clickaway
25-02-05, 21:21
Just thought I’d let people know how I coped with my aunt’s funeral today.
The prospect of attending this has been plaguing my mind all week, and within hours of learning of her passing, I woke up in the early hours in sheer panic due to a tightening of my wrist. I have been highly stressed all week.
I decided to go to the Doctor’s for help on Wednesday and she gave me some Diazepam tranquillisers – these are designed for one-off stresses rather than a course. I have been feeling so stressed over this I have been taking two per day, one later afternoon and one at night so I can have a restful sleep.
On Wednesday evening, the second pill, combined with some intensive hobby activity, calmed me down, and the stress virtually went.
Thursday evening was not so successful, and I think that this was in part due to me panicking in the supermarket after a visit to my psychotherapist. Maybe it was a mistake driving there myself, or maybe my therapist ruffled up a few emotional feathers as we talked about my late aunt and my parents. Mostly likely it was a combination of both, given my current delicate state.
On Thursday, I also saw my Occupational Therapist – she gave me some tips on dealing with today, and gave me a timetable, which was as follows:
Buy some flowers this afternoon so that I may photograph them tomorrow as part of my photographic hobby. If I’m well enough, I’m to buy them from a specified shop (e.g. my local florists), or if someone else has to get them, then from anywhere.
Today (Friday) I had a strict timetable between 12 and 3.15, the time I was picked up to go to the crematorium. That included eating, washing, photographic session, clearing up, washing up and getting ready in my suit – all with times against them. If I was too stressed to upload my photos to the PC, I was to phone the Samaritans for comfort in that time slot.
I tried to adhere to this timetable, but couldn’t manage it. I did so some photography but could not sustain it for as long as planned. I was having difficulty controlling my breathing and found it difficult to do the breathing exercises as I was in such a state. Anyway, I phoned the Samaritans for comfort and distraction, and later did some washing up etc. before getting changed to go out.
By this time, I had calmed down sufficiently to make the event.
I was fine being driven in the car (a ten mile journey), in the service, and for about 45 minutes at the ‘wake’ where we had refreshments. Amongst the relatives there were my cousin whom I had not met for about 40 years, and two second cousins whom I’d never met before. I was also given custody of some family heirlooms.
During the wake, somebody mentioned about the stress that my aunt had suffered, and of course this set my anxiety off. I tried to conceal it as much as possible for the remaining 30 minutes and on the journey back home. But of course I exploded rather upon my return here and struggled to regain my composure ~ relaxing my breathing then became an issue, even though I knew the technique.
I called No Panic to try and break this cycle, and now, three hours after my return home, I’m feeling more relaxed, but still warm.
So I made it there, I’m glad about that. Not only was I able to say goodbye to Ethel, but also meet new people and learn stories about my family, which neatly fits into my interest in Family History.
But I also now do not have to cope with the guilt and failure of not attending ~ I feel that is a big plus for me.
Thanks for listening, if you have indeed got this far!
Ray
The prospect of attending this has been plaguing my mind all week, and within hours of learning of her passing, I woke up in the early hours in sheer panic due to a tightening of my wrist. I have been highly stressed all week.
I decided to go to the Doctor’s for help on Wednesday and she gave me some Diazepam tranquillisers – these are designed for one-off stresses rather than a course. I have been feeling so stressed over this I have been taking two per day, one later afternoon and one at night so I can have a restful sleep.
On Wednesday evening, the second pill, combined with some intensive hobby activity, calmed me down, and the stress virtually went.
Thursday evening was not so successful, and I think that this was in part due to me panicking in the supermarket after a visit to my psychotherapist. Maybe it was a mistake driving there myself, or maybe my therapist ruffled up a few emotional feathers as we talked about my late aunt and my parents. Mostly likely it was a combination of both, given my current delicate state.
On Thursday, I also saw my Occupational Therapist – she gave me some tips on dealing with today, and gave me a timetable, which was as follows:
Buy some flowers this afternoon so that I may photograph them tomorrow as part of my photographic hobby. If I’m well enough, I’m to buy them from a specified shop (e.g. my local florists), or if someone else has to get them, then from anywhere.
Today (Friday) I had a strict timetable between 12 and 3.15, the time I was picked up to go to the crematorium. That included eating, washing, photographic session, clearing up, washing up and getting ready in my suit – all with times against them. If I was too stressed to upload my photos to the PC, I was to phone the Samaritans for comfort in that time slot.
I tried to adhere to this timetable, but couldn’t manage it. I did so some photography but could not sustain it for as long as planned. I was having difficulty controlling my breathing and found it difficult to do the breathing exercises as I was in such a state. Anyway, I phoned the Samaritans for comfort and distraction, and later did some washing up etc. before getting changed to go out.
By this time, I had calmed down sufficiently to make the event.
I was fine being driven in the car (a ten mile journey), in the service, and for about 45 minutes at the ‘wake’ where we had refreshments. Amongst the relatives there were my cousin whom I had not met for about 40 years, and two second cousins whom I’d never met before. I was also given custody of some family heirlooms.
During the wake, somebody mentioned about the stress that my aunt had suffered, and of course this set my anxiety off. I tried to conceal it as much as possible for the remaining 30 minutes and on the journey back home. But of course I exploded rather upon my return here and struggled to regain my composure ~ relaxing my breathing then became an issue, even though I knew the technique.
I called No Panic to try and break this cycle, and now, three hours after my return home, I’m feeling more relaxed, but still warm.
So I made it there, I’m glad about that. Not only was I able to say goodbye to Ethel, but also meet new people and learn stories about my family, which neatly fits into my interest in Family History.
But I also now do not have to cope with the guilt and failure of not attending ~ I feel that is a big plus for me.
Thanks for listening, if you have indeed got this far!
Ray