sometimes. I have always been very anxious as a child, I thought about things way to much for a child.
I was wondering wether there was somesort of behaviour therapy, you could both attend or something like that. Clearly your anxieties have effected your daughter like you have said.
It was a thought thats all xxxxxx
Hi Kimmy,:D
Thank you so much for replying again to my thread, any advice given is help
I do value what people have to say.
I too as a child remember having to many thoughts running around my head.
However I must pick up on what you have said, please don’t think I’m getting at you; I just want to understand why you think this? I have always kept an open mind on my daughter and have even in the past had to take a long hard look at myself to see if it was me causing her problem.. I know now that I am not.
** Clearly your anxieties have affected your daughter, like you have said**
I have not said this, all I have said is, by me asking her just how bad can it get, I provoked a reaction within my daughter, so she thought of the worse thing that could happen, at that time I was in shock, but is this not a reaction any parent would have in this situation? By me posting it on the site, I just had a lot of what if’s running around my head, I new it would help me to understand why. I do understand now and have moved on from this now. All replies have been soooo helpful
On the onset on my daughter problem I am under know illution and know oh to well that anything after it all started was learned behaviour.
In the first few years of her this all happening, no one was coming up with answers, a diagnoses to tell us what the problem was. So we just went with what we thought was best for my daughter at that time. Me sleeping in the room with her was my decision because I was scared of her choking on her own vomit. She also developed a lot more learned behaviours, which I will not go into right now.
Before I suffered pa’s myself, I looked at my daughter anxiety to find out where it had come from. That included looking at me.
The child psychologist said it was in my daughter's make up to be like this, she would grow out of it or would have to learn to live with it and what I was doing for my daughter at that time was all the right things because she was getting better, so there was know more that they could do for her, just to keep doing what I was doing. It has taken me along time to undo the learned behaviour, sleeping in her room was the hardest one for my daughter, but she can do this now[^]
She has made lots of progress over time and continues to do so. However your reply, which was great Kimmy had me thinking again about therapy. It made me stand back and look at my daughter’s situation, which is a good thing. I have never ruled therapy out but because she continues to make progress I never felt the need for her to do this,
As I said before, I value people’s opinions so if you think I’m wrong Kimmy or anyone reading this I would like to hear from you.
As for myself, I have learned a lot about pa’s, anxiety on this site. I do not suffer pa’s or high anxiety anymore; I owe my recovery to this site and can never thank people enough [^]:D
I have learned more about myself and where my anxiety and pa’s came from and I’m soooo happy with my progress.
Thank you again Kimmy for taking the time to read my thread and replying [^]:D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
hello jill,
i did not in any way mean to offend you, maybe i read what you had said in the wrong way. i do believe you sleeping in your daughters room at night contributs to her anxieties of being on her own in her own room at night now. (i can totally understand why you did this though[^])
thats what i meant, you said you struggle sometimes to leave her too.
did i missinterpret that? sorry if i have!!!!!
but i think its the similar to letting a baby sleep with you, its difficult to get out of. obviously your situation is extreamly distressing and i would be in exactly the same situation aswell. i totally can see why it happend.
but it sems you both have abit of speration anxieties together, you obviously have an extreamly loving bond!! and that why i suggested behaviour therapy together.
if i have misinterpreted what you have said, i am sorry.
your daughter is very lucky to have you, if she gets bored can i have you instead?? :D
Hi Kimmy,
You did not offend me at all. I was just a little confused about why when we are getting better we needed therapy. I understand now [^]:D
Please don't say sorry trying to help, if I did not want help I would not of posted it on here.
When I write things down I do find it very hard to explain. You are right. I did have seperation anxiety but this only lasted for a few nights. Hannah has tried many many time's to sleep on her own and this is the first time that I have had the what if's running around my head. I am fine now and have know problem, know what if's running around in my head. I have put them to bed so to speak LOL.
As for Hannah, she is doing great and still sleeping in her room on her own with know problems.
I feel only pride now, Hannah as come soooo far and I'm soooo proud of her [^]:D:D
It feel great inside when I tuck her up in bed and she say's "close the door on the way out" [^][^]:D:D
Thank you again Kimmy. :D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
does she know you write on here???? if she does tell her i think shes a real inspiration and could show us adults a thing or too. :D:D:D
Hi Kimmy :D
Yes, Hannah knows I write on her. she is a memmber of NMP but dose not feel the need to use it.
I have just shown Hannah your reply, she smiled, [^]:D
Thanks again Kimmy.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
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